Christmas in China

[Cehrabehra]

This is a work in progress but I thought I would share what I have thus far... in case it amuses anyone


Christmas in China

Buying gifts for the holidays was never harder than this year. In the past if I couldn't think of the perfect gift I could stroll through the mall or hit target at the last minute for something, anything. If you plan ahead you can browse the internet as well. All of that woe is me I can't find the perfect gift stuff looks SO good from here. The typical 'malls' here are underground markets filled stall after stall with cheap knitted wear or cheap jewelry or cheap toys. And by cheap I don't necessarily mean inexpensive. I mean poorly constructed. For a white person in China prices can often be the same as in America. There is a legal double standard here. Many places have two different price lists. A manicure where I go costs about $5 but if you are Chinese it is less than $3. Same deal all over town. Not to mention they really will rip you off if you let them and pickpockets are everywhere. Or you can go to the upscale malls which really do s-o-r-t-a resemble an American mall, except that the prices for everything are horrendously exaggerated. Example: I found a woman on the street selling scarves and she had a sign so I got the Chinese price of 15rmb which is just over 2 dollars. I bought 3 of them. I went inside the nice mall and they had the EXACT SAME SCARVES for 695rmb which is about $100. I couldn't even shop there after I saw that, everything I looked at was ridiculously priced. But for those prices you get an experience s-o-r-t-a like being in America. Sorta. You can buy online but then you face issues like will it arrive at all, will it arrive within 8 weeks, will customs snag it and claim that everything is double the original value sales be damned causing you to pay more in fees than you paid for the item. So what you end up with is a keyboard for your son where all the buttons are in Chinese, a foosball table also all in Chinese that could fall apart at any moment, a ridiculously expensive coffee cup ($15) from Starbucks that you know is at least high quality... etc. And you better hope that you brought Christmas paper from the states because the best you'll find are 1 square meter rolls with Barney on them.

Decorating the Christmas Tree was a new experience. Fake trees are the only option and the quality is not great. My ornaments from back home sag heavily on the flimsy branches which are bent at the tips at sharp angles to keep them from sliding off. I did buy a second smaller one and covered it in lightweight cheapass red and gold ornaments and some red ribbon I brought from the states and I admit it looks really nice, from a distance. But the lights... we had two strands from Ireland which are lovely and thankfully they are also 220 so we just needed an extension cord with an adapter. But for the other tree we bought Chinese lights. Six strands. The first strand we took out had exposed wires on the end so my husband, an electrician and electrical engineer who carries around electrical tape - taped the end. Only to have the box that controls the lights EXPLODE a couple minutes later. Now we have 5 lights. Then my daughter says, "This strand is shocking me!" and my husband, the electrician and electrical engineer (ha! useful sometimes) says it can't be.... oh you're right. It is. Now we are 0 for 2. Thankfully the other 4 strands (2:3 useful to purchase ratio) seem okay.... but you definitely do NOT leave them alone...

I decided to make candies and cookies for the neighborhood, and it was a good thing I did since everyone else planned to make them Christmas Eve (see below). Nothing turned out normally. We have a small convection oven that has two settings. Broil and convection. So while some things cooked nicely and quickly, other things didn't turn out so well. And the stove which consists of not ONE but TWO burners!! (1/2 to 1/3 what the rest of you have) are poorly calibrated so that super high stir fry in the wok cooking works okay, simmering is a chore. I have not ONE not TWO but THREE batches of Fail Fudge. This one's too hard. This one's too soft. And this one was almost just right but something went wrong. And I was going to make homemade Peppermint Marshmallows dipped in chocolate.... only to discover that somehow I came all the way to China without any peppermint extract! What? Yeah, they don't sell that here. They don't even know what peppermint IS here. They've never seen a candy cane. The import stores don't even bother. I showed a picture of a candy cane to the barista at Starbucks and I swear the music from A Nightmare Before Christmas cued... "What's this? What's this? There's magic in the air, what's this?" So yeah, no peppermint white mochas, no pumpkin pie spiced lattes, no gingerbread cappuccinos... but hey, they have vanilla and DARK CHERRY!!!!! Awesome. I remind myself I should be grateful there's a Starbucks at all. 40 minutes away. One way.

