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Calling DMBfan, guys, your turn for a dating q.

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Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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GALS, please feel free to chime in too, if you have some experience with these kinds of things!

If a guy wants to pick you up for a date, even though the place you're going for your date is near HIS place, should a gal let him do it because he says he wants to? Does it, say, cramp his Gentleman Thang if you protest too much? (In this case, we're talking he comes in a CAB to get me... isn't that a little silly?)

In the same vein, if a guy brings you a nice present...maybe TOO nice?, and you're all 'Thanks so much, but, uh... that's not necessary!" And you've been SUPER clear that you're seeing other people, that you're not a couple, etc. and he's insistent and says "I know, I just felt like it." should you accept it? I mean, is it insulting to refuse? But is it, er, leading him on to accept?

HELP!


 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 1, 2005
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188
Yes I would still want to pick you up(thats what I would do) Its all going to depend on where you guys are. Even if you are dating other people, I would still want to pick you up. Not really cramping my style, but just what I would like to do.

In term of the present. I can't answer that. I dont do presents unless we are together and even then there are better things you can do other than try to give someone something they may not want. I would say accept it, you made your point that it was not necessary and he still does it...not your fault.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Thanks DMB fan!

Guys seem to, uh...like me a lot for some unfathomable reason (I mean, check out my ample facial hair in the avatar!) But I like to take my time and get to know them, as i said in your thread, before I get involved. So I''m super sensitive about not making them feel like I expect them to spoil me. In case they think that''s the issue in me not ''committing'' right away, or like that would convince me. Totally not the issue!

So, when guys do stuff like that, it''s cause they enjoy doing the whole gallantry thing, not because they think WE expect it? Is that it? Cause I ENJOY the gallantry, I just don''t expect it. And I don''t want any of them to ''expect'' anything in ''return''.

Just don''t want to hurt anyone''s feelings, or make anyone think I need to be spoiled.

Eek.
 

the other Jake

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2006
Messages
423
Definately don't cramp his style, let him pick you up! I would want to pick up my date.

As for the gift, you tried to refuse it. I say go ahead and keep it. If he can't take a hint, theres nothing more you can do without being rude. I would be more hurt if she tried to return the gift. What am I gonna do with this? I can't return it and I bought it for you.
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 1, 2005
Messages
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So, when guys do stuff like that, it''s cause they enjoy doing the whole gallantry thing, not because they think WE expect it? Is that it? Cause I ENJOY the gallantry, I just don''t expect it. And I don''t want any of them to ''expect'' anything in ''return''.
I do it and have always done it, whether you are with me or not. I have always held doors open, stand up to shake your hand, wait till you leave the room before I sit,etc. I was brought up that way and I do it naturally. SO if a guy does this things its because thats how they are not because they expect anything in return. I dont do it as an expectation. its natural.
 

RockDoc

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
2,509
Picking you up in a cab.

It''s nice that you''re offering to meet him since he has to come in a cab, but I don''t think it''s primarilly the chivaltic ideal.

It is a "respect" thing that he is showing you, and dismissing it doesn''t let him show you that he does respect you.

As for being spoiled and pampered, that should be a two way street. Spoil and pamper him too, perhaps that will mix up your chemistry sets and get a positive mixture result.

Rockdoc
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Well, I''m just heading out to meet him for our next date now! So, we''ll just see what happens...
 

oliverOSU

Rough_Rock
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Nov 28, 2006
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13
I''m gonna be the one guy to stand out and say, even though I might offer to come get you in a cab, I would be stoked if you said "that''s stupid, I''ll just meet you there", or "I''ll just come over to your place. In my personal experience, my best relationships are the ones without all those traditional roles/formality, maybe it''s just me, but I want to be relaxed around someone I''m dating, even if that means she comes to my house or whatever. But hey, different strokes for different folks, I know there are plenty of girls who wouldn''t go for me....good thing I found one
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
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I''m a girl, but i''m siding with Oliver on this.

