Wedding Civil Marriage

[pichuchy21]

Hey I posted this topic somewhere else, but it was suggested that I post it here. I need some help. My fiancee and i have been engaged since June 21st 2006. My dream wedding isn''t gonna happen. We don''t have the funds for it which is why we have waited so long to get married. Finally we decided that we would just have a civil wedding at the court house. We have set the date for July 3rd which is our 8 yr anniversary. (We have been dating since out junior year in high school) My question is what exactly is a civil marriage? Should I wear a dress to the court house? I was thinking of wearing a nice sundress If we do this now can we have a church wedding later on? I am so confused I really don''t know what should I be planning for. Any suggestions or any input on how this works? Should we have professional pictures taken? I am just really confused and don''t know what I should be planning for. Thanks in advance.

 

[sumbride]

It can be anything you want it to be.


Essentially, it''s an elopement, but you can choose to tell people about it or even invite them to it. It does not mean you can''t have a "wedding" later, but you will already be married so you won''t need a license, etc... for the 2nd run.

Yes, you can wear a special dress, and you should! You could even get a small bouquet or just a flower or two. It will be what you make it, so make it something you''ll want to remember. And afterwards you should go somewhere and celebrate for a bit, whether it be over a piece of cake at a bistro or a fancy dinner. Don''t just go straight home and flick on the tv.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage!

 

[Gypsy]

I agree. Wear a special dress. Get some flowers. Make reservations someplace really nice for afterwards. You can have pics! Of COURSE you can! Hire a photographer for a couple of hours (you can get a really great photographer if you do it during the week and ask them to just come for a few hours). Heck you can wear a veil and have an attendant or two. You can do whatever you want.

As Sumbride said. Think of it as an elopement. Have some fun with it. You may not be able to afford the whole nine yards (and the stress and work that comes with that) but it can be wonderful and romantic and VERY special.

CONGRATS!!

 

[surfgirl]

pichuchy, you may not be able to afford your big dream wedding, but you can do a dream elopement...Trust me, we did it. Basically we wanted to elope, but we didn''t want to miss out on having a wedding so we planned a mini-wedding elopement. I had a lovely dress/veil, flowers, he had a nice causal suit and bout., we went away for a few days and got married in a magical location, with a fantastic officiant, and an amazing photog, and we had a prix fixe dinner afterwards at a wonderful restaurant, and a wedding cake. Stayed at a wonderful place for a few days...It was perfect. Elopements are awesome and you can do them on the cheap or live it up.

Yes, do get a dress (you can get a fantastic dress at a place like David''s for under $200!), have a bouquet, have him wear a suit and a bout., get a photographer (many offer elopement packages if you ask them about it), and if your courthouse isn''t a nice location then find an officiant and get married in some wonderful outdoor location or some fabulous old hotel or whatever, and then go for a lovely, special dinner. You can order a small cake for desert, just tell them you''re eloping and want a mini wedding cake. And spend the night at a nice place somewhere. You could you plan a mini weekend getaway (if it''s within your budget) anywhere close by? If so, you can probably plan a mini elopement at the place you''d be staying at. And if you do decide to get hitched at city hall, do the dress, flowers, photog, nice dinner anyway...Trust me, you''ll be giddy with or without guests, and honestly, you''ll probably be able to revel in it all without all the hoopla of a bigger wedding and guests so you might just end up with the perfect day. I know I did, and I''ve had no regrets (other than wishing I''d had Musey''s fabulous dress...

).

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Check out Zhuzhu. She did a beautiful civil marriage in San Diego. I know she posted some pics somewhere.
I know there are some really pretty parts of my local courthouse, maybe you could go in advance and scout out a nice spot for pics and stuff.

 

[Octavia]

The one thing I would suggest, if you're hoping to have a church wedding later on, is to check with your clergyperson about any rules or requirements your religion might have about this. I believe that some of them won't do a full mass or service for a post-marriage "celebration" but would have some other kind of service for it, but I could be wrong. And I'm sure that, if you're Catholic, the rules might be very different than if you're Presbyterian (or whatever other denomination, these are just examples). I'm sure that someone from your church can help you sort this part out very easily!

