Can i Vent, Just for a sec or two

[Jessie702]

Heads up Ladies, this is gonna be a LONG post....

So a little Background, C invited his best pal of 20 years to come move here and rent out his Moms house after she died, and C best pal, lets just call him Luke, Said yes, got a transfer here for his job. Luke is a plumber in the union, and moved his family out here. So Luke and his wife, lets call her DumDum, and daughter, lets just call her sucidial

, have been here for over a year.

Now when they first, everything was OKAY, not great, not good, just okay. Luke was working, Sucidial was in school and adjusting okay, and DumDum was just at home, and trying to go to school. Well about 6 months after Luke got here, he lost his job at the union, well didnt lose, he still on the list at the union. No biggie, he is getting unemployememt. During these first 6 months also, Luke was on a diet to get the lapband surgery, due to being EXTREMELY overweight. Yes, he had to lose weight to have a weightloss surgery. No biggie, he was doing good, and had lost about 50 lbs, the Doc said he needed to lose 75 lbs, first than they could do the surgery. Also, DumDum and the daughter were on diets also, due to being Very overweight also, and had done well, the daughter losing 20 lbs and the wife losing 70 lbs.

Now, lets jump foreward to a few months ago. The wife, finally got a job, but note she works from home!, now i mention this because she complains about work, and how stressed she is, even though she works from home and doesnt have to deal with people, whereas i put 50 miles on my car daily, and deal with the problems of others while they are grieving. So i take on the families emotionial issues every dya. Anyhow,

Luke is still on employement and hadnt found a job. So note, they are at home at least 20 hours a day, not doing anything, just sitting on the computer and eating. Needless to say the diet went out the window. Now i know i have no space to talk about someone being overweight but im working on mine and losing, but at least im trying. So as you can guess they put back on all the weight they loss, PLUS MORE. A LOT MORE.....Luke is now about 450 lbs and the wife is pushing like 350. They dont want to diet so what do they decide to do, well the wife at least. They decide the wife NEEDS liposuction to lose the weight. Please remeber the husband isnt working the wife is working from home making like 12 bucks an hour, so they decide its a great idea to spend 17,000 USD for her to have Liposuction, instead of buying a membership to the gym, ebcause ya know whenever someone needs to lose 100 plus pounds they just go get lipo. Also, they validated her having the surgery because she is so big that all of the fat is causing her joints to have too much pressure so she is in pain all the time. Makes perfect sense to me....how about you

Now lets just jump a few more months foreward. He is still unemployed, she is aways in pain. Something about pain in all of her joints and not being able to move. They never work out, or leave the house unless they are going to eat, or taking the kid to school. O and did i mention, Luke and Dumdum where called to the school, beacuse the daughter was caught talking to her freinds about dreaming about commiting sucide and different ways to do it. So needless to say they have gained weight, and the wife admitted to me that between the two of them, they weight about 950 LBS....YES.....950LBS, almost a ton. Because they like to eat and never work out, but she had to have that plastic sugery.

Now here comes my vent, i dont understand why they had to waste that money. I mean, if they would have dieted, they would have more money, and be happier. He is so Big, he can barely walk. Now i dont have issues with people being overweight, i myself am overweight, but when it gets to the point of not being able to walk, or stand, thats idiocy to me, espically since it is, something that they did to themselves and could have prevented it. Or at least try to solve.Plus they arent happy with each other. They fight all the time and he treats the wife like she is a kid, even though she acts like she is 12. Not even to mention wasting money, they have 3 cell phones with everything included, go to the movies one a week, every week and eat nothing but junk and fast food. If they cut all of that out, they could save about 700 bucks. I guess im just frustrated, because C and offered to pay for them to go on vaca with us, just so they could have a break and get away....a FREE trip, and he says no, and goes into how they are broke all the time, due to no money because no work,but they have money for cell phones, junk food and movies. We didnt even want them to pay, and i can understand , not wanting to go on vacation because you dont have money, but they could have money if they didnt spend carelessly.

