Ceremony and reception on different days??

[Alison P]

Has anyone already heard of having a ceremony and reception on different days? Dream come true or nightmare in the works??? I fell in love with Wayfarer''s Chapel (anyone who has been there will know where I''m coming from here, so I''ll say no more.) I''m not as in love with the food/bev minimums in the area (I thought La Venta was lovely though). We live in Palm Desert, and fiance works at a beautiful golf course (Golf Resort at Indian Wells) who wants to do the reception for us for a great deal. Our date is looking like January 3rd.

To answer your questions:
1. Yes, we''ve looked at a million places near Wayfarer''s.
2. Yes, we could just get married at the golf course to make it easier for the guests.

My question to you... how crazy is it to do a small, intimate ceremony on Friday the 2nd, followed by a big and roudy reception on the 3rd back in Indian Wells. Distance is 2.5-3 hours, most all guests are out-of-towners, we''d invite all to both (but through word of mouth tell everyone that it''s ok if they would prefer to do reception only due to the distance). We would rent a big "party bus" or large limo for those who wanted to go to the ceremony (one for the bride''s side, one for the grooms?). I''m still unsure about photography, etc., but we''d probably hire the amazing photographer who did our engagement photos for the ceremony and go with just a videographer for the reception.

:::Biting nails::: Ok, let me have it... what do you think? Has it been done? Can I have the quaint wedding by the ocean I''ve dreamed of and the big reception and party we''re so fortunate to have been offered???

 

[Gypsy]

I don''t have a problem with having a small ceremony and then a large a reception. But... having them so close together might be asking for trouble and hurt feelings. Some people actually enjoy attending ceremonies (says someone who attended too many loooooooooooong Catholic Mass ceremonies), and want to watch the couple pledging vows.

I would have advised you to tape the ceremony and play it (editted) at the reception to take care of the whole hurt feelings thing, but a 24 hour turn around on an editted video tape might makes someone homicidal, so I''d be concerned about that.

How SMALL a ceremony are we talking?

 

[CJ2008]

Alison,

I have no idea if it has ever been done.

I am pretty sure some (or maybe even most) of your guests will find it somewhat annoying to have to drive 2.5-3 hours to attend your ceremony and reception both times.

That said,

I say: do what you want! Absolutely, 100% go for it.

Even when you do everything "by the book" you'll still manage to have guests who are not happy with something. So I say, go for it and don't worry about anybody else TOO MUCH. Of course, do what you can to make it easier on people (i.e., the bus you're renting, telling people it's OK not to attend the ceremony, etc.) but other than that, GO FOR IT!

ETA: I like Gypsy's idea to videotape the ceremony and show it the next day...maybe you can just get a non-pro to do it so you can have it ready the next day...the pro one (if you're having that) can be viewed later...

 

[Alison P]

Gypsy,

Great to hear from you - thanks for all the help you gave me on my ring!

I would invite everyone to both the ceremony and reception. We''ll put out 120 invites total, expecting only about 70 people total for the whole thing. Wayfarers holds 100 so in theory everyone could come. It''s just if they didn''t want to make the drive. The immediate family would be game, but I am not sure if I''d be offending everyone else in the process by the distance.

I love the video idea!

 

[iheartscience]

I say go for it! As a guest, I wouldn''t be offended or feel put out, especially if it was made clear that the bride and groom certainly weren''t going to be upset if I couldn''t make it to both the wedding and the reception. I think your idea of a party bus for out of towners who want to attend both is great.

For some reason I don''t know if I''d show the tape of the wedding at the reception...I might just put a link to it on your website once it''s edited. It might be kind of weird to sit there and watch a video of the wedding...I don''t know, that may just be me!

I think it sounds like you can have the wedding(s) of your dream and I would totally do it!

P.S. Will you wear your dress to both? I think it would be awesome to get to wear your wedding dress twice! Or to get TWO different wedding dresses!

 

[that_someone_special]

I say go for it!! If that''s what you want. However, if I was a guest, I would be a bit annoyed that not only am I an out of towner, but I also have to find a way to get to the 2nd place which is a few hours away (maps, getting lost, breaking down..). I would be annoyed. I''d probably only do it if I really liked the person.

Now, it''s not about me If YOU want to do it that way.. go for it!

