Can You Help Find A New Home For Cookie?

[AGBF]

It was not too long ago that we welcomed a beautiful cocker spaniel puppy that we named "Cookie" into our home. He is now one year-old and absolutely gorgeous, 100 times more gorgeous than the silly, dusty little photo available could ever show. He is a glossy, lively, alert, handsome little dog. A beauty. He should have been a girl, he is so beautiful! he is (slowly) maturing, too! Althout, being a cocker spaniel, he has been "hyper" for longer than my fomer Golden or Lab, he has slowed down a little and now stays out of the garbage most of the time! (A triumph!)

He has proven to be more loveable than I could ever have known, too. He just wants to be cuddled and loved. He wants to be on the couch with you and in the bed with you and he takes your pillow and he gets behind you on the sofa and he lies down where you were going to lie down and lies down where you were going to sit down...and the only saving grace is that he is so small and cuddly that it is easy to scoop him up; lie down; put him on top of you; and let him sleep there peacefully while you still get to lie in your own place on the couch! He just wants to give love. He cries if his primary caretaker leaves. He is able to bond and love.

And I have to give him up because my daughter, who absolutely had to have him, cannot stand having him! She is jealous of him. And that is not something with which I can cope right now. So I am broken-hearted.

I am also unwilling to give him up to anyone who will be less wonderful to him than I am. He was in two homes before ours and I just cannot let him be traumatized again!

I am looking for a dog-centric home with people who know dogs and truly adore dogs and put their all into dogs. He needs to be given an ice cube to chase. He likes an egg (hard boiled) in the morning. I give him cheese if I hurt him putting in ear drops. I want someone to care as much as I do that he is being made happy and that he is not scared.

Help me to find the right home for him. I am not handing him over to a rescue group to do the search for me!


Here is a link to the thread where I introduced Cookie to Pricescope:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/we-adopted-a-cocker-spaniel-puppy-cookie.92337/


Deborah

 

[neatfreak]

AGBF, have you tried contacting the breeder? A good breeder will help you rehome the dog, and it''s often in the contract...I know you said it had 2 homes before, I apologize if you don''t have this info.

And option #2, have you tried contacting your local Cocker Spaniel rescue? There is one in almost every state and they usually are more than willing to help find a loving home. They usually have very strict standards about who can adopt too, so you can be sure Cookie is going to a good place.

 

[Dogmom]

I''m so sorry, Deborah, to hear about Cookie. I know you would prefer to not go through a rescue group, but they might be a great resource for help. I used to volunteer with a breed-specific rescue group and our adoption criteria were quite strict and required a home check to. Depending on their situation, they may have families already screened and waiting for "the one" to become available. It might even be possible for you to have the final word on Cookie''s home.

I''m truly not trying to push you in that direction, but just wanted to offer an idea. Good luck, hon, I know this isn''t an easy decision and one you have not taken lightly.

((((( Deborah ))))) ((((( Cookie )))))

 

[AGBF]

Date: 10/27/2008 8:15:59 PM
Author: neatfreak

AGBF, have you tried contacting the breeder? A good breeder will help you rehome the dog, and it's often in the contract...I know you said it had 2 homes before, I apologize if you don't have this info.

And option #2, have you tried contacting your local Cocker Spaniel rescue? There is one in almost every state and they usually are more than willing to help find a loving home. They usually have very strict standards about who can adopt too, so you can be sure Cookie is going to a good place.

neatfreak, thank you for your reply. As you guessed, I do not have any information on the breeder. We adopted Cookie from a Cocker Spaniel rescue group ourselves. In part the reason that I don't trust them is that they did not do a truly thorough search on us. That doesn't mean that they were wrong to trust us. I know that they never called my references, though, and that the woman who usually looks at the homes had travelled a long distance just the day before and decided to trust that my home was OK so that she didn't have to travel hundreds of miles more the next day as well! (Our home would have been OK!) We met her in a parking lot halfway between her home in upstate New York and ours in Connecticut and we took the dog there!

When we adopted Cookie he was in a facility with a lot of other dogs and dirty. They needed to move any dog out that they could. They were quick to jump at a home with someone who seemed sane and reasonable like me.

