Confessions of a Control Freak

[Gypsy]

So... I'll start us off cause I KNOW I'm in good company and NOT alone being a control monster... and I hope you'll enjoy adding your confessions to mine.

I hate being out of control so much I actually make myself pass out if I feel helpless enough. How? Needles and IVs. Getting blood drawn or getting an IV put in is the epitome of helpless for me. It's the fact that I can't do it for myself and I have to passively allow someone to injure me. It's not the pain, or the needle, it's the utter lack of control that actually makes me pass out when I am either getting blood taken or having an IV put in. Yes, I'm a fun patient.

ALL my kitchen/dining/serving stuff matches. Has to. It's all white/metal/clear or frosted glass/crystal. I have a single marble cheeseboard in gray and black and it makes my eye twitch. But DH loved it and pointed out that it's 'neutral' so I agreed. But I've got my eye on it. And I quickly nipped any suggestions of items to 'match' it in the bud.

 

[ame]

IF I am not in control of everything always, I can't handle it. Traffic, insurance issues, anything. Anything I cannot control all of, I can't deal. Time frames. Quality of someone's work and timeliness....

But needles--I have bloodwork done every three months. The only control issue I have with that is incompetent sticks. I am not a trained professional and I can actually do my own draw I've been doing it so long. I have taken the unit away from a phlebotomist on more than one occasion and done it myself when they have failed to do it right in one stick or have tied off my arm (at all) too tightly and don't know why it won't bleed. I am a fantastic bleeder.

 

[distracts]

Ah me too on so much of this. I have found that the best thing for me is to always have something readily available to do that can give me full control. Sometimes I play Sims to control the little people. I much about in Photoshop because I can control every pixel on my image. I'm slowly getting good enough at silversmithing so that it gives me the same relaxation. Nothing is so relaxing as being 100% in control.

 

[MyDiamondSparkles]

ALL my kitchen/dining/serving stuff matches. Has to. It's all white/metal/clear or frosted glass/crystal. I have a single marble cheeseboard in gray and black and it makes my eye twitch. But DH loved it and pointed out that it's 'neutral' so I agreed. But I've got my eye on it. And I quickly nipped any suggestions of items to 'match' it in the bud.

Who me? A control freak? I actually installed glass front kitchen cabinet doors in my upper cabinets so I can double-check that everything is all lined up and organized. I mean, someone "could" possibly put a drinking glass in the cabinet and not line it up properly, and THEN try to hide the "misaligned" object behind a non-glass door. All plates have to be white, not cream, but white.

My canned vegetables are alphabetically arranged. Hey, it makes it easier to figure out how many cans of green beans or corn I have should I decide to make vegetable soup, for instance. Spices are alphabetically arranged as well. No sense in rummaging thru all the spices to find the cinnamon, as it's conveniently located between the cilantro and cloves.

Getting dressed in the morning is a snap as my clothing is divided by color, then arranged from sleeveless, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve (all solids on the left/ prints to the right) then sweaters arranged the same way as shirts. All clothing must hang the same direction and all hangers must be the exact same.

Several large plastic bins are stored in the lower level for items that don't fit or haven't been used in the last year. I don't care how much we paid for it, or how much we thought we'd like it, if it's not being used out the door it goes. I can't stand clutter.

 

[distracts]

Getting dressed in the morning is a snap as my clothing is divided by color, then arranged from sleeveless, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve (all solids on the left/ prints to the right) then sweaters arranged the same way as shirts. All clothing must hang the same direction and all hangers must be the exact same.

I do the same, but my hangars must be the same color as the clothing that hangs on them. :-/

 

[diamondseeker2006]

There's a difference in being a control freak and being OCD, people!

 

[justginger]

I agree, DS - some of these habits must be crippling. It's therapy territory, is it not?

 

[decodelighted]

Getting dressed in the morning is a snap as my clothing is divided by color, then arranged from sleeveless, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve (all solids on the left/ prints to the right) then sweaters arranged the same way as shirts. All clothing must hang the same direction and all hangers must be the exact same.