 

[HollyS]

Ditto surfgirl and Gypsy! Make it a special occasion: wear a beautiful dress, carry flowers, have a photographer, ask some friends or close family; make it a real celebration! Personally, I would find a beautiful location and an officiant; courthouses often have several people waiting to be married, and it could feel like a cattle call rather than a precious moment in your lives. Look at surgirl's thread on her wedding; she knows how to elope!

My parents 'eloped' on a Saturday afternoon with another couple in tow to be their witnesses and photographers. They had already talked to the pastor of a small Baptist church in a close by town, and were married in the chapel as the afternoon sun was coming through the stained glass casting them all in a beautiful jeweled light. (At least, that's how they both remembered it!) Mom wore an ivory lace sleeveless dress with a corsage, and Dad had a beige linen suit (in other words, they dressed up); and after the ceremony, went to dinner with their friends to celebrate. It was romantic and sentimental, and they remembered it as special for the rest of their lives.

Most Protestant denominations will recognize a civil union, and gladly help you plan a later religious ceremony.

 

[Sabine]

I agree that you can make it as special as you want it, but also wanted to add that you should check if you are interested in having a church wedding. For the catholic church, you can''t get married in the church if you are already married, or even if you have a common law marriage (been living together for a number of years, depends on state law).

 

[neatfreak]

Someone else just did a gorgeous elopement in San Francisco...I think it was Shidigi??? Anyway, she wore a beautiful dress and they invited a few friends and took pictures, looked like a blast!

 

[pichuchy21]

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it. As far as a church wedding later on that might not happen if I can elope in a special romantic way. I am really not religous, but my fiancee is, but he says we can do it whichever way makes me happy. See I was under the impression that I can only do this at the court house. I never even thought of doing it somewhere else. I live in Gainesville, FL there is not much here, but they do have a very nice butterfly garden I am going to call there and see if I can have a small ceremony there. That would be perfect. I would just want my close friends and my immediate family to be there. Do you guys think I will have tenough ime to elope outside of a courthouse setting? I really want to get married on July 3rd because that day has special meaning for us? What do you guys think?

 

[HollyS]

Sure; you''ve got plenty of time. I had a wedding in Oct that I didn''t start planning until June! Piece of cake!

Butterfly garden sounds wonderful; I''d call them right away and ask about it.

 

[surfgirl]

You have time as long as you get cracking! I planned our mini wedding elopement in about 3 months. I took some time to figure out what location we wanted and then went from there. I'd recommend you consider the location for the ceremony first, the butterfly garden sounds wonderful (or you could do a beach wedding?), and then you need to locate an officiant (if your FI is religious, you can have a more religious ceremony as many officiants offer a variety of ceremonies from religious to non-religious), and a photog. Those are the top issues, IMO, to nail down ASAP, then decide where you'd like to have your special wedding luncheon/dinner and plan that (special menu vs. order off menu, order little cake), and if you can budget a wedding night at a hotel closeby, that's icing on the cake.

You mentioned that if your elopment was just right, you wouldn't feel the need to have another wedding and I just wanted to say that I found eloping to be the ultimate in romance. It's all about you two and committing to each other, none of the distractions that larger weddings can sometimes bring. Everyone we met just got misty eyed when they heard we were eloping and I think it can be so romantic...Let us know if you need more help...Go for it!

ETA: If you want to wear a wedding dress, I'd move on that ASAP too because you'll need to find one off the rack since ordering can take 3-6 months...

 

[sklingem]

Maybe I am wrong on the term "elopement", but IMHO that has NOTHING to do with a civil ceremony, except for the fact that civil ceremonies are sometimes in buildings that can't accomodate as many guests as those in a big church. The again, there are small churches as well !!! Not sure if those are considered an elopement as well. Wear what you want. Big white wedding dress included. Invite as many people as you want and can accomodate on your budget. There are no rules or limits to civil ceremonies but those that you want to make (and the difference to a church wedding with its religious component). And don't let anybody tell you otherwise!!!

