Can Someone Talk Me Out of This...

[topdownslk]

Well, I wouldn't share this on a b-board if I wasn't ashamed of my feelings.

(Excuse my typing, I'm on a pda)

So a few months ago, my bf-then, now fiance got me an HOF 1ct vvs2 color F engagement ring. I was satisfied, but not overly excited since I was expecting a 2ct ring and I didn't really care so much for all the spec after it.

Now, a few months have passed, one close friend after another is getting engaged and flashing their 2ct $25k-$30k ring here and there. All of the sudden, it made me feel so self-conscious about my e-ring that I sometimes rather hide it.

I feel so bad, sometimes I look at the e-ring and think of it as the symbol of his love. But yet I'm ashamed of it. I always thought I could flash it and proclaim to the world how much he loves me. I admit it's such a bad attitude towards tangible things, and these feelings are totally invalid. I'm now so confused, feeling guility and sad at the same time, and I really don't know how to feel anymore. Advice?

 

[diamondfan]

I think you are normal to be feeling this. Of course we all know that the ring is a symbol and that it is about the love and marriage, but yet, if we are honest, we know that we also want what we want. Is there any chance you could tell your fiance this? If you have that kind of relationship, I would, so that it does not build up. Maybe he cannot do anything about it now, but at least you can put it out there. Some guys do get it, others don''t, but to be upset and not wanting to show it is a shame...this is the place to explore your feelings, so no worries!

 

[Kit]

Okay, I will share my opinion. I am going to be blunt. It''s not about the ring, it''s about the relationship. You are getting sucked into a materialism thing with these expensive rings. I mean, your friends obviously have $$ to burn--and good for them, I am sure they have earned every penny. But think of what you could buy with $30k. Private college tuition, down payment on a house...or a piece of jewelry. To each his/her own...but at the end of the day (or more to the point, when you''re on your deathbed), what''s more important: how big your e-ring is or your relationship with your FI/FH?

PS: It sounds to me like your ring is very nice...maybe you can share some pics and we can all enjoy it with you?

 

[codex57]

Concentrate on other things. The point about the $30K being a down payment is a good example.

It''s easy to get sucked into the materialistic things. My wife, unfortunately, is letting it get to her a little bit. What''s worse is that she''s getting sucked into it by different things from different friends. Like friends who have fancy cars and she doesn''t. Well, those friends have also been working for several years longer and have had more time to make money. When she stops and thinks about it, she knows that they''ve had many more earning years than her or had rich parents help them out, etc. Still hurts tho.

Well, you''ll never be the richest person in the world. Someone will always be able to trump you. So, take your mind off competing right now by reminding yourself of goals you have. That $30K ring your friend has is your future down payment. A house is more improtant than a ring. Or, maybe their fiance/husband is several years older so while they have a ring, you likely have more years with your guy AND the time to succeed and get that ring of your own later as an upgrade (meaning you''ll have two rings instead of one).

 

[CareBear]

It's easy to tell someone not to compare themselves to other people, but in reality who doesn't? We are all envious of things that other ppl have. There's nothing wrong with that. Well sounds like you just don't like your ring anymore, which is a shame. My practical advice would be, if you have a good trade in policy, maybe you can get a lower color/clarity bigger rock for the same amount? I know Hof carries D-J, IF-SI2. A ~1.7ct I/J-SI probably costs the same as what you have right now. Talking your fiance into a more expensive ring will be hard, (and yes saving up for a house is wiser), trading in for a different rock might be alright with him.

 

[Kit]

style="WIDTH: 97.21%; HEIGHT: 23px">I always thought I could flash it and proclaim to the world how much he loves me.

I have to say, I think this is also the issue...the ring is symbolic of the love and committment between you two, yes, but flashing it around isn''t the point. You know in your heart how much he loves you, focus on this and not proclaiming stuff to the world. We all can make ourselves incredibly miserable if we dwell on all that we don''t possess, I have been there...I hope you release yourself of these negative feelings and find fulfillment from all the good things already in your life now. This type of attitude will help buoy you through the tough times in life when everything seems to be going wrong...

Sorry to go on and on, I am just getting all worked up on this topic!

 

[widget]

I wonder if it would help if you concentrated on the quality of your diamond.

Clearly a HOF, VVS, F stone is of very high quality....and certainly costs a lot more than the "average" diamond of similar size. Have you proudly compared yours next to some of your friends two-caraters? It''s very possible yours "out shines" them by a mile.

