Bridal Shower RSVP Etiquette?

[violet02]

My BM''s sent out the shower invitations mid-August to about 40 women. I''d say maybe half of these women live out of state, a lot of them are family.

The invitation said RSVP by 9/4, which is today, via phone.

Most of the people out of state did not RSVP... I assume it''s because they live far away and it''s fairly obvious they won''t be coming. Although my FI''s aunts and his cousin were kind enough to call and say they couldn''t make it. I knew my grandma probably wouldn''t call because she told me that she obviously couldn''t make it... I was suprised my step-mother who kind of pushed me to have a shower to begin with didn''t even call at all. My FI''s mom didn''t call but she sent a gift so that''s fine of course.

What''s the etiquette for that though. Should you always RSVP even if you live far away? Is it impolite not to?

Also next question... is it more impolite to not RSVP if you live right in the same city? BUT do people take showers more lightly and are RSVP''s not really required for them? I have no idea how this is supposed to work.

 

[neatfreak]

You SHOULD always RSVP no matter what. But people don''t. I just threw a shower this weekend and quite a few people didn''t RSVP, some of whom ended up coming anyway...it was annoying!

 

[violet02]

Maybe shower invites need actual RSVP cards to be more legit?

 

[Blair138]

Violet-shower invites never need an RSVP card in my book. Usually those are much more informal than a wedding invitation and a handwritten invitation card is fine. I think NOT RSVPing is very rude no matter what. Even when I get an evite I try to RSVP just so the party thrower knows if I can make it or not.

 

[violet02]

I''m a bit perturbed about this whole thing to be honest. Today was the deadline and the shower is next sunday so I can give it a bit more time. I''m not sure why my stepmother didn''t rsvp yet though. She lives out of state but she''s my stepmom for pete''s sake! She''s the one who suggested we have the shower to begin with and who to invite!

Also my FI''s groomsmen''s wife. We''ve all hung out together quite a few times. I went to their wedding (although she put me as the and guest)... she hasn''t rsvp''ed for the bachelorette, the shower... nothing. Not one thing from her. I''m not expecting her to do anything per se but my FI''s other female friends have been great, they are at least RSVP''ing... I mean part of this whole process is hopefully bringing our circle of friends together. Bummer.

 

[MaggieB]

Okay, so I might sound a bit PSYCHOTIC in this thread, but this is a huge pet peeve of mine - probably because I am the friend that always offers to throw the the shower for everyone. PEOPLE DO NOT RSVP. I have no earthly idea why. I''ve invited 25 women to a shower, gotten 4 RVSPs and had no idea how much food to make. I had to call each of them and it turned out there were 10 more women coming that did not RSVP.

But I have started warning people, yes, I will throw your shower but please be advised beforehand that I will require a phone number for each person that you have me invite and I will call them the day RSVPs are due if I haven''t heard from them and I will say something snarky, like "hmmm, I guess you must have called me the day we had that power outage . . ."

I do not feel like I am being rude. I am acting out of necessity caused by other people''s rudeness.

 

[Cleopatra]

I''ll jump on the other side of this - just for giggles.

To be honest, I HATE to rsvp by phone. I just feel weird about calling up a perfect stranger - but that''s just me. If it''s a mail-in RSVP - I''ll do it, no questions - but phone....hmmm...

 

[tberube]

IMO - It's always impolite not to RSVP. But the reality is that so many people don't respond as they are asked. Only a little over half of the people I invited to my WEDDING (for Pete's sake!) even bothered to send back their response cards. It is just what happens. Generally, people have to be chased after for their response...they don't realize that the host can't just "assume" that this person will be there or not, based on how far out of town they live. You never know!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 9/5/2008 8:37:32 AM
Author: Cleopatra
I''ll jump on the other side of this - just for giggles.


To be honest, I HATE to rsvp by phone. I just feel weird about calling up a perfect stranger - but that''s just me. If it''s a mail-in RSVP - I''ll do it, no questions - but phone....hmmm...

