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???Conflict w/ FI on wedding date???

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Princes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2006
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36
We are having a small informal wedding for immidiate family at HIS request. His mother would kill over if we got married and didn''t have a ceramony.

Anyway, I want to shoot for around the first of June just before our annual trip to Key West for scuba diving. We could just make this trip our "honeymoon".

He wants to have it in the Fall. I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder). While it is mild, I still get lazy and sad in the early fall. Anyway, I was finally able to convince him of NO fall wedding. He agreed to an August date. I am still set on the June date but has reservations of having it around that time. We have great communication skills between each other but he wasn''t able to really make me understand why June was no good other than he wanted to be engaged for almost a year and our total time together close to 3yrs. I am willing to go with the Aug date but so many friends and family have bdays in Aug, its extremely HOT and humid here during that month, and I just don''t feel good about the date. I understand his reason to a degree but there are so many things happening this year that I sometimes think he should have waited to propose. [shrugs] He''s got me so excited about all this (which isn''t my style or taste and totally odd for me) and I would marry him TODAY if he would do it.

I don''t know if I should just suck it up and go with the date of Aug 18th or if I should keep pushing the issue.

ANY advice is appreciated. Tell me like it is....please. lol

BTW, there are a total of about 10 bdays in Aug, including his, my brotrher, 5 of my close friends, and my sister-in-law and niece have bdays at the end of July. One of my friends bday is ON the 18th of Aug.

HELP? lol
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
is there any way you can re-consider september? It''s a beautiful month and technically fall doesnt begin untll the very end of the month. The weather is fantastic .
I think ultimately the decision is up to you since you''re the bride, but obviously you want your FI to be on board and supportive to. The day should "feel" right and I can see how August full of b''days and hot as hell would be less than ideal.
 

robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
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3,960
I don''t really understand what he has against June or what you have against August. Lol. Unless everyone w/ bdays that you mentioned is still having a bday party every year, then I don''t really see that as being a problem

I don''t really understand why he feels the need to be engaged for a year. I could understand if you were having a big ceremony and reception since you''d need a lot of time to plan, but for something small you should be able to plan in less time.
 

RoseAngel04

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 8, 2006
Messages
865
Date: 12/29/2006 11:22:52 AM
Author: robbie3982
I don''t really understand what he has against June or what you have against August. Lol. Unless everyone w/ bdays that you mentioned is still having a bday party every year, then I don''t really see that as being a problem
You made me lol Robbie!


Talk with your FI and come to a happy medium. If you really don''t want to have the August wedding bc of the birthday situation then explain that to him. You both (not just you and not just him) should be happy about the date you chose to walk down the aisle, IMO.
 

Princes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2006
Messages
36
lol My friends are all grown and they don''t really have bday parties, more like get togethers. I was just looking at from a stand point that since we know so many ppl w/ bdays and we often supply gifts and most of them know each other and supply gifts...and since he wants to do a gift registry, well I was merly trying to be considerate of everyones wallets and pocket books not to mention our own. Like someone else said, the date should feel right and it just doesn''t to me..... I want our date to be something of our own, not so near so many bdays and ON THE DAY of my friends bday. It may be hard for some of you to understand how I feel about this as I suck at expressing stuff like this in my own words. lol

I made this topic b/c I don''t want to feel selfish in anyway. I''m a selfless person and anytime I do anything that seems selfish I worry. lol. B/c I care about other ppl and enjoy putting others first. HOWEVER, there are times where I do like to put myself first and well since I am already comprimising on having a wedding in the first place then I think he should comprimise on the date. hehe

I wanted advice and opinions, something to persude me so I can suck it up and move on to the next chapter in my life.

As far as reconsidering Sept, well it is def a thought and something I will think about but my SAD kicks in about the end of Aug. I get bummed....I serioulsy doubt I can handle the stress of classes starting back up around Aug 22nd and my SAD kicking in. I''d be a stressed out bride on our wedding day.