If your fiance chose that diamond because it is close to "perfect"....just like you...then it makes for a pretty lovely ''symbol'' in my opinion!

Just a thought...
widget

 

[february2003bride]

It''s hard not to compare yourself to others, especially friends. Have you talked to your FI about it?

On a flip side, you expected a 2ct? I guess I''m just surprised by the assumption of size over a gift...

 

[monarch64]

Date: 10/11/2006 7:17:34 PM
Author:topdownslk
Well, I wouldn''t share this on a b-board if I wasn''t ashamed of my feelings.

(Excuse my typing, I''m on a pda)

So a few months ago, my bf-then, now fiance got me an HOF 1ct vvs2 color F engagement ring. I was satisfied, but not overly excited since I was expecting a 2ct ring and I didn''t really care so much for all the spec after it.

Now, a few months have passed, one close friend after another is getting engaged and flashing their 2ct $25k-$30k ring here and there. All of the sudden, it made me feel so self-conscious about my e-ring that I sometimes rather hide it.

I feel so bad, sometimes I look at the e-ring and think of it as the symbol of his love. But yet I''m ashamed of it. I always thought I could flash it and proclaim to the world how much he loves me. I admit it''s such a bad attitude towards tangible things, and these feelings are totally invalid. I''m now so confused, feeling guility and sad at the same time, and I really don''t know how to feel anymore. Advice?

Aw, topdown, don''t beat yourself up. I had to respond to this when I saw the above highlighted sentence. I was expecting a larger stone than my DH proposed with as well. When we''d only been dating a couple of months, he started talking marriage and engagement rings, and said (and I quote): "I''d like to put a gorgeous rock on your hand...a couple of carats."

About a year and a half later, I knew he was looking for a ring, but I trusted him and had that statement in the back of my mind, so I just told him when he asked about my style preference that I would like to have a round brilliant shape. When he proposed, he presented me with a gorgeous 1.5 RB set in platinum, and as SOON as I saw it I knew it wasn''t a couple of carats, lol! I am a little ashamed to admit that I was even thinking that, but I''m being honest here. I have never, ever told him about it, and I''m glad I haven''t. I have grown to really love my stone...it isn''t the biggest in our circle of friends (anymore, as other couples have gotten engaged), but it isn''t the smallest. And that''s just the way life is, ya know? Someone else said you will never be the richest person in the world--that is sooo true. You have to look within yourself and know that you have strengths and weaknesses, just like everyone else, and that life is not a race or a competition in the end.

Now, I''m certainly not ashamed of my ring, but sure, sometimes I dream about having a larger stone. For me, when my DH mentioned that one time the "couple of carats" thing, it really stuck with me and I got my hopes up. For you, it sounds like (and correct me if I''m wrong) you might be a bit more concerned with how your friends view your ring--which is not some major personality flaw. I''ll share another little story with you--I am a teensie, weensie, little bit vain about my height (I''m 5''10").

Now, rationally I KNOW I''m not the tallest girl in the world, but I''ve received a lot of compliments over my lifetime and know that some people would love to be a few inches taller, as they have stated to me. Get this: when I see a gal who is taller than me (an inch or two, or a foot), I get little stabbing pangs of JEALOUSY inside. I know, I''m totally weird. But does that mean my feelings aren''t valid? I don''t think so. I think it just means I''m human. Hopefully you understand my point in telling you this is that we all have our little neuroses. (sp?) I can wear heels if I want to be even taller, I can put a halo around my stone or ask for a larger one at some point if I want a bigger rock, but in the meantime I figure there are more important things in life to worry about.

Take good care of your FI...he obviously went for a smaller, but better quality stone for you because he really appreciates you and loves you, not because he cares whether his friends or your friends are impressed by a huge rock.

 

[Christa]

Date: 10/11/2006 7:46:17 PM
Author: Kit
Okay, I will share my opinion. I am going to be blunt. It''s not about the ring, it''s about the relationship. You are getting sucked into a materialism thing with these expensive rings. I mean, your friends obviously have $$ to burn--and good for them, I am sure they have earned every penny. But think of what you could buy with $30k. Private college tuition, down payment on a house...or a piece of jewelry. To each his/her own...but at the end of the day (or more to the point, when you''re on your deathbed), what''s more important: how big your e-ring is or your relationship with your FI/FH?