If we ask that they find Cookie a home we can keep him in comfort until the perfect home comes up. There would be no rushing, no need for haste. We could wait for the perfect home. They (and maybe I) could make sure that the prospective owners were all that they should be.

I just feel phobic about allowing a rescue group to find a home. Maybe I just need to take a deep breath. Thank you for helping me think this through!


Deborah

 

[AGBF]

Date: 10/27/2008 8:18:18 PM
Author: Dogmom
I''m so sorry, Deborah, to hear about Cookie. I know you would prefer to not go through a rescue group, but they might be a great resource for help. I used to volunteer with a breed-specific rescue group and our adoption criteria were quite strict and required a home check to. Depending on their situation, they may have families already screened and waiting for ''the one'' to become available. It might even be possible for you to have the final word on Cookie''s home.

I''m truly not trying to push you in that direction, but just wanted to offer an idea. Good luck, hon, I know this isn''t an easy decision and one you have not taken lightly.

((((( Deborah ))))) ((((( Cookie )))))

Thank you, Dogmom, you and neatfreak have been helping me to think this through. It is highly charged for me and I am having trouble approaching it rationally. I feel as if someone is threatening to take away my child. Honestly. I keep thinking about Sophie''s Choice.



Deborah

 

[Haven]

Oh no, stories like this break my heart.

I hope you can find him a true forever family that will love him and care for him for the rest of his life. What a darling boy, he deserves nothing less.

Where are you located? I''m sorry if I missed that info.

 

[Harriet]

Deb,
How often does Cookie need to be walked? What''s his diet? Do you think he''ll be able to adjust to apartment living and other dogs?

 

[neatfreak]

AGBF, I think it''s a great idea for you to partner with a rescue group to find her a home. That way you can likely be involved directly in the process and maybe can even check out the new home yourself? At least with the rescue group I volunteer with we MUCH prefer that rehomes be handled this way rather than us taking the dog in, having to find a foster home, then trying to place them ourselves.

 

[movie zombie]

Deb, is there any possible way to work with your daughter to let her know how hurt you are? perhaps with a therapist to pinpoint her jealousy/anger, especially since she wanted a dog? i don''t think i could give him up. btw, you have a very beautiful daughter!

movie zombie

 

[Miranda]

Date: 10/27/2008 10:47:32 PM
Author: movie zombie
Deb, is there any possible way to work with your daughter to let her know how hurt you are? perhaps with a therapist to pinpoint her jealousy/anger, especially since she wanted a dog? i don''t think i could give him up. btw, you have a very beautiful daughter!

movie zombie

MZ took the words right out of my mouth. I''d hate for you to give up your companion when there is a possibility of working through this with your DD. And here''s another thought, and I apologize if I am out of place here, but, if your DD wins the battle on this issue, it may open the floodgates for other types of rebellion. I don''t mean to lecture, I''m just speaking from the heart as one mom of a teenager to another. I certainly know how difficult children can be!

My parents have found many wonderful dogs through rescue groups. I wouldn''t rule it out just yet. If you really do want to place Cookie in a home, they have so many people in their database just dying to love a cuddly pup like yours. I''m sure they would let you pick and choose the family.

I do wish you were on the west coast. We were just dogsitting for my IL''s cocker. I kinda miss having the wee dog around. Cockers are such sweet doggies.

I wish you luck!

 

[decodelighted]

I adopted a troubled dog one time & was hesitant to return him to the awful, awful place I''d gotten him from -- so I, in desperation, contacted a breed specific group. And they were great. Had their staff doctor call me & walk me through the symptoms (possible brain damage from a car accident prior to my adoption) and though it was one of the most painful things I''ve been through emotionally ... they made it easier for myself & the sweet yet unmanageable pup.

It''s a tough tough spot though for you AGBF ... is it possible your daughter is just having a rough patch that would happen with or without the dog. Kids have crazy phases, yanno. I''d hate to see you "coddle" her fruitlessly at the expense of your obvious love for the dog & the dog''s best interest. Is it possible you''re solving the wrong problem? Getting her help or figuring out what else is going on with her (school? friends? etc ...) might make the jealousy-of-the-dog issue go away.

