Bridal shower etiquette?

[MustangGal]

Hi all you lovely brides!

I was just invited to DH''s cousins bridal shower, and had a few etiquette questions. Since I got married 8 years ago and am probably not up on the latest, I thought I''d ask you ladies

First, the invitation was sent via email, which seemed a bit different (and it went to my husband''s email in my name). At least it wasn''t just an email, it was a link to an fancy invitation site, and even did RSVPs online. Is this "acceptable" these days?

Second, the timing seems way different than what I remember too. The shower is going to be 6 months before the wedding. Shouldn''t they be closer? I remember mine was like the month before...

And last, I can''t attend the shower, but should I still send a gift? We''re going to have to travel pretty far for the wedding, and we are planning to go and buy a gift for that, I just can''t make it to the shower.


Thanks!

 

[wyndham]

Hi MustangGal,
To respond to your questions...

1) I don''t know that there''s one ''acceptable'' way to send an invitation these days! I much prefer to send / receive paper invitations, but I know plenty of people do everything online. If you prefer paper invitations, I wouldn''t hold that against the bride...she didn''t send the electronic one!

2) I think showers are often held whenever it''s mutually convenient for the hostess(es) and the bride -- this must be a good weekend for them. Additionally, if they are inviting a large number of out of town guests to the shower (which it seems like they might be), they probably wanted to space out the shower and the wedding so that the same people aren''t traveling twice so close together. I wouldn''t worry about the timing.

3) I think you should regret to the shower but still send a gift. If you''re close enough to her to travel for the wedding, you should send her a small gift with a nice note about how you''re looking forward to the wedding.

Good luck!

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 11/5/2009 11:48:45 AM
Author: wyndham
Hi MustangGal,

To respond to your questions...

1) I don''t know that there''s one ''acceptable'' way to send an invitation these days! I much prefer to send / receive paper invitations, but I know plenty of people do everything online. If you prefer paper invitations, I wouldn''t hold that against the bride...she didn''t send the electronic one!

2) I think showers are often held whenever it''s mutually convenient for the hostess(es) and the bride -- this must be a good weekend for them. Additionally, if they are inviting a large number of out of town guests to the shower (which it seems like they might be), they probably wanted to space out the shower and the wedding so that the same people aren''t traveling twice so close together. I wouldn''t worry about the timing.

3) I think you should regret to the shower but still send a gift. If you''re close enough to her to travel for the wedding, you should send her a small gift with a nice note about how you''re looking forward to the wedding.

Good luck!

Ditto everything except #3. I don''t believe that a gift is "expected" for a shower regardless if you attend or not (as opposed to a wedding invitation). In this situation I would probably still send one personally, but I don''t believe you should feel obligated.

 

[MustangGal]

Thanks!

The weekend they chose actually seems like it would be bad timing for most people, 12/5, the weekend after Thanksgiving. The shower is going to be in CA, the wedding in WA, and I''m in AZ, so they probably "know" I won''t be there.

Now for a gift, I have no idea what to get her. They are registered at 3 places, but most of the items are VERY high priced ($90 for 2 pillowcases!), so about the only thing I could purchase would be a cheese grater, which just doesn''t seem very personal for a shower gift? I''ll also be spending about 1K just to attend the wedding next May...

For some background, I''ve only met the bride like 5 times in the 13 years I''ve been with DH, so I imagine I only rated the shower guest list becasue I''d be considered family.

Would it be OK to just send a nice card?

 

[vc10um]

I think sending a nice card would be fine, and if you feel obligated to send a gift, there''s no harm in enclosing a gift card to one of the places they are registered. ESPECIALLY if you have to spend that much to attend the wedding AND are bringing a gift then.

 

[tyty333]

I dont feel like a gift is required. You might want to save that money for your wedding gift because the low
price items on it may be $250 for so

!

 

[Rock_of_Love]

You could always do a gift card to Victoria''s Secret...that seems like a safe bet for a bridal shower. But, I wouldn''t feed obligated to give a gift if you are not attending.

Are you attending the wedding? If so, you could just send a nice card to the bride and say you are looking forward to the wedding and sorry you can''t make the shower.

 

[that_someone_special]

Personally, I would not send a gift.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''ve always heard that if you were invited to a shower/wedding and couldn''t attend, it was still "proper" to send a gift. I''ve only done this for close family and friends though. Otherwise, I wouldn''t feel obligated. As you''ve said, you''re going to be spending $$$ to travel to the wedding, so I would think you''d be fine not sending something for the shower.

 

[Morgie44]

I only received gifts from two shower guests who were unable to attend. I thought that those who did send a gift who couldn''t make it were being very generous. I would only personally send a gift if it was a very close friend or relative for a shower. Quite honestly, it seems a little gift grabby to me to invite someone who you are not close to to a shower OOT.

 

[Haven]

I say do whatever you are most comfortable doing.

It sounds like this is a very informal shower since they sent out email invites, so I''m guessing that the bride''s family isn''t big on tradition, anyway.

I''ve always sent a gift if I couldn''t attend a shower, but then again I''ve only been invited to the showers of close friends or family members so sending a gift was always something I wanted to do, if that makes sense.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/5/2009 9:34:36 PM
Author: Morgie44
I only received gifts from two shower guests who were unable to attend. I thought that those who did send a gift who couldn''t make it were being very generous. I would only personally send a gift if it was a very close friend or relative for a shower. Quite honestly, it seems a little gift grabby to me to invite someone who you are not close to to a shower OOT.

Ditto-I actually only invited people to my shower who lived in town. That might not be proper but I didn''t want to be seen as going for gifts when I knew no one was going to fly in for a shower!

 

[Londongirl1]

This thread is interesting to me as I''ve heard of bridal showers in the US, but not really here in the UK. I''ve recently heard of baby showers (another Amercian invention I think)?

Personally I don''t want a bridal shower and certainly wouldn''t expect a gift. I don''t want a baby shower either for that matter - buying gifts before a baby is even born doesn''t seem right to me... but that''s another subject so I''ll stop now

 

[elrohwen]

I wouldn''t feel obligated to send a gift, but a nice card (maybe with a gift card?) would be nice. But an expensive gift is definitely not expected.

 

[meresal]

1. Yes, it is actually a trend in people that are trying to keep costs down and/or "going green"

2. It may be what worked best for most of the guests. Maybe they had a long engagement. Who knows, but it doesn''t really matter.

3. Would she do the same for you? Send a gift if she couldn''t make it? Personally, I would send a small gift or a card. Just the cheese grater is fine IMO. I usually try to keep the shower gifts around $25. We are big wedding gift''ers, and I don''t want to overspend on the whole event.