Brunch the day after a wedding?

[zoebartlett]

How common is it for there to be a brunch (or luncheon, or whatever) the day after a wedding? Does the bride''s family usually host it, and is it traditionally held to thank out of town guests for traveling to attend the wedding?

 

[Jas12]

I am going to ''arrange'' a brunch at the same resort I am marrying at, and inform guests as to time/place etc.--but they must pay for their own meal if they want it.
It''ll just be like "there is a brunch served in ___ at____, the cost is ___if you would like to join us"

 

[basil]

I don''t know if it''s traditional or not. My cousin had one the day after her wedding, but we couldn''t go cause our flight left early. I''ve heard of it being done.

My dad (of all people, who''d have thought Mr. ''how much can I pay you to elope'' would want a post-wedding brunch?) had an idea to use our 2nd choice wedding venue which is the yacht club they belong to for our brunch. It''s really inexpensive. We''ll probably just have paper plates, a ham, rolls, some coffee cakes, croissants, coffee, orange juice and stuff. Nothing too fancy. In the latest Martha Stewart mag, one of the ''ask martha'' letters is about brunch, and it gives some pretty nice easy do-ahead menu ideas. I think my dad wants to take his out-of-town family on a post-post-wedding brunch sail on his boat afterwards.

 

[curlygirl]

We did a brunch for out of town guests the day after the wedding at the same venue where we had the reception. There were many different rooms at my site and it actually also had guest rooms where people could stay over (we stayed there too!) so it was very convenient for those who had traveled. My parents hosted it and it was a really nice end to all the excitement of the weekend. I don't think it's mandatory or expected, it's just a nice gesture if you have lots of people coming in from different places.

 

[Kismet]

My mother hosted a casual brunch at my house the day after my wedding. She likes to cook so she made most everything for it. She had a couple of different egg stratas, various pastries and bagels plus coffee, juice etc.

Hehe, of course that brunch almost didn''t come off. My mother spent the night alone at my house while my husband and I spent the wedding night at a hotel. She got up at 6am, made some coffee and then wandered out onto our back deck. At this point she manged to lock herself out of the house. So there she was at 6am, wearing nothing but her nightie, in a neighborhood where she knows no one, and was having 30 or so people arrive in a couple of hours looking for food. After panicing for only a little bit, she jimmied open my kitchen window and entered the house that way.

 

[FireGoddess]

One wedding I went to there was no brunch. Another, the bride had at her house. She was supposed to be making the pancakes with her new hubby but somehow the bridesmaids ended up doing all the cooking

(being a bridesmaid, we felt our duties were over! LOL). At a 3rd wedding, just close friends of the couple went to brunch together, which was fun.

 

[Independent Gal]

My grandmother always hosts a brunch for out of town guests whenever my dad gets married. No, you read right. He''s on bride number 3.

 

[San Diego Bride]

we treated our guests to a post-wedding brunch at the hotel del coronado in san diego. we had a smallish wedding (~45 guests) and most people had to travel, so we wanted to be able to thank people for coming and say good bye. some people couldn''t come since they were flying out in the morning (6 people i think), but the rest came. it was a lot of fun.

one of our other friends had a post-wedding brunch at the same place (the brunch is out of this world!), but everyone paid his/her way. everyone had a great time and no one minded paying the bill.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. Here's the thing. It's a double edged sword. On the one hand its a nice thing to do. On the other hand it turns the wedding into a weekend affair, that some people resent.

If you did a brunch I would do it informally. Not put it on the invites... just maybe send it out in an email... "we will be arranging a buffet brunch for our guests who would like to come by and grab some food the day after, while we'd love to have you there, please don't feel obligated to attend."

Unless its a close friend (not even family) I resent the implication that I'm required to attend a day after event. Just me.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/5/2007 4:58:36 PM
Author: Independent Gal
My grandmother always hosts a brunch for out of town guests whenever my dad gets married. No, you read right. He''s on bride number 3.

