But where do we post our problems??

[allycat0303]

Hey girls,

See, I was wondering what we would do now. Do we just start a new topic when we need advice? I don''t think I would feel comfortable doing this, so maybe this will be the advice/ rants/ page. Well, an update.. I AM SO SICK WITH THE FLU. I didn''t get vaccinated because I NEVER get sick (stomach aches yes, cold/flu never) My family calls me THE BULL. Isn''t that a pretty picture?

. Ok, so I had my first experience, and I hed the fever, aches, and chills, trust me when I say that I will get vaccinated next year. It was horrible. So when I was sick, I called my boyfriend and he took such good care of me over the weekend. Really. Cooked for me, cleaned everything, brought me some books and some medicine, and babied me all week. And you know what I decided? I really, really love him. We had this really intense talk about what we expected out of this relationship, and what we needed in life. I told him I would be ready for an engagement in exactly two years.. so April 27, 2007 any time after is fine with me. And a wedding when I finish school. He thought that was resonable and was happy that I had fixed a date and discussed it with him seriously. He felt like I was avoiding the topic all the time, and that after more then 8 1/2 years, I should be thinking marriage. So I''m still sick (getting better fast though), but very, very happy that we settled this.

Thanks to all of you girls for all the support! I love the new forum!

 

[wcitygirl]

Awww! That''s so great that your bf took such good care of you!! It must feel really nice to have things settled! Congrats!

I agree, I think we should just have a gripes section! Sometimes it just feels better to talk to people about these things!

We can make it right here!

 

[blueroses]

Sweetie--

1) Thank you for starting a rants thread--I think it's a great idea! and,

2) Even though I am so sorry you're sick (and the cold weather doesn't help) I am SO SO HAPPY for you that you hashed things out with your boyfriend. You two love each other and have too much history and potential to pack it in, and I think it's great that he takes such good care of you and that, even though you're not ready now, that you've communicated about when you WILL be ready. Hooray!!

Out of curiosity, why April of 07 rather than 2 years from now (Jan 07?) Is April your anniverary?

So glad for you!!! (((HUGS)))

 

[Blue824]

Awww, very sweet of him! I am so happy that you two resolved everything and that he was there when you really needed him to come through for you. So even though you''re sick it must be so nice to have the relationship issues off of your mind right now.

Get well soon!

Btw, Curious about the Jan vs Apr thing too. I think the way I have it planned my engagement will be sometime early 2007 too, does that make me nuts for still being on this list? If it was his way it''d be with in the next year, so all those talks pushed me here!

 

[appletini]

Ally get well soon! Also I''m glad that you and the BF were able to work things out. Perphaps GG should should 4/27/07 next to your name on the LIW list.

 

[goldengirl]

Aw alley... I''m so glad you guys got to talk things out. Sometimes it takes being on your deathbed to realize you love somebody.

On another note, I don''t get the flu shot because I don''t get sick, either. Consider that you get sick, what, every three, four years? Every year when you get the flu shot you get flu-ish symptoms. I''ll take risking one really bad bout of flu every four or five years over a guaranteed annual three-days-of-flu-shot-symptoms. Bleh.

 

[allycat0303]

Hey everyone!

Hopefully there won't be that many posts on this thread!

Blueroses: Thank you so much for the continued support! Yes April 27 th is our anniversary. I wanted to make it really easy for him engagement, anniversary, wedding. I want a wedding in 2008 because the 26th falls on a Saturday. Since the wedding will techinically last past midnight, I thought I could cheat and make our wedding anniversary the 27th too

. Honestly, since we will have been together 11 years then, I think that needs to count in "how long we've been together" instead of "1 st wedding anniversary" Let me know how the moving is going. By the way, where are you moving too? I don't think you mentioned.

wcitygirl: Hugs. And welcome to the board! I need to go back and read the intro section!

Blue824: I think it's great that someone else is planning for a far off engagement. I don't want to be the only one on this board that is here for a long time. Maybe we can LADIES IN FOR A LONG WAIT

Appletini: Thanks for the good wishes!

 

[rfath]

As I sit here with the flu as well... flu shots weren''t really available this year with the shortage of the vaccine. I''ve never really had a reaction to the vaccine, but when I get the flu, it''s pretty hairy - I usually end up with *some* spectacular respiratory infection.

