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CHECK/CASH for engagement ring?

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golden

golden

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2007
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390
Quick question for everyone....

If your boyfriend had given you a check or cash and said you can go pick out your engagement ring, what would you think?
 
I would tell him thanks so much for letting me pick it out, but I''d like to do that and have HIM go pick it up and pay for it. Then he can propose officially!!!
 
Hi,

Is your boyfriend planning to come with you while you pick out the ring or are you to shop alone? I''d be upset if it were the latter, BUT, I would rather pick out my own stone/ring and would expect my guy to come along.
 
I''m with diamondseeker! Tell him you''d love to pick it out but once you do, he has to do the rest...
 
Well, I would not like to see the amount per se, and for protection reasons I might like to charge it to have the safety of the bank behind me. Cash makes me nervous if there is an issue with the seller. If you know the seller really well (trusted family friend etc) then maybe it is fine, but I would feel better charging it.
 
Hmmmmmm. On the one hand, it''s not *too* different from being given a budget and the wherewithal to choose exactly what *you* love, which a number of lucky ladies on the board have opted for. On the other hand, from what you''re describing, I''m getting the impression that the financial contribution is where his involvement would end. Is that the case? Because, generally speaking (and, certainly from my own experience), it''s a nice experience to have him there alongside .... I think I''m with MC on this one.
 
Well, I''d be fine with it as long as he picked the ring up and officially proposed. But I''d want to pay with a credit card for protection reasons, too.
 
I''d be fine with picking out the stone, and setting that I want. But I''d want him to do the rest....
 
was this his proposal? or was there a wonderful proposal and that was how he handled the ring aspect?

ok i had written more but i reread everyone's posts and realized i may have taken the question more personally than it was meant. i do think it's an odd and coarse approach, and would spoil the meaning behind the ring for me. i would want him to care enough to put some effort into it.
 
Date: 10/10/2007 8:44:43 PM
Author:golden
Quick question for everyone....

If your boyfriend had given you a check or cash and said you can go pick out your engagement ring, what would you think?
Click to expand...
I am one of those who failed to follow your bf''s strategy... It can be better (for you, may not be for him though) to get him involved into the purchasing process. I was not interested in diamond things at all. Shiny stone costing 10 - 30K dollars or a lot more??? for well being? for memory? or for what? Give me a break. I have a big mortgage.

When asked so often and my wife began to give me names she is familiar with, I decided to do everything myself. Once he gets used to diamonds and finds himself that a diamond is worth consideration as part of your life, he may end up spending a lot more than initially planed (but within his own budget limit which he may not tell you just in case) and may find a specutcular diamond for you, which a woman (no discrimination here period please just in our case) in love with illusion may not do very welll, which is similar to the situation where men normally can better read car engine performance characteristics.

Wish you the very best.
 
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I''d buy a band, then take a trip around the world! :)
 
I second New Englad Lady.
 
We did something similar to this because I was really picky about my e-ring. I picked everything out and he paid for it. In some cases I footed the bill up front and he paid me back later because it was easier...and in the long run it really doesn''t matter since we pool resources now. He''s not one of those guys who needs to *feel* like he did everything, he just wants me to be happy and that works for me.
 
We saved about $2000 by paying cash! Jeweler said he would have to charge the taxes if we paid by debit card, or credit card, even by cheque! We pay 14% tax on everything in this stinking province of Canada! Was kind of weird taking over $10 000 out of the bank, and walking around with it in a BIG envelope!
 
Date: 10/11/2007 3:30:23 PM
Author: beau13
We saved about $2000 by paying cash! Jeweler said he would have to charge the taxes if we paid by debit card, or credit card, even by cheque! We pay 14% tax on everything in this stinking province of Canada! Was kind of weird taking over $10 000 out of the bank, and walking around with it in a BIG envelope!
Click to expand...
That sounds dangerous carrying all that money, but what a score saving $2K!
 
Date: 10/11/2007 3:30:23 PM
Author: beau13
We saved about $2000 by paying cash! Jeweler said he would have to charge the taxes if we paid by debit card, or credit card, even by cheque! We pay 14% tax on everything in this stinking province of Canada! Was kind of weird taking over $10 000 out of the bank, and walking around with it in a BIG envelope!
Click to expand...
This does sound naughty.