 

[choro72]

FI''s friend did this. Actually, they had their reception 3 months after the ceremony. I personally think that 3 months is ridiculous, but your idea sounds fine! FI said that it was nice because the ceremony was already done, didn''t have to worry about it, and everyone was more relaxed.

 

[Gypsy]

A non-pro maybe able to do it! I would try to keep it to shots of you walking down the aisle, his face when he first sees you, your vows to each other and ''I now pronounce you man and wife''... and your first kiss as husband and wife. Around 2 minutes.

I would enjoy that. Like Tivo for the wedding ceremony (hope that''s not offensive).

 

[D2B]

Your wedding and all that

But, as a guest I would be annoyed. I would want to try my hardest to come to both, and the reality is that it could be an inconvienience/problem for guests with children, distance, time committments.
good luck
D2B

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/13/2008 2:35:24 AM
Author: D2B
Your wedding and all that

But, as a guest I would be annoyed. I would want to try my hardest to come to both, and the reality is that it could be an inconvienience/problem for guests with children, distance, time committments.

good luck

D2B

I''d be kind of thinking the same. I agree that you should do what you want for your wedding,but personally as a guest I''d prefer it all to be on the same day. Although if they are all coming from OOT they might enjoy having it over the two days.

 

[Laurie2]

I have a friend who''s having a small wedding ceremony in her home with just a few friends and family and then the following day is having a large formal reception.

 

[WTNLVR]

I think another issue is the ceremony is on a Friday, so not only will people have to travel but they would have to take time off of work most likely. Unless I was really close to the couple I wouldn''t go. Too much of a logistical nightmare-think babysitters, boarding pets, etc... The added cost of losing time from work and needing to book a room. I would do a private ceremony and then the reception perhaps some time in the future.

 

[Pandora II]

Unless it was a family member or very close friend, I wouldn''t be too keen on a two day wedding at different locations, especially if I had to take a day off work as well.

That said, you know your guests and how they will feel.

 

[Octavia]

I think it would be best if you could provide transportation (even a yellow school bus

) to and from the ceremony location. But if it were one of my close friends, it wouldn''t be a problem for me either way...I''d want to be by her side to support her 100%.

 

[v!v!]

hi alison!

i recently attended a wedding like this! the bride and groom were married at a church on Friday night and then they had the reception on Saturday. the ceremony was really small, just immediate family so my boyfriend and i only attended the reception. they had their reception at a hotel and right before the reception started they did have another small ceremony. i honestly felt like they should have done without this because it was really disorganized and it kind of felt like they weren''t even in to it since they had been married the night before. as a guest, i love going to weddings seeing the excitement of the couple about to get married. since i didn''t see that the night before, and it certainly wasn''t there the day of the reception, it was a bit of a let down. but i guess it really depends on the couple getting married!

i think you can definitely have the dream of the quaint wedding by the ocean AND the big reception party too!

 

[neatfreak]

I think if you want it, go for it. But you CANNOT get upset if many friends and family who are not super close do not attend. As a guest, especially an OOT one, I would probably think it was a PITA and only go if they were super close. But that''s just me...

 

[purrfectpear]

Personally there''s no way I''d travel 3 hours from Wayfarer''s to Indian Wells or vice versa, much less alot 2 days to a wedding. Not even for a fairly close friend

What was it about Ventana that didn''t measure up?

Is it possible for your FI''s club to have a reciprocal arrangement with either Palos Verde CC or Trump National where you might get a discount?

 

[[email protected]]

I am in the same boat....I got married in a small ceremony, and I am having 2 receptions. 3 months and 5 months later. We were trying to make everyone happy, since our families are on opposite sides of the country, and there are elderly people, pregnant women, etc. We didn''t want people to feel left out, or favor one family over the other.
To be honest, people want to see you get married...I am surprised how lacking in enthusiasm everyone is for the receptions. It all feels anti-climactic. I would have the wedding at the reception site you like...the ceremony is over soooo fast. Maybe go renew your vows in the chapel on your 1st anniversary.
I also think a planner might be able to help you create a ceremony you will feel good about.
I may feel different about this later on, but I wish I had gone the traditional rout.

 

[Alison P]

Thanks everyone, for the advice. It is very appreciated...

I like the idea of renewing vowes if this other idea doesn''t make sense. I''m trying to think hard about how I could make it work before dismissing the idea, although everyone makes some good points about the possible complications.

Que Jeopardy music.