Our traditional Christmas dinner involves a prime rib. We have a big meal on Christmas Eve so on Christmas we have easy to make and yummy to eat french dip. Tradition. So we buy a big prime rib - like 4-5 ribs. Here I searched high, I searched low. Couldn't find a standing rib (oh hell to the no would I ever find a PRIME one) anywhere I looked. They cut their meat differently. Finally at an import store an hour away I found one about $20 a kilo. But they only had one and it was 5.5 kilos. Boneless. Frozen more than solid. Brought it home and it was too long to even fit in my 1/3 regular sized oven (which I should be ever so grateful for considering the Chinese don't even HAVE ovens). So I invite people over, we're going to have a feast on Christmas Eve! I wake up at 10:30 (yay, sleep in!!) to discover the power is out. Shortly after that I get an email (yay can check email on my phone!!) *notifying* us (after the fact) that there is a planned power upgrade scheduled for that day and power will not be restored until 5pm. Then we get another email saying 5:30. And another saying 7:30. It was restored at 8pm. Good thing the floor heating (run by coal) kept the house from freezing as the temp outside was around 0F. So what can you do but say come back tomorrow and go out to eat. Choices... choices... let's have Chinese food. Really, that's the only choice. Thankfully we had just seen A Christmas Story so in good humor we set off to find a Chinese Turkey. And we did. Two in fact. And we ate. And we laughed. And when we got home there was power again. Not all was lost. So on Christmas, a day I usually indulge in the relaxing that I don't have to cook, I cooked. It was okay. Definitely not prime. Gristly. But when you live here you think, or at least try to think, of what you have accomplished to get this on the table, not how much better it would have been could you have ordered it from that trusty American butcher.

It was a little difficult to pull everything together and with the last minute all day power outage some things were forgotten, like to finish shopping for Christmas. Good thing the stores are open on Christmas here since it isn’t a real holiday - just something to decorate for. So wake up Christmas morning, enjoy Santa and then it’s off to go shopping before we open gifts. My husband was supposed to take my daughter and one of my sons out to get things for ME. I, the holder of the Christmas reigns, said yeah no… nobody opens gifts from each other until we all have our gifts lol

I’ve already told the story of how I got my Christmas gift from my husband, but let me tell it again for posterity. My husband takes off to go do some shopping and take my daughter into town (40 min drive) for a study date. He is supposed to send our driver (it *sounds* ritzy to say you have a driver, but I would trade him for two cars we could drive ourselves any day!!!) back to me to get me and our boys so we can go downtown (70 min drive). He forgets to do this. Finally I call and he says oops forgot and sends him off. When he arrives one of the boys lets him in and he walks up to me and hands me a bag and says, “Jose got this for you.” I look inside and there’s an iPad. I am wondering if he got this for our daughter so I call him up and he starts swearing, and laughing. He had thought long and hard this whole plan to get me something that would surprise me and he spent all this money just to have the driver casually hand it to me 3 weeks early when he wasn’t even there. He is STILL disappointed about that. So for Christmas he got me flowers and a toothbrush. It’s a gag gift. You see, for years he has heard me tell the story of what a bad gifter my father is and how he got my mom flowers and a toothbrush for their anniversary (not as a gag).

So there was nothing traditional about this Christmas. Nothing went as planned. But there are some good lifelong memories out of it nonetheless I especially like having an ayi who cleans up after all of my kitchen messes. I will miss that little Christmas Elf!

 

[somethingshiny]

Oh Sara! You did make some memories, that's for sure! I love Christmas so much I couldn't imagine experiencing all of that first hand! Merry Merry Christmas to you!

 

[kelpie]

Merry Christmas! I love your narrative. Really fascinating! You had your husband and your children with you and that's what makes Christmas. They'll be entertaining memories to reflect on. I have so many questions about China. If you can share, what brought you there? How long will you be there? Do you feel comfortable walking around with your jewelry on? I'm assuming you are not ethnically Chinese because of the manicure prices, do people kind of treat you like a circus exhibit? I'm moving to Africa next week and am hoping for some reflection on culture shock and getting acclimated. Thanks!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Where are you in China again?

