Calling **Mayachel** and other

[lucyandroger]

***Oops! Not sure why the title got cut off but it's supposed to say: and other "house before wedding" ladies....

Hi Mayachel,

I saw on the the "Waiting until marriage?" thread that you bought a house last year before getting engaged. First of all, CONGRATS on the house and the upcoming wedding!

Second, I just wanted to hear from you and other ladies that did something similar. Why did you do it? Did you get any grief from people? How did you handle it?

I ask because my BF and I were planning to get married this fall but have postponed the wedding because we want to buy a house first. I was having a really hard time picking out my ring and planning the wedding because every cent we planned to spend, I just saw it coming out of our house fund. I wasn't actually enjoying looking at diamonds because I just felt guilty.

I know that we could get married cheaply and don't need a diamond engagement ring. That's not at all the issue. The issue is that we want a nice wedding but our first priority is getting into a nice house. We can easily afford both things in the next few years, it's just a matter of which comes first.

I am well aware of the "dangers" of buying a home together but BF and I have been fully committed to one another for over 3 years and I just don't feel like the piece of paper should automatically jump ahead of our other goals. We bought a car together 2 years ago and have lived together for 2 years as well. While we have seperate accounts, our finances and financial goals have been combined for quite a while. Plus, we're both lawyers so we can protect ourselves with the right paperwork - don't worry!

Anyway, sorry for the long post. I'd love to hear from any ladies that went for the house first!

 

[Bex215]

HI Lucy!

My FI and I bought a house about 8 months before we got engaged. I guess we got a little grief about it at first, but the market was great and we both had homeownership as a primary goal, so we went ahead and did it. We had been living together beforehand, so it seemed like the most natural progression for us.

IMO, it took a HUGE stress off of us when it came to getting engaged. We don''t have to worry about saving for a house (or car or whatever) while we''re planning our wedding (which we are paying for ourselves). The other great part for me? We don''t need to register for a thing! We have a totally furnished home! In fact, we probably have TOO much stuff. So we''re registering for our honeymoon instead!

It may not be an option for everyone, but for us, it just made sense. I wouldn''t have done it any other way!

 

[lucyandroger]

Thanks for replying Bex!

That is exactly how I feel. I''m glad to hear that we''re not the only ones that feel this way. I''m just imagining the wedding being this big celebration of our relationship and all that we''ve accomplished together and it seems even more romantic to me.

 

[dcgator]

First off, OMG, what cute little kitties! I remember when my babies were small...

On a more serious note, I moved in with my current fiance about 8 months before we were engaged as well. We did it for a number of reasons, convenience, etc, but the main reason was that we were spending about $4000 a month in rent b/t the two of us

. Unfortunately, in a city like DC, that is pretty easy to do, as seeing as how we were pretty much living at each other''s places, it made so much more sense to live together. Also, he was not in a good situation with his roommate, so that the need to move a bit more urgent.

We did initally have some feedback from my mother, and also a minor gut check from me right before he moved in, but he assured my mom (and me) that our intention was to get engaged/married, so it wasn''t just moving in to cohabitat.

Happily, things went really well, and not only did we get engaged last year, but soon after we bought a condo (sick of paying rent vs. owning).

We really haven''t had any issues, and if you feel that it is right for you guys, then do it and forget what other people say!

 

[Lynny0780]

i lived with my fi for a year before we bought our house, and a year after living in our house we got engaged with a ring and the planning began. We had already talked about getting married before moving in with each other. So just like you guys, we already knew we wanted to get married and were fully commited. I am so glad we are already all settled and can just focus on wedding plans now.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 3/17/2009 1:54:33 PM
Author: Lynny0780
i lived with my fi for a year before we bought our house, and a year after living in our house we got engaged with a ring and the planning began. We had already talked about getting married before moving in with each other. So just like you guys, we already knew we wanted to get married and were fully committed. I am so glad we are already all settled and can just focus on wedding plans now.

This is similar to our situation. 6 months into our relationship we decided to buy a house. About 8 months in we had something in our name and moved in together. 7 months after that we got engaged.

We went into the house buying knowing that we were going to get married. Our parents knew too so there wasn''t any question about our future. My mother did get some rude "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" comments from people but it doesn''t bother me. I suppose all that mattered that we were on the same page about where our relationship was going.

 

[lucyandroger]

DCGator - I''m actually in the DC area also so I hear you on the high rent! That''s one of our main reasons for wanting to buy also. Congrats on the engagement and new condo!

Thanks for the comment about my kitties! They''re actually much larger than this now but I just love this photo.

Lynny - Thanks for the reply! I''m so glad to hear that it''s all going well for you. I really think wedding planning will be more fun for me once we get ourselves settled in a house. Congrats and good luck!