Anyway... glad to hear that you had a productive talk! And feel better soon!

 

[blue_chica]

Aw, you poor thing.

How nice to have someone to take care of you though! I hope you feel better very soon - I don''t get the vaccine either, hate shots and would rather risk the flu. It''s great you were able to get some resolution in your own head - I know sometimes it can be a lightbulb going off, like oh, right, this person is great for me! And then you''ve got a keeper. I also realized my BF was the one for me because of how he cared for me when I needed it (post-surgery). So yay for you and your BF!

rfath, I hope you feel better too!

 

[Croí]

wow Alley
sometimes I really feel like you and I are peas in a pod ! sorry you were so sick and feeling crappy.

VERY HAPPY bf stepped up to the plate, took care of you and that you two had a big chat and got back on track. THAT is WONDERFUL WONDERFUL NEWS !!!

I think a gripes/rant thread is a great idea.

right now my gripes are .........

I''m feeling ROTTEN

and

my poor best pal is feeling rotten too only hers is due to her chemo meds which makes me sad

other small mini-rant:
I told one friend yesterday about our engagement. after saying "congrats" her first question was "does M. know ?" (M. being the ex). Now I know she knew him and we all had once been best friends together but it just irked me. He is not part of my life anymore - this does not concern him. I know that eventually I''ll probably have to tell him but I''m sure as heck going to tell all my good friends and family and everyone (note!) who''ll be HAPPY for me first. We were together a long time, the split came due to non-communication more than anything. It was a shame and had we BOTH been more open and less defensive, then maybe it would have worked out differently. We all have those stories though and it''s the past and unchangeable and over and done with. I don''t believe he was REALLYREALLY for me, if he was, we would have worked it out. My darling darling fiance is REALLY for me, 100% and I don''t know why folk have to keep going back to the ex. all the time. It sort of rained on my parade and put me out of sorts.
What do you girls think ??

 

[MelissaSue]

Alley! I''m sorry I didn''t reply sooner! I''m really happy for you though. Things will be okay after all! Congrats on working everything out!

 

[kanne]

Alley that is amazing news! You took a little break and had time to think..then made a well thought out decision! He really does sound like a great catch. Wonderful!!!!
I''m sorry to hear that you are in bed with the flu

. Hopefully you are feeling better today ((HUGS)).

 

[jenwill]

Alley- I am so happy that something so bad (flu) could bring about soemthing so good (reconciliation, with firm end tagets dates for future plans). Flu is lousy, and no fun, so I hope you feel 100% soon.

 

[gingerBcookie]

Oh I''m so happy ofr you! I''m glad everything worked out! That was so sweet of him to take care of you that way...that''s a keeper for sure!

 

[heartsonfire]

Ally I''m so happy for both of you and I''m so glad you worked things out.
Get well soon sweetie (((big hugs))).

 

[Dodger Gurl]

Awww, what a sweetie to take care of you so well! I''m happy to hear you''ve realized how you feel about him and that you''ve come to a resolution! Are you feeling any better? Doesn''t it suck to be sick? I just got over a really bad virus - it was really nasty and I still haven''t gotten rid of it completely (it''s been a week+ now). Hope you are feeling better!

 

[allycat0303]

Hey everyone!

Hmm.. I don''t think I feel great but a lot better! Thanks for all the best wishes!

Blue Chica: I hate the shots too, that''s why I didn''t get it. But I''ve never been this sick before. I hope you can avoid this nasty little bug!

Croi: You are too sweet. Well for me, if my ex knew I was getting engaged, I would be a bit gleeful about it. But then I can be a spiteful little...GRRR! All that really matters is that you are happy now, and this man is the one for you.

Dodger gurl: A WEEK + !! Poor you. Honestly I was only bed ridden for two days. I feel almost 100 % except for this yucky thing which seems to be at home in my throat

. But I am still weak. I tried to workout today. I usually do cardio for 45 minutes, after 15, the room started spinning and I had to sit down. I hope you get well soon!

Melissa, Jenwill, Lovey, Ginger, Hearts: You girls make this forum the most supportive and caring person to be!

