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Catholic Girls-Question for you

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NakedFinger

NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
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Jan 8, 2009
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Hello- Not sure where else to post this, but thought any general knowledge, personal experience, or "I know someone who...", might assist in my query.

Ok, so my bf has the ring and should be proposing soon. We both agreed that we dont really need a long engagement. Mainly because we have been together since 16/17, but also because he doesnt want to drag it out, and because I plan weddings for a living I am positive I could do it in a few months.
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I am thinking this Sept/Oct.

Here is my question: are any of you girls planning on (or has anyone you know) havin a wedding with 4-5 months notice at a Catholic Church? I know the general consensus is most Catholic churches require contacting the church a year in advance of intended wedding date. I have seen some post they they will do it at the very least in 6 months, but it is extremely difficult and very rare to pull off because of date availability, meeting with the priest, pre-cana classes etc. So is it a rule to be that far in advance, or is it just a time issue? Some people have told me they make you wait a year to make sure you arent rushing into marriage. But believe me, I wouldnt call 8 years together rushing would you?
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Just wanted to know if 4-5 months is do-able, or if I am wasting my time in even looking. Let me know, thanks!
 
hey just a suggestion: you may get a better response in BWW... those ladies are in full wedding planning mode :)
 
Different parish and priests might have different rules. Best to ask YOURS.
 
I thought I was maybe going to be able to help you... but I''m on the other end up the spectrum... a really *long* engagement. I echo the above that you might get better help in BWW...

Good luck!
 
I don''t have the answer because we haven''t decided if we want to get married in the church. I would recommend giving yourself as much time as possible because many churches require a list of things from you. Ex: the pre-cana, which can be done over the weekend (overnight) or certain number of weeks. I know this because my brother did it last year for his wedding. It is a lot of fun according to him...NOT!
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LOL, definitely talk to your priest, or the priest you would like to use and find out as soon as possible. Not all parishes are strict but there are some that are.
 
Wow, with all of the somewhat naughty threads on PS lately I didn''t know what to expect when I opened this thread! So many bad/inappropriate Catholic girl jokes came to mind...

I''m RC, however FI isn''t and so we''re not getting married in the church. All I can say is it doesn''t hurt to put some feelers out into your community and ask what they have for availability. I think if you can keep an open mind on the date you''ll have better luck finding an open day. And there are many diocese that will do weekend precana workshops/retreats versus weekly classes. And when in doubt, a good sized donation can help make things go faster and your way...Ahh gotta love the RC church...
 
The RC church will not marry you unless you have signed up for the classes one year in advance of the wedding date. End of story. They are very strict about it. If you even THINK you''ll be getting married say this time next year, I strongly suggest you go start the classes now. It would actually be a good prelude to the engagement for all the counseling and courses you get put through.
 
Date: 4/10/2009 1:44:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Different parish and priests might have different rules. Best to ask YOURS.
Click to expand...
DITTO this.
my bff had an issue w/ not getting the parish she wanted because of other regulations, etc. they were very strict about the year + for classes etc. I have no experiences of faster than that. I''d go ahead and sign up now....

Best wishs!
 
I''d just ask around in your community -- calling up the churches won''t take long, right?
 
I would ask your parish, most in nyc say to contact the church at least 6 months in advance and may have to be a parish member but hubby and I are both RC, we got engaged in march and married the same year in october. We contacted the church in July after we went to mass there before going to a party nearby and we called them the next day. We did not think they would have the wedding there so soon (we were''t planning on getting married in church initially) but there was a cancellation and we got the date. We had to prove at least one of us was catholic (baptismal cert) and had to do pre cana before september or else we would lose the date. The church was very nice to work with and we were not forced to join the parish.
So I would just call local churches and find out because I think ideally they should be informed at least 6 months in advance but I think they will adjust. I also went to a wedding that was planned in 3 months at a church because she was preggers but I would''t suggest to do that to get an early church wedding
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gud luck!
 
A good friend of mine planned her Catholic wedding in only 3 months. They rushed it because they wanted to get married before her husband got transfered out west. My advice is to talk to your parish priest - and don''t be afraid to shop around a little. If your priest won''t do, it doesn''t mean the priest in the next town over won''t!