Something I must add.....SPRING is my UP time. So the first of June is PERFECT for me. I can do a million and one different things through the spring. So handling classes and planning a small wedding wouldn''t be anything to me. The weather in June isn''t to bad and I would like an outdoor wedding. BUT this is Indiana and today it is 60....the normal is like 30. So who knows! lol

Thanks for the input.
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,009
Can you have it in July as a compromise?
 

partyjewels

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 29, 2006
Messages
476
I got a ''happy lamp'' as lady kemma called it, as well this year, it does work pretty well I think. It was actually recommended I get one years ago by my doctor to help with my SAD, but I never got around to it until this year after I moved in with my BF. I figured I''d give it a shot since while he knows of my mood disorders and what not, he''s never fully had to deal with them, and I didn''t want to freak him out! Plus I was just sick of feeling so down and everything.

I got a table top stainless steel version to fit in with my guys house better, but they also have it in brown and black, as well as floor lamps. I say try it, it''s definately worth a shot no matter when you and your guy decide to have your wedding! Good luck with your decisions :)
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
believe it or not "happy lamp" is the brand name. we have one in the bathroom for during morning showers and grooming. and my hubby, who is the SAD sufferer, has one for his office desk lamp. it seems to be working.
 

partyjewels

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 29, 2006
Messages
476
Oh!! *laughs* I''ve never seen that brand so I just thought it was a nick name for it because thats what it helps with, I feel silly :)
 

VRBeauty

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 2, 2006
Messages
10,132
Let''s see... August wouldn''t be "your day" because a lot of friends are celebrating birthdays then. A wedding of any size is in a totally different league than any but the grandest of birthday celebrations (and yours will be limited to family anyway, right?). Having to attend your wedding or buy wedding gifts would place an extra financial burden on them, and financing a wedding and birthay presents would place an extra financial burden on you. That''s what advance planning is for -- if you''re mature enough to get married you''re mature enough to deal with this and your friends probably are, too. Hot, muggy weather is a real factor to consider.... but only if you''re planning an outdoor wedding.

Arguing against June is your fiance''s desire to be engaged for a year... also not a real rational argument.

Sounds like a toss-up to me, so why not just flip a coin to decide?
 

Jas12

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2006
Messages
2,330
I can''t see how b-days could possibly factor into your decision. I am mean, what kind of gifts are being exchanged that those invited would view your wedding day as ''the straw that broke their finacial backs''?

I can see your point about not wanting a fall wedding with your SAD, but maybe it could be good for you. You won''t be lazy (as you described) b/c you''ll be so busy with the planning i am sure, and maybe it''ll take your mind off the impending darker weather and give you something to celebrate around the same time each year.
(i live far north of canada where it snows in oct. and currently the sun rises at 8am and sets at 4pm--it''s miserable and the years i dread the start of winter are the years i feel slugish, but the years i am super busy & looking forward too, those symptoms dissapear completely--maybe a wedding would help you with this.)
 

Princes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2006
Messages
36
You all have some really valid points. As far as the birthdays, I think I am using them as an excuse (not real mature) as to why I don''t want it to happen in Aug. I believe I am mature enough to handle this situation and accept the date and go on from there...or even push it back to Sept as someone suggested.

To answer some questions which I''ll do my best to get them all.

The wedding will be limited to family but those w/ bdays in Aug are considered family and will be attending. We will also be having a "party" after the wedding in which everyone else will be invited. Most of our friends aren''t rich and neither are we. I just try to be considerate of others and was thinking about how many bdays my famiily has and my friends and our/their pockets. Which aren''t deep! lol


We will be paying cash for the anything that is needed for the wedding and party that will follow after. We don''t have a budget set as of yet but it will be a small one b/c I refuse to spend a lot of $$. My father is diseased and my mother could no way afford to pay for it like "tradition" says. So we will be paying for it.

I don''t want to do a registry but he does. Neither of us expect gifts and we will only tell those who ask if we registered anywhere.

We are still set for Aug 18th and we have discussed a few things today. I have come to accept that if it doesn''t happen in early June then I will be fine with it happening in Aug or even Sept.

