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bridal party ques/etiquette

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janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 21, 2006
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hi all, I''m curious on some etiquette when it comes to selecting a bridal party. Is it expected to ask my fi''s sister, even if she''s married with children and older? I want to include her but she is a good 20 yrs older than my maid of honor (my little sister)..I personally don''t care at all, but I''m wondering if she''ll feel awkward if I ask or if this is commonplace?
And for my remaining bridesmaids, is it considered bad taste to mix religions..as in if I''m doing a catholic traditional ceremony, can I have 2 bridesmaids who are non-christian?
And lastly, my fi''s brother has a gf of 2 yrs. I''m not too crazy about her, and would rather not include her in the bridal party..my main reasoning being, she''s not family yet and what if they broke up?
I know that overall, anything goes and it''s up to me, I''m just curious about others'' take on some of these scenarios in terms of etiquette and appearance,etc. and if i''m being silly on anything.
 

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njc

Brilliant_Rock
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Sep 10, 2004
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1,997
If you would like your older SIL in the bridal party and she wants to, I dont think its a problem, but leave it up to her. If she doesnt feel comfortable or doesnt want to leave her kids alone, perhaps she could do a reading for you or something else that is part of the ceremony, but a smaller part. My older brother and SIL where part of our bridal party and are 10 years older than DH and I and 13 years older than the youngest BM. Didnt seem weird at all and they were honored.

As for mixing religions, I dont think its a problem. I am Baptist and was MOH for a Catholic ceremony (and she was my MOH for a Baptist ceremony)... I just couldnt take communion and was given a little guidance on what to do.

I would not include BF/GFs for the reasons you stated... its kinda snobby/mean, but true. Also, I dont think 2 years is that long... 6+ may get more consideration and if you all were friends.
 

robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
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3,960
Hey Janine!

You definitely don''t need to include your FI''s older sister. My FI has 3 sisters (20, 41, 36) and one sister in law (40). He''s been in the weddings of the three oldest, but FMIL assured me that it would be ok to include just the youngest sister as the older ones are very over being bridesmaids. (FI is 24 in case you were wondering). If you want to ask her I think that would be great. We didn''t want to have a huge wedding party and it would''ve been 9 people per side if we''d included his older siblings and that''s not even counting our 6 ringbearers and flower girls. lol.

I don''t think it''s a problem to mix religions at all. My ceremony isn''t really going to be religious, but my MOH''s is. I''m going to be her MOH. She''ll be having a Catholic ceremony and I''m Jewish.

I definitely don''t think you have to include your FBIL''s gf in your wedding party. You definitely have to invite her to the wedding, but unless you guys are friends I wouldn''t make her a BM.

HTH!
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
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3,867
I don''t think you "have" to ask anyone... your FI''s sister may not want to be a bridesmaid, and FI''s brother''s girlfriend doesn''t sound like a good candidate since you don''t really like her. Your bridesmaids should be people you are close to, but also people you expect to always be in your life. While the sister qualifies on that last one, it may not be true for the GF.

As for religion, it''s definitely ok to mix it up. I was the only attendant in a Catholic wedding and I''m NOT Catholic. I do wish the bride had explained the ceremony to me beforehand though... I had no idea what to expect! She didn''t think we needed a rehearsal but it would have been really nice since I''d never seen communion in a wedding and also didn''t know what to do when everybody got up and shook hands! So just explain it to your non-Catholic attendants first, please!
 

dtnyc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
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1,082
Date: 12/11/2006 9:57:34 AM
Author:janinegirly
hi all, I''m curious on some etiquette when it comes to selecting a bridal party. Is it expected to ask my fi''s sister, even if she''s married with children and older? I want to include her but she is a good 20 yrs older than my maid of honor (my little sister)..I personally don''t care at all, but I''m wondering if she''ll feel awkward if I ask or if this is commonplace?
And for my remaining bridesmaids, is it considered bad taste to mix religions..as in if I''m doing a catholic traditional ceremony, can I have 2 bridesmaids who are non-christian?
And lastly, my fi''s brother has a gf of 2 yrs. I''m not too crazy about her, and would rather not include her in the bridal party..my main reasoning being, she''s not family yet and what if they broke up?
I know that overall, anything goes and it''s up to me, I''m just curious about others'' take on some of these scenarios in terms of etiquette and appearance,etc. and if i''m being silly on anything.
1st- it''s your wedding, you can ask whomever you like.

My aunt & uncle got married when I was in the 2nd grade- my dad was the best man and I was FG. My mom was not invited to be in the wedding- my aunt (her brother''s wife) told her she was too old to be in a wedding party. My mom was upset by this- more than 20 years ago- she still has not forgotten it. She might decline if you ask her, or perhaps she could be involved in the wedding by doing a reading.

Not in bad taste to mix religions. I do believe that either your MOH or best man has to be Catholic though.

You don''t have to have FI''s brother''s GF in the wedding or in wedding pic. You are right- she is not family, they aren''t engaged- IMO she shouldn''t even be in family pictures as there is no expectation that she will be around when they are printed.

My MIL is upset that there isn''t a picture of us, MIL, FIL, SIL and SIL''s then BF, now fiance. I told her straight up at Thanksgiving, well he wasn''t in the wedding and he wasn''t family, so why would he have been in the pictures? She did agree, but I guess I spoiled her idea of perfect holiday cards.
 

Molly1024

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2006
Messages
493
I agree with all the previous posters, but a note on what dtnyc said- your MOH/Best man don''t have to be Catholic for a Catholic wedding. My stepsister was my MOH and it was fine- she just was given a blessing at Communion instead.
 

dtnyc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
1,082
Date: 12/11/2006 10:48:25 AM
Author: Molly1024
I agree with all the previous posters, but a note on what dtnyc said- your MOH/Best man don''t have to be Catholic for a Catholic wedding. My stepsister was my MOH and it was fine- she just was given a blessing at Communion instead.
Maybe it was because my DH isn''t Catholic, but I was told that either our BM or our MOH (not both) had to be Catholic.
 
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