Cheating

[laine]

A friend of mine (F) found out that his brother (B) cheated on his girlfriend (G). B and G are in their mid 20s and have been dating a year or so and seem fairly serious. According to F, B has cheated (as in sex) at least 2-3 times (one night stands). F is very uncomfortable with the situation and unsure how to proceed. He intends to tell B that his actions aren''t ok and that B should man up and tell G, though he suspects B will not react well to this. F likes G and doesn''t want to see her hurt, but is not close to her and shares no mutual friends. F does not intend to tell G, though he thinks she should know.

Any thoughts on the situation? What would you do in F''s position?

 

[KimberlyH]

If I were F I would tell B to fess up or it would be done for him. My reason/rationale would be the potential spread of STDs. I tend not to get involved in other peoples'' stuff, but when a person can be harmed (especially more than emotionally) from not knowing something is worth telling.

 

[laine]

F and I talked about the STD issue and he agrees its a big issue. He has considered threatening to tell G, but isn't sure he'd actually do it. He does feel some loyalty towards B--he is F's brother after all. And F's only connection to G is through B.

But I guess that's what I'm wondering; in this situation, should F tell G? If G was a closer friend, if B wasn't a brother, I think I'd say yes, but in this situation, I'm not sure. I suspect it would do some pretty serious damage to the relationship between F and B.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 6/21/2009 9:35:24 PM
Author: KimberlyH
If I were F I would tell B to fess up or it would be done for him. My reason/rationale would be the potential spread of STDs. I tend not to get involved in other peoples'' stuff, but when a person can be harmed (especially more than emotionally) from not knowing something is worth telling.

Ditto. Something similar happened in my group of friends in high school, and all the guys in our group told the cheating guy that if he didn''t ''fess up to the girl he was dating (another one of our friends), they would beat him up AND tell her. So he told her and she promptly dumped him! (Obviously as adults F should skip the threatening to beat up B part, but he should definitely let B know he''ll tell G if B doesn''t.)

 

[Italiahaircolor]

If I were G, I''d want to know. That, IMO, is the most important prespective to view this from. She, as has been mentioned, is having her health put at risk...she is being decieved...she is being played for a fool.

I think F needs to speak up, either to B or directly to G. B needs to understand that there is a price to pay for his actions...sometimes it takes a bold force to push that point home for someone. If B and G are going to stay together, then it should be because they both know what they are getting.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 6/21/2009 10:20:17 PM
Author: laine
But I guess that''s what I''m wondering; in this situation, should F tell G? If G was a closer friend, if B wasn''t a brother, I think I''d say yes, but in this situation, I''m not sure. I suspect it would do some pretty serious damage to the relationship between F and B.

I was cheated on, and it put me at risk (thank goodess things ended up fine for me), and if the man who did this to me had a sibling who warned me I would I have been eternally greatful. The damage it may do to their relationship does not, in my mind, excuse F from the moral obligation of protecting this woman.

 

[vip0802]

Date: 6/21/2009 11:26:11 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 6/21/2009 10:20:17 PM

Author: laine

But I guess that''s what I''m wondering; in this situation, should F tell G? If G was a closer friend, if B wasn''t a brother, I think I''d say yes, but in this situation, I''m not sure. I suspect it would do some pretty serious damage to the relationship between F and B.

I was cheated on, and it put me at risk (thank goodess things ended up fine for me), and if the man who did this to me had a sibling who warned me I would I have been eternally greatful. The damage it may do to their relationship does not, in my mind, excuse F from the moral obligation of protecting this woman.

i agree with this. i was cheated on as well and like KimberlyH said, it thankfully ended up fine for me health wise. in my situation, his best friend (we''ll call him "W") was the one who ended up telling me that i was being cheated on, and i''ll always be forever grateful to him for doing so. the BF ("S") at the time wouldn''t have told me, and i would''ve been looking like a fool for being strung along for who knows how long. unfortunately, they never were "best friends" after that...they still hang out but it''s never been the same since. "W" still tells me to this day that he doesn''t regret telling me...he just couldn''t respect "S" anymore for lying and cheating, and that he''s glad that i turned out to be a better friend anyway.