I'm home in Beijing for Christmas. You're right, nothing is realy traditional by American standards. But of course, it isn't America so that really is no surprise. (We actually do have peppermint here, just not in candy cane form) I actually find it funny that they even celebrate it as much as they do since the country, by definition, does not believe in religion. Every year I come home, and Christmas is a bigger and bigger deal, any reason to shop I guess! But the spirit of christmas is really different, it's basically just a pre-new years, a reason to hang out and drink and eat and be merry.


For example, there are a lot of christmas eve parties and shows hosted by various clubs and hotels. Where as in America, most people spend christmas eve with their family. I went to one of the shows with my family and some others and the line up was hysterical and not at all even christmas related, included in the variety show were: a bald clown on a unicycle, a 4 year year singing chinese opera, belly dancers, a drum band, a mime-magician, and some teenage martial artists. Yeah...

I think it's better to just enjoy the Chinese traditions while you're still here. Don't let our odd Christmas-mimic fool you, come The Spring Festival/Chinese New Years in two months, you'll feel true holiday spirit in abundance. It's our Christmas equivalent in many ways. There will be gorgeous decorations and delicious food, and I'm not sure if your driver or "christmas elf" get any time off, but if they don't, I'm sure they'd appreciate it if you let them celebrate it in whatever way they can without being with their families. My parents give ours a nice bonus too, for them to send home in time for the holidays. Many ayis come from the country side to work as ayis in order to save up money to send their parents and younger siblings at home and support them, especially in the winter. True, their standard of living is no doubt nicer with you than what they have at home, but it's often a weary job with limited freedoms to come and go, and very far from home and loved ones. I apologize if I sound preachy, but many families (my own included) get so used to having an ayi at home that I feel like they sometimes forget they left homes of their own behind.

We also have a lot of holidays where we eat certain foods, and celebrate various things. I think it'd be great to jump into new cultures and traditions, instead of feeling frustrated that you can't have the traditions you're used to because you're far from home. I hope next year goes more smoothly. Maybe you can stick to one or two Christmas traditions that are more manageable, and adapt the rest to what's available? I remember when I was a kid, I lived in Thailand for two years, my parents were really into trying to integrate into all the new experiences and traditions there, and I had a lot of fun and memories and stories to tell when I come back to America.

Haha, too bad Chinese cities don't have an "America town" eh?

 

[Cehrabehra]

Merry Christmas! I love your narrative. Really fascinating! You had your husband and your children with you and that's what makes Christmas. They'll be entertaining memories to reflect on. I have so many questions about China. If you can share, what brought you there? How long will you be there? Do you feel comfortable walking around with your jewelry on? I'm assuming you are not ethnically Chinese because of the manicure prices, do people kind of treat you like a circus exhibit? I'm moving to Africa next week and am hoping for some reflection on culture shock and getting acclimated. Thanks!

Hi! Yeah I read that you were moving... it's so exciting!! We moved to China same time last year - arrived Dec 31. What is taking you to africa? I very much love being "home" in MY home, wherever it is, on Christmas and last year we were homeless (movers got our stuff dec 15 aprox) so we were with the inlaws and I just didn't love it. I've had Christmas in Florida, New York, Washington, Ireland, China, and of course Oregon and California (those two states comprise more than 30 of my 40 years). Home really is where you make it and I'm so glad I brought things that feel like home. Simple things like my favorite pillows and blanket to snuggle on the couch with. My Christmas ornaments, TONS of baskets (baskets can be hard to find but baskets plus shelves which are pretty easy to find equals great storage for any room), foods like mayonnaise, chocolate chips, everything for baking like vanilla. I don't know what you will be able to find in Africa but I'm really glad I brought ALL of my spices and herbs here. There are a few things I can get here but most I cannot. I don't know the size of the city you're moving to.

