Bridesmaid pre-nups?

[trillionaire]

Anyone heard of these?!?


Prenups For Bridesmaids
Brides are asking bridesmaids to sign a contract to keep plans ship shape.

by Tom Miller

In a survey of 1,000 women by You & Your Wedding it was discovered that 20% of them wanted their bridesmaids to sign a contract for bridesmaid duties. Basically, a bridesmaid pre-nup includes stipulations that the bridesmaid will not make any radical changes in their appearance. These changes include severe haircuts, weight gain, and pregnancy. Nearly half of those surveyed said they would axe any attendant that violated the terms of their deal.

Some brides are hardcore. And this makes sense for hardcore brides. When everyone understands what’s on the table, it makes it a lot easier to execute. We’re pretty sure, though, that cutting someone from your wedding for packing on ten pounds or so is pretty severe. That pretty much ends a friendship. That is some serious sorority action. “Uh Becky, I hate to do this but I’ve noticed that you’ve gained a little weight. I need to know that you’re going to lose that weight? Can I count on you? Let me know because, I have like eight people in line that would relish this chance. Take a few minutes to think about it, okay? And it’s fine if you don’t want to do it. We can still be friends. I probably won’t be able to introduce you to Tony’s cousin the producer, because I’ll be too busy with the wedding party. You’re a doll, thanks for being so understanding.”

We wonder what a groomsmen contract would entail. “I swear not to tell your family about anything that happens at the bachelor party. I swear not to hit on your sister. And I swear not to throw up in front of your parents. If I violate any of these terms you have my permission to hit my thumb with a hammer.”

http://www.tangomag.com/20083503/prenups-for-bridesmaids.html

 

[miraclesrule]

Seriously, weddings are getting too jacked up for my taste. Isn''t this about friends and family?? It''s like everyone wants to pretend that this day is their "Fantasy Celebreality Moment". I love it when I see a pregnant Bridesmaid. It suggests the Bride isn''t a Bridezilla.

But then again, our MOH broke her ankle last night after the bridal shower, so maybe we should of had her sign a contract saying that she would not go out partying in shoes that high.

I guess we''ll know soon enough if she will be able to walk down the aisle next month or limping down the aisle.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Idiotic.

They were discussing this on Sirius'' Cosmo channel the other day. One girl who''d had such a contract called in. She tried to justify her reasoning (her contract included not getting pregnant). The hosts went pretty easy on her. All I could think was that she came off as extremely shallow.

Your wedding is one day. Maybe one weekend at the most. To expect people to plan LIFE EVENTS such as pregnancy around that is mind-blowingly self-centered! I would laugh in someone''s face!

Not to mention... what happens if a bridesmaid gets pregnant unexpectedly? Or goes on a medication that makes her gain weight?

Bridesmade are people, not centerpieces.

 

[Fancy605]

People like that are exhausting. I seriously wonder about some people. I have been a bridesmaid 5 times, and NONE of the girls were ever anywhere in the ballpark of being that particular. I mean, maybe I am lucky to have super cool, super laid back friends or something. I don''t think I could even be friends with someone that high maintenance, much less agree to be in her wedding. Be picky about the flowers, the food, the music, and the personalities of those surrounding you. But geeze, love your friends for who they are, not what they look like.

 

[Kaleigh]

Sounds crazy to me. I was a bridesmaid more times than I can count, but was before the bridezilla era. Back then, things were a lot more easy going. Today, it seems as though everything is planned down to when you breath, and exhale. Kinda scary.

 

[doodle]

greeeeeat...bridezilla goes legal. actually, forget bridezilla...that kind of crap merits a different b-word. this would inspire my spiteful side to NO end. if you want to determine my hairstyle, you can pay my stylist. you want to determine my weight, you buy my groceries. no pregnancy? better fork over funds for my birth control!

sorry about that...um...HEY, I THINK I JUST HAD MY FIRST BRIDEZILLA MOMENT!!!

 

[brooklyngirl]

Ugh, that's just ridiculous. My bff is ttc, and I hope and pray that by the time my wedding rolls around my MOH will be preggers

. Yay for more nieces/nephews

The only real requirement is that they order their dress in the right size, show up and have fun at my wedding. I never understood the whole "I want my bridesmaids to look perfect" thing. I thought they were there because they're close friends of the bride. Would these same brides make their parents sign contracts regarding their appearance? It's just baffling

.