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 3/17/2009 2:38:18 PM
Author: Clairitek

Date: 3/17/2009 1:54:33 PM
Author: Lynny0780
i lived with my fi for a year before we bought our house, and a year after living in our house we got engaged with a ring and the planning began. We had already talked about getting married before moving in with each other. So just like you guys, we already knew we wanted to get married and were fully committed. I am so glad we are already all settled and can just focus on wedding plans now.

This is similar to our situation. 6 months into our relationship we decided to buy a house. About 8 months in we had something in our name and moved in together. 7 months after that we got engaged.

We went into the house buying knowing that we were going to get married. Our parents knew too so there wasn''t any question about our future. My mother did get some rude ''Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?'' comments from people but it doesn''t bother me. I suppose all that mattered that we were on the same page about where our relationship was going.

That''s so true!

Actually, both sets of our parents fully support the house first idea. I think it''s because they''re close enough to us to see how truly committed we are to one another. Plus they just want the best for us and know enough about our finances to see how it''s financially benefitial to us. My dad actually calls my BF my "partner" all the time. It''s really cute that he wants him to have a "more important" title.

 

[Kelli]

My fiancee and I bought a house in November, moved in December 1st, and aren''t getting married until February of 2010. The reason? We''d been together for over eight years and living together for almost all of it. The neighborhood we lived in for several years (renting a duplex) had really gone downhill and I wasn''t feeling so safe anymore. The market was REALLY in our favor and it was just WAAYY more important to us to get a house first. It would have seemed rediculous to continue living there, not to mention throwing away rent money every month, just to plan a wedding. Now, we have a beautiful new house that is a LOT nicer than we ever thought we could have afforded, and don''t have to plan a wedding and look for a house at the same time I didn''t catch any grief for it at all. Luckily for me, most of my family and friends think pretty logically too.

 

[Kelli]

By the way, good luck in your home buying and wedding planning! It''s a really exciting time! And don''t get bullied into having the wedding first, do whatever feels right for you.

 

[luvbug]

I'm another house before wedding gal
Clairitek, we actually have a close timeline to you! FI and I were together 5 months when I moved into his apartment and started looking at homes when we were together about 9 months. After a loooong closing with an estate property we moved in to our own home after only 14 months of dating! The ring came a little over a year later.

It was all very quick but I wouldn't change a thing. Our parents were supportive because they knew our intentions were to marry so it wasn't worth putting another year or two's worth of rent money for us. Although, none of my extended family knows we live together (it's been over 2 years!!) it's better than ruffling the conservative feathers. I love the fact that we can focus totally on the wedding and not have to feel badly about taking away from a down payment.

I think as long as your committed to being together forever it doesn't really matter what comes first & you should do what feels right! Having the parents on board helps a lot I think.
Good Luck!!

 

[teapot]

My DH and I bought a house together before getting engaged, but we knew we were going down the path toward marriage.

We are, as are our families, devout Catholics and we didn''t get grief from anybody, including the priest who blessed our house.

I think the key to doing this successfully is to have everybody on the same page/

 

[Clairitek]

I just wanted to reiterate just how great it feels to have the down payment saving business behind us. I do owe a little bit of money to my parents since my savings wasn''t as large as FI''s but it is nice to be able to think about how I can actually get the photographer I want instead of compromising for the sake of putting more away into the house fund. Knowing me I would be looking at my guest list (pre-home owning) and visualizing everyone on there as money that I wouldn''t be saving to own a home. Certainly not what you really want going through your mind when its time to slash the guest list.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 3/17/2009 5:42:31 PM
Author: Clairitek
I just wanted to reiterate just how great it feels to have the down payment saving business behind us. I do owe a little bit of money to my parents since my savings wasn''t as large as FI''s but it is nice to be able to think about how I can actually get the photographer I want instead of compromising for the sake of putting more away into the house fund. Knowing me I would be looking at my guest list (pre-home owning) and visualizing everyone on there as money that I wouldn''t be saving to own a home. Certainly not what you really want going through your mind when its time to slash the guest list.

That''s EXACTLY what I was doing!!! I was sitting there trying to think up ways to make it less likely that certain family members or friends would come.

Then I realized that an extra few thousand dollars now feels HUGE because I see it being taken away from my down payment where as after the house, it''ll feel completely worth it for a once in a lifetime event.

Congrats on buying the house. It is such a great accomplishment!

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 3/17/2009 2:48:41 PM
Author: Kelli
By the way, good luck in your home buying and wedding planning! It''s a really exciting time! And don''t get bullied into having the wedding first, do whatever feels right for you.

Thanks, Kelli!

That is awesome that you are so happy with your home! What a great feeling to be settled in a place you love!