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Bragging

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seaurchin

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
3,953
I'm thinking of this because I got a text from an acquaintance who always toots her own horn. It drives me nuts and is the main reason I keep her at arms length.

She thinks she is an amazing paragon of agelessness who looks 20-30 years younger than her age because "everyone tells her so." She thinks she is an amazing cook and housekeeper and etc. with amazing character traits and talents and so on and on and on. According to her, she pretty much leaves all the rest of us in her fairy dust on every possible measure!

In reality, she's about like most of the people I know, I guess. Average to somewhat above average in most ways, a decent enough person overall but not a superstar. (I'm not sure if it would be better or worse if her inflated estimation of herself was true).

I've said little things back to her like "You're all that and modest too!" Or "You know who can REALLY cook/looks young, whatever, is so-and-so etc. but it didn't change anything. Now I maintain a polite distance because she's part of a circle I'm in and blocking her would be more awkward than it's worth.

But what I'm wondering is why someone would do this and if other people find it as annoying as I do. Do you know someone who brags?
 
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I find braggers and show-offs to be annoying. It is my opinion that they brag because of insecurity. They're trying to convince themselves of these things and voicing it to you. Or, they have a very inflated ego.
 
I agree with @Queenie60. People who behave like that do so because they are insecure. Or are narcissistic in tendencies. A generalization of course and does not apply to all who brag. :)
 
seaurchin said:
I've said little things back to her like "You're all that and modest too!"
Click to expand...

Haha I hope she laughed at that. If not she is not only a braggart but has no sense of humor. A double whammy. :/
 
I am of the opinion that braggers are innately, highly insecure.
They are seeking external, outside approval. I feel that it is extremely annoying to socialize with an incessant bragger.

I've known more braggers than i care to recall.

For me, its best to generate distance between the bragger and myself. I find that even when i am seemingly agreeable to their boastfulness, it can be draining. Often times the needier braggers will resort to, not only bragging but putting you down because they feel you haven't "fed" them or their ego enough.

Dare i say that it is an indication of a narcissistic personality disorder

The "i am better than everyone else" syndrome.

it is an inflated sense of self.
 
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Big Fat Facets said:
I am of the opinion that braggers are innately, highly insecure.
They are seeking external, outside approval. I feel that it is extremely annoying to socialize with an incessant bragger.

I've known more braggers than i care to recall.

For me, its best to generate distance between the bragger and myself. I find that even when i am seemingly agreeable to their boastfulness, it can be draining. Often times the needier braggers will resort to, not only bragging but putting you down because they feel you haven't "fed" them or their ego enough.

Dare i say that it is an indication of a narcissistic personality disorder

The "i am better than everyone else" disorder.

it is an inflated sense of self.
Click to expand...

I thought this too but read this article. Interesting.

www.psychologytoday.com

A New Way of Looking at the Personality of the Bragger

People who brag can become tiresome very quickly. A new study on the personality of braggers shows what is, and what is not, behind their need to create a positive impression.
www.psychologytoday.com www.psychologytoday.com
 
Yep braggers have nothing else better to do but to show off and make themselves better than others to justify their self worth.
 
As has been said, it's often down to deep seated insecurities, or even NPD. Braggers are usually people who haven't achieved the standing they feel they deserve, at least not on their own two feet. They are often social climbers as well. They can be resentful of anybody who they perceive is 'better' in the areas in which they claim to excel. In short some people have to brag because they cannot rely on their actions or achievements to speak for them.

You can tell I have known a couple of braggers - and they were all narcissists of the more malignant variety.

From what you've said your bragger doesn't sound like a narc, just a person who likes to blow her own trumpet to get attention. If she's a back stabber as well then you've got problems.
 
missy said:
I thought this too but read this article. Interesting.

www.psychologytoday.com

A New Way of Looking at the Personality of the Bragger

People who brag can become tiresome very quickly. A new study on the personality of braggers shows what is, and what is not, behind their need to create a positive impression.
www.psychologytoday.com www.psychologytoday.com
Click to expand...