Best wishes on your upcoming wedding. Keep us posted!
 
It is definitely possible.

The statement above: "The RC church will not marry you unless you have signed up for the classes one year in advance of the wedding date. End of story." is not correct. My brother in law, for example, planned his wedding for 4 months before getting married in a Catholic church. A classmate of mine at my Catholic college planned her wedding in under two months at our school''s church - although there was fetus-sized extenuating circumstance!

You do need to meet a particular parishes requirements re: taking a test, meeting with a priest and pre cana, etc. The biggest difficulty DH and I had was the pre cana. We wanted a weekend encounter, but they aren''t offered as often as you might think! We had to drive to VT from CT to find a weekend that worked! Many people encounter difficulty because priests may require that you be a parishoner for 6 months before booking a particular church, and don''t have enough time to become a parishoner and then book a date.
 
Date: 4/10/2009 3:25:12 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
The RC church will not marry you unless you have signed up for the classes one year in advance of the wedding date. End of story. They are very strict about it. If you even THINK you''ll be getting married say this time next year, I strongly suggest you go start the classes now. It would actually be a good prelude to the engagement for all the counseling and courses you get put through.
Click to expand...

Sorry, but that''s not simply not true. One of my good friends from grade school proposed December of ''08 and their wedding is in October of ''09. I was engaged early this year and will be getting married, in the RC church, in September of ''09. Hardly a year. And we''re getting married in two different Churches to boot. 99% of the RC churches require those 6 months to "prepare" but few, that I know, require a full year. There have been a few that relax their rules and allow people marry even before those 6 months, although that is a rarity. As another poster eluded to, each priest and each parish is different.
 
Hi NakedFinger! I am getting married in the RC church, and we had just under a year. Our Diocese and Bishop is really quite strict on these things, but all they have had us do since our engagement over the winter is to officially register as members of our church, since we had been attending but weren''t parishioners. They put our date down in the book, and said that we would complete all our pre-cana classes in summer or fall (wedding is in January).

So while I think it''s possible, definitely talk to your parish (particularly the vicar of marriage, they will know all the "rules).

Good luck!
 
I didn''t read all of the responses so forgive me if this is redundant.

I am not Catholic but my FI is and so is his whole family. I definitely got a bit of an "Are you nuts?" reaction when I was talking to people within the church about our plans (decided about 3 months before getting married to get married). The paperwork was easy to fill out with our birth, baptismal, confirmation, and first communion certificates available to pull the dates and make photocopies. I recommend you start getting the paperwork together now.

The hardest part for us was finding a Pre Cana class that had space open. We are going to have to drive over an hour out of our way each way to get to the classes in the next two weeks but they were the only ones in our area that were available!

I should mention that part of the reason I think we are able to get this done so quickly is that FI''s uncle is a Catholic priest and I had an "in" with the church at my alma mater because of my alumni status. Both of these things were really important since we are getting married in a place that we don''t live.

So in short I feel that if you can get all of your certificates in order quickly and start communicating with a church and priest now to get your foot in the door you should be able to handle it.

I look forward to watching your wedding planning unfold!
 
Date: 4/10/2009 1:44:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Different parish and priests might have different rules. Best to ask YOURS.
Click to expand...

ditto. I''m in Ireland so the situation might differ a bit but I just had to make sure that I had all the forms handed into the parish priest in the church we''re getting married at least three months in advance and our pre marriage course had to be carried out as well. We didn''t have to do classes for a year or anything like that. It was just a day long course. I''d definitely suggest talking to the priest at the parish you want to get married at.
 
It seems that you have already gotten a few responses that will be similar to mine... but I''ll throw in another for you.

I have friends that were in a situation like yours, together for a long time, didn''t see the need for a long engagement. They were engaged in Sept. ''07 and married in the church in Dec. ''07. I think it will depend on your parish and whether you are able to find a pre-cana session that will fit your timeline. I know for FI and I, we could have done pre-cana anywhere within our diocese, it didn''t have to be just the one offered by our parish. So that might give you more options to fit your timeline.