 

[blueroses]

Alley, I''m so glad you''re on the mend!! When you''re all better, send some of those healing vibes Croi''s way

) I''m sure your bf''s TLC was a big part of it

(And Croi, I''m sorry your friend said that--I''d be annoyed too!--let the ex find out on his own 2nd-hand--you owe him nothing, and he really just doesn''t matter! Enjoy your blissful cloud!!--well, miuns the flu, that is!!)

 

[blueroses]

Well what a difference 7 hours makes--since my last post.

Now I''M coming down with something

I''m loading up on vitamin c and trying not to get sick, but my roommate was sick last week, I''m in packing hell (but trying to follow all the good LIW advice and trashing a lot of stuff!!) AND....it''s been arctic here.

 

[allycat0303]

Blueroses,

That is terrible! You don''t need to be sick now! Packing hell is enough misery for one day. I know you probably can''t afford the time off but try to get lots and lots of sleep. If your overworked you might be more susceptible to the flu.

Take care. I hope you don''t come down with it.

Ally

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

I am sorry for not posting all week, but let me tell you about it...

my week -
saturday - ready to book flights and hotel to go see my angel in March

sunday - went to library to find out that there were no book on the essay topic on which I knew nothing
came home, and then my gf just left again

monday - work, 7am -5pm got home 6pm, got an email suggestion from proff, went and got some books, home 9pm
got email from hotels I was looking at booking

tuesday - work, 7am - 5pm went to get more books, home 8pm
more emails from hotels

wednesday - library by 11am still have no idea about the essay, just trying to get something to hand in!
no messages

thursday - library by 11am, working on the background, have an idea where I am going with it (- bear in mind it is due friday)
6pm, my girlfriend opens the e-cards I sent, so I am very excited, I can't work, waiting to see if she would come and talk to me

friday - 2am, she sends me "I love you, goodbye" by celine dion on mp3 by email

then I email her (lots) and she sends this -

andrew u are the best that there ever was and ever will be...please
dont ever change...one day u will make some girl very happy...please
try n understand that its not u it never ever was u....im the
problem...u are everything that i ever wanted in a guy....but can
never have...please keep ur faith in God...and remember always that i
love you.....bye anroo

I keep emailing, but get no replies, go to sleep 4:30, get up 7am.
go to library, try to do some work, but can't. email her telling I will just get on a plane on saturday, stay with her for 3 months (duration of the visa waiver) forget school/work/family everything, just get on a plane to be with her.

didn't get the essay finished, will have to get it done by monday, means 5% deducted

go to dr's to pick up prescription for my mum, they don't have it - they say come back in 2 hrs. go home, no-one home. sister in hospital with pneumonia, mother with her.

checked my messages, none. I just sat on my bed and cried - dog came and sat by my, nuzzled at my face and started licking me (so sweet)

so, I go to the drs, wait half an hour for the prescription. came home, took dog for walk.
still no messages

have dinner, do the dishes, then I check my messages -

no u stay home we are having a major winter storm tommorrow 12 inches
of snow coming...u stay there

which I take to mean, don't come tomorrow, come in a week or something, so I email back, when should I come? I say I will check into a hotel if that makes it better, and she emails me -

no dont book any flights...stay there n find another girl

I email the rest of the night, but no reply

saturday - toothache, work 7am - 5pm
no messages

sunday - toothache worse, trying to finish my essay, keep checking my email for messages - nothing

needless to say, lots of tears every day

what is killing me the most is that she loves me and wants to be with me, but she won't tell me why she is leaving

I don't want her to be upset or unhappy

I am praying that she will come back, that God will make her see that there is no problem, that nothing she could do or could have done would change the fact that I love her - unconditionally.

everytime I think of her alone, I just burst into tears...

cos she needs me - I don't mean that in an arrogant way, but she has been hurt in the past, and I know that I would never let her down or hurt her, and that is what she needs

it is not a very nice feeling to know you will be alone forever... cos I won't find anyone else:
1. in the course of my life, I have met... probably no-one I would actually want to be with
2. I would never start another relationship anyway, because what if in 6 months/10 years she comes back?
3. it would not be fair on anyone to start a relationship if she was not my no 1. priority
4. I am hoping to go into politics, not as politician necessarily, but possibly a visible role, and what if she sees me on tv, and I am married etc? I could not do that to her
5. I am not the most sociable of people

sorry for taking up so much space... but I have no-one else to turn to

Oh, and the first time I tried to send this, my internet connection was down, had to restart the pc to get it back up again

so... all in all, you might say it has been a pretty crappy week...