Here''s my take:

"Chivalry" is totally lost on me because the majority of the time I''ve seen it, it''s come with a guy that has expected we have traditional roles and can''t handle me. I''m definitely independently minded... I''m not some debutante sitting around waiting for my prince to come... I go out and get what I want and I would be very uncomfortable with a guy that insisted on picking me up if it didn''t make sense... I don''t understand presents so early on... all that stuff to me would scream "red flag" because TO ME it says "he thinks he knows me but he hasn''t yet taken the time to get to know me" and "he''s not interested in getting to know THE REAL ME, just his IDEA of me." I know a lot of guys feel that''s unfair, but the whole chivalry act goes away eventually and then you''re left with someone that may not even know you.

I met my FI online, so our first date was sort of a "blind date". I drove myself to the restaurant as I didn''t know him well enough to give him my address yet. On the third date, I paid. And we have a very even keel relationship... it''s right for me. Relationships are about give and take, share and share a like. The whole pedestal-putting-prince-type-guy is just tiring.

Don''t be worried about interrupting his game... the right guy should be able to handle you, just the way you are.
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
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Dec 1, 2005
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188
We are jumping past the first date. Yes, once you start dating many of these things that make sense will sort out if you are both on the same page. He is doing this out of respect and a good gesture.

Indy-Gal-- you have to decide if these are thing you are ok with later. Have your previous relationships not been like this? were these things something that you want it or not? Can I ask how old you are?

Oliver/sunbride-I agree withyou but you can also find a great balance of both. If you get into a relationship with roles, you are in deep trouble now a days. We are also moving out of the "traditional" behavior and women are more independent, so once you do find that one person that you are able to combine todays lifestyle bringing some of the old fashion traditions, keep that relationship....

let us know how it went
 

Independent Gal

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Hi Guys,

Thanks for all the insight. When I was younger, I lived in a couple of other countries where the Gentleman Thang was less a thing. And since I moved here, I've mostly been in a relationship. So I'm still learning the ins and outs of what's just a guy doing his thing and what isn't. It's just unfamiliar, so a little uncomfy.

Rockdoc: I LOVE to spoil my man... once he's my man. I'm the little present buying, cookie baking, love note leaving kind of gal. Definitely a two way street. But at the dating stage, before I'm even sure I'm interested, I'm a little more coy.

Oliver: Same thing goes for the roles / traditions thing. I would feel very uncomfortable if a guy tried to continue to chauffeur me around once we were together.

Sumbride: I think as usual you hit the nail on the head. Your posts are always so sensible! (And by the way, I always pay on the third date too.) I do enjoy being courted, although heaven knows, I'm no debutante! Maybe part of what worries me about the chivalry thing, other than it being a bit unfamiliar, is that a guy might THINK I was a debutante, because I kinda look like one - I love gorgeous clothes and I dress like a serious girly-girl. But I'm a handful. I mean a serious HANDFUL. Not in a bad way, but I'm boisterous and independent and willful. I laugh really loud. I put my feet up on the desk in my office. I drink whiskey. I yell at hockey games. I travel by myself in obscure corners of the world. I almost got expelled from school back in the day because I (still) refuse to follow irrational rules. So I guess it worries me whether a guy will see the pretty, well-dressed exterior and think he's getting a girly girl who wants to move to the suburbs and compare possessions with the neighbours, when I want to have adventures and have a raucous home filled with rambunctious kiddies who laugh so hard at the dinner table that milk comes out their little noses.

I'm pretty sure that comes across after a date or two with me, but sometimes people see 'woman' not 'person', and maybe you're right that I'm a little worried that observing the traditional gender roles with dating encourages that. Still, I think it's important to respect the guy's point of view. If being a gent is just how he is, as DMB says, then it would be insulting to cramp his style! So, I'll try to just enjoy it. And not be the lady who protests too much.

Oh, and about the present? That was from a different guy. And it was a perfect, thoughtful present. Something I would have chosen for myself. That was from M, the guy I've known for a couple of years but have only just started to date. A nice contrast to the ex, who, on my last birthday, came home late with a bag from Tower records and gave me one from among the CD's he had bought. No, seriously! He was a doll in general, but he was a DOPE when it came to the whole present concept.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Further proof that Sumbride was on the right track with the possibly over-protective thing. This aft, D (cab man, not gift man) calls and says ''Let''s catch a quick cocktail tonight.'' I suggest a place 3 blocks from my place so we won''t have to go through the whole cab rigamarole again.

