Chinese Tea Ceremony - Desperately need help!!

[LollyBear]

My FMIL guilted FI and me into have a Tea Ceremony. When we agreed to do it, all we asked was that she give us some guidance so we don''t make fools of ourselves or insult someone with our ineptitude. Well, we''re getting married this weekend and the only instruction we''ve gotten are "pour it and hand it to them." GRRR

There HAS to be more to it than that!
Needless to say, I really need help! I had a couple people offer some great help when I was debating whether or not to do the ceremony, now I hope you can assist me in getting it right.
I found this website, http://www.chcp.org/wed2.html, with some basic instructions. It still doesn''t answer all my concerns though. Here is what I''m still worried about:
1. What exactly are we supposed to say when we are serving the tea? "Hey, First Uncle, drink up!"?
2. Is it okay to have the tea prepared in pots in advance?
3. Who pours for whom?

I''m so worried that we''re going to upset people by doing it all wrong! If you know about this tradition, please help!!

 

[begin ing]

wow - that is a very old tradition
I am not from China but seen it done in Taiwan
The bride and groom didn''t pour the tea, the tea are already poured in cups and set on a tray
The bridesmaid should hold the tray and walk around beside the bride
The groomsman should hold the tray and walk around beside groom
The tea was serve to the parents of both bride and groom with both hands holding the cup up
In Chinese (mandarin) they said, ¿Š…’ƒ the first character means please, 2nd character means drink, 3rd means tea
I guess in English the most polite way would be - Please have some tea?!
I was like 18 when I when to the wedding. Remembered well because it was very edifferentf
Hope this helpsc

 

[qtiekiki]

1. The tea ceremonies I had been to always had a person that stands around and when the bride & groom serve the tea, that person would say "Mother In Law (or whatever the person''s title is) please have some tea" in Chinese. The bride & groom don''t say anything. I assume that if you were to say something, you would say that.

2. The tea is prepared in the teapot beforehand. You can either have the tea already poured into cups then set on a tray or you can have the teapot on the tray and pour each cup as you go. I think it''s done different for Taiwanese and Chinese from China. For Taiwanese, I think the relatives sit around and the bride and groom walk around to serve tea to everyone. For Chinese from China, the bride & groom kneel in front of two chairs and the relatives would take turn sitting in the chairs and have tea serve to them.

3. Basically the bride & groom serve tea to the elder. But the bride & groom don''t really do the pouring. Usuallly the person who stands around saying the phrase mentioned in #1 pours the tea, but you can probably just have someone in your wedding party pour the tea for you to serve to the elder. Elder includes your older siblings and cousins who are married.

Hope this helps a lil bit.

 

[bettyboop]

When I got married last Dec, we did a Chinese tea ceremony and a friend of my mothers was sort of like our sponsor who poured the tea and then handed the cups to my husband and I and then we in turn served them to his relatives. As each set of relatives sat down (as we were kneeling in front of them), and we were given the tea cups, our sponsor would tell us the appropriate name to address the relative we were serving the tea to. We basically asked them to have tea so it went something like "Mother-In-Law, please have some tea" but in Chinese. Now given that I was born here, my Chinese was horrible but thank goodness for the sponsor or else I wouldn''t have known how to address each of my husband''s relatives.

Since my husband''s family is quite large (my father-in-law is the youngest son with 8 brothers and sisters), we had a revolving door of teacups and actually had to buy an extra set of cups (so we had !

I would ask your FMIL what the appropriate term/phrase is when serving the tea and who will tell how to address each of the relatives you will be serving too.

Best of luck and congrats!

 

[Dancing Fire]

don''t forget the most important part....and the red envelope please.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Q:

I would like more detailed information regarding the Tea ceremony performed at Chinese weddings. I have read the website information regarding the tea ceremony on the wedding day. However I would like more information as to why are only the groom’s parents offered tea. Can the bride’s parents also be offered tea? Is there a symbolic significance to this? What physical position should they be served tea, sitting or standing?

I will be participating in a traditional Chinese wedding, will need to explain this beautiful ceremony to non-Chinese individuals and would appreciate any immediate information you may have to help me out. Thank you very much.