 

[AndyRosse]

Gosh Diamondgeezer, I''m soooo sorry...

I thought I would give you just one comment from a female''s perspective...

I was casually dating this guy for a couple months, nothing too serious to me, but to him it was much more. Well, I suddenly realized that he thought this was going to be "the one" relationship for the rest of his life, and that was definitely not what I had been thinking. So I broke up with him, basically saying that he was a wonderful guy but not the one for me. Well, he kept calling, emailing, sending me flowers, etc... Well, soon (from my perspective) he looked like a stalker. The more he pushed to be closer to me, the more I pushed back.

So my point is not that I think this girl wasn''t "the one" for you, but rather the fact that the more you push with emails, e-cards, etc..., the more she may push back. Give her space and time. If she is the "the one," then maybe in a couple days, weeks, months she will realize this and come back. But perhaps she can''t see the fact that you two are meant to be together because she doesn''t have a perspective yet.

I don''t know if I''m making any sense, but if I were you (and obviously I''m not lol), I would email her one last time, let her know how you feel, but also let her know that you respect her need for some time off and that you will always be there for her if she needs you. Then stop emailing, etc. If she wants to talk, she will contact you. That way she isn''t pressured into anything that will just make her more uncomfortable.

Good luck, we''re all here for you!!

 

[Blue824]

Diamondgeezer --

Sorry that she did this to you again...but from what you've previously shared it does seem like she has some issues to overcome before she'll let herself really trust anyone else. And she knows that you care for her and that you're there for her, but I'd have to second what Stretch said...sometimes a girl needs space. And the constant emails may be more of negative than a positive in winning her back. I'd also just give it one last shot and then leave it up to her to decide. Ultimately you will be OK, even if it doesnt feel like it now. And I know everyone hates hearing this when they're in a break up, but you're young...being young means you have lots of years and lots of people in your future. And sometimes you have to get your heart broken a couple times to be able to find the right person. I do hope that she is at least more clear with her reasonings for you, because the whole 'not knowing why' can be consuming.

 

[blueroses]

DG, I think those are wise words from Stretch. I am so sorry to hear about your week from hell, and I know you''re hurting

Maybe this is just a time and space thing--I hope so, for your sake, it is clear how much you love her.

But if it''s not, and heaven forbid, this really is the end, please know that your list at the end--those things will eventually change for you. I was in a "pre-engaged" love-of-my-life relationship for 2 years--we broke up in college when I was 20. When he left me I honestly didn''t even know how to breathe, lost 10 pounds, was just insane. I didn''t think I would ever get over it, EVER. And part of you never does...but the heart and the mind have an amazing ability to--if not fully heal--then to move forward. I thank God it didn''t work out with my ex, as wonderful as he is, b/c I was TOO young, we ultimately weren''t right together, and I never would have met my (hopefully) FH.

Anyway, I could see a little of how I''d felt then in your itemized list of all the reasons you''d never ever move on without her.

Very sorry to hear about this, and try to throw yourself into your schoolwork and just put one foot in front of the other. Maybe this will be a surmountable issue. But I''d agree w/ Stretch...put how you feel out there for her, but then step back. You may inadvertantly push her away

Hang in there.

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

thank you all for your kind, candid responses and your advice - it is most appreciated. on your advice - I will send her an email tomorrow, explaining how I feel etc, and why I won''t be sending many more. then I will send an e-card every few days or something, just to let her know I am still thinking of her - (good idea/bad idea?)

it is the thought of her alone and upset that is killing me the most, she has been let down so many times in the past, now I''ve let her down

I want her to know she is loved, that I will do anything for her and that I am always thinking of her

thankyou again for your advice, I will act on it but most importantly, please pray for us

(even if it is not something you normally do, please)

 

[AndyRosse]

Date: 1/23/2005 3:31:37 PM
Author: diamondgeezer

thank you all for your kind, candid responses and your advice - it is most appreciated. on your advice - I will send her an email tomorrow, explaining how I feel etc, and why I won''t be sending many more. then I will send an e-card every few days or something, just to let her know I am still thinking of her - (good idea/bad idea?)

it is the thought of her alone and upset that is killing me the most, she has been let down so many times in the past, now I''ve let her down

I want her to know she is loved, that I will do anything for her and that I am always thinking of her

thankyou again for your advice, I will act on it but most importantly, please pray for us

(even if it is not something you normally do, please)

Diamondgeezer,

First of all, I will keep you both in my prayers.