D: "So I''ll pick you up"
Me: "Uhhh, it''s, like, around the corner."
D: "OK, but I don''t want you walking after dark in that neighbourhood by yourself."
Me: (under breath: "whaa?") "Uhm, but it''s, errr...MY neighbourhood. I live here. I walk here after dark every day. Otherwise, I''d have to stay inside in the winter... Y''know, not go to work and stuff."
D: "All the same."

OK, now for someone whose name here is... IndependentGal? THAT creeps me out a little. I think this may not be the guy for me.


M, if you''re out there, your chances are looking up!
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
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yeah, I'd say "RUN!!!"

IG, you have a great spirit about you and you need a guy that can see that loud and clear! Go with your gut, girl.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
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I''m thinking cab man is going to be a no-go. So M, gift man, is the first one you asked us about right? Because I think that was the one I was rooting for... he''s the one that was messy?

*M*
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
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IG- see there is a difference between being a "gentleman" and smothering you (thats a bit excessive). You have to find that middle ground. he should have been able to pick up on your resistance on last week and be able to follow up on the last date without needing to to pick you up when its that close to your house.

is "M" the guy from work? Did you end up meeting "D" for drinks?

Where have you been before out of the states? I''m a foreigner myself and there is a difference on how you are brought up, although I have been here since I was 12.
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
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i''m late to this thread, but i''d say it''s nice to have a guy offer to pick you up, no matter how close the destination. It''s a nice gesture. HOWEVER, it''s also nice for you to decline..so that way he''s made the gesture and you''ve done the reasonable thing and declined since, hello, it makes more sense for you to get there on your own,etc. If he continues to insist, yes that''s a red flag. Because I''m sure you want to date someone who has social skills and instincts and knows when to be back off and let things flow!

As for the gift thing, I''m in the party of declining since you''re not sure if you''re even interested yet. I feel accepting gifts sends the signal that you are accepting his affections and will return the favor somehow or feel guilted into it. So be flattered, but politiely decline woudl be my advice. Of course if the gift is not too personal, or a nice gentlemen gesture like flowers, that''s diff. It''s a question of degree and good taste I guess. And it sounds like you want to remain independent, so best to err on side of caution! I had a friend who accepted all gifts (including a trip) even if she had zero interest. I had another friend who accepted a free lunch at a super $$$$$ place (world famous) from a married guy. Her view was if they offer, it''s hers. Ugh. Sorry for slight tangent.
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
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Personally I like a guy to be a gentleman, hold the door open for me, carry my things, call a cab for me, etc. As much as I love independence (financially, emotionally, etc.) and being able to call the shots, there is just something extraodinarily rare and wonderful, especially nowadays, about a guy who treats women well. It has to be genuine though and not some facade that will drop as soon as the guy "has" the girl.

About the cab-happy guy -- you never know. Maybe in his past he has known a girl such as a friend or a friend of a friend who has been raped or assaulted because her guy was not a gentleman. I have heard some rather unfortunate stories in my college days, and just because it''s your own neighborhood does not make it any safer. Lots of news about girls being raped in their own homes circulate the press where I live (Chicago). Don''t ever let your guard down!

That, and you mention you like to dress well, particularly for dates. It''s one thing to go out in your work clothes or casual clothes, but another to go out after dark in dresses that you pick out for a date. If I were the guy, I''d probably offer the same and be rather persistent, just because I tend to be a bit protective.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Yes, M. (aka GiftMan) is the messy one. And all my friends are cheering for him at the moment. My parents are a bit more hesitant (dad and step-dad sometimes act as my 'male perspective' dating coaches...). My friends love that he's been devoted to me (without my even knowing it!) for so long without ever doing anything inappropriate while I wasn't available. And that he's so fascinating and fun and JUST as adventurous as I am. And LOVES that i'm a handful. And he's smarter than me, which I like. He's also very sweet, very clued in to my moods and feelings, and, maybe more importantly, to his own. The Ex FF often seemed completely, almost comically incapable of identifying what he was feeling, and completely oblivious to what I might be feeling. So M would be a nice, if slightly scary change. I say slightly scary because one of the things I liked about Ex FF was that I'm kind of shy and private when it comes to emotional stuff, and we never had to talk about stuff in anything other than a matter of fact way. So, we were really happy and peaceful together, but never close. And I guess I realized I'd rather marry someone I'm actually CLOSE to! Still, scary stuff.