Keeping the dog would also be a "lesson" for her ... that you can''t throw away a pet like a purse or old bike. (Sorry to be so harsh, I''m speaking about her, I know you''re agonizing & don''t take it casually at all). Learning to live with her decisions & the consequences of her impulses is gonna happen sooner or later.

What a dilemma ... I feel for ya AGBF.

 

[Kaleigh]

I''d work through this with your daughter with a therapist. She wanted this dog so much. I think keeping Cookie and dealing with your DD''s feelings of jealousy would be the best thing you could do. It would teach her a lot.

I could see you giving Cookie away to a good home, and then your DD saying why did you give her away. I''d work with her first, before giving Cookie away. But that''s just me...

I am so very sorry Deb. This sucks.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/27/2008 9:19:51 PM
Author: neatfreak
AGBF, I think it''s a great idea for you to partner with a rescue group to find her a home. That way you can likely be involved directly in the process and maybe can even check out the new home yourself? At least with the rescue group I volunteer with we MUCH prefer that rehomes be handled this way rather than us taking the dog in, having to find a foster home, then trying to place them ourselves.

Yep, you need to be involved in the process. We had to adopt out three cats (long story) and when I placed ads on CL and in the paper, I was inundated with interested individuals. The first step I took was interviewing each potential family and weeded out those who couldn''t provide what the cats needed. That worked wonderfully. We found the perfect homes.

Hopefully you do find another solution rather than giving Cookie up. . .

 

[decodelighted]

I just read that your daughter is 16? Oh AGBF ... that is a hard age no matter WHAT! You may think relocating the dog will help a bit but -- ugh -- I fear that might just be desperation talking. If it wasn't the dog it would be something else. Had an AWFUL time with my mom about that time ... it passed! Fingers crossed for a happy ending for all.


ETA: I have a feeling she's pretty smart & knows you love the dog ... & may be trying to hurt you by picking on the dog, or not taking care of it or proclaiming jealousy etc. Have you seen Dr. Phil talk about topics vs. issues. The dog is a Topic. The issue is still gonna be there, no matter where the dog is.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Oh Deb, how aweful

I know there is history and back story to the situation with your daughter that influence the present situation, but my instinct is to echo others who point out that this isn''t really about your puppy... my worry is that if you get rid of the dog, then another "test" of your love will rear its head and on and on and on.... this probably isn''t about the dog at all, and I hate to see him moved from his loving home when it may possibly be a fruitless, or even destructive, gesture on your part. I hope hope hope you can find a solution with your daughter that doesn''t involve kicking a member of the family out of the house. Especially because it sounds like YOU get a lot of support from your relationships with your furry companion, that must count for something too?

If it cannot be avoided then working with a breed-specific rescue group is probably the best option.

Please keep us posted, by heart goes out to you, Cookie, and especially your daughter who must be hurting and struggling with a lot to reach the point where she feels to need to demand you get rid of your dog. {{{HUGS}}} to all of you.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 10/27/2008 11:43:17 PM
Author: decodelighted
I just read that your daughter is 16? Oh AGBF ... that is a hard age no matter WHAT! You may think relocating the dog will help a bit but -- ugh -- I fear that might just be desperation talking. If it wasn''t the dog it would be something else. Had an AWFUL time with my mom about that time ... it passed! Fingers crossed for a happy ending for all.

Ditto, I was terrible at that age. I didn''t try to run off the family pet, but I did make her dating life miserable!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 10/27/2008 11:43:17 PM
Author: decodelighted
I just read that your daughter is 16? Oh AGBF ... that is a hard age no matter WHAT! You may think relocating the dog will help a bit but -- ugh -- I fear that might just be desperation talking. If it wasn''t the dog it would be something else. Had an AWFUL time with my mom about that time ... it passed! Fingers crossed for a happy ending for all.


ETA: I have a feeling she''s pretty smart & knows you love the dog ... & may be trying to hurt you by picking on the dog, or not taking care of it or proclaiming jealousy etc. Have you seen Dr. Phil talk about topics vs. issues. The dog is a Topic. The issue is still gonna be there, no matter where the dog is.

Yup, it''s so not about the dog....

FWIW I was terrible at that age.