Second of all, I think an e-card like once a week might not be bad as long as it is in more of a friend way. Like, "I thought this one might cheer you up," and have it be a comical e-card. Or just something from a friend to a friend "to brighten your day." Just be careful not to say how much you love her (I know that will be hard), etc... Because otherwise, I would strongly advise against it (just coming from my perspective as a female, she may be quite different).

And finally, please don''t think that you let her down!! You have seemingly done everything that you could possibly do...you have been there for her whenever she needed you. From what I have read, it sounds like there is something going on with her that is obviously causing all this heartache. Hopefully one of these days she will finally tell you all about it, that way at least you both will understand the situation as it truely is...

Well, good luck, and just remember, don''t appear to be overbearing, it will just hurt you more than help.

 

[BLINGQUEEN]

Oh dg, I had a feeling something was wrong when we''ve not heard from you for a while. I''m so sorry this is happening again. I still feel as if she''s not being completely honest w/you about things. Please don''t give up school and your life to chase after her. If your really meant to be it will happen. Give her a chance to miss you and to think about things. Email her one last time and tell her you will let her think about things for X amount of time and if she wishes to work things out to respond by then. If she doesn''t then use that date as the starting over point in your life. You have such a big heart. Please don''t deprive some woman(be it her or another) of knowing your love just because of this. If you two aren''t meant to be then don''t stop yourself from finding happiness because you don''t want to hurt her. She has already given you her blessing to move on.

 

[goldengirl]

Oh, DG. I agree that I suspected something like this would happen. I mean, she broke it off unexpectedly and wouldn''t tell you why, then just agreed to come back without any explanation at all. Something is very, very wrong, my dear, and I hate to say it... but I do not see this turning out well at all.

If she cannot share with you her concerns, cannot speak to you of her fears and her problems, your relationship will not work. Love is about trust and communication, neither of which is she providing. I feel in my heart that there is something really WRONG here. Please do not resign yourself to a lifetime of loneliness... you''re so young still, and there is so much opportunity ahead of you. I have felt much the same things you are feeling... and, like blueroses, while I will never be the same, I have been able to move on. You will, too. Believe me, you will!!

I think sending her e-cards is a bad idea. Send the final email if you must, but I strongly suggest taking a giant step back and allowing her to make the next move if there is to be one. I would also suggest you not just allow her to come running back to you, should she attempt to do so... you deserve an explanation and you should demand one!

It seems to me that she does not want to meet you.. for whatever reason.. but this has all happened right as you are planning to book flights and hotels, which says to me, maybe she never really intended it to get this far.

If she had done this a few days before you were scheduled to leave, I''d call it cold feet. But as it stands, I think it''s just a change of heart.

You seem a genuinely nice guy and I wish she''d been a bit more honest with you.

 

[icekid]

oh no DG... i don''t have much to add to the wonderful advice that these ladies have given you. but i''ve been there too; breaking up w/ someone with whom you had a very serious relationship is absolutely horrible. stopped eating, lost weight, didn''t sleep... but it DOES get better... slowly but surely. and i thank my lucky stars now though that we figured out we were not right for each other b/c my current bf could not be more perfect with me.

i also think sending her the e-cards is not a great idea. send the one last email telling her how you feel, and then let it be. continuing to contact her will only make it harder for you to move on. you don''t want to keep rehashing this all of the time.

be careful... i don''t want you to continue to get hurt!! HUGS! i know it doesn''t seem like it right now, but you will feel better... you have our thoughts and best wishes

p.s. things that made me feel better: TALKING about it- my family was sooo wonderful when i was hurting. and knowing that maybe what''s happening right now is not RATIONAL, but it may be right. everything will work out for the best in the end, so try not to worry too much! (i know, much easier said than done)

 

[allycat0303]

Diamondgeezer: I definitely second the advice given. Sometimes you need space in order to figure things out. Give her some time, and patience, don''t give up all of your responsibilities, or your life to follow her. I know this is really difficult right now, but she has told you what she wants, regardless of her reasons, you need to respect her decision. Pushing her might make her feel even more pressured and stressed.