While I can understand that it isn''t the most comfortable thing to call up a perfect stranger, here we aren''t talking about strangers! Her Stepmother hasn''t RSVP''d!

And really, no offense, but I think people need to put on their big girl panties and call! Or at least let the hostess know through the bride, email, somehow! It''s not that hard.

 

[violet02]

I know my stepmom gets busy but come on! How busy can she be? An email even. I gave my BM a list of all guests, addresses and phone numbers and emails...
i''m just so suprised by the dead air... I mean i didn''t expect a ton to come but it''s rather peturbing and somewhat upsetting. Makes me feel she has some passive agressive thing going on with me right now, sigh.

Anyways we''ll see how the shower goes next week. Thet tough part is my BM is upset about it. It''s at a tea room that requires exact reserveations. I always RSVP even on evite.

 

[Mediterranean]

I''ll call, just because I know how annoying it is to just get NO response AT ALL. I feel ya, poster above me, who feels weird calling a stranger. I still do it. Even if I just leave a voicemail. I mean, they know you''re gonna be calling, they put their number down.

One situation that skeeved me out: Once, I had to call the CURRENT girlfriend of a guy who I had previously dated in order to RSVP for a mutual friend''s shower. Awkward! I called when I was reasonably sure she was at work (I could tell by her area code that she used her cell as the RSVP number, so during work hours I figured she''d have her ringer off...heh)

 

[Gypsy]

Ditto TB on multitudes of people not RSVPing I sent 60 something invites. I got 36 back.

For the rehearsal, which was our close friends and our BP ONLY... we asked for phone or email RSVPs. Nope. ONLY my MOH RSVPed.

It''s just rude.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

If it''s a stranger, I call during the day so I can just leave a message. I don''t think it''s that big of a deal calling them though. They put their number on the invitation... they''re expecting your call!


I''ll admit that I haven''t always been the best at RSVPing, but as I''ve matured (or at least gotten older), I always RSVP now. I know how hard it is to plan a party not knowing how many people to expect to feed. I would think anyone over the age of 25 would understand that an RSVP is necessary for the host.

Gypsy, I''m thinking maybe your bridal party assumed that you knew they''d be at your rehearsal dinner? I would think that would be a "regrets only" type of situation!

 

[JulieN]

I think one should respond to all requests for replies. I also think one should not send out shower invitations to guests who live far away.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

If there is no instructions as far as "regrets only" or "acceptance only" then everyone should RSVP...

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 9/6/2008 5:06:54 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
If there is no instructions as far as ''regrets only'' or ''acceptance only'' then everyone should RSVP...

I agree, but I can understand where a bridesmaid who has already promised to be in the wedding, has helped plan the event, has confirmed that yes she''ll be at the rehearsal... would think that she had already implied that she would be present at the dinner afterwards. I guess I am saying that I understand a misunderstanding, especially if there was no date invited. If she was invited to bring a date, then I would expect her to know that she needs to let the bride know if she is bringing one or not.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think you should always RSVP (unless it says regrets only and you are not going) but agree I hate to talk to strangers on the phone. I always provide a phone AND e-mail address. That being said, it is rude that never called (after all we are adults and even *I* will ignore my phobia for 30 seconds) and you have ever right to be annoyed.

 

[eaglesgal]

I don''t like RSVPing to strangers either...so I call during the day while they''re at work and leave a message!

 

[kama_s]

Do you think your step-mum didnt respond because she thinks it's obvious that she'll be coming and that she doesn't think it needs to be stated? I ask because sometimes my mum will omit to let me know if she's coming over for a dinner party at my place because she assumes I know that she'll be there. So when I call her a few days prior to the dinner to ask if she's free and would be joining us, I get a 'yes-isn't-that-obvious-where-have-you-been-all-this-while' response which just makes me go