PS: It sounds to me like your ring is very nice...maybe you can share some pics and we can all enjoy it with you?

Not necessarily . . . statistically speaking they probably went deep into debt for their honker diamonds.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 10/11/2006 8:40:43 PM
Author: widget
I wonder if it would help if you concentrated on the quality of your diamond.

Clearly a HOF, VVS, F stone is of very high quality....and certainly costs a lot more than the ''average'' diamond of similar size. Have you proudly compared yours next to some of your friends two-caraters? It''s very possible yours ''out shines'' them by a mile.

If your fiance chose that diamond because it is close to ''perfect''....just like you...then it makes for a pretty lovely ''symbol'' in my opinion!

Just a thought...
widget

Just what I was thinking, well said widget!! If I were you I''d wear your ring with pride, I''m sure it''s gorgeous. Please post a pic for us!!!

 

[upgrading mama]

I''m sure this is a very nice ring, too.
but she said that after the size, the rest is immaterial, to her. So no matter how great the rest of the specs, she is stuck on the size. If it really bugs you, and not just bc you are trying to "keep up with the Jones" then talk to him about it.
Maybe you could upgrade in a yr or 2..
You need to talk to him about it or you will have alot of feelings festering in you.

it is after all, just a piece of jewelry, but as one who upgraded ( bigger size, but lower quality diamond) I am happy.
You must do what will ultimately make you content and happy.


can you go try on some 2 carats (or close to 2) and really see if you want that.

good luck and don''t worry, you have alot of ears here for you.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Well, I was in a somewhat similar situation. My then bf wasn''t shy about talking about how lucrative his paycheck was but when it came to picking my ring out, he was using as a guideline, the budget set for his sister''s rings 25 years ago and they were much younger. Also, their fiances made much less $$. I wasn''t sure how to approach it. I got a ring. I wasn''t happy. I found another stone I liked better so after we were married a couple of years, I brought it up. There were also some negative feelings associated with HOW we got engaged and I explained the negative feeling I had attached to the original ring. I told him to think about it and not respond right away. He eventually said it was ok if it was what I wanted. His attitude has done a complete change since then and someday, I know he will let me get something much bigger as $$ permits.

Don''t say anything now. Give it some time. He probably spent as much as he could afford. Those HOF diamonds are way expensive. I am curious as to how you chose that particular one? You could probably get a much larger nonbranded stone for the same money, right?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

It would be good to know if the jeweler has a trade-in or trade-up policy. A HOF F VVS stone is very expensive, and you could probably get a non-branded ideal cut H VS in a larger size for the same money. I wouldn't be surprised if that stone wasn't $15,000, and you could get an ideal cut H VS stone around 1.7 or so for that amount. I do think your fiance wanted you to have the "best", but he could have gotten a non-branded hearts and arrows stone of equal quality for much less than the HOF.

ETA: It looks like Allisonfaye and I were thinking the same thing at the same time!

 

[Christa]

A lot of the same issues as in Ursula''s thread, and honestly, I know this is PS and all, but sometimes it comes down to making a conscious decision to be content with what you have. There will always be someone who has something bigger/better/more expensive, but if you''re always comparing you never get to enjoy your own beautiful ring.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/11/2006 10:09:34 PM
Author: Christa
A lot of the same issues as in Ursula''s thread, and honestly, I know this is PS and all, but sometimes it comes down to making a conscious decision to be content with what you have. There will always be someone who has something bigger/better/more expensive, but if you''re always comparing you never get to enjoy your own beautiful ring.

Christa - ITA. Now granted I kinda have no room to talk NOW, but I went 15 years without *any* e-ring at all. And yes, there were times when I quite literally flashed my wedding band because it was a symbol that "somebody loves me!" a symbol that I am old enough to be married, and I actually loved that it was somewhat mysterious.... a plain band leaves everything up to the imagination where a tiny diamond and a huge rock can create fantasies and scorn and pity and all sorts of bizarre psychobabblistic crappola in the minds of others (and ourselves). We compare we compete we doubt and we worry but if all you have is the band you''re left *wanting* something, but not feeling like you''re *competing* with everyone else out there.

