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Can you proof read our written vows ?

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blissfulbride

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 9, 2008
Messages
485
We came up with them with the help of other non-traditional vows but im afraid they may be to long or that I ay have left something out. can you please read them out loud and tell what u think .thanks


I love you ( )
and because I do, I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.
I will share in your dreams, and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.
I will listen to you with compassion and understanding,
and speak to you with encouragement.
I''lll help you when you need it, and step aside when you don''t.
I promise to always cherish our relationship regardless of the obstacles we will face together
And be willing to face any changes necessary to keep us happy together.
I promise to always be the person, who you can trust and talk to about anything, and the person who will be right by your side.
I look forward to the life we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).
Take this ring as a sign that you are officially all mine.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
Your vows are very sweet... I dont know that I would change anything.
 

sunnyd

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
7,353
Date: 3/25/2009 3:43:29 PM
Author:blissfulbride

We came up with them with the help of other non-traditional vows but im afraid they may be to long or that I ay have left something out. can you please read them out loud and tell what u think .thanks


I love you ( )
and because I do, I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.
I will share in your dreams, and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.
I will listen to you with compassion and understanding,
and speak to you with encouragement.
I''lll help you when you need it, and step aside when you don''t.
I promise to always cherish our relationship regardless of the obstacles we will face together
And be willing to face any changes necessary to keep us happy together.
I promise to always be the person, who you can trust and talk to about anything, and the person who will be right by your side.
I look forward to the life we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).
Take this ring as a sign that you are officially all mine.

Very cute! The only thing I would suggest is maybe changing the wording on the highlighted part. It''s throwing me off because it''s a really long sentence. I''d take out the ''togethers'' entirely, or just keep one. I''d keep the one at the end. HTH!
 

Italiahaircolor

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,184
Those are really long vows.
 

lucyandroger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
1,557
Date: 3/25/2009 3:43:29 PM
Author:blissfulbride

Take this ring as a sign that you are officially all mine.


I think the vows are sweet. The only thing that I thought was weird was the very last bit. I don't know why but it sounded kind of creepy to me.

Like there should be a mwahahaha at the end. But could be just me so ignore me if you love it!
 

rockin11

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2009
Messages
169
Date: 3/25/2009 4:15:52 PM
Author: lucyandroger

Date: 3/25/2009 3:43:29 PM
Author:blissfulbride

Take this ring as a sign that you are officially all mine.



I think the vows are sweet. The only thing that I thought was weird was the very last bit. I don''t know why but it sounded kind of creepy to me.

Like there should be a mwahahaha at the end. But could be just me so ignore me if you love it!
Personally, I am not the biggest fan of the last part as well. Just my opinion though.
Great job on writing your own vows! We just used the traditional ones..I would not have known where to start if we did our own.
 

all.of.the.above

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 19, 2009
Messages
73
Date: 3/25/2009 3:43:29 PM
Author:blissfulbride



We came up with them with the help of other non-traditional vows but im afraid they may be to long or that I ay have left something out. can you please read them out loud and tell what u think .thanks


I love you ( )
and because I do, I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.
I will share in your dreams, and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.
I will listen to you with compassion and understanding,
and speak to you with encouragement.
I'lll help you when you need it, and step aside when you don't.
I promise to always cherish our relationship regardless of the obstacles we will face together
And be willing to face any changes necessary to keep us happy together.
I promise to always be the person, who you can trust and talk to about anything, and the person who will be right by your side.
I look forward to the life we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).
Take this ring as a sign that you are officially all mine.



Personally, the "you are officially all mine" sounds slightly possessive; kinda like impending doom of marriage. I think if you change that wording they would be really great.
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
Date: 3/25/2009 3:43:29 PM
Author:blissfulbride
We came up with them with the help of other non-traditional vows but im afraid they may be to long or that I ay have left something out. can you please read them out loud and tell what u think .thanks



I love you ( )

and because I do, I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.

I will share in your dreams, and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.

I will listen to you with compassion and understanding,

and speak to you with encouragement.

I'lll help you when you need it, and step aside when you don't.

I promise to always cherish our relationship regardless of the obstacles we will face together

And be willing to face any changes necessary to keep us happy together.

I promise to always be the person, who you can trust and talk to about anything, and the person who will be right by your side.

I look forward to the life we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).

Take this ring as a sign that you are officially all mine.

I think you did a fantastic job. What sweet vows! FI and I are too chicken to write our own vows. We're not creative people and we're bad at expressing ourselves outside of sarcasm and humor...

As an editor, here's what I'd do...