Why are we here? Husband works for a company that just built a manufacturing plant here and we got the opportunity and said okay! I don't know what it will be like for you in Africa but here in China the culture shock goes for different things at different times. When I first got here I hated shopping. I don't love it now but I can stand it. It was hard to get used to having whole halves of pigs in the aisle at the grocery store (not even at a market, we're talking at Tesco!) and all of the heads and feet and tails and organs of various animals everywhere... they drop something on the floor no biggie. The people are just not that picky. Their power goes out unexpectedly for all day they just keep going, they don't complain much, maybe to friends but there's no one who has any power to do anything who will listen. And so the workers never notify or ask permissions. We are treated like royalty here in many ways but it is still substandard to even ordinary life in America. When I talk to people about my experiences they tend to focus on things like having a live in maid or a driver and the $5 manicures and think that everything is american quality and cheap and that I'm living the high life. I will admit the maid is nice, most of the time, but she's an employee and needs to be managed and living with another woman has its issues and sometimes it's funny, and there's a huge language gap. She only knows thank you and "it's alright" in english so we rely on my Chinese which is NOT even at the level of "broken chinese" lol There are a lot of charades... not sure if you're going to a country where you need to learn another language or if you know it already. But having a maid is really handy, especially at first before you get the hang of stuff and everything takes forever. I've gotten shopping down now to just one day a week but the first few months it felt like a full time job.

I highly suggest that you attend EVERY SINGLE SOCIAL EVENT you can find for the first at least 3 months. This will give you wide access to meet a lot of new people who are also eager to meet new people. Once you establish some friends you can cut back and probably will want to, but go to everything you can for expats where you live at first.

I'm not ethnically chinese and just the other day I looked up and a whole family (grandfather, father, wife, and son) were all just looking at me. I looked back 3 times, the 3rd time I waved at them and they just kinda collected themselves and went on their way lol I don't get offended by that. I grew up in California and seeing any race was common place. The only skin color that has ever been so uniquely fascinating that I stare are the couple of times I've seen the sudanese. Their skin is so dark it is almost magical and definitely not something I have really seen - so I get it. I have seen a lot of asian people in my life, but the Chinese here have sometimes never seen a white person, ever. My boys get asked to be in photos everywhere we go. Sometimes the chinese cue up in a line. My husband and I laugh - what do they DO with these pictures?? Seriously. But it's a small thing to make them happy. I've only had one person really want a picture of me.... this young woman chased me down, at a running pace, and talked to my driver and her grandfather wanted a picture of me. So somewhere out there an 80 year old tiny (I'm 5'4" he was maybe 5') asian man with very dark skin from laboring in the sun for years, lots of wrinkles and missing teeth has a picture of him with the biggest smile ever next to a blue eyed blond lady Why not?

I am great at rambling but it's better if I have specific questions because I always think I'm being boring, so if I think I am being informative my rambling is higher quality lol

 

[Cehrabehra]

MTG - I'm in Dalian, Liaoning about an hour plane ride east of you. I'm going to keep it in mind that you're from there because we're going to be going there again in the spring and I'd like to some of those... I can't remember what they're called, the narrow streets/old style neighborhoods...

 

[Cehrabehra]

oh and it is my thought that as far as christmas goes, they like to decorate. they like to decorate for everything though, halloween too, but they don't do trick or treating... they don't *celebrate* christmas but they decorate for it... usually not in the homes, but in the stores and restaurants.

 

[zoebartlett]

Sara -- I always love reading your stories and learning about what your experiences have been like. I can only imagine how much of a culture shock it is to live where everything is so foreign to you. Thank you for posting your stories! Merry Christmas!

 

[JewelFreak]

Amazing how many of you are in China! You've done culture shock before, Sara, which doesn't make it any more fun but at least not quite as shocking as the first time, no? It is a tough thing; I've done it myself. Things like the different cuts of meat are often disastrous to meals & depressing because you feel powerless for a time. You know from past experience you'll get the hang of it, though. In many ways it's impossible to import your own culture, whatever that is, into another one. I feel your frustration almost as if it were my own -- brings back memories.

About 20 yrs ago I spent a couple weeks in China on a business trip, traveling w/a Chinese guy then living in Hong Kong. This was before much tourism -- even in cities people did NOT want their pictures taken, believing the camera stole their souls. They'd turn their backs or lecture us in alarm & anger. We arrived in one city to find the only hotel had kicked out our reservations when a bigger group came along; after a 2-day train journey crammed into "first class" cars w/3 of us & 4 other Chinese, we had nowhere to sleep. Exhausted. Ended up on an army base in officers' quarters, which consisted of a small cell w/a tiny bathroom -- no hot water. Freezing shower after a couple days of sweating in 95 degrees on a non-airconditioned train whose only "bathroom" was one hole in the floor, used by the entire 1st Class. The army officer was evicted from his room so fast, he left his thing of roll-on deoderant on the desk. I vowed then that as long as I had toilet paper & hot water, I would never complain about anything in my life!