Ggggr, I think C and i need new friends, not being of the weight or fighting between the wife and husband, but because of the stupidity. Which is a big pet peeve of mine!!!!!


Vent now over, and thank you very much

 

[princesss]

Okay, I''m going to give you a piece of advice I got that works really well (but takes some effort).

Realize it''s not your life, and they''re not your problems. It''s not worth getting upset about when there''s no actual impact to your day-to-day life. These are C''s friends. If they''re getting under your skin, bow out and just let C spend time with them without you. But they get to lead their lives and spend their money however they want to.

Now, trust me, it''s hard sometimes to remember that. You want to help, or you see how things could be done better/different/more economically and you get frustrated that they can''t see it. BF will tell you I''m a nosy, nosy person and I want to butt in and offer an opinion whether it''s solicited or not (it''s a flaw that I''m working on) - or I''ll just vent to him about it while he rolls his eyes at me.

But ultimately, there are many more positive things you can do with your time than get all stressed out about something that isn''t impacting your life. So take a deep breath, and let this all go.

 

[Jessie702]

Date: 9/15/2009 1:46:30 PM
Author: princesss
Okay, I''m going to give you a piece of advice I got that works really well (but takes some effort).

Realize it''s not your life, and they''re not your problems. It''s not worth getting upset about when there''s no actual impact to your day-to-day life. These are C''s friends. If they''re getting under your skin, bow out and just let C spend time with them without you. But they get to lead their lives and spend their money however they want to.

Now, trust me, it''s hard sometimes to remember that. You want to help, or you see how things could be done better/different/more economically and you get frustrated that they can''t see it. BF will tell you I''m a nosy, nosy person and I want to butt in and offer an opinion whether it''s solicited or not (it''s a flaw that I''m working on) - or I''ll just vent to him about it while he rolls his eyes at me.

But ultimately, there are many more positive things you can do with your time than get all stressed out about something that isn''t impacting your life. So take a deep breath, and let this all go.

Thank you Princess, now im trying, but i guess all of this just resurfaced,when i talked to C and he told me him and his pal got into it due to him trying to offer him advice, and let him know theres a few places where we go that would be willing to hire him. We have already spoke with the people. So i guess im just upset, becase of C telling me about their fight. And the wife asking me for help on trying to get state help for health insurance and her not listening to me too....okay so its a couple of things..

 

[princesss]

Date: 9/15/2009 1:50:09 PM
Author: Jessie702

Date: 9/15/2009 1:46:30 PM
Author: princesss
Okay, I''m going to give you a piece of advice I got that works really well (but takes some effort).

Realize it''s not your life, and they''re not your problems. It''s not worth getting upset about when there''s no actual impact to your day-to-day life. These are C''s friends. If they''re getting under your skin, bow out and just let C spend time with them without you. But they get to lead their lives and spend their money however they want to.

Now, trust me, it''s hard sometimes to remember that. You want to help, or you see how things could be done better/different/more economically and you get frustrated that they can''t see it. BF will tell you I''m a nosy, nosy person and I want to butt in and offer an opinion whether it''s solicited or not (it''s a flaw that I''m working on) - or I''ll just vent to him about it while he rolls his eyes at me.

But ultimately, there are many more positive things you can do with your time than get all stressed out about something that isn''t impacting your life. So take a deep breath, and let this all go.

Thank you Princess, now im trying, but i guess all of this just resurfaced,when i talked to C and he told me him and his pal got into it due to him trying to offer him advice, and let him know theres a few places where we go that would be willing to hire him. We have already spoke with the people. So i guess im just upset, becase of C telling me about their fight. And the wife asking me for help on trying to get state help for health insurance and her not listening to me too....okay so its a couple of things..

Gotcha. It''s tough, especially when people don''t seem to want to take the help you''re offering. I''d honestly just bow out of the situation all together. Let C handle it, be a sounding board for him, and then go take a walk or do something fun together. I love taking walks with BF - I can feel the stress melt away!