 

[doodle]

my brother, who is also a groomsman, keeps flip flopping on what he''s going to wear to the wedding...he says he''s undecided between wearing a wedding dress and having the deejay play "i''m too sexy" or wearing a gorilla costume and yelling "ME WANTS BO-NANAS" when the "who gives this woman in marriage" line pops up. if i''m not trying to make HIM sign a contract, NOBODY should. as for my brother...anyone interested in adopting a 22 year old goofball...he''s great for comic relief, heavy lifting, and consuming leftovers...anybody? please?

 

[swimmer]

This mentality drives me crazy. Not of the brides, but what reporter...where on earth did they conduct this poll? Throw some statistics out there and people seem to believe it? I don''t. I think it was just made up to poke fun at a group of highly stressed women who are pulled in many different ways by people with their own agendas. I just don''t buy it. In my 10 times of being a BM, none of the brides cared what I did with my hair, weight, nails, and sometimes even my dress was totally up to me. Yes, some of these women are hippy ladies, but some are my sorority sisters, true blue party planners.

This idea that all women getting married are psychotic led one of my BMs to say, after telling me that she was preggers and us squealing about it, that she hoped I wasn''t mad. How on earth could I be upset with someone who has been struggling with fertility for getting pregnant? It just floored me, almost sucked out some of my joy for her. She kept calling to reassure me that her dress would be great, I kept telling her I didn''t care if she wore a mumu of my neighbor''s (they are vividly memorable), just as long as she was happy and to please stop thinking that I am a heinous wench who gives a rat''s arse about such nonsense.

I started to feel paralyzed by this perception that I could be a "bridezilla." Does anyone else encounter this sentiment and cringe (not at the alleged female behavior) but at the folks who assume that this is the norm?

ETA: I don''t have a TV so have never seen those reality TV shows about weddings so perhaps am living under a rock...

 

[Sabine]

Absolutely ridiculous! One of my bm''s is pregnant, and I couldn''t be more proud to know that she is willing to still put on a dress and stand up with me to support FI and I as we get married.

Not to threadjack, but Miraclesrule, one of Robbie''s bm''s broke her foot before the wedding, and she used a little scooter that she put her knee on, had flowers tied to the handlebars, and she rolled down the aisle in style!

 

[tenfour]

i can completely understand how this is necessary. friendship is a very lucrative business and...

okay, kidding. that is absolutely ridiculous.

 

[meresal]

A girl I knew in college is getting married in August. Her best friend and ONLY bridesmaid got intoxicated about 2 months ago, and SHAVED HER HEAD!!! We all agreed that she require her to wear a wig.

 

[surfgirl]

If anyone asked me to sign a BM prenup, I''d tell them where they could stick that pre nup, and then I probably wouldn''t attend that wedding. Seriously, that''s just ridiculous. People should be happy that anyone would be willing to spend the money to come to their wedding AND buy a heinous dress to boot. Anything else should be done by paid people

IMO, not by your wedding party. You''re asking people to stand up for you at your wedding, not become your indentured servant...

 

[Independent Gal]

I would never be friends, never mind close enough friends to be a BM, with the sort of person who would do that. It is absolutely pathetic.

 

[Allison D.]

Bridesmade are people, not centerpieces.

I *love* this! Amen.

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 6/16/2008 10:42:41 AM
Author: meresal
A girl I knew in college is getting married in August. Her best friend and ONLY bridesmaid got intoxicated about 2 months ago, and SHAVED HER HEAD!!! We all agreed that she require her to wear a wig.

I would even find that offensive. So what if she shaved her head? She''ll have funky short hair by the time August comes around, and most importantly, it will be HER funky short hair. If my friend asked me to wear a wig because she didn''t like my hairstyle, I would think she was being a b!tch.

One of my gals had short spiky hair at my wedding. She had just finished chemo for breast cancer and was tired of hiding under scarves and wigs. Everyone said how completely sexy she looked without realizing it hadn''t been a choice! There''s nothing wrong with short hair.

Let people be themselves, in alllll their diversity.

 

[decodelighted]

ACK ... stuff like this makes my blood boil (briefly). RIDICULOUS. And I think the girls who do this have a parade of Barbie bridesmaids as opposed to TRUE FRIENDS. Like people who pick their "friends" for their looks -- as if that reflects on THEM.

There are always kooks like this on Self-Help TV .... "I Won''t Be Friends With Ugly People" etc.

Also -- being this controlling .. how COULD you have true, MUTAL friendships? More like: you have a shallow equally vapid posse.