And at least somewhat different than not paying sales tax in the US...where websites do brazenly state...pay no sales tax.

(Remember...this is an only modestly supervised website), i.e., a) you're not being monitored, and b) you and I can say pretty freely what we want.
 
Hey everyone...

my question is more about him saying "go pick out what you want" and not really having anything to do with the process.

I really would love a surprise engagement one day, it is something I have dreamed about for a little while now, but I really want to pick out what I want, I want to go ring shopping and look at many different thinsg before narrowing it down (since I like so many different styles, from looking at everyones rings on here). I really think the best of both would be, him asking in a romantic or special way (without the ring) and then going to look.

My cousin and his now wife, went ring shopping and they loved what she tried on. so he asked her right then and there, which is cute. But I wouldnt want to go through the ring shopping process BEFORE the "special proposal" because I want that "surprise" factor...especially since I would never expect it anyway. I wouldn''t care that he had no ring when he asked because I am more into picking what I want...and most importantly.......going to Leon Mege eventually HAHA
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that''s how i interpreted your original post...... and i support your feelings that maybe he hasn''t gone about it in the most desirable way. hopefully you can let him know how you feel about his approach, and he''ll shape up and rise to the occasion! best of luck!
 
Luckily, he wont have to shape up since this is not what he has done. We were talking last night and he was trying to prove a point- the fact that I am more concerned with what the ring looks like/size over anything else. And somehow we got onto this....and he said "I bet any of the women on the site you go to would like to pick out what they want" something along those lines....so what iiii am getting at....would you have a problem if basically, he wouldnt be doing all the searching for the stone and setting or he wouldnt be picking the ring out.
 
Date: 10/10/2007 8:49:46 PM
Author: MC

Is your boyfriend planning to come with you while you pick out the ring or are you to shop alone? I'd be upset if it were the latter, BUT, I would rather pick out my own stone/ring and would expect my guy to come along.
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Ditto! The limited amount of shopping I did alone I did NOT enjoy... I much preferred to have him with me!

Date: 10/11/2007 4:57:16 PM
Author: golden

would you have a problem if basically, he wouldnt be doing all the searching for the stone and setting or he wouldnt be picking the ring out.
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No. But I would prefer, in this order:

1. Shopping/choosing together.
2. Him shopping and choosing the ring by HIMself.
3. Shopping/choosing by myself. (I would NOT be happy with this arrangement)
 
Date: 10/11/2007 3:47:53 PM
Author: Regular Guy

Date: 10/11/2007 3:30:23 PM
Author: beau13
We saved about $2000 by paying cash! Jeweler said he would have to charge the taxes if we paid by debit card, or credit card, even by cheque! We pay 14% tax on everything in this stinking province of Canada! Was kind of weird taking over $10 000 out of the bank, and walking around with it in a BIG envelope!
Click to expand...
This does sound naughty.

And at least somewhat different than not paying sales tax in the US...where websites do brazenly state...pay no sales tax.

(Remember...this is an only modestly supervised website), i.e., a) you''re not being monitored, and b) you and I can say pretty freely what we want.
Click to expand...
It''s not necessarily naughty. I''ve had similar deals through my jeweller too (Canada). They just give you a round figure, then work backwards on the receipt to show the PST + GST. All the paperwork is perfectly intact and legal.

For Golden: I hate the idea of being handed a cheque and not having him put any thought into it. Sure, pick out exactly what you want, and tell him where to get it, by all means. But it feels pretty cold to just be handed the money IMO. If that''s what you were asking.
 
And as I sit here thinking about this post, I think ... "I just want a ring I really like" hahaha and.... "if he is willing the buy me the ring I choose, then what is the big deal whether or not there is a whole to do proposal because he must care if he is buying me what I want" OH MAN!
 
Date: 10/11/2007 5:00:19 PM
Author: golden
And as I sit here thinking about this post, I think ... 'I just want a ring I really like' hahaha and.... 'if he is willing the buy me the ring I choose, then what is the big deal whether or not there is a whole to do proposal because he must care if he is buying me what I want' OH MAN!
Click to expand...
This idea is brought up ALL THE TIME here. Multiple new threads every single day.