I do the same, but my hangars must be the same color as the clothing that hangs on them. :-/

*backing out of this thread slowly, feeling sane*

 

[KaeKae]

As much as I enjoy the posts of, and admire the knowledge of the first few posters in this thread, I could NOT live with any of you! (And, to be fair, you could not live with me, either.)

 

[LAJennifer]

So... I'll start us off cause I KNOW I'm in good company and NOT alone being a control monster... and I hope you'll enjoy adding your confessions to mine.

I hate being out of control so much I actually make myself pass out if I feel helpless enough. How? Needles and IVs. Getting blood drawn or getting an IV put in is the epitome of helpless for me. It's the fact that I can't do it for myself and I have to passively allow someone to injure me. It's not the pain, or the needle, it's the utter lack of control that actually makes me pass out when I am either getting blood taken or having an IV put in. Yes, I'm a fun patient.
.

Gypsy, I have the same issue with needles. I used to pass out every time. However, now I recite a strong Shakespearean monologue while getting blood drawn and it somehow makes it better. My go to - is "The quality of mercy is not strained . . . " from Merchant of Venice. Don't know why it works, but it has sure helped me out.

 

[distracts]

Getting dressed in the morning is a snap as my clothing is divided by color, then arranged from sleeveless, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve (all solids on the left/ prints to the right) then sweaters arranged the same way as shirts. All clothing must hang the same direction and all hangers must be the exact same.

I do the same, but my hangars must be the same color as the clothing that hangs on them. :-/

*backing out of this thread slowly, feeling sane*

But how do you FIND your clothes if you don't have an organizational system? I have a lot of clothing!

 

[madelise]

So... I'll start us off cause I KNOW I'm in good company and NOT alone being a control monster... and I hope you'll enjoy adding your confessions to mine.

I hate being out of control so much I actually make myself pass out if I feel helpless enough. How? Needles and IVs. Getting blood drawn or getting an IV put in is the epitome of helpless for me. It's the fact that I can't do it for myself and I have to passively allow someone to injure me. It's not the pain, or the needle, it's the utter lack of control that actually makes me pass out when I am either getting blood taken or having an IV put in. Yes, I'm a fun patient.
.

Gypsy, I have the same issue with needles. I used to pass out every time. However, now I recite a strong Shakespearean monologue while getting blood drawn and it somehow makes it better. My go to - is "The quality of mercy is not strained . . . " from Merchant of Venice. Don't know why it works, but it has sure helped me out.

I also pass out when getting blood draws. Something about the arm and blood freaks me out. I vividly recall kicking the two nurses that were trying to hold me down when I was a child. One got a HUGE kick in the tummy! I always go into a full blown anxiety attack during a blood draw. Sometimes, I hyperventilate and pass out quietly, other times I go bonkers and start crying uncontrollably (then laughing in between the cries because I realize how ridiculous it is). I always feel so guilty when I need a blood draw, knowing that I'm making the phleb or nurse's day worse. It's so damned embarrassing. I opt for the silent-til-I-pass-out option more often now.

 

[lyra]

Meditation, Grasshopper, it'll get you through anything.

I used to have control issues because my life was so stressful and I had major losses. I'm still having a lot of stress, and more losses, but I've had to learn to let go of everything except the people in my life. Material objects are meaningless, one can live without them. As for medical procedures, I still have a strong dislike of being poked and prodded by "strangers", but I really do meditate and breathe through it, emptying my mind as I go along. This is the sort of thing you have to learn to do as needed, as often as possible. If I start clinging to an ideal, I find letting go of it to be less stressful than trying to maintain a sense of control--we don't/can't have control over everything.

 

[Skippy123]

I use to be a super control freak. I still am sort of (people so much wouldn't notice it but my close family would). I have a hard time letting others do things for me but when the Neonate doctors couldn't give me a date or a time when my son would no longer be Neutropenic for my own sanity I had to find peace; I saw something say Let Go and Let God and that is what I have been trying to do since. I think if I don't ponder things I can't change, then it starts to be come out of sight out of mind; the sight being bringing it to the forefront of my mind. It is hard but I agree w/Lyra, if you start being consumed by it, then lots of deep breathing and meditation helps.