On the other hand talking w/people we met on trains & boats was absolutely fascinating. Of course they were curious about us, but many had been through the Cultural Revolution & told their stories. The heartbreak and rage were palpable, as was a lingering fear of being overheard. I loved watching old men in parks with their cages holding nightingales, the streets thick w/bicycles (cars now, I know). The tiny winding old streets, chickens squawking in crates on Beijing buses -- never felt more out of place sitting w/my little Western briefcase on my lap.

Keep the stories coming, it's fascinating. Your advice to take every possible opportunity to meet other ex-pats is spot on. Their advice can spare a lot of mistakes & agony, and through them you can meet natives who speak some English & take you into the local culture. Hang in there, you know it'll get better. I found the culture shock of coming home once I had acclimated to Holland & Europe almost as jarring as going out in the first place -- things change so fast in America, much was unfamiliar after 5 yrs.

--- Laurie

 

[rosetta]

I really enjoyed your stories Cehra and Laurie.

I too have experienced a hole in the floor toilet, but mine was over a pond rather than a moving train!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

After reading your China stories, Bali is going to be an absolute BREEZE for you!

Do family back home ever send you care packages of things particularly American that you would not find where you are? I have a friend who has a sister who is living in New York. I know she looks forward to recieving her packages with all things Australian in them. (Tim Tams and Milo are fav's).
I imagine how easy it is to take small things for granted when you have them all the time and how hard it must be for you to not be able to access the most simplest of things. If I knew where to find you I would post you some candy canes tomorrow.

 

[Cehrabehra]

After reading your China stories, Bali is going to be an absolute BREEZE for you!

Do family back home ever send you care packages of things particularly American that you would not find where you are? I have a friend who has a sister who is living in New York. I know she looks forward to recieving her packages with all things Australian in them. (Tim Tams and Milo are fav's).
I imagine how easy it is to take small things for granted when you have them all the time and how hard it must be for you to not be able to access the most simplest of things. If I knew where to find you I would post you some candy canes tomorrow.

Aww that is sweet of you Funny thing is I can find those tam cookies here... we had a couple of aussie girls (gone home now ) here who always brought them to get togethers and they're pretty good! No care packages yet... I hate to spend the shipping on them. I was pretty good about bringing all sorts of stuff in luggage like white albacore tuna and mayo and instant potatoes (for those lazy times) and loads of other things, but there's quite a bit you can get at the import store but it's bloody expensive!! Cereal is 5-15 usd a box, pop tarts are about $7-8, a can of rootbeer or dr pepper is under $1.50. Coke and Pepsi and Sprite and 7up are all available for china prices - cheap. A 2 liter bottle is less than a dollar usd still. Land o'lakes cheese is pretty available but at about $10 a pound.

 

[kelpie]

Thanks Cehrabehra! I love hearing about your experiences, while I'll be in a totally different part of the world I imagine the culture shock experience and other people's shock at seeing me will be similar. I would be grossed out by the cuts of meat as well. I am a vegetarian, and being able to express my dietary preferences is a concern of mine. Fortunately where we are going in Dar, Tanzania there is a large Indian community and at least my state-side experience with Indian food is that it is often vegetarian and delicious. I have packed so many consumables, like you I read that things like chocolate chips and brown sugar were not available in other parts of the world so I went a bit over board on the non-perishables. I even bought a carton of Marlboro Reds, not because I smoke but because I think it'll kind of be like prison currency and they'll be great to trade or offer as gifts. We are going there for my husband's work and my interest in gems. While it a city of 4 million, it is definitely still the third world. Freedom of movement is a big concern of mine. I understand the traffic is so bad it's very difficult to get anywhere by car yet it's not prudent for a white woman to walk by herself. Fortunately there is a decent sized expat community so there is definitely a social circuit for expats, clubs, ect. I kind of feel like I'll be living such a comparatively privileged life with servants it will be hard to cultivate a meaningful existence there when most people live in $2 a day. It will not be without its hardships though, as you described. I'm very excited for the opportunity and what the future holds.