 

[Jessie702]

Date: 9/15/2009 1:52:33 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 9/15/2009 1:50:09 PM
Author: Jessie702

Date: 9/15/2009 1:46:30 PM
Author: princesss
Okay, I''m going to give you a piece of advice I got that works really well (but takes some effort).

Realize it''s not your life, and they''re not your problems. It''s not worth getting upset about when there''s no actual impact to your day-to-day life. These are C''s friends. If they''re getting under your skin, bow out and just let C spend time with them without you. But they get to lead their lives and spend their money however they want to.

Now, trust me, it''s hard sometimes to remember that. You want to help, or you see how things could be done better/different/more economically and you get frustrated that they can''t see it. BF will tell you I''m a nosy, nosy person and I want to butt in and offer an opinion whether it''s solicited or not (it''s a flaw that I''m working on) - or I''ll just vent to him about it while he rolls his eyes at me.

But ultimately, there are many more positive things you can do with your time than get all stressed out about something that isn''t impacting your life. So take a deep breath, and let this all go.

Thank you Princess, now im trying, but i guess all of this just resurfaced,when i talked to C and he told me him and his pal got into it due to him trying to offer him advice, and let him know theres a few places where we go that would be willing to hire him. We have already spoke with the people. So i guess im just upset, becase of C telling me about their fight. And the wife asking me for help on trying to get state help for health insurance and her not listening to me too....okay so its a couple of things..

Gotcha. It''s tough, especially when people don''t seem to want to take the help you''re offering. I''d honestly just bow out of the situation all together. Let C handle it, be a sounding board for him, and then go take a walk or do something fun together. I love taking walks with BF - I can feel the stress melt away!

Thanks again, im going to have to, because i think its adding extra stress, i dont need right now. *Sigh*

I too love talking walks with C. When im at his house during the weekend, we take our doggies for a walk, like twice a day, and talk about everything. Gotta love it

 

[purelily]

Hi Jesse,

I''m sorry about all of this. I have nothing else to say other than that I agree with the other posters, it is not your problem, but you are a good friend to worry about them. It gets to a time though, when you can''t worry about them anymore. I hope you find new friends soon. you seem like a wonderful lady

 

[Jessie702]

Thanks Purelily.....i see that now....*sigh* it sucks, i wish i could fix them, but i know i cant.

 

[Bia]

Hmmm...who knows why people spend money the way they do?

I imagine this family is dealing with a lot. You figure, with husband being out of work, wifey working for only $12/hr, all are extremely overweight, daughter depressed, etc., combined, these situations are going to make it hard to do much of anything. They don't sound like they're in the healthiest frame of mind right now. I know I wouldn't be. Please, I am having a hard time losing 15 lbs

. Now 100?! I can't even imagine how difficult that must be.

Maybe the wife is having the surgery for other reasons not discussed. Although, you're right, I always thought lipo was a fix-imperfections surgery, not a remove-all-my-fat-at-once surgery - especially if the woman is over 350lbs.

If I were you, I'd stop internalizing their family issues.

 

[Jessie702]

Thank you Bia, and everyone, your right i need to stop, but it becomecs diffcult when you hear about their issues weekly, sometimes more, and its right in your face. Your all right, i need to butt out and when they start talking about, ill have to push it away.

 

[tlh]

That is just sad. It is hard when you are able to see things clearly from outside their world, and want to help them... because it is HARD to see friends miserable, and unhealthy.

But remember, everyone is the keeper of their own happiness. Do not let other''s unhappiness affect you and your self worth. As a good friend of mine used to say "Don''t wear other people''s problems on your face." Because other''s people''s life stresses aren''t worth YOUR wrinkles!

They will have to figure this out for themselves. Put some distance between you and this problem if it is becoming unhealthy for you. Hopefully the girl will get the help she needs - and your friends will work towards their own happiness.

 

[Jessie702]

Thanks so much, i really could use a hug.....Im thinking C and I do need space from them, and their issues. Hes taking a lot of their burden