Hahaha...I love the way you put that, IG!

My parents have hosted post wedding brunches at their house for my older sister and two older brothers. Nothing formal, no invitation or anything, and it was mostly for out of town family and friends who were still in town and who would have had to eat out elsewhere.

I agree with Gypsy...to make a wedding a "weekend event" is kind of ridiculous, but as a thank you to out of towners I think it''s a nice gesture.

 

[diamondfan]

I think now days it is almost expected if you have a Sat night wedding and people are staying over from out of town. I think either of the families are at liberty to host, or host jointly, as a send off thank you etc. It is also nice for the bride and groom to make an appearance if they have not left for their honeymoon yet, but I would think most times the couple is on their way already.

 

[sumbride]

I had intended to, but all 3 of our hotels have a free breakfast, and I''m not talking "here''s a muffin" breakfast. So we may just meet our guests in the lobby and dine with them. Or not. My mom has decided to host a day after dinner for the family that will still be in town, but we''re not putting that in the wedding invites... it will be an optional thing for wedding party as well. Since we aren''t leaving for our honeymoon for a couple of days, anybody that is sticking around is welcome to join us for a special dinner. It''s a holiday weekend, so it may end up being about 45-50 people. (big wedding though)

 

[ponderer]

We did a causual bruch at my mother in laws and it was almost exclusively family by word of mouth only. We also opened our gifts at this time.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/5/2007 6:46:34 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think now days it is almost expected if you have a Sat night wedding and people are staying over from out of town. I think either of the families are at liberty to host, or host jointly, as a send off thank you etc. It is also nice for the bride and groom to make an appearance if they have not left for their honeymoon yet, but I would think most times the couple is on their way already.

Is it really?

That''s funny I get seriously irked... and the poor B&G might just be doing it cause they feel obligated!!

Good thing we are doing a Sunday Brunch WEDDING instead of a Saturday night affair.

 

[zoebartlett]

This reminds me, I went to a wedding once (out of state) and there was a brunch the next day. It was hosted by the groom''s family, held at his parents'' house. I think mostly family, a few close friends, and the bridal party and groomsmen attended. I got there and the bride and groom were in the middle of going through the gift box that had been at the reception the night before. We sat there, ate, and watched the bride and groom count the money they had received as wedding gifts. We even heard the grand total! I was appalled!

 

[ladykemma]

i would feel irked too.

 

[basil]

Really? Irked?

I guess I had figured that if people weren''t flying out til the afternoon anyway, they wouldn''t have anything to do Sunday morning. I certainly wouldn''t expect people to change their travel plans on account of it, though.

Most of our out-of-town guests are my dad''s side of the family who grew up in this area but now live in other areas of the country. I think he figured it''d be fun for them to get together at the place where they used to hang out.

I guess I''ll have to be careful how I word it to people, cause I wouldn''t want to make anyone feel obligated to come!

 

[diamondfan]

From all the people I know with kids getting married and from people with bar and bat mitzvah aged kids, (including me and I did do a brunch) yes, I think it is just a nice thing to do for people who have traveled. Of course if they leave early, fine, and no one should feel that they have to change their plans to go. And the bride and groom do not always go, we left immediately for our honeymoon very early the next day...I had a Sunday evening wedding, my mom did a very casual drop by if you want to brunch at her home on Sunday late morning. Many people who had made the trek and wanted some more visiting time did come.

Two weeks after giving birth to my third, hubby and I drove from Philly to Boston for a family bar mitzvah. The couple knew we were coming up, it was us and literally 2 or 3 other people from out of town. No invitation to come to services and dinner, we ate in a coffee shop that Fri night. Sunday, no mention of anything, no come by and have a bagel before you get back on the road...she just could not be bothered. I am not talking fancy, it was 4 people, she could have literally served cereal. We saw the other couple of people in the hotel coffee shop Sunday morning too. We ate and left.

