Cat is destroying our marriage!

[metro]

Okay, it''s not THAT bad...but close!

DH cat has a bad habit and I don’t know how to break it.

My husband brought his 2-year old kitty, Chubbs, into our marriage 6-years ago.

Before marriage, husband would let his cat sleep with him in his bed but that all had to change once we got married. I am allergic to cats and can not have them in/around the bedroom. Once we were all under the same roof, kitty had to get outta the bed and we had to shut our bedroom door, locking kitty out! And this is when it our 6-year long torment started.

First night, about 30-mintues after the door shuts,Chubbs started to howel at door. He meowed like he was a cat in heat – it was loud! We tried ignorning him, but how could we? We’re trying to sleep! DH finally got out of bed, opened the door and yelled , “SHUT UP!”, then chasing Chubbs away. Later, around 4:00am, Chubbs did it again. And again, DH got up and chased the cat off.

Fast forward 6-years….

Chubbs STILL does his thing nightly. Every. Single. Night.

Even when DD was an infant, and we were both sleep deprived, DH would engage in the nightly yell/chase off.

About 3-years ago, I got feed-up with not being able to sleep (DH gets so wound-up, that he tosses and turns trying to get back to sleep) that I went into DD’s bed to sleep with her. That’s how bad it is – it’s horrible!

Now DH gets less than 6-hours of sleep a night due to his job, and of course, the stinking cat still insists on waking him up 2x a night! DH gets up for work at 3:40am and the cat has been doing this around 3:00-3:15am, meaning DH can’t go back to sleep. DH has told me on more than on occasion that he is so tried, that he’s doozed off at the wheel! This is a real concern!

I feel like we’ve tried it all. We tried ignorning kttiy and not giving into his game but the cat went on an on, howling for hours that DH threw in the towel and chased kitty off.

We tried locking the cat in another room but all Chubbs did was distory the comforter that bedroom, tearing huge holes in it and the carpet under the door! He totally distorys any room if he’s locked inside – not to metion that he howls like a banshee the entire night!

I told DH that he might as welll open the bedroom door and let the cat sleep with him again, but he doesn’t want to that either. He wants me back in the bed and he wants the cat to stop.

Any ideas or suggestoins on breaking Chubbs habit?

 

[Pandora II]

Could you buy him a friend?

 

[Aloros]

I''d have to agree with Pandora - a friend would probably help a lot. My kitty used to be like this before I got another cat. And since my other cat passed away in October, he''s back to his habits again. And he is SO LOUD! He''ll be getting a buddy once we buy a house...until then...

There are a couple things you can do to help curb this. It probably won''t be 100% gone forever and ever, but at least it should only happen once in a while!

Keep a squirt gun by the door. By chasing Chubbs, your husband is giving him what he wants - attention. When he howls, just get up, open the door calmly, give him a squirt in the face, and close the door. Repeat as necessary. He''ll get the idea.

My cat also liked to bang his head against the door and claw at the carpet. I bought Sticky Paws - that double-sided tape - and put it right outside the door. If you keep it there for a few weeks, he''ll get the idea, and you can take it off. You might have to put a "reminder" down once in a while though.

But this has worked for us - hope this helps!

 

[sumbride]

He''s lonely. He needs a friend.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I think he needs a friend, too. DH and I got our second cat when our first cat was a terror as a kitten and was nearly intolerable. The little stinker would run up to me and try to claw at my face and then chase me around our tiny apartment. To think that I, a cat lover, was actually scared of a small kitten is funny looking back but at the time it was miserable living with her. We got her a friend and now they pick on each other and not on me.

If it makes you feel any better though even with two cats at home sometimes they get crazy at night and my DH has to get out of bed and make them quit by chasing them around. It''s not a nightly thing but it is still annoying. My sister refers to them as the lawn gnomes that come alive only at night

Jess

 

[Elmorton]

I think he needs a buddy, too - but I hesitate to advise you to get a second cat for two reasons - the first being your allergies, and the second - he''s what, 8 years old? He might not warm up to the idea of sharing you and your family with a new kitty. My MIL is sortof "the crazy cat lady" and has found that her older cats will typically not warm up to new kitties in the home, even if the new cat is a kitten (easier to dominate).

My cat, Morty, had some behavioral issues when he was about 1 1/2, so we found Elmo as a kitten, and the two of them are fantastic together. They curl up and sleep together, play together, and most of the time it feels like they could take or leave DH and me (although Morty NEVER whined for food until Elmo came along). We still have some problems with Morty, but nothing like we used to, and the addition of Elmo has made our home quite happy.

