nytemist
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2005
- Messages
- 962
The last two weekends I spent at my finace''s place have been very frustrating. I''ve started to bring my things over bit by bit so I won''t have to settle everything at once. I said to him back in June, I think, that he would eventually start cleaning and organizing his place so that my stuff has somewhere to go when I move in. I thought that made sense. Mind you, he''s been in his condo for over a year now. I realize that most men are not into colors, decorating or even basic neatness sometimes. But his place still looks like he just moved in- many unpacked boxes and stacks of movies and CD''s. It just isn''t organized, so when he looks for a bill he needs to pay for example (usually lost somewhere on the dining table) he gets so flustered because he can''t find it. This is when I suggested getting the place in order, even offering to help him do it. Of course he said no.
This past weekend I brought some of my heavier velvet dresses and some jackets, things I don''t need yet, to start hanging in the closet. I asked him beforehand if he could please move his big pile of clothing from in front of the closet door so I could get in it. I get to his place and nothing has moved. He then gets up in arms because he had to do it right then. It set the tone for the rest of the evening. I also brought some of my wrought iron pieces (wall sconces, candle holders, this great mirror, etc.) and he says why do I need them? Pretty much everything I own at my parents house he suddenly doesn''t want to make room for. He''s freaking out at the idea of rearranging furniture, since the cats won''t like it. The rate it''s going, we will do battle every night, or my things will end up in the storage unit. I said to him that I was feeling like I wasn''t being heard. I''m not trying to come in and feminize his place, but we do have to blend his stuff and my stuff. Just basic organization; if everything has a place you know where to find it. Am I crazy? I asked him, you don''t care if there is stuff that I trip over because it''s in the middle of the floor? Saturday I stumbled over his effects pedal for his guitar and really hurt my toe. He picks it up to make I didn''t do anything to it (gee thanks) I asked could he at least put it along the wall and he puts in near the wall and walks away. Once again, it wasn''t a good evening. He did finally did do some laundry and fold stuff and I said thank you, but he was still snippy about it.
Sunday he asked why did I feel the need to come in change everything around. I said I just want the place to make sense. I''m kind of a neat freak, but I can deal with things being kind of messy. I said to him if he''s so unwilling to listen and not ready to compromise or share his space, how is this going to work? Since then I''ve talked to him twice and I get one word answers. This has been the most a*****e behavior I''ve ever gotten from him.
My friend who is a BM in my wedding( just had her baby) said it was tough when she and her husband moved in. He even said as long as thing are always kept in the same place, he''s fine. My BM said maybe it''s cold feet since he now realizes how much his life is going to change, or he''s not really into this anymore. As much as it took to get here? I just want it to feel like a home.
Now what?
This past weekend I brought some of my heavier velvet dresses and some jackets, things I don''t need yet, to start hanging in the closet. I asked him beforehand if he could please move his big pile of clothing from in front of the closet door so I could get in it. I get to his place and nothing has moved. He then gets up in arms because he had to do it right then. It set the tone for the rest of the evening. I also brought some of my wrought iron pieces (wall sconces, candle holders, this great mirror, etc.) and he says why do I need them? Pretty much everything I own at my parents house he suddenly doesn''t want to make room for. He''s freaking out at the idea of rearranging furniture, since the cats won''t like it. The rate it''s going, we will do battle every night, or my things will end up in the storage unit. I said to him that I was feeling like I wasn''t being heard. I''m not trying to come in and feminize his place, but we do have to blend his stuff and my stuff. Just basic organization; if everything has a place you know where to find it. Am I crazy? I asked him, you don''t care if there is stuff that I trip over because it''s in the middle of the floor? Saturday I stumbled over his effects pedal for his guitar and really hurt my toe. He picks it up to make I didn''t do anything to it (gee thanks) I asked could he at least put it along the wall and he puts in near the wall and walks away. Once again, it wasn''t a good evening. He did finally did do some laundry and fold stuff and I said thank you, but he was still snippy about it.
Sunday he asked why did I feel the need to come in change everything around. I said I just want the place to make sense. I''m kind of a neat freak, but I can deal with things being kind of messy. I said to him if he''s so unwilling to listen and not ready to compromise or share his space, how is this going to work? Since then I''ve talked to him twice and I get one word answers. This has been the most a*****e behavior I''ve ever gotten from him.
My friend who is a BM in my wedding( just had her baby) said it was tough when she and her husband moved in. He even said as long as thing are always kept in the same place, he''s fine. My BM said maybe it''s cold feet since he now realizes how much his life is going to change, or he''s not really into this anymore. As much as it took to get here? I just want it to feel like a home.
Now what?