Wedding Bridesmaid is MIA--What to do now?

[Haven]

Okay, I find myself dealing with a bridesmaid dilemma and I just don''t know what to do at this point.

You may recall that one of my six bridesmaids refused to wear the dress that the other five all loved, so I ended up having each bridesmaid choose her own dress and a unique color. Fine. That worked out well, even though my other bridesmaids were upset that the renegade bridesmaid was the only one who didn''t like the dress because they all really wanted to wear that one.

Well, Renegade Bridesmaid (it''s as good as any nickname, right?) just plain didn''t show up to my bridal shower yesterday. Yup, you read that right--she just didn''t show. I called her afterward, no answer. Then I was worried because I''ve called her at least four times over the last two weeks and haven''t received any response whatsoever. They''ve all been nice messages along the lines of "Hey, just wanted to call to say Hi!" not requests for help with the wedding or anything.

SO, FI text messaged Renegade Bridesmaid''s husband (they''re friends, and the hubby is only reachable via text messages). FI''s text simply said "Is RB okay?" Well, the hubby''s response was "Yeah! Her knees are great!" because the hubby clearly misunderstood, and thought my FI was asking about her knees, which FI treated about a month ago.

FI''s response was "Oh good, she missed Haven''s shower today so we''re worried about her." The hubby responded with "Oh no! That''s not like RB to forget something."

And that was it. RB never called me back. All of this correspondence happened around 3 PM yesterday, so here I am 24 hours later without a word. I emailed her this morning and just wrote "Are you okay? We missed you yesterday. Let me know what''s going on."

Nothing.

FI asked me if there''s any reason she might be mad at me, but there isn''t anything I can think of and well, we''re adults for crying out loud--if she''s upset about something she needs to talk to me about it.

So what do I do? Do I keep trying to contact her? Does it sound like she''s trying to bow out of the wedding? I stood up in her wedding a year and a half ago and hosted a shower, did a million little errands with her, and acted as her right hand woman for so many decisions. I haven''t asked anything like that of any of my bridesmaids because I''ve just done it all myself.

Anyone experience this? What did you do?

I will say I don''t really feel up to catering to her at the moment. I finish teaching for the year on Weds (so I have a lot of essay exams to grade), then we move into our new house this Friday (YAY!) and then I leave for a two-week trip to Greece (with 49 students!) on June 5th, and then we''ll have a bit over two weeks to get ready for the wedding. I really don''t feel like adding "figure out what the h*ll happened to Renegade Bridesmaid" to my list.

Anyway, I suppose this is a vent as much as a request for feedback. So, thanks for listening!

 

[zoebartlett]

Huh. That''s odd and frankly, quite rude of your friend not to even call to let someone know she wouldn''t be at the shower (that she may have helped plan, I''m assuming). I''d let it go for a few days or a week and then try getting in touch with her again. As you pointed out, you have a lot going on right now. I wouldn''t just write this girl off though. If it was me, I''d want to know why she didn''t show.

 

[iheartscience]

Wow...we''re talking about an adult, right? Honestly, I would probably just write her off and be done with it. It''s clear that she''s childish and ridiculous. (I mean, why wouldn''t she wear a bridesmaid dress when your 5 other bridesmaids like it?! It''s just a bridesmaid dress that you''ll wear for 1 day!) I just don''t think you should have to worry about her not showing up for your wedding, and with the way she''s acting, that''s a definite concern. If something was seriously wrong with her, I don''t see why she couldn''t just tell you she has some personal problems and can''t be in your wedding after all.

I really do not get why weddings make people act crazy! It''s supposed to be a fun, joyful day! I''m sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[neatfreak]

First I would talk to hubby if you can and make sure she isn''t going through some sort of private personal issue (miscarriage or something like that).

THEN I would ditch her if nothing is going on. I had a bridesmaid flake out on me and the last thing you need to be worried about right now is whether they''ll show up, act appopriately, etc. Sounds like she''s jealous of something and acting like a child

Just know Haven that it more than likely isn''t about you, this has happened to many of us.

And big HUGS going your way!!!!

 

[Haven]

Thanks for your responses, ladies.

I just got an email from her and it sounds like she''s having some serious personal issues with the hubby, which would account for why he a) wouldn''t know that she missed the shower, and b) didn''t tell her about the text messages (which would, in my mind, prompt an immediate phone call from her.)

I can''t say I''m happy to hear that there''s a valid reason for her missing the shower, now I kinda just wish she had flaked out. But I''m glad I was nice about it and didn''t freak on her via voicemail.

Thanks for listening, you guys, I''m never quite sure how to respond to situations when someone I counted on lets me down.

 

[bee*]

that''s awful that she''s going through problems with her hubbie. Hopefully things will work out for them. At least there was a reason that she didn''t go to your shower and that she didn''t just flake. Hopefully things will be ok nearer to the day.