The more I read these concerns about size - particularly in stones the size that some could only *dream* of - and more particularly where it really isn''t about the sparkle but about jealousy and feelings of inadequacy, it makes me want to HIDE *my* ring away so that I can opt out of playing this competitive game. If what you want is something big because they''re BEAUTIFUL - then be patient. There are so many things in life to secure financially before you drop the load on a big diamond.... but the time will come if you plan ahead for it. Anticipation and all that. If what you want is something big because it will make you feel better in the eyes of the public at large, I think that''s more of an issue you take up with a therapist. If it''s a self esteem issue - it''s not going to get fixed with the biggest diamond, it''ll just be something you use as crutch to make yourself feel better. It''s just a diamond. It isn''t who you are.

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Hi Topdownslk ~

Welcome!

I hope that you will not be affraid to talk to your FI. Honesty, openess and sharing the good, as well as, the not so good, are all very important to establishing a strong base for your relationship.

I read your post and can understand that us diamond crazed fanatics do want the biggest, prettiest diamond possible from our FI, but in reality, that just can''t happen sometimes. My grandmother married my grandfather with a very thin 1mm 14K YG wedding band. They were married for over 50 years, until my grandfather''s death. She never remarried. She remained in the small 2 bedroom run down house, because of all the wonderful memories they had there. And on her death bed, she wanted to make sure that her wedding band, all worn and almost broken, was on her finger.

I personally think that 1ct is very respectable. F color & VVs sound really sweet!

Stop comparing yourself to your girlfriends. Your are marrying your FI, not theirs. You should be proud that the diamond ring he bestowed to you, was based on his desire to spend the rest of your life with, not ashamed and wanting to hide it. Size of a diamond does not guarantee that he will be faithful, or compassionate, or that he will be a proper father in time. Love is the greatest gift of all ... it doesn''t cost you a single penny to love or give love. If he treats you with respect, cares about you and your future, confides his deepest love, hurt, desires, dreams with you ... this is worth more than any diamond.

Something a very old and wise lady once told me in a conversation I had about the meaning of "True Love". She said, "Just remember, Materialist objects (Money, House, Cars, Jewelry, etc...) are just on loan from the great one above, they can come, and they can go at a blink of an eye. When times are tough, and the wolves are clawing at your backdoor to get in and eat you up, who is going to keep the wolves from entering the back door? Your Car? Your Jewelry? I don''t think so. It will be the love and the strength of your bond (the love you both share) that will keep all bad from breaking in and ravenously tearing you up and eating away at you, bit ... by ... bit."

Cheerish the man, the relationship ... and perhaps in the near future, he will be able to give you gifts of love that will heal your heart.

I hope that you will be able to find some peace about this subject. May you and your FI be blessed with much love and happiness for your futures!

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 10/12/2006 12:29:50 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy

Stop comparing yourself to your girlfriends. Your are marrying your FI, not theirs. You should be proud that the diamond ring he bestowed to you, was based on his desire to spend the rest of your life with, not ashamed and wanting to hide it. Size of a diamond does not guarantee that he will be faithful, or compassionate, or that he will be a proper father in time. Love is the greatest gift of all ... it doesn''t cost you a single penny to love or give love. If he treats you with respect, cares about you and your future, confides his deepest love, hurt, desires, dreams with you ... this is worth more than any diamond.

Something a very old and wise lady once told me in a conversation I had about the meaning of ''True Love''. She said, ''Just remember, Materialist objects (Money, House, Cars, Jewelry, etc...) are just on loan from the great one above, they can come, and they can go at a blink of an eye. When times are tough, and the wolves are clawing at your backdoor to get in and eat you up, who is going to keep the wolves from entering the back door? Your Car? Your Jewelry? I don''t think so. It will be the love and the strength of your bond (the love you both share) that will keep all bad from breaking in and ravenously tearing you up and eating away at you, bit ... by ... bit.''

Cheerish the man, the relationship ... and perhaps in the near future, he will be able to give you gifts of love that will heal your heart.

I don''t think there''s anything I could say that could possibly rival this. Just perfection in terms of sentiment. So I''ll only add personal experience/reflection.

I have a 1.5 ct pear. Would I like a bigger stone? Sure, of course I''d take one if it were offered to me. Will I ever get a larger stone? Probably not. I don''t want to look down at my hand and see a down payment on a house...a college tuition, etc. I just don''t. There will always be better things I could have done with the money, IMO, even if I''m not wanting for anything.