A:

Significance of the Tea:

Tea is probably used because it is China’s national drink and serving it is a sign of respect. Using tea is practical because not everyone can drink alcohol.

Lotus seeds and two red dates are used in the tea for two reasons. First, the words “lotus” and “year,” “seed” and “child,” and “date” and “early,” are homophones, i.e. they have the same sound but different meanings in Chinese. Secondly, the ancient Chinese believed that putting these items in the tea would help the newlyweds produce children early in their marriage and every year, which would ensure many grandchildren for their parents. Also, the sweetness of the special tea is a wish for sweet relations between the bride and her new family.

Serving the Tea:

On the wedding day, the bride serves tea (holding the teacup with both hands) to her parents at home before the groom arrives. She does this out of respect and to thank her parents for raising her. The tea at this time does not need to have the lotus seeds or dates, and the bride does not need the assistance of a “lucky woman.” She pours and serves the tea by herself without the groom.

Traditionally, after the wedding ceremony, the newlyweds serve tea (holding the teacups with both hands), inviting the groom’s elders to drink tea by addressing them by formal title, e.g. first uncle or third aunt.

The general rule is to have the woman on the left side and the man on the right side. The people being served will sit in chairs, while the bride and groom kneel. For example, when the newlyweds serve tea to the groom’s parents, the bride would kneel in front of her father-in-law, while the groom would kneels in front of his mother.

The newlyweds serve tea in order, starting with the groom’s parents then proceeding from the oldest family members to the youngest, e.g. the groom’s parents, then his paternal grandparents, then his maternal grandparents, then his oldest uncles and aunts, and all the way to his older brother.

In return, the newlyweds receive lucky red envelopes (“lai see,” which means “lucky”) stuffed with money or jewelry. The helpers, who are usually women blessed with a happy marriage or wealth and chosen by the fortune teller or bride’s mother, also get lucky red envelopes stuffed with money from those being served. These envelopes are placed on the platter which holds the teacups.

Answer Contributed By: L.K. Yee

 

[zdrastvootya]

Lolly,

You have my sympathies. I''m pretty westernized. Don''t really speak the language, and my family doesn''t seem that familiar with the tea ceremony. Fiancee is saying, I understand you don''t know the ceremony, but why doesn''t your Mom and Uncle? They''re from China!

I assume someone will tell me what to do. I''m thinking, as long as you don''t spill tea on people, not too much to go wrong. My fiancee is the youngest of 12! That''s a lot of tea. May fortune favour the foolish!

Z.

 

[LollyBear]

Thank you all for your input. I''m feeling much better now that I have some direction. I remember seeing my FI''s cousin do it at his wedding, so I know that we are supposed to kneel (this should be funny considering the girth of my skirt). Now all I need to find out is whether or not we''re expected to address them in Chinese

. I hope not; the language is too difficult for a silly American like me. I can see my self accidentally mangling the words and calling someone "First Goat" by accident. LOL

Thanks again for the help. I don''t know what I''d do without my PS family. You guys ROCK!!

 

[zdrastvootya]

I was always trying to get my cousin to call me "third dog"

Z.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

In my family dialect (yeah it''s crazy, my family is so big and well known in their area that they have their own dialect that only the family knows. It''s a mix of Japanese, Taiwanese and Chinese), "third dog" would be "san-go." It''s hard to type the actual pronunciation since tone and pitch is so important. I got so used to talking the family dialect I hardly know what''s mandarin and what isn''t anymore.

 

[LollyBear]

One more question: How do you address the spouses? Do I call First Uncle''s wife "First Aunt" or just "Aunt"?

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I''m not exactly sure. I just know that there''s a different word for uncle depending on which side of the family they are on. That''s something my mom might be able to tell me next time I talk to her.

 

[lili]

LollyBear,

Safest thing is to see if you can address them by Aunty or Uncle [Name].
Addressing the elders in chinese is a new language in itself.
What you address the person depends on several things:
1. which side of the family they are from
2. age and generation rank
3. married or unmarried.

I''m Chinese and I don''t think I can even get it straight.

Good luck to you.