Funny what I'll tell random strangers, it occurs to me.

M. is also extremely handsome.

And he's itching for kids. And he'd make a totally awesome dad.

My dads are worried because even though he's in his early 30's he has NOTHING. He has spent every penny he ever earned. I'm a saver and a planner (OK, and occasionaly a splurger on jewelery...just bought another ring from Signed Pieces! GAH! can't wait! )... I certainly don't care if I'm with someone well off, but at least being financially sensible is important to me. So, i'm pretty worried about that. And the mess thing, which would drive me nuts.

And we work for the same organization. Not in the same area. And in neighbouring, but not the same building. What if we broke up? What if he told colleagues stuff in a fit of spite or something? I like to keep work and life separate usually.

How much should this stuff worry me?

My best pal claims I'm trying to find EXCUSES not to get involved with someone I might actually fall in love with! haha. But who knows? Maybe she's right!
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
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IMO you are fishing for excuses, but they are valid points that seem to pose some type of a problem for you. It''s just a matter of HOW much a problem these issues will be, and that is all up to you. He sounds like a great guy that you really can be close to, and that is great! As for the financial stuff, if you become serious you are going to want to talk that through right away. My husband isn''t terrible at handling money, but my mother is the head of a credit union, so I have been trained with money since I was little. Because of this I do all of the bills and finances. It makes it easier on both of us and is something I like to do because I don''t have to worry if it is being done right. The kids thing might also be an issue, but it doesn''t sound like he is pressuring you to have kids right now. My DH is also itching for kids but we both know that it isn''t going to happen for a while... so maybe M is thinking the same thing. He just sounds so great, I think you should at least give him a shot and give yourself a shot at finding someone who makes you happy as well. It sounds like his difference from your former BF is a great difference because the two of you can actually talk, which is important.

*M*
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Update on CabMan: we met for a cocktail. He would NOT let me pay (3rd date!). He said he likes to spoil. I said ''You really don''t have to. I don''t need to be spoiled'' and then he said something kinda cute / cheesy like ''Even if I lavished you with gifts every day, I feel sure that nothing would ever spoil you.'' Ack. I''m gonna puke. Well, it was kind of cute I guess. Sort of.

And Janine: congrats again on your engagement! Re gifts, it''s a tough one. Refusing a gift is a very serious matter, but so is accepting one. I never know quite what to do. Protesting a lot is a good start. But then there''s this point where M looked crestfallen and a bit PO''ed and was like "just be gracious and accept it as it''s intended." And then I felt like a b*&tch.

The last time I was single, and my first intro the US dating scene, I was living on the East Coast, and a man I had gone out with ONCE sent me a message that said something like "I want to see you again, so please tell me your dream day in NYC and I will meet you there and make it happen. I''ll take you shoppin on Madison Avenue, I''ll take you to dinner anywhere you want. Opera? Anything." And I''m like "Uhhh, Dude, I''m not a prostitute, and this is supposed to be a date, not a re-enactment of ''Pretty Woman''." YUCK! That was not hard to turn down. He didn''t even know me. I think the gift from M was different. From the heart, not a means of manipulation.

Maybe I should stick with the boys with slimmer pocketbooks or something!
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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DMB fan and Hopes: yeah, I think it''s all in the details. I like a little chivalry too. It''s like playing dress up. PRETENDING I''m a debutante. Haha! But then there''s overkill. I don''t want to feel like a guy is trying to buy my affection, or like he''s going to try to control me. I know how to take care of myself. And one can be sensible, without living in fear, of course.