You have a colorless stone, and a VVS2 stone at that. You do realize not many people have that, right? Almost nobody does in larger carat sizes, that''s for sure. If the F color and the VVS2 clarity don''t mean anything to you, maybe you could talk to your FI about upgrading to a larger size with lower color and clarity...if just the size will make you happy. But the size of your stone says NOTHING about the amount of love your husband has for you. If you really buy in to that, then Debeers has certainly done its job on you in that respect.

 

[diamondfan]

You have gotten some great advice. I think your stone sounds great, and I am sure, without much hesitation, that however much larger their stones are yours is of a quality they probably do not have. Their hubbies do not love them more, nor will their marriages be better, so know that in your heart your stone is of a high caliber and enjoy it!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 10/12/2006 12:43:54 AM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 10/12/2006 12:29:50 AM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy

Stop comparing yourself to your girlfriends. Your are marrying your FI, not theirs. You should be proud that the diamond ring he bestowed to you, was based on his desire to spend the rest of your life with, not ashamed and wanting to hide it. Size of a diamond does not guarantee that he will be faithful, or compassionate, or that he will be a proper father in time. Love is the greatest gift of all ... it doesn''t cost you a single penny to love or give love. If he treats you with respect, cares about you and your future, confides his deepest love, hurt, desires, dreams with you ... this is worth more than any diamond.

Something a very old and wise lady once told me in a conversation I had about the meaning of ''True Love''. She said, ''Just remember, Materialist objects (Money, House, Cars, Jewelry, etc...) are just on loan from the great one above, they can come, and they can go at a blink of an eye. When times are tough, and the wolves are clawing at your backdoor to get in and eat you up, who is going to keep the wolves from entering the back door? Your Car? Your Jewelry? I don''t think so. It will be the love and the strength of your bond (the love you both share) that will keep all bad from breaking in and ravenously tearing you up and eating away at you, bit ... by ... bit.''

Cheerish the man, the relationship ... and perhaps in the near future, he will be able to give you gifts of love that will heal your heart.

I don''t think there''s anything I could say that could possibly rival this. Just perfection in terms of sentiment. So I''ll only add personal experience/reflection.

I have a 1.5 ct pear. Would I like a bigger stone? Sure, of course I''d take one if it were offered to me. Will I ever get a larger stone? Probably not. I don''t want to look down at my hand and see a down payment on a house...a college tuition, etc. I just don''t. There will always be better things I could have done with the money, IMO, even if I''m not wanting for anything.

You have a colorless stone, and a VVS2 stone at that. You do realize not many people have that, right? Almost nobody does in larger carat sizes, that''s for sure. If the F color and the VVS2 clarity don''t mean anything to you, maybe you could talk to your FI about upgrading to a larger size with lower color and clarity...if just the size will make you happy. But the size of your stone says NOTHING about the amount of love your husband has for you. If you really buy in to that, then Debeers has certainly done its job on you in that respect.

Well said by both of you!!!

 

[goldenstar]

Happiness isn''t about having what you want, but wanting what you have.

This is something a good friend told me years ago and it stuck with me. I repeat it to myself whenever I start to feel jealous or materialistic. If your happiness depends on material things, you''ll never be happy because there''s always going to be something bigger and better to want. Its easier said than done, but its important to appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you don''t.

 

[tulip928]

I feel so bad, sometimes I look at the e-ring and think of it as the symbol of his love. But yet I''m ashamed of it. I always thought I could flash it and proclaim to the world how much he loves me. I admit it''s such a bad attitude towards tangible things, and these feelings are totally invalid. I''m now so confused, feeling guility and sad at the same time, and I really don''t know how to feel anymore. Advice?

Not advice, but questions for you to consider:

I have no idea about our fiance''s income, the backgrounds you come from, or his values, or values you have learned that the two of you share. I don''t know how old you and he are, or what dreams you share. In your heart of hearts, does the size of a diamond really represent "how much" he loves you? As he picked the diamond, did he judge the size to represent his love to you, and what was the scale he used?

Is this predicament another of the many life lessons you will encounter? Will this help you evaluate what''s important to you in your journey of life? Will this help you evaluate your friendships and choice of what''s important in friendships the future?