This is very interesting. A lot of braggers I know have had a childhood of trauma that they’ve made it out of and managed to go to school, get a good job, etc etc. and generally fit in with a segment of society that tends to have had a good upbringing. It seems there’s a bit of an imposter syndrome going on with them and it comes out through flaunting their wealth, skills, kids successes etc. of course social media amplifies things much more. A part of me feels bad for them because despite their hard work in getting to a better place than they started, they still carry that trauma around and need constant validation of their worth.
 
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There have been a few braggers here on PS who annoyed me so much I had to put them on ignore for a while.
"My big house, my big car, my big bling, my big vacations, my big career"........gag me!
If you have all this stuff, that's great, but it's the tone of how some people present themselves that repels me.
They all seem to be gone now, except for one.
I guess they got bored with us and stopped posting.
 
I will admit I bragged about how wealthy I was and how successful I was to my friends from high school, and as soon as I opened my big FAT mouth I regretted it, totally, their reaction wasn't what I thought it would be, they all seemed either annoyed, angry or shocked.

So, I thought about why I had bragged about my success in life, and after a bit of time I believe I did it because of how I was perceived by my high school and most people back 40 years earlier. One high school acquaintance told me that he thought I would be dead by now, my grades were meh, I was wild, mouthy, misunderstood by teachers, looked down upon in my town because my mother was a opioid addict and drunk, my father was a raging alcoholic and all that goes along with being neglected children of crazy ass people living in a falling down house, etc etc.... So I wanted these people who did care for me and were my friends for years that I was finally successful and well off, went over like a lead balloon, since most of them were working still and divorced.

I don't think I was bragging as much as striving to show I was 'somebody' finally, now I would never do that because 10 years down the road I'm more grounded and I don't have to show ANYONE that I am more than they thought of me..

I hope this makes sense.
 
I don't think I have anything to brag about, but that's okay. I hate liars more than braggarts. Braggarts are telling their truths after all.
 
I too believe braggers deep down are insecure.

DK :))
 
I've wondered if the woman I mentioned above and other braggarts I've known might be trying to "sell themselves." Like saying hey look, I'm worthy of you all's friendship because I have all these great traits.

If so, it would be a shame if their attempts to make themselves seem worthy of friendship, partnership or whatever, was the very thing that made people not want it.
 
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I have nothing to brag about... ;(
 
Agreed: insecurity. Sad.

Or abject cluelessness. But usually insecurity.
 
There's not a person alive who looks 20 - 30 years younger than they are. Reminds me of my younger sister who would call and tell me the latest incident of someone carding her. I suspect she's getting me back, I was the one whose looks got attention.

I'm 58, and I'll have you know that I don't look a day over 56!
 
Bragging, in my experience, is the result of insecurity, sometimes just being self-absorbed, and a bit of bad manners.
My parents always imparted being considerate of other people's feelings---and part of that was not being boastful about either material things or personal accomplishments.
 
doberman said:
There's not a person alive who looks 20 - 30 years younger than they are.
Click to expand...

My grandmother!!

She's 75. She could pass for 55. She really, really, really could.
I inherited neither her dewy skin nor her lush locks, so I'm personally SOL, but let me tell you all about how fab my ancestral stock is... Thank goodness I wasn't cursed with sisters who hit the gene jackpot :lol:

Edited - multiple windows*
 
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Welcome to part of the reason that I started the pettiness thread! Among all the other dysfunctional behaviors, I have family members who LIE so they can brag— all the time! Ridiculous lies that insult my intelligence but If I don’t jump on the fan wagon and cheer them on and believe their lies, I’m the petty, jealous sister. The thing about dealing with braggarts that you can’t win. If you don’t go along with them, you are the petty, envious friend. If you do go along with them, their bragging and lying never ends and increases in intensity. They really never listen to you nor really care to acknowledge or celebrate you and I think that is the most annoying aspect. Be grateful that they aren’t related to you!
 
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My husband came from the family of braggers. He has changed a lot otherwise our marriage wouldn't survive. His mom had been obsessed with her beloved daughter's looks (11 years younger than her son), her multiple talents and beautiful clothes (Auntie worked at some place where good stuff was available for purchasing). FIL bragged mostly about his success, diligence, being well respected by everyone in addition to having the most beautiful and talented daughter in the world. The girl grew up being extremely narcissistic and egoistic. Got married once in her life and divorced less than a year later. No good or lasting relationships with men. She is a single, unhappy but always bragging mother of the most beautiful and talented young man in the world. She and her father didn't get along later in his life so he died in a hospital with no one near him (his son always loved and respected him, but wasn't able to be present when the old man was dying). A sad story...
 