I still hate going on vacation where I have no clue where I am going and staying; I know that really bothers me so I won't do it. lol

 

[yssie]

This thread makes me laugh - um, count me in! To both control-freak and possibly slightly OCD


The canisters of chlorox wipes match the colour of the bathrooms - they come in packs of four, and my bathroom always gets the yellow, the master (which I don't like) gets the green, and the guest bath downstairs gets the orange - close enough to burgundy. I don't like the smell of the yellow though so I cheat and switch out the wipes themselves with DH's.

DH is completely nuts about bowls. They have to have exactly the right width, depth, shape, and curvature. We have a set right now that apparently fits all his specifications perfectly and I actually really like the colour and pattern, but it's got that weird surface texture that prevents clingwrap from actually sticking to it... I somehow don't think I'll ever find a replacement set that he'll use, though! Picking one's battles and all that.

I'll serve myself at meals, thank you. My mum once told me that her grandfather used to tell her that when people looked at your plate, they should want to to eat whatever you're eating... It stuck. I cannot stand when food runs together - the gravy has to go between the potatoes and the stuffing or it'll spill over into the meat... I also cannot stand when people don't actually clean their plates. When I'm done there are no crumbs, no rice particles or spagetti bits, no tomato remains glopped up on one side - DH calls me "the most careful eater he's ever met", to paraphrase.

Gypsy, I share your distaste for mismatched dishes and cutlery. Not if we *have* things that don't match, but that we don't have full sets of 8 or 12 of those things... we're actually *using* our sterling silverware these days and there's twelve of everything that there should be twelve of and it makes me oh so happy

For all that though... I don't care about how dishes go in cupboards or whether clothes are properly arranged by genus & species The one thing I AM a complete control freak about is how we do laundry. I have canisters of pre-mixed detergents for everything, and there's an ordered list on the wall: work clothes go in first, cold, with the right detergent, then get dried to slightly damp with two dryer sheets (put the first in right away and the second halfway through) and hung right away. Counter/dishcloths go in next on the hottest settings possible, and for goodness sake no dryer sheets! Then it's jeans/sweatshirts/jumpers, the detergent should be dissolved in warm water but then the washer gets filled with cold. Finally sheets and bath towels... it's actually really simple, and it creates the perfect number of dryer sheets for all the vents for the week, by alternating hot and cold there's always plenty of hot water for everything else, and everything is Right. There. On. The. Wall - I think DH mucks it up just to annoy me. It's not even half as complicated as my mum's system

 

[Dee*Jay]

I wouldn't even know where to begin with my list...

(I do think I'm getting better as time goes on though!)

 

[Gypsy]

Okay so... first LOL!

Second... a lot of OCD issues are extreme forms of control disorders. So

Third, I forgot about my food processor, which I inherited, which is brown and cream (and hideous), but will NOT die. So I haven't been able to justify replacing it, and instead stash in the back of a cabinet and pretend doesn't exist.

Fourth, OMG I've gotten a lot better. At least I recognize the issue is ME and that's where I need to start. And I've let go of a lot. I used to organize the fridge and the pantry, but gave up after I realized that DH is physiologically incapable of organizing anything. I used to organize my closet but gave up on that too after the housekeeper just started doing things differently week to week. The kitchen thing is important to me though, AND since I'm the one who buys stuff for the kitchen, it is within my control so I've held on to that. I am in therapy, not just for control issues but for overall mental health, but we do talk about the control thing and I am learning how to let go and accept. It's a process, and not an easy one though.

Yssie, I used to do the same thing with the bleach containers. But like I said, DH pays to attention so it was either kill him and have the right bleach containers in each bathroom, or keep him and become color blind in relation to them. I opted to keep him. It was a near thing though.