 

[gailrmv]

So, a ring is important to me too and size is the most important of the 4c's to me as well (after cut, of course!)
So I am not trying to sound like a hypocrite when I say this, but here goes anyway. I feel like in our society people try to get the best/biggest/most expensive thing that they can afford. But you don't always have to. This is why people are in so much debt in our country. And admittedly, I want the biggest/best too with some items (and sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't). But what I'm saying is that just because you CAN afford bigger/better doesn't mean that you have to or that it is the best use of your funds. I dont know if this makes sense, but what I'm saying is that by buying a smaller ring (although still lovely and expensive) maybe this way you guys will have more for a downpayment or have more in savings or retire sooner or whatever. My parents did an excellent job of living below their means. While I was growing up I thought it was silly that we lived in a smaller house and they drove older cars than my friends' parents. But now that I am grown I respect that this is how they were able to send us to college and now they can retire young if they choose to.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Date: 10/11/2006 8:13:49 PM
Author: Kit

style="WIDTH: 97.21%; HEIGHT: 23px">I always thought I could flash it and proclaim to the world how much he loves me.

I have to say, I think this is also the issue...the ring is symbolic of the love and committment between you two, yes, but flashing it around isn''t the point. You know in your heart how much he loves you, focus on this and not proclaiming stuff to the world. We all can make ourselves incredibly miserable if we dwell on all that we don''t possess, I have been there...I hope you release yourself of these negative feelings and find fulfillment from all the good things already in your life now. This type of attitude will help buoy you through the tough times in life when everything seems to be going wrong...

Sorry to go on and on, I am just getting all worked up on this topic!

Its a ring. Its a tangible item. Some people don''t need certain things to feel better. Like when guys go and buy a new video game system that they really don''t need. Girls like diamonds. So if you want a new ring and he wont be offended by it, than do what makes you happy. Either that or upgrade it in a few years. If the ring is really bothering you, why don''t you spend some major $$ on a large ct weight eternity band or something? Your wedding band could make up for your insecure feeling about your e-ring.

 

[divergrrl]

Hey, I hear you. I''ve been there. And yeah, it IS petty to get drawn into that "keeping up with the joneses" garbage. But we can''t help ourselves can we? We try to be good people, and then the little green monster rears its ugly head.

Let''s look at the positive....You have a VVS2 F diamond. Wow. Flat out Wow. Even more important, you have man who loves you very much, who wants to marry you who gave you that white, eye clean stunner.

And if he paid cash for it, (and didn''t send you guys into debt) even better.

So....if that''s not enough, here''s what I suggest you do, short of upgrading (if your hub to be is like my hubby, that is NOT an option)

Put it in a HALO!

Omigosh...there are so many beautiful halos on here, and they really crank up the wattage on any stone. My 1.13 carat princess now has the finger spannage of 11mm --what would that be.....a 3 or 4 carat stone? It''s gorgeous and instead of looking like I was trying to "make it look bigger" it looks like a gorgeous antique inspired piece.

There are a ton of Halo Threads on here, for every stone shape. check it out, see if it doesn''t help your DSS. (diamond shrinkage syndrome). It fixed mine.

If you don''t like the halo look, how about a setting like Mara''s? The thin band really lets the stone pop & the diamond setting gives lots of sparkle.

I live in a town where 3 carat diamond rings are the norm, and I proudly flash my 1.13. I don''t care what other people think (I always wanted a larger diamond, because I like them, not because others have them). My best friend has a 2+ carat marquis & its so dead, I have never envied that stone.

What I have to remind myself when I start feeling like I wish my diamond was bigger, is that I can never get my proposal back, & that was the day I landed the greatest man on the planet, and if I want to be proud of him, I need to proudly display the stone he bought me. It''s not his fault its not huge, he paid cash for it & he''s the type of man who wont'' go into debt for a thing. And now, I am a stay at home mom, because we can afford it due to having no bills. It''s a nice place to be.

Hope this helps.

Jeannine

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 10/11/2006 8:40:43 PM
Author: widget
I wonder if it would help if you concentrated on the quality of your diamond.


Clearly a HOF, VVS, F stone is of very high quality....and certainly costs a lot more than the ''average'' diamond of similar size. Have you proudly compared yours next to some of your friends two-caraters? It''s very possible yours ''out shines'' them by a mile.


If your fiance chose that diamond because it is close to ''perfect''....just like you...then it makes for a pretty lovely ''symbol'' in my opinion!

