Chores & childcare - how equal is it at your place?

[Dreamer_D]

I don''t know if things are equal, but right now at least I am happy with the division. Let''s see how it looks when I do the accounting here:

First, we have a cleaning service, which I highly recommend for any liberated woman!

This takes care of all the big cleaning (kitchen floors/counters, dusting, vaccuuming, bathrooms etc), so we never have to do it.

Together chores--my sweet hubby really really likes to spend time with me (who knows why!

), so if we do things together he is much more likely to help out:
-90% of grocery shopping
-walking dogs
-taking dogs to the vet etc.
-general tidying, especially the night before the cleaning lady comes

-make our own lunches

He does:
-all the dishes by hand and cleaning up after cooking etc in the kitchen
-dinner at least once a week, sometimes twice, and all meat cooking for himself to add to vegetarian dinners I cook
-car maintenance
-trash & recycling
-any "pick ups" likes take-out, or emergency groceries
-drives me to work every day and picks me up (we share a car)
-puts away clean laundry

I do:
-all bills and budgeting and managing of finances
-cook 3 times a week
-light tidying (papers lying around etc.)
-laundry
-researching, planning, organizing etc. He calls me his "life coach". This is time consuming, but not taxing as I enjoy such things.


I think that''s it. Looks pretty even! I think I should thank his mom for making him so helpful...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I care more about things being tidy and I''m more efficient with chores, but as neatfreak pointed out, we work with our strengths. DH hates the idea of cleaning the bathroom, but doesn''t mind windexing, dusting or vacuuming, so those are his things to do. I tend to do more "deep" cleaning. We split some things like going to the grocery store or doing laundry.

To be honest, our schedules determine who does more chores more than anything else. He''s been incredilbly busy lately, so I''ve picked up the slack. He''s also been talking about quitting his job and taking a month off to determine what he wants to do...if (hopefully) that happens, he''ll be doing nearly all the chores.

A few months ago we had a discussion about how terrified I was of having kids because I feel that naturally all the responsibility falls on the mom--I told him that I didn''t think I could handle doing the chores at home and taking care of the kids while juggling my career. The thought of it overwhelms me. It opened up a discussion about how much he''d be willing ot take on, plus it made us realize we''d need a housekeeper. Since then he''s been fantastic about simple things like just picking up after himself. And he''s been trying to cook more...it''s those kind of efforts that I really appreciate and it eases my mind.

 

[Clio]

To be honest, our schedules determine who does more chores more than anything else.

This is true for us as well. I work about 50 minutes from home, but Steve''s job is only 15 minutes from home, so he does a lot of the things that need someone to run home during the day (like dealing with the plumber or cable guy) because it''s easier for him. It''s also easier for him to pick up a sick kid from school, although I may come home to take over so he can go back to work (we figure out sick kid duty on a case by case basis, depending on what''s going on at work).

He also does the errands that require a car or bulky items (taking packages to the post office, etc.) because I take Metro to work.

 

[icekid]

Not equal enough.... hehe. Well, right now I am taking on the majority I would say. Part of this is my own fault b/c I have a bit of a control thing and there are certain tasks that my hubby does not do "correctly" and thus I must do them myself. He is generally fairly good, but too often I have to ask him repeatedly. I don't want to nag him, but I don't want to do EVERYTHING either. Also, I have really easy hours at the moment and he is working more so I figure I can do more around the house.

But when I start my residency soon, hubby is going to have to pick up the pace for sure. I'll be working double his 40 hour week often and in that case, he WILL be doing the majority of the housework. In the past on hour-intensive rotations he has done a lot more, so I will make sure this pattern continues

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 5/21/2008 12:31:13 AM
Author: diamondfan
Penn, I hear ya! I could not ask hubby to work 80-100 hours a week and give me the life I have and then do things that I have all day during the week to do, with help. He loves being with the kids and will coach sports or take them out or to birthday parties and such, but I really have to be needy to ask him to do errands on a weekend!



How are the babies?!


I looked back over the thread and noticed I had forgotten Avery as a girl''s middle name...I thought for sure I had, because I loved Savannah Avery and Hunter Grayson...it was fun reading that thread over and seeing the progression. I love their names and hope you are all settling in!

I''m just thankful that I''m lucky enough to be able to stay at home and that Nate appreciates all that I do. If the appreciation wasn''t there, it just wouldn''t work. Sure, I get tired of picking up his dirty clothes, but when I think about the bigger picture, that''s really trivial.

The babies are doing great. Savannah is my good child. She pretty much eats, sleeps, and poops. Lately, Hunter has been a little irritable, but I think that''s because he hasn''t seen Nate since Monday. And then I read an article about organic formula that is making me want to change. Hunter likes to keep me up in the middle of the night, but it''s okay. I have to ask you a question about hiring nanny but I''ll do that in another thread.

This house is in a word, smaller, but I think it''s something that I''ll get used to. It''s still more than enough space for us.

 

[diamondfan]

Organic could be good. Is he colicky? I cannot wait to see more photos. I would love to hear about how it all came to be with getting these bundles of joy, as long as you are okay with telling it. If not, I totally get it. I am just pleased as punch for both of you and love hearing happy outcomes.

I am sure Nate appreciates you. My hubby does appreciate me, but wishes I spent less time in stores! I could take the gold medal if the Olympics had shopping!

But really, anytime I have gone out of town for a couple of days but hubby is here, it is funny. I have color coded schedules for each child, who needs to be where when, directions, phone numbers, it is all there with all the pertinent information. I have a nanny AND a sitter here too. Every moment is planned, even if it is just free time and hubby should hang with them. Birthday parties, hair cuts, track meets, soccer games, guitar lessons, sleep overs, all is planned for all three kids, with two in help, and yet, hubby is overwhelmed. I told him once, I cannot go into your office and work, nor do I wish to, but I do not act as if I could. You seem to think I lay around eating bon bons watching Oprah and that it is a no brainer...yet one weekend and you are a wreck! Gives him a nice reality check and Caroline appreciation course from time to time.

Keep in mind I do this on usually only a couple of hours of sleep, in pretty much constant low level pain and with frequent migraines or headaches, and I am dealing with three different people aside from him, from teen aged to kindergarten, and all of their moods and issues and needs. I cannot check out all of the time, though I certainly need a break from time to time. I am blessed to have nearly full time help, because without him, I simply cannot get three kids where they need to be, wait home for the guy to come to fix the computers, get all the errands done, get dinner made, take care of the house and AND take care of me and him. If I felt great most of the time I might have a better shot, but it is what it is at this point.