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Home Butting heads

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"i am going out on a limb here and am going to explain to you how i think people get experience. people who aren't related to them or aren't close friends with them are willing to take a chance because they are not aware of just how little experience or knowledge these individuals have. i think the old adage "let the buyer beware" is applicable here. "
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i totally agree here. ever heard the term 'fake it til you make it'? and yes i agree with having him mentor with someone and being their shadow or assistant or however it works to figure out all the ins and outs and not just have 'book knowledge' about something so important. you don't just get your license then start selling people houses.

as a homeowner, when we were shopping, i educated myself to the gills about what i felt like i needed to know. anyone making a commission off me would have some sort of skin in the game. so did we, big time...so i wanted to be on equal footing. for the record we had a great experience with no snafus, mostly in part i feel to the fact that i was so filled in. would i have trusted a family member with something so important? no way! a good friend? nope. i really would not mix business with pleasure kind of thing...it really is a recipe for disaster.

i would let your brother go get his experience elsewhere...you should not feel remotely obligated to give him your business just to help him get off the ground. have him help you find/buy your second house about 5-10 years down the line if he's really serious about this RE stuff. nowadays everyone and their brother (hah i made a funny) can be a RE agent...but it doesn't mean they are good at what they do. good luck!!
 
Right now, all I get from these posts is that the brother is somewhat lazy and zero initiative and sees his relatives potential home purchase as an "easy score" under his belt, giving the illusion that he knows what he''s doing because one couple actually bought a house from him. That''s not a good enough reason to use the brother. And argh, sorry if you dont like the overwhelming advice/opinions against using your brother but that''s because it''s a crazy idea.
 
I would go w/ someone besides the brother for two reasons because
1) I would want a realtor with more experience especially for my first house
2) No matter how great the person is, I prefer not to do business with family
 
Paul says I have more of an influence on this forum than he does and that because we''re all "mostly girls," we side together.

Heehee. So much for a non-biased approach at getting some backing in my concerns to him, huh?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. (And no, we are not fighting!! It''s something we have to figure out, but that''s what life is, and with him, I like it *so* much better than before!)
 
ha ha...tell paul that we women are on the side of REASON.
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tee hee.

happy thanksgiving to you two!! you''ll figure it out i''m sure.
 
Heh...It''s not because we''re all women, it''s because women are always right. Right? It''s odd that he cannot see that he''s the one being too overly emotional in this because it''s his brother. Which is exactly the reason to use someone else.

Okay, I''m done now. No more posts on this thread. I promise!
 
I definitely wouldn''t go with the brother-I would go with the other girl who has been really helpful to the two of you. Family and business/money never seem to mix! Have a great thanksgiving!
 
Paul, you know how I like you, right? If you won''t listen to anyone else, please listen to me, and please belive me when I say that I am not saying this to "stick together" with your sweet wife.

I agree that your brother needs experience. I''m very sorry that he''s been having financial troubles and that he hurt his back. However, I am certain you can figure out a way to help him out other than to use him as an agent to buy your first home. It''s not the fact that he has not experience that bugs me, but the fact that he doesn''t seem to take his job seriously. I''m really sorry to say this, but I do feel that a realtor who says that buying a home "isn''t a big deal" is indeed not taking his job seriously. I understand you''re in a tricky situation and you don''t want to say no to your brother... I seem to remember that you had some family/money related issues before your engagement also, so you might want to work on saying no and keeping relatives out of your financial lives. Not trying to be mean here... just sayin''.

Take care, good luck with the house searching/buying, and my best to Jen!
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We''re meeting with the realtor again today. Let''s hope we make some headway!

Thanks again to everyone''s suggestions and support. Paul''s a sweetie with a heart of preciousness, and I can *see* where his hang ups are. I do think he also *now* sees legitimate concerns.
 
See, this is why they say don''t do business with family. Contracts are scary, no matter what side you are on. I wouldn''t want to work with anyone that claims it is no big deal. But I have been studying law for a few years now and I''m anal about that kind of stuff. I really think you should work with an experienced professional for such a large purchase. It has nothing to do with siding because of gender (because I tend to side with men haha), and everything to do with being practical/logical.
 
To me, the obvious way to protect yourselves AND use the brother is to arrange for the mentor to supervise the deal and perhaps they could split the commission. We just helped out daughter buy a house, and used a neighbor who has a fulltime job and does real estate on the side. We knew the area we were looking in, we found new listings on the internet about as fast as he could, and we knew a home inspection had to be written in. He was helpful in that he knew who to call to do that for us, but I don''t think anyone could have done anything to make it better or safer than he did.

So Fisher, if you are still in that relatively small town, you probably already know what the best schools are, and that is the area you want to find a house in. That''s not a big secret that only real estate agents know!

I understand why you are here. Paul feels an obligation to his brother that you cannot quite relate to, and most here think, just avoid the brother altogether. You two DO need to be sure you are protected, but I think that could be accomplished with the help of his mentor. But if you want to avoid this situation in the future, y''all need to make a decision to tell ALL family members that you feel it is best to not mix family and business just to protect relationships. Because once you start, it will be harder to avoid the next time.

And yes, those who "know" this couple understand that they are not fighting on the forum!
 
I may be late with this, but I''ll still add it......

As husband and wife, your first allegiance should be to each other. Everyone else comes second. If Paul is uncomfortable engaging Jen''s family/close friends in a business transaction, then he shouldn''t have to. If Jen''s uncomfortable engaging Paul''s family/close friends in a business transaction, then she shouldn''t have to. In either scenario, you should support each other first and foremost.

If both parties were comfortable with using an inexperienced relative, then it would be fine. But if either party isn''t comfortable with it, then it should be nixed.

The rest of it (brother out of work, single, blah blah) is irrelevant. It doesn''t matter why he''s at the stage he''s at. Even if everything was hunky-dory and even if he''d been busting his butt to get experience, it doesn''t change the fact that he doesn''t have it NOW. Even if he did, that doesn''t trump either spouse''s feelings of discomfort in doing business with family.

To me, that''s the non-negotiable thing. I would never involve Rich''s family in a business/purchase decision....I''d be happy to listen to their advice and expertise as a member of our family, but I''d not involve them in a transaction. It clouds the issue and has too much potential for regret down the line. Rich is close to my family as well, but if he had a problem involving them, that would be enough for me. HE is my top priority, and I am his. That''s the way it has to be.
 
I think we may have hit a moment of revelation, ladies.
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Paul told me last night that he''s going to talk to his brother tonight (which I think he''s doing now), and if he''s not "done anything about anything," then Paul will feel more comfortable in knowing that the opportunity was there, and he chose not to take it. So, it wouldn''t have taken me three or four months to build this conclusion, but it looks like it''s been built, none the less.

He said that if he knows the opportunity was there, and that his brother didn''t take it, then he doesn''t feel like as much of a "bad" guy. I can see that, I guess, from his point of view (it''s a little foggy, but I can kind of make it out, far off in the distance).

By the way, Thanksgiving was smooth as pie! (Which is an awful odd saying to me. Is pie smooth? I mean, I think of other things and I think smooth--such as glass, teeth, lakes, etc., but not pies.)
 
I forgot to add to this thread; things have been resolved.
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And they continued on, happily ever after (mostly). *Taken from the movie, "The Story of Us." Such an excellent movie. I highly recommend if you''ve not seen it. It rocks!!*
 
I''m glad to hear everythiing was resolved, Fisher! I looked at your house pictures the other day and can''t wait to see which one you buy!
 
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