Madelise -- I do the silent pass out thing too.

LA Jennifer, I'll have to try that (perhaps something from midsummer nights dream for me), because I just started medication that needs IV infusions every 8 weeks (every 2 weeks, then every month to start, 8 weeks to maintain) and this is gonna be a bear if I can't manage it better.

Ame, I could not ever poke myself. I couldn't even manage shots of medication for RA and instead opted for IV infusions.

 

[decodelighted]

Getting dressed in the morning is a snap as my clothing is divided by color, then arranged from sleeveless, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve (all solids on the left/ prints to the right) then sweaters arranged the same way as shirts. All clothing must hang the same direction and all hangers must be the exact same.

I do the same, but my hangars must be the same color as the clothing that hangs on them. :-/

*backing out of this thread slowly, feeling sane*

But how do you FIND your clothes if you don't have an organizational system? I have a lot of clothing!

Have you seen the show "Hoarders"? I crawl through one of my maggot filled, 12-ft-high piles until I find something w/tags still attached. Easy peasey!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Getting dressed in the morning is a snap as my clothing is divided by color, then arranged from sleeveless, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve (all solids on the left/ prints to the right) then sweaters arranged the same way as shirts. All clothing must hang the same direction and all hangers must be the exact same.

I do the same, but my hangars must be the same color as the clothing that hangs on them. :-/

*backing out of this thread slowly, feeling sane*

But how do you FIND your clothes if you don't have an organizational system? I have a lot of clothing!

Have you seen the show "Hoarders"? I crawl through one of my maggot filled, 12-ft-high piles until I find something w/tags still attached. Easy peasey!

You too?!? It's a system that works for me!

(Except here in Kansas City they tell me we have brown recluse spiders instead of maggots...)

 

[JaneSmith]

Getting dressed in the morning is a snap as my clothing is divided by color, then arranged from sleeveless, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve (all solids on the left/ prints to the right) then sweaters arranged the same way as shirts. All clothing must hang the same direction and all hangers must be the exact same.

I do the same, but my hangars must be the same color as the clothing that hangs on them. :-/

*backing out of this thread slowly, feeling sane*

But how do you FIND your clothes if you don't have an organizational system? I have a lot of clothing!

Have you seen the show "Hoarders"? I crawl through one of my maggot filled, 12-ft-high piles until I find something w/tags still attached. Easy peasey!

Ha ha ha! Gross.

 

[ame]

Getting dressed in the morning is a snap as my clothing is divided by color, then arranged from sleeveless, short sleeve, 3/4 sleeve, long sleeve (all solids on the left/ prints to the right) then sweaters arranged the same way as shirts. All clothing must hang the same direction and all hangers must be the exact same.

I do the same, but my hangars must be the same color as the clothing that hangs on them. :-/

*backing out of this thread slowly, feeling sane*

But how do you FIND your clothes if you don't have an organizational system? I have a lot of clothing!

Have you seen the show "Hoarders"? I crawl through one of my maggot filled, 12-ft-high piles until I find something w/tags still attached. Easy peasey!

You too?!? It's a system that works for me!

(Except here in Kansas City they tell me we have brown recluse spiders instead of maggots...)

We do. And I believe that they also exist in Chicago

That said...I have most of my stuff hung, and it's in order of pants, jeans, tanks/tees by color, cardigans, blouses in the back since I RARELY wear them, I only own them for when a cardi/cami combo isn't going to be "appropriate".

 

[Dee*Jay]

Confession: I am also adept at attempting to exert control by giving others *advice* when they are trying to do something. "Gee honey, that's great, now why don't we [translation: YOU] do it this way... " This particularly applies to activities in which I have no level of expertise whatsoever. Makes things more interesting.

 

[Enerchi]

Confession: I am also adept at attempting to exert control by giving others *advice* when they are trying to do something. "Gee honey, that's great, now why don't we [translation: YOU] do it this way... " This particularly applies to activities in which I have no level of expertise whatsoever. Makes things more interesting.