 

[gailrmv]

We had one at the hotel where our reception was, and where most people were staying. We invited everyone from out of town. I believe my parents hosted it. It was so fun! We were really glad to see everyone again before they headed out of town.

I always appreciate a brunch when I''ve traveled from out of town. I enjoy the chance to socialize, and it is a nice gesture for them to take care of you before you get on the road/plane.

 

[lover in athens]

Our wedding is on a Sunday evening (NOT on a holiday weekend), and we are still planning on having a brunch at the main hotel where our guests are staying (and so are we) on Monday morning. It was going to be hosted by my parents, but then my aunt and uncles wanted to help. And THEN, because we have so many family friends who wanted to do the showers, we ended up putting some of them on brunch duty. It will be a buffet and a come as you are type thing at 9am the day after the wedding. FI and I aren''t leaving for the honeymoon until that afternoon, so we are really looking forward to saying goodbye to everyone after the party!

 

[KimberlyH]

I''ve never traveled to attend a wedding so my perspective might be a bit different, but many of my aunts and uncles hosted brunches or dinners the day after the wedding and everyone came to visit the couple, and sometimes watch them open presents. It was always very casual and the invites were typically word-of-mouth, so no one felt obligated. They''d usually serve easy dishes, spaghetiti or sandwiches for dinner, breakfast casseroles and pastries, etc. for brunch.

 

[diamondfan]

I guess the bottom line is, if as the guest you just want to head home, do so. And, no one should host an event if they do not want to...but it seems typically someone DOES wish to, and whoever is around can come. I think it is more relaxed then, if you have traveled and might not see these people again for a while it is nice closure to the event, time to talk about it and hang out. No one would want anyone there who feels annoyed at being there, just say you need to be home or have early tickets, or just do not appear if it is a more casual situation. It is certainly not meant to be a bad thing.

 

[indecisive]

Date: 4/5/2007 6:14:03 PM
Author: Gypsy
Unless its a close friend (not even family) I resent the implication that I''m required to attend a day after event. Just me.

I am just curious why you think that inviting you means you are required to come? I guess I don''t even see wedding invitations as requirements and I hope that people will come to mine because they really want to be there, not because they think they have to.

Date: 4/5/2007 8:47:11 PM
Author: Basil
Really? Irked?

I guess I had figured that if people weren''t flying out til the afternoon anyway, they wouldn''t have anything to do Sunday morning. I certainly wouldn''t expect people to change their travel plans on account of it, though.

Most of our out-of-town guests are my dad''s side of the family who grew up in this area but now live in other areas of the country. I think he figured it''d be fun for them to get together at the place where they used to hang out.

I guess I''ll have to be careful how I word it to people, cause I wouldn''t want to make anyone feel obligated to come!

I am getting nervous about wording now too! We had actually planned to have casual things going on that weekend (Memorial Weekend) and also letting the guests know what is going on in the area. I never even thought that some guest would be irritated, just that it would be great to see people for more than one night if they had time and wanted to come. How do you think you are going to word things Basil?

 

[Gypsy]

Don't get me wrong I totally understand that it is a thoughtful considerate thing to do!

I guess my irritation comes from having been to weddings where AT THE WEDDING when you are talking to the Bride and Groom OR the attendants OR the parents -- at least at the weddings I've attended with brunches-- there has always been this assumption on their parts that OF COURSE you want to attend the brunch and dissapproval expressed when you weren't planning to.

Most of the weddings we've been to recently have required extensive travel cross country and most of the time people don't appreciate the fact that a Saturday wedding frequently requires taking off from work on Friday-- or least leaving early-- to fly out or drive down... and that Sunday is the guests DAY OF REST before the work week begins anew. And that Day of Rest usually means 'day of errands' if we are close to hom. Even when I'd accross the country and have a flight planned in the afternoon, I don't want to get up, get dressed and have to go socialize with people I JUST saw the night before. I want to sleep in, make some phone calls, pack and get room service.

Granted most of the brunches we've been to have been elaborate affairs... flowers, music... crazy.