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/16/2008 2:02:21 PM
Author: Independent Gal

Date: 6/16/2008 10:42:41 AM
Author: meresal
A girl I knew in college is getting married in August. Her best friend and ONLY bridesmaid got intoxicated about 2 months ago, and SHAVED HER HEAD!!! We all agreed that she require her to wear a wig.

I would even find that offensive. So what if she shaved her head? She'll have funky short hair by the time August comes around, and most importantly, it will be HER funky short hair. If my friend asked me to wear a wig because she didn't like my hairstyle, I would think she was being a b!tch.

One of my gals had short spiky hair at my wedding. She had just finished chemo for breast cancer and was tired of hiding under scarves and wigs. Everyone said how completely sexy she looked without realizing it hadn't been a choice! There's nothing wrong with short hair.

Let people be themselves, in alllll their diversity.

If this were in ANY way like the situation you described above, then I would completely agree. But this is a drunken mistake that even the BM regretted the next day. I agree that a pre-nup is completely outlandish and offensive. However, I completely believe that there is a line that has to be drawn, when the BM has to agree that she messed up.

I understand that many people might see this as shallow. But if you have a friend that has NEVER done anything like this before, then you go into the process expecting them to not shave their head. And honestly... if I was someone's BM and all of a sudden felt the urge to shave my head, I would 100% ok it with the bride before plugging in the clippers. I think that in this situation it was completely selfish and disrespectful. Yes, it will grow out a bit, but it's just the principle of the matter to me.

**EDIT: Just wanted to clear something up. I have no problem if any of my bridesmaid's decide to shave or cut their hair, as long as they just let me know, since this would be completely out of character for ANY of my friends. This BM had no problem with wearing a wig... actually that week, she found one on her own, before the bride even had a chance to ask her. The BM couldn't believe she had done it, and hated it.

 

[redfaerythinker]

As I was reading this I too was thinking that this could never actually happen in real life and maybe the whole legal document thing is a bit of a stretch but... My friend is getting married in October and when she was picking her bridesmaids her mother told her not to ask certain people, including me, because we were different sizes and it wouldn''t "look good". I had previously thought that this was a very nice woman but now i''m not so sure. So apparently this goes on more than I thought.

My bridesmaids will be my best friends and I don''t care if they weigh one hundred or four hundred pounds or if someone has to push them down the aisle in a wheelchair or what. As long as they are there to share my day with me, that is all that matters. (Although I may draw the line at hot pink hair

)

 

[princesss]

Date: 6/16/2008 2:54:01 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 6/16/2008 2:02:21 PM

Author: Independent Gal

Date: 6/16/2008 10:42:41 AM

Author: meresal

I understand that many people might see this as shallow. But if you have a friend that has NEVER done anything like this before, then you go into the process expecting them to not shave their head. And honestly... if I was someone''s BM and all of a sudden felt the urge to shave my head, I would 100% ok it with the bride before plugging in the clippers. I think that in this situation it was completely selfish and disrespectful. Yes, it will grow out a bit, but it''s just the principle of the matter to me.

See, I still don''t understand this. Selfish and disrespectful to make a choice concerning their own body? Really? How does one day warrant a stupid decision being considered disrespectful towards a bride? What principle is there? You do what you want with your own body, and I think anybody that asked, expected, or required anything other than that would be the one that qualified as selfish.

I''m not trying to attack you, I''m just truly confused by this whole idea. Assuming that one day of your life is enough to make anybody run their decisions by you about something they want (or at least wanted at the time) about their body (tattoos, piercings, hair cuts, plastic surgery, etc.) is ridiculous. I''m not saying it doesn''t happen (a good friend of mine is currently growing out her hair and dying back to brown (from blue) for her best friend''s wedding in which she is the MOH because her best friend is one of those "It all has to be picture perfect" people), but it truly stuns/offends me.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 6/16/2008 2:54:01 PM
Author: meresal

I think that in this situation it was completely selfish and disrespectful.

I don't even think that the subject of BM contracts merits dicussion as it is so distasteful. And I agree with Allison. Love that qoute.

But merasal, I sincerely don't see how ANYTHING the BM does to her appearance, whatever the circumstance is disrespectful to the bride short of shaving her head to say "I hate the bride" so some such thing. I agree with Princess. And I'll take it a step further, how is it that in your opinion the BM is the one being selfish and disrespectful, and not the BRIDE. I mean, this is persumably her friend, and her friend's life and appearance. Personally, I think you and the bride need to grow up if this is your point of view. If appearances mean more to you than people, call an escort service, ask for thier prettiest girls and ASK THEM to be your bridesmaids. I bet they'll even sign a contract.