My aunt and uncle were in China for a couple years in the 80's and people just clammered to inspect my aunt having never seen a blond person before who they called "long noses". They also really missed chocolate, the only chocolate there at the time was M&Ms so I recall making a lot of fudge for care packages. It is really a shame you can't depend on the mail. I was going to say a lot of expats use netgrocer but I guess it is no good if it can't get there intact.

 

[Cehrabehra]

haha laurie - your stories are great too Yeah, in some ways adjusting to Ireland made it a bit easier than just coming straight here, but I was miserable my first month here whenever I had to deal with food. I had to lower my standards, everyone does. Makes me realize how much I appreciate the states but also that it's largely overkill. We've been here almost a year... less than a week from now - 4 days in fact! When we get back from Bali we will be starting the 2nd year of 2 years... half way Though we may get extended a little and I'm totally okay with that. I can't stay here forever, but a little longer is fine

 

[Cehrabehra]

Kelpie, mail is hit or miss... my first box sent to me STILL hasn't arrived a year later and that upset me so I'm less trusting. Others have had several things sent. I think it's BAD to have anything sent within a month before chinese new year... it's a weird time here, people don't return to jobs, no one hires before... everyone starts slacking off a couple weeks early, no new projects, it's weird.

The fiscal culture differences are really weird and you're going to want to talk about it, discuss it. But it's hard to find people who understand. People think you're bragging behind a veil of bizarre woe is me I'm so rich and I don't know how to find the right amount of pity for those who aren't... while facing an intense pressure for you to spread the wealth... everyone has their hand out and some will just take it. The reality is you're going to need to make friends who are dealing with what you are dealing with because your friends back home will not have the compassion you need. No one likes to hear about how your live in ayi messed up the laundry or bought 3 times more zucchini than you really needed or mops your floor under your feet as you're opening christmas gifts... they are thinking shut UP you have someone doing it and I'm doing it all myself. They don't understand the hours of training and frustration and how everything ELSE in life takes 4 times longer (like shopping) so it's more helpful here to have a helper than it is back in the states. Boy, an english speaking full time maid (ala alice) in the states would make life a complete cakewalk. But it's not like that. Well sometimes it is, but not always and when you need to vent and complain you need to choose the right audience. Philosophically adjusting has been HUGE too. I came here almost a communist at heart. A pinkie at least. But now, no way. The communists are POOR and struggling. There are a lot of capitalists here and they have the money. It's blatant. So my entire ideas about socio-economics and religion and education and social hierarchies and tolerance and judgmentalness and stereotypes and prejudice have been given a big toss. I don't feel the same about any of those things as I did a year ago (and had been pretty stable for a long time). Unfortunately not all of it fits into nice bite sized americana PC soundbites. Some of it is just harsh. So reconciling all of this is a challenge. I also in some ways find myself being more critical of americans. When I was in europe I could have stayed there and never gone back. But I can't spend my lifetime here. No way. There are just so many dead ends where opportunities should be and ugh, the lack of ACCOUNTABILITY here drives me NUTS!! I used to think all the lawsuits were outrageous and ridiculous and now I see what living WITHOUT them means. People do not take responsibility and will even lie. Very buyer beware and they won't fix what will prevent things from going wrong again. They do corrective maintenance but never preventative maintenance. Even corrective is usually put on the back burner... but then they're building new buildings constantly - and they're empty! and they're built like crap! And they don't keep them up and they just rot and get torn down again... it's awful. And ignorance is rampant... so many are just completely naive about so much and the culture to do as you're told and not question it means that one idiot at the top can have an entire chain of people mouthing the same bit of idiocy all the way down... like the guy selling fish when asked if he had fish food telling me the fish didn't need food, it was different than other fish, magical in a way, and didn't need food for a whole year! BULLSHIT. The fish needs food. But there is no convincing him, there is no logic available that will convince him that what HIS boss told him about that fish is wrong, and even if he suspected it he will never question his boss and will continue to tell every person who comes by that the fish is magic and doesn't need food. My daughter bought the fish, we found food somewhere else. Ugh. True story.

Ut oh - see/ I'm rambling and it doesn't all come out positively, but you're going to need to say it nonetheless... finding a good source to commiserate with and oh - HAVING AN AWESOME SENSE OF HUMOR about it all, that'll take you far