 

[pichuchy21]

You guys have been so helpful! Thanks a billion I am staring to do research right away and will keep you posted. Thanks again

 

[pichuchy21]

quick update: I have been doing research online since I got home from work. I have narrowed it down to the following places, either the botanical gardens here in town, st. augustine beach, or orlando either beach or garden eloping. There are different packages and some include everything I think I would need. Is it tacky to elope on a weekday? July 3rd is a Thursday, but I love that date because it is our 8 yr anniversary. Any thoughts on that?

 

[cellososweet]

hey sweetie. we were married in court after a barage of wedding-related issues. we just wanted to be married and didn''t care about the "big day" so much at the time (since it felt like it wasn''t going to happen ever. seriously. we had that many issues with the wedding.) finances? check! racist in-laws?? double-check!! woohoo

it was fantastic for us to go to court. It was very intimate. I think July 3rd is good considering you''ll probably have the next day off for July 4th?? Maybe?? you can make a weekend out of it. If you are worried about court being sterile (ours wasn''t. It was great!), perhaps an elopement is better. I dunno about FL, but here in CA you can have someone ordained online or you can apply for a one-day license to perform a marriage. That way you could find someone really special to do it with you guys.

About the "church" wedding, you might be out of luck, but it depends on your religion. Make sure you ask before-hand. If you are stuck on the idea of a church wedding and they won''t do it for you if you are already married, think about how important it is for you.

Good luck!!

 

[Octavia]

I think you''re lucky! One of the benefits of having very few people is that it''s easier to schedule for a non-weekend. Most venues are much cheaper on weekdays and you''ll probably get more personalized attention from your vendors. I''d love to have our wedding on our 4-year anniversary, but since we''re doing the traditional thing, it''s going to have to be the day before. I think you should go for it, and I''m envious!

 

[surfgirl]

Is it tacky to get married on your anniversary? Hell to the No! It's totally romantic, Go for it.

 

[pichuchy21]

thanks guys for all your input. you guys are great so informative! I am going for it on July 3rd that day has very special meaning for us. All I have to do now is find the place and I have a list of places to call tommorow. I was wondering if I can have engagement pictures taken now? When my fiancee and I got engaged we were still in undergrad and didn''t really have a lot of money so I wanted to maybe take the engagement pictures now since pictures last a life time. Do you guys think that should be done now or should I just wait for the pics that we have taken on the day we elope?

Thanks you all for your help and I will keep you up to date.

 

[surfgirl]

Find your photog and ask for an elopement package that will include a brief engagement session now...

 

[pichuchy21]

Ok so I decided that I am going to do this at a B&B in St. Augustine. I really like the look of this one:http://www.cedarhouseinn.com/weddingshoneymoons.htm

I called and made an appt. with the inn keeper and my fiancee and I will be driving there next weekend to see this one and a few others, but I really like this one. It seems very romantic. I also decided that I want to wear a tea lenght wedding dress, but I just haven''t seen one that has caught my eye yet. Hopefully I find one soon though.

Well that was just a quick update.

 

[pichuchy21]

Quick question what is the norm when it come to lodging for your guests? Do I pay for that or do they pay for it individually? I am having a very small ceremony only 5-8 guest so I was wondering that is typically done if they want to stay? Also if we end up going out to dinner after the ceremony with all the guest do we (fiancee and I) pick up the check for everyone? Just asking because I am not sure what to do in this case. Thanks

 

[surfgirl]

No! You dont pay for lodging for your guests...unless you are insanely wealthy and want to...Give them 2-3 options in differing price ranges and let them choose which they prefer.

 

[pichuchy21]

Surfgirl thanks. I am no where near wealthy which is why I was staring to get worried when some of the people I invited said they would stay in town. I was like oh no! lol. One more quick questions is it common pratice for my fiancee and I to pay for dinner after the ceremony? Our guests might come with us. Are we suppose to pay for everyone?

Thanks for all your help!