 

[luckystar112]

Meresal...I'd be upset if a BM shaved her head too. Mostly because it would be so out of character of my friends. I'm a "to each their own" type person too, but in the future when I'm showing my wedding photos to people I would like FI and myself to be the focal point--not the crazy lady who looks like she's having a miserable time because she got drunk one night and decided to pull a Britney because she couldn't handle her alcohol.

But luckily for your friend I'm sure her hair will look semi-normal by the time the wedding rolls around. Hopefully a'la Maisie style, who has a fab do'!

ETA: I guess I'm self-centered and need to grow up too. lol. If you can rock a shaved head like the girls in the Robert Palmer video "addicted to love", (and a shaved head is something you chose when you were sober) then by all means....go for it. But most girls can't...and I'd be upset that my friend let it get that far. If she can get wasted and do that to her own HEAD, how is she going to act at the wedding? Do we need to hire a babysitter for her? JMHO of course!!!

ETA number 2: I would never make my BMs sign a pre-nup though!

ETA number 3: And although I'd be disappointed, I wouldn't FORCE the girl to wear a wig. I'm thinking if it's truly that big of a regret for her she would probaby choose that option by herself.

 

[Gypsy]

Lucky, if your friends can't hold their alcohol, it worries you, and you can't depend on them to be sensible and not get drunk at your wedding, you shouldn't ask them to be your BM. If they ask why you tell them you want them to be able to party and have fun without worrying about BM duties. If they press, you tell them that you are asking your BP not drink more than a little and you don't want to put them out. The issue isn't a BM's drunk behaviour.

I think most people would agree that they would hope thier BM's don't get out of their heads crazy drunk AT THEIR WEDDING. The issue is that the friend got drunk on her OWN, NOT at the wedding, and did something a little out of character that, ultimately, harms only her. And the bride and merasal didn't appear to be concerned about the behaviour (why the friend was acting out) or their friend-- but rather how the appearance of this girl was going to impact what is ultimately ONE DAY, and a few hours of it at that.

I do understand what you mean about the photos, I really do. But if my MOH got that drunk and shaved her head and regretted it... I hope I'd be more worried about WHY she did it and what was wrong, than about my photos. And if I was more worried about the photos, honestly, I'd wonder what was wrong with me that I was that self absorbed. You used Britney as an example. If that woman was my friend, her very sanity would be my concern, not her appearance.

I'm gonna step back now. Nevermind.

 

[luckystar112]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 369px">Date: 6/16/2008 7:46:05 PM
Author: Gypsy
Lucky, if your friends can''t hold their alcohol, it worries you, and you can''t depend on them to be sensible and not get drunk at your wedding, you shouldn''t ask them to be your BM. If they ask why you tell them you want them to be able to party and have fun without worrying about BM duties. If they press, you tell them that you are asking your BP not drink more than a little and you don''t want to put them out. The issue isn''t a BM''s drunk behaviour.

I agree Gypsy, and I wouldn''t. I''m talking more along the lines of doing something out of character. I mean, I guess that''s kind of the point. You choose your bridesmaids because you can depend on them.

I think most people would agree that they would hope thier BM''s don''t get out of their heads crazy drunk AT THEIR WEDDING. The issue is that the friend got drunk on her OWN, NOT at the wedding, and did something a little out of character that, ultimately, harms only her. And the bride and merasal didn''t appear to be concerned about the behaviour (why the friend was acting out) or their friend-- but rather how the appearance of this girl was going to impact what is ultimately ONE DAY, and a few hours of it at that.

In Meresal''s defense, this thread was about bridal pre-nups and changing appearance. We don''t know that there wasn''t a serious intervention going on...but I hope that there was! I don''t want to speak for Meresal, but she did say that this girl was the bride''s only bridesmaid, which would imply that the girl is close to the bride''s heart. I hope they did something other then b*tch and moan about the hair!

I do understand what you mean about the photos, I really do. But if my MOH got that drunk and shaved her head and regretted it... I hope I''d be more worried about WHY she did it and what was wrong, than about my photos. And if I was more worried about the photos, honestly, I''d wonder what was wrong with me that I was that self absorbed. You used Britney as an example. If that woman was my friend, her very sanity would be my concern, not her appearance.

See above

I''m gonna step back now. Nevermind.

