Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity
  • Pricescope Upgrade/Maintenance Is Complete.

    We still have a few things to iron out. If you see any bugs, issues or have any concerns, let us know here in this discussion.

Catholic wedding ceremony without communion

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

radiantgirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 12, 2006
Messages
264
Just a question for Catholic brides out there - did you or are you having a full mass with communion? Here''s our situation:

I am not Catholic (I''m Buddhist), but FI is Catholic, and we have agreed on not having a mass. We are having 3 ceremonies - tradiitional Vietnamese ceremony at my house, Buddhist ceremony at the temple, and a Catholic wedding ceremony at the church. The church and our priest actually recommended us to not have communion because it''s supposed to be a day showing us uniting, but communion will not include me, which I am not comfortable with.

We are both fine with this and have agreed on this, but FI''s family is not happy. Some of FI''s siblings are taking this personally. To make a long story short, I felt like I was ganged up on 2 weekends ago by his older brother and sister. His older sister is now not talking to me.

I feel like this is our wedding ceremony, and though, we''d like to make everyone happy, we feel like in the end, we need to be happy with it.
 

Sponsored By:

Related topics:

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
Messages
3,867
Date: 12/11/2006 12:43:26 PM
Author:radiantgirl

I feel like this is our wedding ceremony, and though, we''d like to make everyone happy, we feel like in the end, we need to be happy with it.
Just focus on this statement! The wedding is about the two of you and you are the ones that need to be happy! I think the priest is right... if only one of you could take communion it wouldn''t be much of a uniting ceremony.

My brother and his wife had a Catholic ceremony without communion as he wasn''t Catholic yet. It was lovely. He has since converted, which more than made up for any problems her family may have had with it, but I don''t remember hearing any dissent from them.

Keep focusing on making the wedding about the two of you and eventually his family will come around. hopefully.
 

dtnyc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
1,082
Date: 12/11/2006 12:43:26 PM
Author:radiantgirl
Just a question for Catholic brides out there - did you or are you having a full mass with communion? Here''s our situation:

I am not Catholic (I''m Buddhist), but FI is Catholic, and we have agreed on not having a mass. We are having 3 ceremonies - tradiitional Vietnamese ceremony at my house, Buddhist ceremony at the temple, and a Catholic wedding ceremony at the church. The church and our priest actually recommended us to not have communion because it''s supposed to be a day showing us uniting, but communion will not include me, which I am not comfortable with.

We are both fine with this and have agreed on this, but FI''s family is not happy. Some of FI''s siblings are taking this personally. To make a long story short, I felt like I was ganged up on 2 weekends ago by his older brother and sister. His older sister is now not talking to me.

I feel like this is our wedding ceremony, and though, we''d like to make everyone happy, we feel like in the end, we need to be happy with it.
I am Catholic, DH is not. We had a Catholic ceremony, no mass. Our priest said the same thing- that it would be awkward if I could take communion, but DH could not, my family would be going up, but his not, etc.

It is your ceremony, I would tell your FI''s family, that the priest recc''d you not have a full mass since it would be an "exclusive" not an "inclusive" activity. My father was a little upset w/ the fact that we weren''t going to have a mass, but when I explained it to him, he came around.

I think it''s fantastic that you are having 3 ceremonies- perhaps w/ the Vietnamese and Buddhist ceremonies there are things that are being "altered" since your FI is Catholic- maybe if you told his family, well we are or aren''t doing this, they would understand that everyone is compromising to make your wedding an all-inclusive affair?
 

MrzNeicia

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2006
Messages
37
My and my husband are renewing our vows 8-18-2007 and neither one of us is Catholic, but we have agreed on having the Ceremony done in a Catholic Church with a Catholic wedding vow ceremony not including Communion.
 

labbielove

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
Messages
862
We are in a similar situation- we are having a Catholic ceremony, not a full mass.
Our officiant is my best friend''s father who is an ordained deacon, and he cannot perform the blessing of the Eucharist, but can bring hosts that are already blessed if we wanted a communion service. I could have a priest stand there with him and do the full mass but I did not want 2 officiants, plus I am not close to my parish priest.