With as small of a wedding as we plan to have (25 tops at the wedding and 50 or so total at party), I can''t see it being to difficult to plan. Then again I have NEVER been involved in planning a wedding. However, I have planned training events that have catered to over 75 ppl and did so for 4yrs at my last job.

Anyway, I will keep this thread updated. And I thank those of you who have voiced your opinions and ideas.

latrer.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,744
Princes, is there any possibility of a short, warm weather honeymoon after a fall wedding? Maybe you could start saving now as far as a honeymoon fund (I''m thinking a 3-4 day weekend in FL or AZ, someplace warm, sunny, but not too expensive) to stave off that SAD for another month or so? It might give you something to look forward to if you end up having a fall wedding...

I''ve never been diagnosed with SAD, but truly believe I have symptoms, at least. I was born in Ft. Lauderdale, but my parents moved to IN when I was a year old. I''ve always had "sand in my shoes" and love the ocean and beach. When I met my DH, I was seriously contemplating moving back to FL, but he was from Chicago and made it clear he would never leave. He promised to take me somewhere warm each winter, and has mostly held true to that...we''ve been to Mexico and Jamaica and FL during the winter months several years now. I tend to get very down and depressed as soon as DST begins in October and go through terrible mood swings throughout the coldest months. Boo! I think I need to look into getting a "happy lamp" for myself. I''ve been relying on indoor tanning for the last 8 years, but now that I''m 29 (same age as you!) I know I cannot continue doing that to my skin, and don''t want cancer from it for sure.

I hope you can reach a compromise...good luck!
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
55,067
I just have to say, I don''t think his need for a one-year engagement is very valid unless you are planning a major, big wedding. Six months is certainly a reasonable engagement when the wedding is small. Heck, we got engaged in October and decided to have a small family wedding during the Christmas break, and that worked out just fine! So I''d vote for June as that is a better time to take a yearly anniversary trip than August. I think he should be considerate of your needs considering you know that the fall is not the best time for you.
 

Princes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2006
Messages
36
Date: 12/31/2006 7:47:15 PM
Author: monarch64
Princes, is there any possibility of a short, warm weather honeymoon after a fall wedding? Maybe you could start saving now as far as a honeymoon fund (I''m thinking a 3-4 day weekend in FL or AZ, someplace warm, sunny, but not too expensive) to stave off that SAD for another month or so? It might give you something to look forward to if you end up having a fall wedding...

I''ve never been diagnosed with SAD, but truly believe I have symptoms, at least. I was born in Ft. Lauderdale, but my parents moved to IN when I was a year old. I''ve always had ''sand in my shoes'' and love the ocean and beach. When I met my DH, I was seriously contemplating moving back to FL, but he was from Chicago and made it clear he would never leave. He promised to take me somewhere warm each winter, and has mostly held true to that...we''ve been to Mexico and Jamaica and FL during the winter months several years now. I tend to get very down and depressed as soon as DST begins in October and go through terrible mood swings throughout the coldest months. Boo! I think I need to look into getting a ''happy lamp'' for myself. I''ve been relying on indoor tanning for the last 8 years, but now that I''m 29 (same age as you!) I know I cannot continue doing that to my skin, and don''t want cancer from it for sure.

I hope you can reach a compromise...good luck!
HEY I am from IN! Lived here all my life and I can''t stand the winters. I was born with sand in my shoes. We plan to move somewhere warm year round after I am done with school....in about 10yrs! lol (not soon enough) Anyway, I agree with your comments about a 3-4 day stay someplace warm. It may help w/ the SAD but the other problem is school and planning a trip around that.

Some of the other things we have going on after May when he graduates is buying a home together. I already own the home we live in and plan to sell it. We are in the process of remodling a few things and spending cash on that. While we have a cushion and are able to save, provide a small wedding, take the trip in June to Fla etc etc. My logic tells me June is the best time while his says whatever it says. lol

Another question that crossed my mind as to why sooner is better. If we buy a house before we are married, do we have to change my name on the deed and loan paperwork after we get married????? That was another thing I was thinking we''d end wasting money on.

Well, we''ll do some talking more this week. We''ll see how things pan out.
 
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