If you have a friend who is getting a kitten or has a kitten, you could arrange a play date to see how it goes...but cats take some time to get used to new friends. I used to take Morty to my MIL''s if I had to be out of town, and by the end of the week or after a few days he''d warm up to her big orange long hair, but not really to the other two cats in the house. Since Elmo was a kitten when we introduced them, Morty was fine with him after about a day or two (but certainly not initially - Morty hid under the bed for awhile after Elmo came home).

I know this sounds horrible, but do you have a basement? Maybe the key is to simply move the cat farther away from your bedroom. I have a co-worker who crates her cats at night, too - I can''t imagine that an adult cat would appreciate that (I think hers have been crated since being kittens), but it could be an option. My parents had to start crating their dog at night, and it was hell for a month or two because she''d basically whine until she got hoarse, but now everyone sleeps better.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I also think a friend might help. When we had one cat, she would destroy anything she could in the kitchen when we went to the mountains for the weekend. When she was 9 we got a second cat and although she never warmed to her or the later cat, she did stop destroying stuff and seems much happier overall.

As I understand this might not work, I second the squirt bottle. It has worked wonders with one of my cats, although the other likes water, but still. Chasing him away probably will make the problem worse. You might also try putting a kitty bed next to the door so he can sleep nearby without feeling so disconnected.

I suppose you could always try nip and get him high.

 

[erica k]

i have two cats and recently decided to lock them out of our bedroom both day and night because they shed like crazy on the bedspread and like to engage in loud fights on top of the bed while we''re sleeping.

the second cat was adopted a year after the first because i thought she needed a friend. they absolutely detest each other. the huge tufts of fur on the floor on any given day is evidence enough of their mutual animosity. so definitely be careful if you decide to get another cat. but with allergies, i don''t think i would want a second cat!

whether or not my cats are locked out of the bedroom, they start meowing insistently for hours until we feed them in the mornings. they also start tearing things up in the living room and knocking books over. sooo frustrating.

do try the squirt bottle for a while and see if that breaks his bad habit. 6 years is a long time for a bad habit to persist, and it might be too late to change his behavior. catnip might be a good idea. if you don''t have a really good cat scratcher, you might want to get one (i have a sisal rope catnip scratcher). my cats usually work through their pent up energy by scratching it when they''re upset with each other or with me.

i wish there were a ''cat whisperer''

 

[LittleRock]

Could you imagine you could get another cat, they wouldn''t get along...so not only would you have a howling cat but cat brawls in the middle of the night. That''s all you need! I feel your pain when you have a busy job and add kids on top of that you gotta get some sleep! We always kept ours in a laundry room. The cats would meow occasionally, but no insistent howling going on! Try the squirt bottle. But seriously every single night for 6 years girlfriend? That''s a loooong time! What about even letting him in the room, but keeping him off the bed? Or trying a kitty bed/post to sleep on?

 

[sumbride]

ha... we have two cats that hate each other.... so we got a THIRD cat. He''s the buffer. They both like him so they leave each other alone. I don''t recommend this to everyone, but it has worked for us. We adopted him as a 4 month old kitten, the other two were 7 and 5 at the time.

 

[erica k]

Date: 5/1/2008 4:18:58 PM
Author: sumbride
ha... we have two cats that hate each other.... so we got a THIRD cat. He''s the buffer. They both like him so they leave each other alone. I don''t recommend this to everyone, but it has worked for us. We adopted him as a 4 month old kitten, the other two were 7 and 5 at the time.

my husband told me that if i get a third cat, even my married status won''t protect me from turning into a ''cat lady''!

i''m hoping my cats will mellow with age. thank goodness it''s nearly summer and they can hang out on the deck instead of driving each other batty indoors.

 

[cnspotts]

Squirt bottle of water!!! Goodbye kitty!

Sorry you''ve endured this for so long.

 

[justjulia]

Our kitties hated it when we got 2 chihuahua puppies (talk about competition for bed space!) Strangely, what solved it was installing an indoor/outdoor pet door. The kitties, given the option, prefer to stalk the outdoors at night than sleep with us (our feelings were hurt, but hey..)--and that made all of us happy! No one has to ask to go in or out and it is pretty blissful. We do have an occasional drama moment when our biggest kitty stations himself for the night on the bed right where we put the chair up for the dogs(he doesn''t always want to go outside)--I think he considers it a sport.

 

[metro]

Thank you all for the great advice!!!

My DD has a water gun, so I think I''ll fill it up with water tonight and give it DH to keep under his pillow..heehee..Chubbs HATES water!