Just a thought...

widget

I TOTALLY agree! He wanted to get you the perfect diamond, which is serious bragging rights in my mind! G. knows my mother has been bragging about the exact same thing for the last 43 years!
He decided to go for a diamond with the most perfect cut, clarity, and color he could find. How much you want to bet those 2-caraters sacrficed cut and other things for size?

Besides, after all these years of women telling men that it''s the quality that counts not the size, who can blame one when he actually believes us?!

I did have somewhat similar feelings for a little while when my fi, who made close to 6 figures then, declared that a diamond ring over $2500 is just excessive.

He also expected me to be proud of him that he hadn''t spent the full amount and could buy mountain bike stuff too!

But I realized that what mattered to me was not the cost or the size, but how much effort and care he put into picking the right ring for me. It was our fellow PSers helped me to see that the value of the ring wasn''t a statement of what he thought our love (or I) was worth. Seeing how proud he still is of my e-ring makes me love it (and him) just that much more.

Don''t forget, you can''t buy love or happiness.

 

[Julian]

I understand, but your stone sounds gorgeous.

Maybe the 2ct crowd is jealous of the possibility that yours is whiter & sparkles more? Or perhaps they''re envious of your glowy smile because your man bought you a near perfect stone? That involves research, baby! A guy knowing what HOF means is pretty impressive.

 

[asscherisme]

When I got engaged, I got a .81ct stone, not so great cut in a simple yellow gold solitaire. I hated yellow gold but I did not say anything. I looked at the diamond as a symbol and dropped thie hint that it was so thoughtful and mabye one day I would own a bigger diamond but not to replace that one and I let it drop.

During my second pregnancy, my figners were swollen and I had an accident that cause them to swell more so the ring had to but cut off my finger. So I reset it in platinum after I had the baby and got myself and him matching platinum bands with the identical engraving as our originals and put the originals away. I wanted him to match me and my wedding band was unfixable after being cut off my finger with my engagment ring.

He LOVED The platinum and it warmed him up that change is OK.

At 10 years he bought me a "gift" of a nice just over 1.5ct asscher. After a few months I decided I missed round brilliant and with his blessing returned it for a 1.63ct AGS "O" ideal cut F/VS2 stone that I LOVE and set it in a vatche tiffany replicae version with a single baguette on each side, platinum. its my dream ring.


NOW, back to those friends who 11 years ago got he BIG rings. Two are divorced, One still does not own a home, One owns a home more than she can afford and is always stressed about money, and two own homes much smaller than ours and have trouble keeping the homes up with repairs etc.

DH and I own a beautiful just under 4,000 square feet, we have renovated it to our taste and its the home of our dreams on a nice propery. Its in a very safe neighborhood that has amazing schools and we are near a big city as well which I love having for the culture and things to do. We have 4 wonderful kids that are going to some of the best schools in the country. But we delayed the big ring so we could focus on saving.

WE have zero debt besides our mortgage. Before DH bought me the nicer diamond, we paid off student loans and made sure we had enough to buy our last car with cash. The new car replaced a 11 year old car that was on its last legs and we replaced with a practical Toyota.

I''m not saying that big diamonds too early lead to debt, divorce and problems. I AM saying enjoy what you have, be grateful that you found someoen you want to spend forever with, focus on getting your financial life in order, buying a home, etc. And if you really want that bigger diamond, be patient because it will come one day.

 

[KristyDarling]

I totally hear ya. I know that you understand on every level that how big the diamond is has nothing to do with how much he loves you. But at the same time, boy wouldn''t it be awesome to have a big honker! I agree with divergrrl -- either get a honkin'' eternity wedding band, or halo your HOF stone. And if you and your FI communicate well, you could maybe even broach the topic of upgrading at some point, like at your 5 or 10 year anniversary. HOWEVER, I would NOT recommend having that convo until you''re absolutely sure he won''t be offended. After all, he''s still basking in the glow of a successful proposal. But in the meantime, work with what you have and enjoy that gorgeous stone. A HOF stone is top top quality and absolutely nothing to sneeze at. I''m guessing you could put it in a gorgeous Leon Mege style pave halo and your feelings will change completely.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Would getting a 2 or 3 carat stone as a right hand ring for your birthday or an anniversary be an option now or at some time in the future? I've seen a lot of women who got engaged with a 1/4 carat stone and then got larger stones later for their anniversaries. They never stopped wearing the ring they got engaged with and wore the larger stone as a right hand ring.