The majority consensus is usually that the proposal and the ring are two separate entities, and the process of choosing the ring doesn't have much of an effect on the proposal/engagement.

However, if males post on those threads, they often argue that it will ruin everything and it should be "their thing"
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(even though the woman is the one they're trying to make happy. So, it's his thing, he should be able to do it however HE wants, even if it's not how SHE wants it... yeah, that logic makes sense
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)
 
If we were talking about it and he was set on doing it all on his own (not letting me have ANY say), that would bother me more then letting me go about it on my own hahaha
 
Date: 10/10/2007 8:44:43 PM
Author:golden
Quick question for everyone....


If your boyfriend had given you a check or cash and said you can go pick out your engagement ring, what would you think?
Click to expand...

I''d be thinking "that''s nice, but I''d prefer to marry a woman".
 
Date: 10/11/2007 5:00:19 PM
Author: golden
And as I sit here thinking about this post, I think ... ''I just want a ring I really like'' hahaha and.... ''if he is willing the buy me the ring I choose, then what is the big deal whether or not there is a whole to do proposal because he must care if he is buying me what I want'' OH MAN!
Click to expand...
Thanks for writing what I was going to write anyway! Look, he''s made it clear he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He''s willing to let you choose the ring YOU want to wear the rest of your life. Maybe he thinks you''d like to shop alone or with a friend to narrow it down. Men dont LOVE shopping for a tiny little piece of rubble that costs them more than a car. It doesn''t make sense to most of them. If you want him to go with you, just ask him, I''m sure he''d say yes. As for the proposal, people, IMO make WAY too much of that. The guy''s willing to buy you a ring you love, I say dont put so much pressure on him to create this fairy tale proposal - that''s something in your head, not his. It''s not his duty to create this outrageous proposal just to ask you to marry him again (I presume you''ve discussed it and you both know you''re going to get married so that initial discussion has already occurred and a lot of guys think that should be enough). Go find a ring you love and be happy you have the luxury of being able to choose such a frivolous expression of love. A lot of people dont even have enough basic food to eat each day. I''m just say''in...
 
Date: 10/12/2007 11:15:01 AM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 10/11/2007 5:00:19 PM
Author: golden
And as I sit here thinking about this post, I think ... ''I just want a ring I really like'' hahaha and.... ''if he is willing the buy me the ring I choose, then what is the big deal whether or not there is a whole to do proposal because he must care if he is buying me what I want'' OH MAN!
Click to expand...
Thanks for writing what I was going to write anyway! Look, he''s made it clear he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He''s willing to let you choose the ring YOU want to wear the rest of your life. Maybe he thinks you''d like to shop alone or with a friend to narrow it down. Men dont LOVE shopping for a tiny little piece of rubble that costs them more than a car. It doesn''t make sense to most of them. If you want him to go with you, just ask him, I''m sure he''d say yes. As for the proposal, people, IMO make WAY too much of that. The guy''s willing to buy you a ring you love, I say dont put so much pressure on him to create this fairy tale proposal - that''s something in your head, not his. It''s not his duty to create this outrageous proposal just to ask you to marry him again (I presume you''ve discussed it and you both know you''re going to get married so that initial discussion has already occurred and a lot of guys think that should be enough). Go find a ring you love and be happy you have the luxury of being able to choose such a frivolous expression of love. A lot of people dont even have enough basic food to eat each day. I''m just say''in...
Click to expand...
Actually, we have not talked about getting engaged, we just happened to get into this conversation and so I am sure this is what he would do. And to be very honest...I would love to do the initial ring shopping with my mom!
 
Pick out the stone and setting. Give him all the details in writing. Then tell him how much it means to you that he wants you to have what you really want. But you want to be surprised when he actually gives it to you, so he needs to go buy it. If you read enough on PS, you will know that we recommend getting the diamond (and setting when possible) from an online vendor with an excellent reputation because you'll get higher quality at a better price. But it's always a good idea to go look locally to get an idea of what size and shape stone you want, the color, the style of setting, etc. Just don't let them lure you in to buying!
 
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