As far as the year in advance thing, I contacted my parish a year before our date and they basically said, ok, we''ll reserve your date, here is the pre-cana schedule.... we''ll talk to you in about 6 months.

I think your best bet is to go talk to your parish priest and see what they say, good luck!
 
It''s 9 month in ours, ''but'' If you don''t mind a ''eastern'' Catholic
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it takes 3 months, 4 meetings [2hr long] -- just make sure to sign up as a ''new'' parishioner first. Best of Luck.
 
NakedFinger - are either you or FI actually Catholic or are you just looking for a pretty church to use? I ask because most parishes will not allow you to marry in their church unless you are a registered member. Sometimes if you are willing to pay a hefty fee you''ll be able to use a church that you are not registered to, but usually at lease one party has to be a practicing Catholic for that to work.

I agree with the posters who have said that you need to call around. I''m Catholic and at my church you will not get married in less than six months, but every parish is different. We have a lot of parishoners and getting a free date was the most difficult thing, followed by a Pre Cana class that was open. The rest of the stuff was pretty easy to get into.
 
Diva is correct, every parish is different, you Must do your homework [check websites listed on your local Diocese website] and REGISTER prior to attempt anything [$$$] DMPP''s have slight differences but equal, in reality formal [dmpp] only takes 2mo, so it''s possible. Larger parishes do take longer due to their size, we found several [smaller] ones w/classes on Saturdays and didn''t mind driving extra 30 min.
We picked a parish out of our Diocese not only because their availability, we loved their building and felt very welcomed.
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A friend of mine is having a Catholic ceremony and she was engaged in January, wedding is in July (so, 5 mos?) - but it does depend on your priest, the diocese, pre-cana scheduling, etc. They did their pre-cana over 2 or 3 sessions, and I believe they''re finished with them now. I was really surprised that they were able to do this because the bride is not Catholic (groom is), but she said that there was absolutely no red tape for them.

HOWEVER - my friend''s FI is active duty military, and the engagement being short-term does have to do with deployment, so I don''t know if they had more leeway because of that.
 
Not surprised at all Elmorton, doubt being a leeway, if they are having an ecumenical marriage=Catholic with a Baptized Christian of any other denomination, totally OK by the Vatican [ simple form filled/signed by any mognsignor aviail] not to be confused w/ Interfaith marriage= Catholic with a non Baptized person, where dispernsation/disparity is necessay and lenghty to obtain. .02
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Shoot,NF, I hadn''t even thought about this!! Bf and I would like to be married in the Catholic church (I am, he isn''t) but I''m thinking we''ll be engaged this summer and he wants to get married next spring. I should probably look into this- thanks for the heads up!
 
I'll chime in to say that I also know it's not as cut and dried as "one year - end of story."

I know two gals who've been married within the past year in the RC church; both had less than year-long engagements. (This was local here in MA).

This isn't new either; when my best friend married in 1994, they were engaged in March and married in September - in the RC church. (That was in Maine.)

In 1964, when my folks were married, they married in the Catholic church after being engaged for just two weeks. They were getting transferred and had to be married prior to a certain date for her to be covered. They married civilly the week before, and then in the church. (That was also MA).

In each of these cases, the "donation" went a long way toward a less-strict set of requirements. (Oh, and there were no 'third-parties in utero' in any of these above examples.)

I think what you need can be done. Best of luck planning the wedding!
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Date: 4/10/2009 3:25:12 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
The RC church will not marry you unless you have signed up for the classes one year in advance of the wedding date. End of story. They are very strict about it. If you even THINK you''ll be getting married say this time next year, I strongly suggest you go start the classes now. It would actually be a good prelude to the engagement for all the counseling and courses you get put through.
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Sorry, but this isn''t true. My brother got married last November and booked 5½-6 months before the date. So to the OP, it is possible, just ask at your parish!
 