Are you really that upset about it? I didn''t mean to offend you. I was just trying to be honest. We don''t have to talk about it anymore. But I just wanted to clarify because it seems like you think I''m a monster too.

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/16/2008 7:07:17 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 6/16/2008 2:54:01 PM
Author: meresal

I think that in this situation it was completely selfish and disrespectful.

I don''t even think that the subject of BM contracts merits dicussion as it is so distasteful. And I agree with Allison. Love that qoute.

But merasal, I sincerely don''t see how ANYTHING the BM does to her appearance, whatever the circumstance is disrespectful to the bride short of shaving her head to say ''I hate the bride'' so some such thing. I agree with Princess. And I''ll take it a step further, how is it that in your opinion the BM is the one being selfish and disrespectful, and not the BRIDE. I mean, this is persumably her friend, and her friend''s life and appearance. Personally, I think you and the bride need to grow up if this is your point of view. If appearances mean more to you than people, call an escort service, ask for thier prettiest girls and ASK THEM to be your bridesmaids. I bet they''ll even sign a contract.

First off... I''m all for having a civil conversation about how my opinions differ from yours, but I don''t appreciate how you turned your post into a personal attack on my character and how I choose to make friends with who I do. I can tell you that it has absolutely nothing to do with appearances. I also do not agree with the fact that I need to "grow up". Just because I share a different view from yourself doesn''t not mean that mine come from an immature point of view. I know I''m not the only person that feels this way, and that doesn''t make me a bridezilla. I love all my friends in all of their beauty. I will NOT be calling an escort service as you have suggested, and my bridesmaids will NOT be signing pre-nup contracts. It''s takes alot to offend me, especially on an anonymous forum, but you hit it right on the head.

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/16/2008 7:46:05 PM
Author: Gypsy
Lucky, if your friends can''t hold their alcohol, it worries you, and you can''t depend on them to be sensible and not get drunk at your wedding, you shouldn''t ask them to be your BM. If they ask why you tell them you want them to be able to party and have fun without worrying about BM duties. If they press, you tell them that you are asking your BP not drink more than a little and you don''t want to put them out. The issue isn''t a BM''s drunk behaviour.

I think most people would agree that they would hope thier BM''s don''t get out of their heads crazy drunk AT THEIR WEDDING. The issue is that the friend got drunk on her OWN, NOT at the wedding, and did something a little out of character that, ultimately, harms only her. And the bride and merasal didn''t appear to be concerned about the behaviour (why the friend was acting out) or their friend-- but rather how the appearance of this girl was going to impact what is ultimately ONE DAY, and a few hours of it at that.

I do understand what you mean about the photos, I really do. But if my MOH got that drunk and shaved her head and regretted it... I hope I''d be more worried about WHY she did it and what was wrong, than about my photos. And if I was more worried about the photos, honestly, I''d wonder what was wrong with me that I was that self absorbed. You used Britney as an example. If that woman was my friend, her very sanity would be my concern, not her appearance.

I''m gonna step back now. Nevermind.

If this post was about what to do when your friends act out, then maybe I would have explained that side of the story, but it wasn''t. Since you seem to find it neceassary to know, we were worried and she did go into counseling, but I didn''t think the thread warranted a paragraph long response in the first place.

 

[Gypsy]

Lucky, I don't think you are monster. It is hard to get an idea for how things went down with the bride and the only attendant who shaved her head. I hope that there was an intervention and that merasal's post was just badly worded. For the record I only have one attendant too. As for how offended I am. I generally am sensitive when people treat (or sound like they treat) their bridal party members less like the dear friends they are, and should be, and more like furniture. Like I said though, it might have just been badly worded.

Merasal. Your post offended me too. And you even stated that some might find your post shallow. And yet you're surprised when I call you on it. You were attacking and condemning this BM (who is now gonna have to walk around explaning to everyone why she did what she did) because of how it might impact someone's wedding instead of expressing concern over how it might impact HER, then condemning her for getting drunk and for having to audacity to do something without considering THE BRIDE first. I think that if this BM is really the only attendant then she must be a special person. I think it seemed emotionally immature to condemn someone because of a shaved head when that person has been a faithful and good friend. Now I'm a bride, and a contolling PITA one at that, and I'll be the first to admit it. But I think your post makes you sound judgemental, disrespectful and and selfish, and yes I think you also sound like a shallow bridezilla in this thread. I hope you really aren't that way, I really do, but you must have realized what you were posting was going to offend, else why preface the post with "now I realize some might see this as shallow." But, somehow, it offends you that I agree with you?