Good thinking on the ''past experiences'' possibility, Hopes. Maybe that''s it? I''ll see if I can find a neutral way of asking him.
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 12/11/2006 1:42:31 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Yes, M. (aka GiftMan) is the messy one. And all my friends are cheering for him at the moment. My parents are a bit more hesitant (dad and step-dad sometimes act as my ''male perspective'' dating coaches...). My friends love that he''s been devoted to me (without my even knowing it!) for so long without ever doing anything inappropriate while I wasn''t available. And that he''s so fascinating and fun and JUST as adventurous as I am. And LOVES that i''m a handful. And he''s smarter than me, which I like. He''s also very sweet, very clued in to my moods and feelings, and, maybe more importantly, to his own. The Ex FF often seemed completely, almost comically incapable of identifying what he was feeling, and completely oblivious to what I might be feeling. So M would be a nice, if slightly scary change. I say slightly scary because one of the things I liked about Ex FF was that I''m kind of shy and private when it comes to emotional stuff, and we never had to talk about stuff in anything other than a matter of fact way. So, we were really happy and peaceful together, but never close. And I guess I realized I''d rather marry someone I''m actually CLOSE to! Still, scary stuff.
Read what you wrote. M sure sounds like a winner. The financial stuff could be an issue, but you can work on that together. The messiness... well, decide if it''s really THAT important to you in the long run. It honestly sounds like you have your "great catch" just waiting for you.
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
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Dec 7, 2006
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97
Oy, the ex sounds very bad! Not being able to "read" you and be tuned to your emotions is a big no-no in relationships.

You did mention your hesitation about the new guy though. As in, if he''s more into you than you are into him, that''s not really a good thing. Then again, sometimes you might just discover your feelings for someone after they confess theirs... love is a tricky thing isn''t it? :razz:
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Sumbride: I have been seriously wondering if he might be my great catch. At dinner last night he was telling me hilarious stories about his boyhood hi-jinks. I'm amazed his mom didn't have a heart attack. I guess that bodes well for someone who'd encourage kids to laugh raucously at the dinner table.

Then he asked "What are you so worried about anyway?" I mentioned, jokingly, the cleaning issue he said "Yeah, I knew you were a little freaked out by that, so just in case you decide to be my girl, I've resolved to be tidier, and I hired a lady to come and clean my place regularly."

Wow. Proactive!

But yes, he is definitely more into me than I am into him. He told me that he's never met a woman before with whom he could really see long into the future. He said that even though I'm not his steady gal, and even if I never I am, I make him very, very happy. Awww. Shweet.

But I'm still really unsure.

Hopes: yeah, it is funny about love. Sometimes love is very narcissistic: we fall in love because we're so flattered that the other person loves us or accepts us. My best pal used to ALWAYS fall in love just for that reason. Other times it's because we deeply admire the other person, regardless of hwo they feel about us. And sometimes the other person fulfills our needs, neurotic or otherwise (that's probably the unhealthiest). I guess ideally it's a bit of each of the first two: we admire and look up to our partner, adn for that reason, are thrilled that they admire and look up to us. Maybe to some extent, love's value depends on how we value the person who loves us. But then again, what the heck do I know?!
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
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I do think you need to keep seeing M, but slowly. Don''t rush it. I think it sounds like it has great potential... let the embers burn for a while and see what happens. and yes, you can ALWAYS get a cleaning lady.
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
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Sometimes love is very narcissistic
Why is that. IndyGal, I am currently what "m" is to you. My ex GF tells me how perfect I am and yadda, yadda, yadda... but there is one issue that she cant get past. She has a person that would flip the world upside down if I could, but that is not enough. I know I have done the same thing to some girls myself. Why is it that when we find someone that would do anything for us we shy away and start finding excuses (timing, messyness, etc) and not wanting to realize what we might have or what it could be.

I think that happends often, is it because this might actually be the "person" that you could spend the rest of your life with, you subconciously find a way out...
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 12/12/2006 11:55:36 AM
Author: dmbfan

Sometimes love is very narcissistic
Why is that. IndyGal, I am currently what ''m'' is to you. My ex GF tells me how perfect I am and yadda, yadda, yadda... but there is one issue that she cant get past. She has a person that would flip the world upside down if I could, but that is not enough. I know I have done the same thing to some girls myself. Why is it that when we find someone that would do anything for us we shy away and start finding excuses (timing, messyness, etc) and not wanting to realize what we might have or what it could be.

I think that happends often, is it because this might actually be the ''person'' that you could spend the rest of your life with, you subconciously find a way out...
Sometimes the person may feel they don''t deserve the attention they are getting... they aren''t worthy of it or they are scared to recognize it. It''s a self-esteem thing and there isn''t anything you can do about it.

Other times though... they may say there is "just one issue" but in reality there are a lot more than 1 and they''re just trying to be "nice" about it. Fixing that "1 issue" won''t change anything.