I concur with those that said it can be done in less than a year. My FI and I are getting married in a Roman Catholic Church in late September and were just recently engaged, within the past two weeks actually. We were told as long as we''ve done our prerequisites and have all the appropriate paperwork stating we''ve been baptized, confirmed, etc., we''re good to go. But definitely check with your local parish.
 
NakedFinger, there are MANY situations under which the RC Church will allow you to marry, even when there are many requirements. I am RC and FI isn''t and because we wanted to have a shorter than 1 year engagement (he proposed in November 08, we are getting married in August 09), we agreed that we wouldn''t even think of a RC wedding.

Lo and behold, due to several scheduling issues and problems (with our TA, not us) we are having a RC ceremony and are being married by a Catholic Priest, (on the beach! no less!)

We are receiving the following dispensations:

1) FI will be baptized as a Catholic before the end of June. He was never baptized and therefore doesn''t need to convert.
2) His previous marriage (even though not religious) will be annulled. This is being speedtracked and should come through by the end of May.
3) We do not have to marry inside a Catholic Church, but no one can have communion during our wedding service and there will be no mass.

So it REALLY does depend on who you speak with and how quickly you and FI move to prove your commitment to the church. We are completing our Pre-Cana classes this month.

Good Luck!
 
Date: 4/10/2009 3:26:37 PM
Author: tlh





Date: 4/10/2009 1:44:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Different parish and priests might have different rules. Best to ask YOURS.
Click to expand...
DITTO this.
my bff had an issue w/ not getting the parish she wanted because of other regulations, etc. they were very strict about the year + for classes etc. I have no experiences of faster than that. I'd go ahead and sign up now....

Best wishs!
Click to expand...
Thritto. We were married in the Catholic church and we had to attend a class before we got married, but where I live the classes are offered 3 times a year so it seemed like someone could get married w/ 3-6 mo notice? Like the others said I would check with your parish. We actually looked into it 9 mo's before we got married so we attended a weekend class 3 mo before the wedding.

eta: I would set up a meeting with the priest as soon as possible; each parish is different and I remember at the class we attended the couples were talking about what they had to do to set up their wedding, etc (it seemed to vary). I knew the priest where we got married and he knew my family over the years so it was pretty easy for us to get everything rolling. I had a friend who wanted to get married in a different parish from her own and that took some extra requirements, but I agree it depends on each parish. Good luck
 
Date: 4/10/2009 3:25:12 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
The RC church will not marry you unless you have signed up for the classes one year in advance of the wedding date. End of story. They are very strict about it. If you even THINK you'll be getting married say this time next year, I strongly suggest you go start the classes now. It would actually be a good prelude to the engagement for all the counseling and courses you get put through.
Click to expand...
Nope. The rules vary from diocese to diocese, parish to parish, and even priest to priest. My sister and her husband were married in the RC Church in just under six months. They did not have to do pre-Cana. Her husband isn't even Catholic (though he is a baptized Christian). It wasn't easy, but they got it done. Even if there are rules, there are always exceptions! And no, she wasn't pregnant.
 
Date: 4/10/2009 4:44:41 PM
Author: icet
I would ask your parish, most in nyc say to contact the church at least 6 months in advance and may have to be a parish member but hubby and I are both RC, we got engaged in march and married the same year in october. We contacted the church in July after we went to mass there before going to a party nearby and we called them the next day. We did not think they would have the wedding there so soon (we were''t planning on getting married in church initially) but there was a cancellation and we got the date. We had to prove at least one of us was catholic (baptismal cert) and had to do pre cana before september or else we would lose the date. The church was very nice to work with and we were not forced to join the parish.
So I would just call local churches and find out because I think ideally they should be informed at least 6 months in advance but I think they will adjust. I also went to a wedding that was planned in 3 months at a church because she was preggers but I would''t suggest to do that to get an early church wedding
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gud luck!
Click to expand...
Thank you ladies for all of your input. Knowing that "it has been done" is refreshing! Now at a least I know it is possible, and I am not wasting my time looking!
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icet- you are in nyc? Do you mind if I ask which RC church it was that was so nice to work with and not as strict? I am in nyc and would love to contact them knowing ahead of time they may be more flexible. Thanks!
 
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