I guess I should have mentioned that we do have another kitty, Boogie. Boogie was my fur-baby that I brought into the marriage. He''s very old for his breed, Persian. He''ll be turning 16-years old this year. My mother gave him to me when I was 18-years old and before I had the allergies

. Boogie is my little frail "grumpy old man". He''s a sweetie I can''t love on him too much anymore, poor thing.

When Chubbs and Boogie first met, it was like hell on earth!

Boogie went to greet Chubbs with with a sniff, but Chubbs beat-up on him faster than he could react and fur was flyin! My poor old man can''t put up much of a fight so Chubbs reins alpha-male around here and it''s been that way ever since. They each have their own corner of the house.

Chubbs is declawed so when he''s upset he tears at furniture or carpet with his teeth! We did get them a scratching post and Chubbs does go thru the motions, but it doesn''t seem to do anything for him. He does like to scratch on it after he poo''s in the litter box, but that''s about it.

Chubbs also has something the vet called "Pica". He like to eats things he''s not supposed to eat. Chubbs also has an over-eating disorder. He''s HUGE and he panics when the food dish is even a little low. He''s a very tempermental cat, to say the least. And DH is afraid no one will understand Chubbs and all of his quarks like he does, not to mention loving the cat. He makes it a bit hard

I wish I had a basement! No basements here in Houston

I am thinking of tying kitty to the back porch though - heehee...

We did buy them both kitties beds but only Boogie sleeps in his. Chubbs wants to sleep on the sofa - he has a spot. I''ll try putting his bed next to the bedroom door with a little catnip in it - see how he like it. He tends to go a wee bit bonkers with the catnip, but I''ll try anything!

I''ll let you know how the squirt gun works out tonight!!!

WISH ME LUCK AND ZZZZZZZZZ''s!

 

[miraclesrule]

White noise machine...seriously. $42 and you can sleep like a baby. You might need to buy two of them though. One for each side of the bed. That''ll drown that cat''s meow''s. But I also think it''s a good idea to get another cat if you can tolerate it. I found that it just made my allergies worse.

My cat began this after I had to start relying on inhalers just to make it through the night. I had to toss him out of my room. He would even claw the crap out of the carpet just underneath the door trying to gets his little paws inside. Cats can be very persistent. Mine are all outdoor cats now, because like you, I am so allergic that I can''t take it.

Good luck. It sucks to lose sleep every night.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 5/1/2008 4:42:32 PM
Author: erica k

Date: 5/1/2008 4:18:58 PM

Author: sumbride

ha... we have two cats that hate each other.... so we got a THIRD cat. He''s the buffer. They both like him so they leave each other alone. I don''t recommend this to everyone, but it has worked for us. We adopted him as a 4 month old kitten, the other two were 7 and 5 at the time.

my husband told me that if i get a third cat, even my married status won''t protect me from turning into a ''cat lady''!

i''m hoping my cats will mellow with age. thank goodness it''s nearly summer and they can hang out on the deck instead of driving each other batty indoors.

I get around that by saying one of them is "HIS" cat. He adopted him (at my "suggestion"). The older one is "mine" and the newest is "ours. His, mine and ours. A nice blended family! He is rather opposed to 3, but, well, we had to do something... and he adores Little Jack, the new one.

 

[Rhea]

Feliway

We had a kitty who is doing a good job on our relationship. By pissing. On the mat right inside our rented apartment. And peeing on DH every time he went near her. Or pooping on him. And he has scars from the biting she did as well. The second I left the room she would hiss at DH and piss, poo, or bite him. Feliway really helped and her behaviour, while not perfect, has greatly improved. She''s only hissed at him two-three times in the past year. The hormones in it are supposed to calm the kitty down. I think it''s expensive, but very worth it.

 

[Elmorton]

Oooh, I''ve read great stuff about Feliway too. I think there are some anti-scratch sprays that have the same calming thing going on...worth a try.

While I don''t recommend letting the cat out, if you''re interesting in an expensive solution, he might enjoy going in an outdoor kitty coop (can be built or purchased rather easily - Drs. Foster and Whatever that catalog is sells them) through a pet door. I posted a link somewhere in another cat thread...my MIL has one, and yupp, the cats tend to go outdoors at night now, but are contained in a safe environment. They are nocturnal, after all.

 

[kcoursolle]

Either fille a pop can half full or coins or get a water bottle. Consistency is the key with training cats...and yes you can teach and old cat new tricks. When you go to bed and you hear him yowling give a very firm and slightly loud "NO". When he comes back for more yowling yell "NO" and reach for the can of coins and shake it loudly or else squirt him with water. If you are consistent with this training night after night he will get the picture real fast and leave you alone. Getting a friend might help...or you might have two cats yowling at your door.