 

[arjunajane]

Hmm, I'm tempted to agree I'm sorry Deb..
just mho, but perhaps getting rid of the dog is kinda the "easy way out" here for your daughter? Maybe it will be good, as others have said, for her to learn the lessons that will go with keeping him..?
Anyway, only you know the best decision for your family, but pls don't give up on this dog you clearly love just yet !

 

[AGBF]

Thank you so much for the support, everyone. You are right when you intuit that there is far more going on with my daughter than I have posted. I just do not feel comfortable going into all the gory details...and yet it is unfair to open Pandora's Box here and not expect you to use your brains and see that there are problems besides the most superficial ones! I do not want to shut anyone up. I value your input.

The basic situation right now is that I am in Virginia with my husband and daughter. Cookie is in Connecticut, most happily, with my 88 year-old father whom he adores. (My father was a member of his initial pack since we brought Cookie home to his house in Connecticut where my daughter and I were then living. My father was one of his first primary caretakers.) The problem right now is not Cookie's happiness; he is in heaven. It is my father's. My father doesn not have a fenced-in yard. Although my father walks daily; exercises in the Y swimming pool daily; and works; he does not usually have to walk in the rain and snow. With Cookie living him, he now does have to! It just isn't fair. He had not wanted a dog. He had told my daughter that a dog would enter his house "over (his) dead body", in fact! But he took in Cookie to try to help my daughter when she claimed to need a dog.

When my cousin did not take Cookie this past weekend as I had hoped that she would (she has two other dogs), I left Cookie in Connecticut. Part of me has been hoping that my daughter-not having Cookie in our house-will relent and let me have him. I am afraid that there are far too many other issues going on for her therapist to help to deal with the dog issue, though! The therapist is aware of the dog problem. My daughter was jealous of our last dog, too, and she is jealous of any of her friends in whom I take an interest. She couldn't even bear it that I was especially kind to a girl whose mother was dying last year and to whom she had offered a ride home. The therapist knows about these issues and has tied them all together, is aware that they are related. But my daughter is not going to school at all right now, is suicidally depressed. She has made two serious attempts. She sees the therapist almost daily. Today we are seeing a new psychiatrist. She often needs me to divert her and I have to spend my day with her, entertaining her with rides in the car; playing word games on paper; etcetera. Sometimes I have to sleep in her bed with her at night. And she has done things that are angry and anti-social, things I do not want to list. So...other things are going on.

But I thank all of you for your support. I really do. And you are all very smart and intuitive to have realized that it was not all about the dog!!!

Deb

 

[arjunajane]

Oh Deb, my heart is breaking for you!
I know it is of little comfort, but I have recently turned that age and maturity where I realize how horrible I was to my folks around your daughters'' age, and how tough I made their time.
I have tried to make it up, and we now have a much improved r''ship.
So I hope you know it will not be like this forever, that is just such a crazy time for girls

That said, I can see how the dog is the lesser of your priorities right now, and we all know your DD should be the most important thing.
I''m not sure of any advice to offer, but I hope you know my heart is with you and wishing things improve very soon for you and daugher.
*hugs*

 

[AGBF]

Date: 10/28/2008 5:07:56 AM
Author: arjunajane

Oh Deb, my heart is breaking for you!
I know it is of little comfort, but I have recently turned that age and maturity where I realize how horrible I was to my folks around your daughters'' age, and how tough I made their time.
I have tried to make it up, and we now have a much improved r''ship.
So I hope you know it will not be like this forever, that is just such a crazy time for girls

That said, I can see how the dog is the lesser of your priorities right now, and we all know your DD should be the most important thing.
I''m not sure of any advice to offer, but I hope you know my heart is with you and wishing things improve very soon for you and daugher.
*hugs*

Thank you so much, arjunajane! I love to see you in Around The World, where I try to keep myself diverted. The American elections have been a bllessing for me, one endless diversion!

Deb

 

[Dreamer_D]

Deb I am so sorry for what you and your daughter are facing right now, she is blessed to have a family who is so committed to helping her. Many children coping with severe mood disorders are not so lucky, which is a real tragedy IMHO. Hang in there, you and your husband are doing everything you can, it sounds like.