Which situation you are in, DMBFan, I have no way of knowing... and I may have completely oversimplified it here, but if the other person doesn''t want to "fix" or "compromise" on the "1 issue" you have to just back away and let it be. If it''s right, it''s right, and if it''s not right, it''s not right. I have a hunch though, that with IG, she just isn''t ready to recognize that she is ready for M.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Sumbride is right. Sometimes it's a self-esteem thing, sometimes it's a 'You don't even KNOW me' thing which prompts caution, and sometimes it's just needing a little space, and trying to maintain it by stalling and making excuses (which I think SB is right to say is my situation right now). But some things are just dealbreakers, no matter how much you love someone. I have friends who would never marry someone of a different religion, or who would never marry someone who didn't want kids, or who didn't like to travel... no matter how great they were otherwise.

But DMBfan: If I recall correctly, the issue with your ex was her hesitation about your girls, right? I was still a lurker at that point, but I almost signed up JUST to say Nooooo!!!!!!!!! Don't do it! That is not one little issue. That is a HUGE issue. Your ex FF is very wise to realize it's not something she can just pretend to be ok with. You have to think of your girls here. I know a few people who had step-moms who were less than thrilled with their existence. Not that the step-mom was actively mean or anything, just that kids are really, really tuned in to whether they are loved and wanted. Hyper tuned in. And living with a parent or step-parent who would secretly (or not so secretly) rather they didn't exist is absolutely brutalizing and causes serious and maybe lasting damage to a kid. Feeling unwanted or unwelcome in your own home is a terrible thing. I'm sure that any woman you'd fall in love with would never be openly MEAN to your kids, and I don't think being hesitant makes her a bad person at all, but kids really can sense these things. They know immediately if someone is less than thrilled they're around. Of course I don't know either of you, but I suspect it would have been a disaster. and that, in turn, would have affected your girls' relationship to YOU.

One of my good pals growing up had a step-mom used to refer to her and her bro as "John's kids" or she'd say "would you get your kids to do xyz", and even that litlte tiny thing, that distancing of herself from them made them feel unwelcome, like appendages in their own family, not core elements of it.

And I really don't think this is a step-mom's fault necessarily. It's a really hard job! And some are better at it than others, and the kids don't always make it easy since, as one woman said in your thread, they may feel insecure about losing their father's love to this stranger. It's just good your ex knows herself well enough to know this is not something she could responsibly take on.

Your girls dodged a bullet there. You put yourself in its path, which is horrible and sad for you. But you should comfort yourself that you protected your children from unhappiness and stress that could have damaged them in the long term.

I'm not saying that all step-families are like that, by any means. I'm lucky! I have a step-dad who loves us like his own and who is one of my best friends. And my new step-mom is a rockstar (though of course we never had to live together). But I know many cases that are otherwise, and a woman who is already saying that she's not so sure about living with another woman's kids? Pick up your babies and RUN!

No matter how much you love her, your first responsibility (within reason) has to be to create a secure and loving environment for your children. Right?

I hope that doesn't sound too cynical or anything. And sorry for practically writing a book there.
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
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188
INDYGal- yes with me that was the issue and yes its not a little one. I am glad that I took the step that I did and my girls are my priority. She is now realizing and missing me, and stepping away I have a better perspective of what I want for me and my girls. I actually want to thank you for your perception as well. reading things like that keep me in check.

so back to my point and to not highjack your thread, is going back to why you might be scared of this guy. YOu don't have to give up your "space" or "time" but because you have been so cautious with not letting him in, I would question why not allow an opportunity like this. If I understand correctly, you are attracted to hime physically and obvious that the conversations flow with ease. What is it that makes you hesitate? is it too soon?
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
I definitely understand that perspective Independent Gal. I got that feeling of "strangerhood" when I first met my step-mom, and I was old enough then (16) to have known that it was not something personal she had against me, but just a thing that a lot of women feel about their significant others'' other children. No matter what, it won''t be the same, and I even think it''s rooted in something in our ancestry, something very biological and instinctual.

As far as this "M" guy goes, casual or not, in the back of our minds I think we women are always inclined to favor a particular guy at a particular time. Even if we are telling ourselves that we are just dating and considering our options, we zero in on one guy subconsciously while we still look around for better. I''m sure many jokes can be told about this quirk of ours, haha.
 
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