Guilty! This has to be my control thing... because clearly, I've determined that I am the most knowledgeable person EVER and all the wisdom I have garnered in my life, I will dump upon you, whether you want to know it or not. Yes, its fine, I don't mind 'sharing' with you - don't thank me now! I can wait till you are bowing at my feet in gratitude ... I'm just that type of kind and supportive person


( or I may lie a little and I'm NOT really wonderful after all I could probably come up with a list of people that think I'm a real beyotch - possibly starting with those in my immediate family... just sayin'!)

 

[Gypsy]

Confession: I am also adept at attempting to exert control by giving others *advice* when they are trying to do something. "Gee honey, that's great, now why don't we [translation: YOU] do it this way... " This particularly applies to activities in which I have no level of expertise whatsoever. Makes things more interesting.

Guilty! This has to be my control thing... because clearly, I've determined that I am the most knowledgeable person EVER and all the wisdom I have garnered in my life, I will dump upon you, whether you want to know it or not. Yes, its fine, I don't mind 'sharing' with you - don't thank me now! I can wait till you are bowing at my feet in gratitude ... I'm just that type of kind and supportive person


( or I may lie a little and I'm NOT really wonderful after all I could probably come up with a list of people that think I'm a real beyotch - possibly starting with those in my immediate family... just sayin'!)

Guilty here too. Also known as Know It All complex.

 

[Enerchi]

Its hard to be perfect, don't you find??? I'm exhausted at the end of the day!

 

[Gypsy]

Its hard to be perfect, don't you find??? I'm exhausted at the end of the day!

I still thank Circe every day for posting the words that helped me change: "Perfect is the enemy of good." If I embroidered I would make this into a sampler (in colors that work in my home).

I actually repeat to myself: "I don't have to be a perfect daughter. I have to be a good daughter. And the person that decides what 'good' is, is ME. My opinion is the one that matters, my conscience is the one that has to be clear." And so on.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Its hard to be perfect, don't you find??? I'm exhausted at the end of the day!

I still thank Circe every day for posting the words that helped me change: "Perfect is the enemy of good." If I embroidered I would make this into a sampler (in colors that work in my home).

I actually repeat to myself: "I don't have to be a perfect daughter. I have to be a good daughter. And the person that decides what 'good' is, is ME. My opinion is the one that matters, my conscience is the one that has to be clear." And so on.

But as soon as the angel on my one shoulder whispers this in my ear, the devil on my other shoulder says, "Yes, but, good is the enemy of great."


There's no winning this... but alcohol helps.

 

[Gypsy]

But as soon as the angel on my one shoulder whispers this in my ear, the devil on my other shoulder says, "Yes, but, good is the enemy of great."


There's no winning this... but alcohol helps.

I'm A) going to pretend I didn't read this. And B) content myself with my low personal standards. Good is good enough.

Pass the liquor, woman!

 

[Enerchi]

pour me one too! I'm in for a glass or two of DeeJay's wine hoard!

 

[coda72]

I admit to being a control freak, but I think I've gotten a bit better over the years. My husband is a bit of a control freak in certain areas too, but not in the same things as I am, so luckily our relationship works. I used to be a neat freak, but living with someone who is not has made me lower my standards a bit. I most of the time can't be bothered to make things absolutely perfect in the house, so most of the time now, I'm content with them being neat enough.

My closet is arranged by clothing type, although not by color. Sweatshirts are all grouped together, followed by t shirts, followed by pants, then jeans. He has his own closet which I try to keep somewhat in check, but not always successfully.

I do all the laundry however, because I can't stand how he does laundry. I've been sick with the flu all week and still did 3 loads of laundry!

I'm an absolute control freak when it comes to planning vacations though. The couple the husband has tried to plan have not turned out so well, so I took that over. I even planned my whole 40th birthday trip, and he wasn't too happy about that! I'm sure I'll be planning what my gift is for my 40th too. Oh well!

I don't mind needles or having blood drawn though. I don't know why, but that kind of stuff doesn't bother me.