I can definitely see how the dog is not the top priority, and rightly so it sounds like! There are bigger fish to fry and you are working on them, that is clear. I wonder, is your Dad happy to have Cookie other than the walks issue? Perhaps a local child or teen can be hired as a dog walker? It would not cost much and might be easier in the long-run than finding him a home... just a thought.

 

[Haven]

Deb--I''m so sorry to hear what''s going on with your daughter. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you.

I just want to offer support. I hope your daughter gets better soon, and you keep up your strength to support her through this.

This may not be a feasible option, but I''ve seen depressed students and students with social coping issues create extremely strong bonds with dogs. In some cases the bond with the dog is what helped the child become healthier and happier. I have no idea how their parents facilitated these relationships, but it was amazing to see. I''ll try and find some articles about this . . .

You and your family (including Cookie) are in my thoughts, Deb.

 

[movie zombie]

i think Dreamer is onto something: hiring a neighborhood kid to walk the dog a couple of times a day and perhaps groom him after said walks would be ideal for now. it would give you some time to deal with the important issues with your daughter without having to also find another home for Cookie right now and give your dad relief from responsibility he did not ask for.

Deb, please also take care of yourself through all this.

movie zombie

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 10/28/2008 11:30:10 AM
Author: movie zombie
i think Dreamer is onto something: hiring a neighborhood kid to walk the dog a couple of times a day and perhaps groom him after said walks would be ideal for now. it would give you some time to deal with the important issues with your daughter without having to also find another home for Cookie right now and give your dad relief from responsibility he did not ask for.

Deb, please also take care of yourself through all this.

movie zombie

That''s a great idea.

I ditto MZ Deb this must be so hard on you. Take good care!!! HUGS!!!

 

[Skippy123]

ah Deb, I am sorry you are going through this; I like MZ ideas. I pray and hope you can keep Cookie; sending you a hug dear friend.

 

[pjean]

No good advice, but I just wanted to send hugs. I''m sorry you have so much on your plate right now!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Deb,

I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time with your daughter. I hope the new doctor is able to help her soon.

Re: Cookie.

If your father likes having Cookie around, perhaps he can enclose a small let-out area near his back door so that he can be let out during inclement weather. We did this with some deer fencing and it has worked well. In time, perhaps your daughter will accept Cookie and he can come back.

If not, I recommend this organization: http://www.fobas.org. They are in Trumbull and Fairfield.

We adopted our beagle mix (Lucy) through them. Lucy was in a shelter in rural Georgia. I receive e-mails from a rescue group that works with the shelter in GA, and FOBAS graciously agreed to help me get Lucy transported up here. I had never worked with FOBAS before, and they were very kind to help me get Lucy out of the shelter. I drove to NJ with one of the FOBAS members (Connie) to meet the transport that Lucy and several other dogs were on. I did fill out an application with FOBAS because they handled the adoption. I know they called my vet, but I don't think they called my references. I spend a lot of time at my vet, and they know me well there (3 cats and 3 dogs, one of which has an autoimmune disease that brings me there at least 2X per month), so I don't blame them for not having called my references.

I am certain they would not have adopted to me if my vet reference was false. I am sure if you explain your concerns to them, they will work with you in finding Cookie a nice home.

 

[neatfreak]

Deb, I''m so sorry to hear about what you are going through! If money isn''t an issue and your dad is now enjoying cookie, then certainly a dog walker could be at least a short term solution and maybe a long term one...

Best of luck with the new therapist.

 

[blondebunny]

I am soo sorry to hear about your daughter... My brother committed suicide over 2 years ago, and it is definitely something serious...If you ever need to talk.. Im here and can offer some advice....Its definitely something to not take lightly at all, and dont let anyone tell you otherwise...One thing I learned from my dads mistake is to NEVER leave your child alone when they are depressed and crying and you can see it in their eyes... I hope your new doctor helps your daughter out... I dont know you or your daughter personally... but after my brother died... people saw all the pain and grief my family went through, and we actually helped some people who were very depressed get help because they saw how bad it hurt my family and said they would never want to do that to theirs....I think if my brother knew how bad he would have hurt my family and especially my sister.. he might have thought twice...

Back to the original subject- I definitely agree with the pet rescue thing and or a dog walker...Goodluck and I hope things get better for you..