luckystar112
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2007
- Messages
- 3,962
1) While I was watching football this weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.
She got up, unplugged the TV, and dumped out my beer.
2) Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten in the butt by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor there delivering a baby.
“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”
The guy runs back to his friend. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries in agony.
“He says you’re gonna die.”
3) A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time”, he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
“Hi there.” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push?”
“No, get lost, it’s half past three. I was in bed.” says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says:
“Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost??”
“But the guy was drunk.” says the husband.
“It doesn’t matter.” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him.”
So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:
“Hey, do you still want a push?” and he hears a voice cry out “Yeah, please.”
Still being unable to see the stranger he shouts again “Where are you?”
And the stranger replies: “Over here… on your porch swing.”
300x240.png)