We decided against it for the reasons you state. FI is not practicing, and most of our friends are not Catholic and would not be able to participate in communion.

I must say though, my mother (very very strict Catholic) is not happy, although she doesn''t say anything to me. I hear it from my sisters. But she''s convinced our marriage won''t be ''real'' anyway- since we are living together since becoming engaged.

The best advice I can give is to do what YOU AND HE want to do - this is not about everyone having what they want.

Stick to your guns, and in the end you will be happy you did. People will get over it.
If they weren''t mad about the communion, believe you me- it would be something else.

Good luck and hang in there !!!!!
 

radiantgirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 12, 2006
Messages
264
Thanks everyone for your input.
I feel a lot better now getting confirmation that what we are doing is not out of the norm. They were making me feel like this was only my decision and making me feel guilty about it. They also made it seem like I was the bad guy.

I know that we cannot make everyone happy, but I hope that in the end, they will respect our decision and just be happy for us.
 

Maria D

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 24, 2003
Messages
1,684
radiantgirl, I was brought up a Catholic and have been to a ton of Catholic weddings where both bride and groom were Catholic. The full Catholic mass ceremony w/ communion is definitely *not* the norm. In fact, I can remember my mother and a few others in my family actually complaining about full masses !
Like, oh great, this is gonna take forever.....
 

gingerBcookie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 13, 2004
Messages
1,858
Date: 12/11/2006 12:43:26 PM
Author:radiantgirl
Just a question for Catholic brides out there - did you or are you having a full mass with communion? Here''s our situation:

I am not Catholic (I''m Buddhist), but FI is Catholic, and we have agreed on not having a mass. We are having 3 ceremonies - tradiitional Vietnamese ceremony at my house, Buddhist ceremony at the temple, and a Catholic wedding ceremony at the church. The church and our priest actually recommended us to not have communion because it''s supposed to be a day showing us uniting, but communion will not include me, which I am not comfortable with.

We are both fine with this and have agreed on this, but FI''s family is not happy. Some of FI''s siblings are taking this personally. To make a long story short, I felt like I was ganged up on 2 weekends ago by his older brother and sister. His older sister is now not talking to me.

I feel like this is our wedding ceremony, and though, we''d like to make everyone happy, we feel like in the end, we need to be happy with it.
wow radiant girl...that sounds almost exactly like my wedding day! (it was LONG, be prepared to need endurance). Originally we were going to be marrried at a catholic church for our third ceremony also, and we weren''t going to have communion either (samething, he''s catholic, i''m buddhist). my friend dis the same thing (she''s catholic, he''s buddhist) so i think it''s pretty common when you have a bi-religious wedding/union. don''t let FIs family guilt you into doing something you''ll be uncomfortable with or unhappy about on your wedding day. if You and FI are ok with it, really, ya''ll are the only ones that matter. (i have to preface that with as long as you''re paying for the wedding, if the family contributes a good amount then they should have some say IMO, which makes things complicated. i knew i''d be very particular about our wedding so hubby and i just paid for the whole thing ourselves so we wouldn''t have to deal with the guilt factor. we def kept our families in mind when making decisions, but the pressure to conform was much less)

which temple are you getting married at?
 

radiantgirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 12, 2006
Messages
264
Hey ginger - We are paying for the wedding ourselves, which helps when deciding and finalizing things. We are getting married in the same temple you got married in, Chua Viet Nam. It''s the temple I''ve gone to since I was in elementary school. I feel like I am already going through a lot just to have the ceremony in the Catholic church (i.e. meeting the marriage prep counselor, meeting with the priest every month, going to the Engaged Encounter weekend retreat, etc.). It''s hard especially since Asian families try to make you feel like the wedding is not about the two of you, but more so the whole entire family. I feel like we made the right decision, and whether they come around or not, hopefully would only be a matter of time.
 

