calling HappilyEverAfter

[pavelover]

Hi HEA,
I was just reading your posting about choosing the right paper for your invitations. I saw that you are having 13 people, is that right? Would you mind telling me a little about how you were able to keep your day so small? Was it difficult? Did other peoples expectations make your decision difficult? I would like to either elope or just have immediate family with a couple of close friends. just not sure how to go about it. I am already getting pressure from my mom who is planning on working extra to save money!!!! very sweet but not at all what I am interested in. just curious how you came to your decision. thanks for any info you want to share.

 

[surfgirl]

Hey pavelover...If you want any further proof as to how relaxed and happy a couple can be when they elope, please check out my elopement photo thread here...

https://www.pricescope.com/forum/dumpster/introducing-mr-mrs-surfgirl-t67432.html

I HIGHLY recommend elopements! It''s incredibly romantic and very private and intimate. I couldn''t imagine saying my wedding vows in front of anyone except my intended...We''re just very personal about that sort of thing and since we''d be paying for our own wedding, eloping was perfect for us. I''d say though, that there are all sorts of levels of elopement. For us, we (well, I!) didn''t want to miss out on the feeling of a wedding so I''d say that our elopement was basically a "mini wedding." I had a dress I loved, flowers, veil, beautiful romantic location, splurged on a photographer so those not there would be able to share our day through photos, we had a romantic wedding dinner at a wonderful restaurant and had someone make us a fabulous wedding cake for our wedding dinner. All in all, we didn''t "miss out" on anything except all the headaches of planning a wedding. At first we were going to have a few of our closest friends join us but in the end coordinating 5 sets of people and their availability became like we were planning a wedding "around them", and in the end we looked at each other and said, "this is OUR wedding, and we should have it when/where we want" so we decided to have it be just us. You can spend a little and have a simple city hall civil ceremony and go out to dinner, or you can spend a lot, depends on how you want to do it. We splurged since we hope it to be a once in a lifetime event. And then afterwards, we sent out very nice wedding announcements to all our friends and family. In fact, I have to post a separate thread about the announcements...Anyway, if you''re wanting to elope, but you dont know how to deal with your family, etc., I highly recommend the book, "Let''s Elope!" it has a huge chapter about the benefits and merits of eloping and how to deal with and manage the expectations of family and friends. Amazon.com has it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Elope-Definitive-Destination-Weddings/dp/0553380826

Ultimately, it''s your day and your choice, IMO. Hopefully you only do this once, so do it the way that makes you and your FI most happy! If I can answer any other questions, just ask...

 

[happilyeverafter]

hi pavelover! I''d be happy to shed a little light on our decision. It''s actually 13 invitations, so 26 people (including us). I know how lists can slowly grow, so before we told anyone our decision we made a guest rule - immediate family only. That included sublings, parents, and grandparents - NO cousins/aunts/uncles, etc. We also included three couples which are our closest friends. So far no one has debated us. My mom and FMIL were disappointed that we weren''t having a big party, but understood that that is what we wanted. It helps that we said we weren''t accepting money for the wedding, so they had no cards to play against us. They may however plan a big bbq for us later - prob in the summer - but we will not be involved in that at all. We''ll just show up and that''s it.

There are a few reasons we came to the decision to have a mini-wedding (that wasn''t a DW or elopement). First, we didn''t want to share our special day with a ton of people that we don''t really care about or keep in touch with. Since it''s such a special day, we wanted only the most special of people with us.

Also, we don''t see the value of spending so much money on one day when it could be put to other use (ie we will have our mortgage paid off in three years and be completely debt free, YAY!) Now some people may see a wedding day as money well spent, but our own personal view is that we''d rather spend it on our future. Both are right, it''s just whatever you prefer.

We just wanted it to be private and personal in the end. We can do a nice affair with the ones we love, and others may be disappointed but i''m sure it will be quickly forgotten. It really helps people understand when we say that we only invited immediate family and not even cousins - they usually don''t feel left out after that. And we made it VERY clear to family right at the beginning that we would be having the wedding we want (especially since we were paying for it) and not having a "social event for the families". They saw how important a small wedding was to us and are now happy with our decision, especially when they see the money we are saving.

Hope this helps, let me know if you have more questions!

 

[pavelover]

Surfgirl,
thanks so much for writing back. I knew from previous threads that you were eloping. I am so happy to hear that it was the wonderful event that you wanted. I can''t wait to go read your thread right now. I just got engaged last weekend and was looking for the book you suggested while I was in the airport waiting to return home. Unfortunately they didn''t have any bride books! can you believe it? He,he,he.
I appreciate your support. It is a difficult decision for me. My fiance is supportive and willing to do whatever makes me happy. I will go read your post and get the book. And I ''ll be in touch if thats ok.
thanks again!

 

[happilyeverafter]

Date: 8/26/2007 9:28:33 PM
Author: surfgirl
For us, we (well, I!) didn''t want to miss out on the feeling of a wedding so I''d say that our elopement was basically a ''mini wedding.'' I had a dress I loved, flowers, veil, beautiful romantic location, splurged on a photographer so those not there would be able to share our day through photos, we had a romantic wedding dinner at a wonderful restaurant and had someone make us a fabulous wedding cake for our wedding dinner. All in all, we didn''t ''miss out'' on anything except all the headaches of planning a wedding.

We are doing the same thing as surfgirl. We cut out the things we don''t like about weddings (toasts, tons of people, cake, first dance (maybe), expensive flowers - only having a bouquet and boutoinnere (sp?)) and keeping the things we love and really want (a nice meal, wedding dress, great photographer, etc). You will be the most happy if your wedding is exactly as YOU want it!

 

[pavelover]

thanks for your speedy reply hea. I think your ideas are soo great. It really makes sense to do what will make you and your fiance happy. I hope I can make it happy the way my fiance and myself want it. I guess it''s just a mindset. thanks for clarifying about your guest list etc. I am so glad that your family was supportive of your decisions. Hopefully I will come to a decsion soon and I will let you know. thanks again.

 

[happilyeverafter]

Date: 8/26/2007 10:27:17 PM
Author: pavelover
thanks for your speedy reply hea. I think your ideas are soo great. It really makes sense to do what will make you and your fiance happy. I hope I can make it happy the way my fiance and myself want it. I guess it''s just a mindset. thanks for clarifying about your guest list etc. I am so glad that your family was supportive of your decisions. Hopefully I will come to a decsion soon and I will let you know. thanks again.

glad I could help, and best of luck in your decision!

 

[Pandora II]

One of the nicest and most sincerely romantic weddings I ever saw was when I was working in a hotel. We did masses of the big white weddings, and then one day we had a couple who just came with a couple of friends and immediate family - about 20 total. They just chose from the normal menu, she had a nice non-wedding dress and some pretty flowers - and I took some photos for them out in the hotel garden.

They both looked so happy and in love - and I will always remember their day.

If FI and I were paying, we would have had a very similar small wedding or eloped. However my father is very traditional and started saving for my wedding the week I was born. It means a lot to him to "give me away" properly, so we have gone with the big wedding (120) to make him happy.