I love you ( ), and I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.
I vow to share your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.
I promise to listen to you with compassion and understanding, and softly speak words of encouragement.
I vow help you when you need it, and acknowledge and withdraw when you don't.
I promise to cherish our relationship, regardless of the obstacles we face together in the future
I vow to face with an open mind and a willing heart, any change necessary to keep us happy together.
I promise to always be the person you can trust and confide in.
I vow to stand by your side as we build our lives and our family.
I look forward to the future we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).
Take this ring as an acknowledgment that you are mine,I am yours, and together we are one.
 

lucyandroger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
1,557
Date: 3/25/2009 4:35:52 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk


Date: 3/25/2009 3:43:29 PM
Author:blissfulbride


I think you did a fantastic job. What sweet vows! FI and I are too chicken to write our own vows. We're not creative people and we're bad at expressing ourselves outside of sarcasm and humor...

As an editor, here's what I'd do...

I love you ( ), and I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.
I vow to share your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.
I promise to listen to you with compassion and understanding, and softly speak words of encouragement.
I vow help you when you need it, and acknowledge and withdraw when you don't.
I promise to cherish our relationship, regardless of the obstacles we face together in the future
I vow to face with an open mind and a willing heart, any change necessary to keep us happy together.
I promise to always be the person you can trust and confide in.
I vow to stand by your side as we build our lives and our family.
I look forward to the future we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).
Take this ring as an acknowledgment that you are mine,I am yours, and together we are one.
Hudson, you are AMAZING!!! I love these edits.
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Brava, Hudson. Those edits are great.
Very sweet vows, blissful!
 

VRBeauty

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 2, 2006
Messages
10,287
Date: 3/25/2009 4:35:52 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

I think you did a fantastic job. What sweet vows! FI and I are too chicken to write our own vows. We're not creative people and we're bad at expressing ourselves outside of sarcasm and humor...


As an editor, here's what I'd do...


I love you ( ), and I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.

I vow to share your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.

I promise to listen to you with compassion and understanding, and softly speak words of encouragement.

I vow help you when you need it, and acknowledge and withdraw when you don't.

I promise to cherish our relationship, regardless of the obstacles we face together in the future

I vow to face with an open mind and a willing heart, any change necessary to keep us happy together.

I promise to always be the person you can trust and confide in.

I vow to stand by your side as we build our lives and our family.

I look forward to the future we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).

Take this ring as an acknowledgment that you are mine,I am yours, and together we are one.
Blissful, I think those are wonderful vows!

Hudson, that is masterful tweaking!

Here are the lines I would tweak a bit further:

I love you ( ), and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and grow old with you.
I promise to cherish our relationship, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. (I wouldn't add "in the future" as it seem redundant.)
 

honey22

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2007
Messages
4,458
Just gorgeous, and now perfect with those slight changes. I like having the longer vows, this is what the whole freakin shebang is about!!! You want to put emphasis on the important bit! Beautiful!
 

Deelight

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
5,543
Date: 3/25/2009 4:35:52 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Date: 3/25/2009 3:43:29 PM

Author:blissfulbride

We came up with them with the help of other non-traditional vows but im afraid they may be to long or that I ay have left something out. can you please read them out loud and tell what u think .thanks




I love you ( )


and because I do, I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.


I will share in your dreams, and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.


I will listen to you with compassion and understanding,


and speak to you with encouragement.


I''lll help you when you need it, and step aside when you don''t.


I promise to always cherish our relationship regardless of the obstacles we will face together


And be willing to face any changes necessary to keep us happy together.


I promise to always be the person, who you can trust and talk to about anything, and the person who will be right by your side.


I look forward to the life we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).


Take this ring as a sign that you are officially all mine.



I think you did a fantastic job. What sweet vows! FI and I are too chicken to write our own vows. We''re not creative people and we''re bad at expressing ourselves outside of sarcasm and humor...


As an editor, here''s what I''d do...


I love you ( ), and I want to grow old with you for the rest of my life.

I vow to share your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.

I promise to listen to you with compassion and understanding, and softly speak words of encouragement.

I vow help you when you need it, and acknowledge and withdraw when you don''t.

I promise to cherish our relationship, regardless of the obstacles we face together in the future

I vow to face with an open mind and a willing heart, any change necessary to keep us happy together.

I promise to always be the person you can trust and confide in.

I vow to stand by your side as we build our lives and our family.

I look forward to the future we have planned together, and today I take my place as your (husband/wife).

Take this ring as an acknowledgment that you are mine,I am yours, and together we are one.
Beautiful
 

blissfulbride

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 9, 2008
Messages
485
omg you guys are the best and keep the suggestions coming!

I''ll send the final draft the minute i make the changes
 
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