I guess that there is a line where 'considerate gesture' becomes 'compulsory attendence'... it's actually EASIER for me to not go to a wedding at all than to skip a brunch... because they've GOT YOU, and they aren't going to let you leave. The feeling is that you are AT the hotel and have nothing better to do... so OF COURSE you are going to want to come. (Basil, you just confirmed this) But for me that's not at all true. If the room I have has a spa tub... I want to soak... if the hotel has a nice restaurant, I want to get room service and eat in my robe... if the wedding is someplace I haven't been before, then I want to go sight seeing.

It's like hosting people at your house... or visiting people at theirs. It's irritiating to have every minute of your time scheduled FOR YOU. You may have some input on what you'd like to do for that time period, and yet you are placed in the awkward position of looking ungrateful if you don't accept thier hospitality while just wanted some time FOR YOURSELF and not wanting to do whatever it is they've decided you must want to do... cause, in their opinion, you have nothing better to do.

Please keep in mind that my family is insane. Completely. And that may be coloring my preception here quite a bit.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We had one at my parents house. It was very informal. Some OOT people came but most had early flights. It turned out to be more family and local friends. It was still really nice to be able to talk to some people that we may not have had much time for at the wedding (time goes by fast!) I don't think people resented it as a weekend affair since 80% WERE from out of state. Besides it is not required. If people didn't want to come, they didn't. I am not sure why anyone would be "irked." We had a cook-out the Thursday night before our wedding as well. A wedding is a celebration. Those who are close to you WANT to celebrate with you. Maybe that is the difference.

 

[Gypsy]

Tacori... its a matter of balancing the celebration with reality. The reality is that people have lives. And as much as I might love someone and be happy for them the fact that they assume that I have nothing better to do than to attend:

A ''celebration'' on Thursday or a rehersal dinner on Friday.
THEN
The wedding on Saturday.
THEN
A brunch on Sunday.

It''s frankly ridiculous. The number of hoops I am willing to jump through is not a measure of how happy I am for them or how much I love them.

The WEDDING is the celebration. You don''t need to force people to prove thier happiness for you on TWO or THREE separate occasions.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Wow Gypsy.....Like I said before it was informal. No invitations. Just a word of mouth thing. No one felt obligated. Frankly I think it is silly how this thread has turned. I think a brunch is a classy touch. If YOU don''t want to go. DON''T GO! But at my wedding, many people did. They were many OOT that had to be out of their hotel anyways. I guess they could have waited in the airport.

That would have been fun for them!

 

[diamondfan]

Gypsy, I totally get it, sometimes you just want to relax, grab a bite and head to the airport or get on the road, in which case you would, if asked, just politely state your plans require you to get home and thank you so much anyway...it might be the only flight to your area is in the morning or you have another commitment...you certainly do not owe any explanations, in my book, as to why you cannot attend...it is just a nice option if you are not from too far, or you really wish to hang out in a more relaxed setting with some of the people from the night prior, people you may not have gotten a chance to spend as much time with or whatever...

 

[Gypsy]

I''m getting rabid aren''t I??

I''m sorry guys. I really am.

I''ll just go take a deep breath now.

Tacori... I''m glad your guests had a nice time, and that you did too. I''m sorry.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Gypsy, maybe it is different because my DH and I are from out of state. There are some family and family friends DH never even met before the wedding (we have been together 6 years) or I hadn''t seen for years. Our family is spread all over the US. This was the time to catch up. I never guilted anyone nor have I ever felt guilted into going to a brunch. Maybe it is a regional thing or a culture thing. There was no pressure. For many who had never been to WI it was any easy way to get some food (who doesn''t love mimosas and bagels!) and socialize before they hit the road. Maybe I am taking this too personally (hormones and all!) I know you are not attacking me individually. But I don''t like rash general statements (and you were not the only one) I think if anyone wants to host a brunch they should not be discouraged. I still think it is a nice thing to offer.