Bayek said:
I will admit I bragged about how wealthy I was and how successful I was to my friends from high school, and as soon as I opened my big FAT mouth I regretted it, totally, their reaction wasn't what I thought it would be, they all seemed either annoyed, angry or shocked.

So, I thought about why I had bragged about my success in life, and after a bit of time I believe I did it because of how I was perceived by my high school and most people back 40 years earlier. One high school acquaintance told me that he thought I would be dead by now, my grades were meh, I was wild, mouthy, misunderstood by teachers, looked down upon in my town because my mother was a opioid addict and drunk, my father was a raging alcoholic and all that goes along with being neglected children of crazy ass people living in a falling down house, etc etc.... So I wanted these people who did care for me and were my friends for years that I was finally successful and well off, went over like a lead balloon, since most of them were working still and divorced.

I don't think I was bragging as much as striving to show I was 'somebody' finally, now I would never do that because 10 years down the road I'm more grounded and I don't have to show ANYONE that I am more than they thought of me..

I hope this makes sense.
Click to expand...

Don't feel bad
You earned the right to brage
Especially that SOB who told you she thought you would be dead
 
nala said:
Welcome to part of the reason that I started the pettiness thread! Among all the other dysfunctional behaviors, I have family members who LIE so they can brag— all the time! Ridiculous lies that insult my intelligence but If I don’t jump on the fan wagon and cheer them on and believe their lies, I’m the petty, jealous sister. The thing about dealing with braggarts that you can’t win. If you don’t go along with them, you are the petty, envious friend. If you do go along with them, their bragging and lying never ends and increases in intensity. They really never listen to you nor really care to acknowledge or celebrate you and I think that is the most annoying aspect. Be grateful that they aren’t related to you!
Click to expand...

See the lying baffles me because it's not real.

I can understand someone bragging about actual achievements but I don't understand lying to brag. Say I told you I had beautiful, genius twin girls who were champion figure skaters. I don't see how I can feel superior SINCE THEY DON'T EXIST!!!

Do they believe their lies? Cuz if they do that's a whole other discussion!
 
Elizabeth35 said:
Bragging, in my experience, is the result of insecurity, sometimes just being self-absorbed, and a bit of bad manners.
My parents always imparted being considerate of other people's feelings---and part of that was not being boastful about either material things or personal accomplishments.
Click to expand...

I totally agree
But in saying that im pretty insecure on a whole raft of issues and i don't brag -even on the odd occasion i might have something worthwhile to brag about
I often think in bragging there is also an element of snobbishnes but then maybe not - my sister is a snob but not a bragger

I do know one lovelly person who i think was trying to show off to me - bragged about his car and beautiful house with fishing lake and beautiful wife and child but now on reflection i think it was more showing off than bragging and well everything is bigger in Texas and he was such a warm caring warm hearted person - maybe a little insecure but never any harm or belittlement intended in the slightest
So depending on the person i might give bragging a pass if they were still a nice person
 
I think sometimes it comes from a place of insecurity, sometimes maybe they are just smitten with the thing they're bragging about.

I used to brag about my golden. I'd never raised a puppy before and I worked so hard with her (woke up at 5am to do activities). She was perfect in my eyes and I'd tell anyone who would listen not because I was trying to cover anything up or feel superior but I just genuinely thought she was completely and utterly wonderful.
 
mellowyellowgirl said:
I think sometimes it comes from a place of insecurity, sometimes maybe they are just smitten with the thing they're bragging about.

I used to brag about my golden. I'd never raised a puppy before and I worked so hard with her (woke up at 5am to do activities). She was perfect in my eyes and I'd tell anyone who would listen not because I was trying to cover anything up or feel superior but I just genuinely thought she was completely and utterly wonderful.
Click to expand...

:kiss2: i bragged about Tinky from sun up to sundown
Gary used to say thst i made that cat out to be more than he was
But in my eyes he could walk on water and i worshiped thw ground he walked om
Possobly annoying to peope who don't understand the love someone can have for their furry best freind, but i don't think its in anyway bragging in a bad sence :kiss2:
 
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