Logan Sapphire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2003
Messages
2,369
I''m Catholic, husband is non-practicing Baptist. We had a Catholic ceremony without Communion for exactly the same reason- didn''t want to be exclusive, even though the majority of the guests were Catholic. My mom is really religious and she never gave any indication that this bothered her. Good luck!
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
13,321
ugh, that is absolutely silly! if someone needs to hear a mass or have communion that badly, they should go the next day. it just makes it longer anyway. Try kneeling in Viet Nam, where there are no cushions for your knees.
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,652
You, of course, should do exactly as you please becasue it is your wedding and your vows. However, in our Catholic High School mass they give a "blessing" to anyone and it looks very much like they are recieving communion but nothing goes in the mouth. I don''t know if everyone is familiar with the practice but for mass where not everyone is Catholic but no one wants to be left out of the ceremony this is what is done. Also, there are people who are Catholic but choose not to take communion but still want to accompany their family to the alter. There are a lot of mixxed religion marriages where the children are taking communion but the parent is not Catholic. They also walk up to the alter and recieve a blessing.

I can understand you not wanting to be left out but the priest should have given you an alternative. I am not Catholic but actually took Communion at my friend''s wedding when I was MOH. This was before the blessing thing was popular. She thought I''d ruin the whole event if I stayed behind while everyone else paraded up to the alter. But it didn''t matter to me and I did not want to be disrespectful. The Catholics seem pretty sensitive about what is appropriate during their mass.
 

Clarygrace

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 29, 2006
Messages
158
RadiantGirl:
I was recently at a wedding with a Catholic Ceremony and the bride & her family where Lutherans. They did have communion, and the bride & her family did go up for the rite, but the priest just blessed them by putting his hand on their forehead. This might be an alternative. You might want to inquire with the officiant about this alternative, that could make everyone happy.

Good Luck but most of all enjoy "YOUR" Day!
Clarygrace
 

rms

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 16, 2004
Messages
918
I am Catholic, DH is not, we had Catholic ceremony without mass and I thought it was great. In fact, my entire family and many guests thanked me because the length of the whole ceremony was so much shorter, yet for me it was long enough to make it worth all that planning.
 

Maria D

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 24, 2003
Messages
1,684
Date: 12/11/2006 9:59:11 PM
Author: swingirl

I can understand you not wanting to be left out but the priest should have given you an alternative. I am not Catholic but actually took Communion at my friend''s wedding when I was MOH. This was before the blessing thing was popular. She thought I''d ruin the whole event if I stayed behind while everyone else paraded up to the alter. But it didn''t matter to me and I did not want to be disrespectful. The Catholics seem pretty sensitive about what is appropriate during their mass.
Yep, they *are* sensitive about that stuff! The "Holy Eucharist" is considered to be the greatest of the sacraments. Catholics believe that when an ordained priest consecrates the bread and wine, it literally becomes the body and blood of Christ. (This doctrine, called transubstantiation, is one of the many reasons I stopped practicing Catholicism; I just don''t believe it.) Communion is supposed to remove your venial sins and Catholics aren''t supposed to take communion if they have any unconfessed mortal sins. In other words, it''s supposed to be a big deal, not just a ceremonial ritual. Only Catholics are allowed to participate because it''s supposed to symbolize communion with the Church itself.

When I was young, we never took communion unless we had gone to confession the day before -- and hadn''t sinned between confesssion late Sat. afternoon and mass Sun. morning! It was unheard for non-Catholics to ever take communion. For one thing, not being Catholic, they wouldn''t have made a confession. It was very common at mass to see lots of Catholics sitting out communion. Then the Vatican relaxed the rules and allowed Cathplics to say a specific prayer (an Act of Contrition) instead of making a formal confession. The Act of Contrition is good for everyday run-of-the-mill sins but for mortal ones you still have to confess to a priest. But -- you''re still supposed to be Catholic....
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top