Birthday Blues

[Cehrabehra]

I have a slight case of pre birthday blues... I am not happy with my situation and yet feel very uncomfortable to do anything about it.

My husband whom I love dearly is NOT good at planning anything at all - the one thing I would like more than anything else is to NOT have to plan anything. I *hatehatehate* putting myself in the center of attention. I don''t mind BEING there but I cannot bring myself to PUT myself there - even for my 40th birthday.

To complicate it, I''m in China and I don''t know a lot of people here and those I do I can''t really call good friends. Even the three women I''m closest to it feels awkward to invite them to celebrate "me". I don''t mind when other people throw themselves parties, in fact I admire them for it - but there''s this strange divide between what I like in others and what I can do for myself (example: at christmas my favorite houses are the most obnoxious bright buzy tacky ones, but I cannot bring myself to do more than a single outlining strand of white lights... another example: I love flowy hippy clothes but I will not wear them).

I''ve digressed... so here I am, about to turn 40, with none of my friends nearby, and a few acquaintances that I feel uncomfortable inviting to anything. And yet it almost brings me to tears to accept YET ANOTHER BIRTHDAY where I fail to celebrate. I know it''s not the same when you get older, but shouldn''t turning 30 or 40 or 50 be acknowledged?

For my 30th birthday I asked my husband for a surprise party. Not that it would be a real surprise but I didn''t want to know any details or take part in the planning. We had a good friend at the time who was always the caretaker of holidays and I told him all he had to do was tell her he wanted to do this and she''d take over. We were in the same circle and she loved doing stuff like that. Well my birthday came... and went... apparently he took it as a rejectable suggestion and failed to even mention to me that he didn''t do it so I kept waiting for something... and got nothing. I don''t remember ANYthing about turning 30 other than being disappointed (though now it has become a source of laughter at how big a dork my husband is).

Last year, turning 39, I took matters into my own hands and started to plan a long weekend with just my daughter and I in Barcelona. My husband got wind of this and decided we should just take 10 days and go to Italy. I was fine with that. I woke up on my birthday in Milan and we drove to Pisa and spent a really wonderful full first day of Italy on my birthday. But something wasn''t right and I kept it bottled up inside and finally after watching this amazing annual candelight vigil through the streets of pisa, at about 10:30pm, I let loose trying to stay calm and ended up screaming at my entire family that not ONE of them had acknowledged it was my birthday. The entire day passed. Did he apologize? No... senior logico said, "I took you to ITALY - wasn''t that enough?" dumbutt.

I didn''t get mother''s day last year because we were in Ireland and they have it in March and I asked only for a card that said "happy birthday mum" but I didn''t get that... so we decided to have it in May as per american tradition but there was no mother''s day going on, no cards to be found (as it was two months prior there), and I don''t remember anything going on... this year half way through the day I said, "You should call your mother - it''s mother''s day" that was the first he even knew about it and the kids have not learned to value any of this through him.

Every year I make him a from scratch german chocolate cake, which if you''ve ever made one, is a more difficult cake to make. I made one in Ireland, even here in China where it is more difficult! I make sure I take care of him and he appreciates it. It isn''t that he''s thoughtless, it''s that he lacks thought (if that makes sense).

So now he''s desperately trying to do something for my birthday and from what I can tell it is going to involve a lot of the chinese people he works with that I''ve never met. He asked me for a list of people to invite but I don''t want to invite anyone. Not because I don''t want anyone there, but because I don''t feel comfortable being that egocentric to hand a list of people I think might want to come but probably have other things to do by the time they hear from him - he''s planning the party for 1 week from today with his father arriving tomorrow and he probably won''t have time to send out invites until half way through this week. I already feel crappy about it - why would I want to invite anyone and face rejection? What I want for my birthday is to feel loved and not vulnerable and I don''t want to have to ask for that. It seems like such a small request and yet I know I''m being absolutely irrational about all of this.

Ironically before last year I was always the kind of person, "my birthday is in a month!" "My birthday is in 20 days!" "my birthday is in 2 weeks" "my birthday is in 10 days!" etc. No one ever had to wonder when it was... I would warn dh in advance of mother''s day and tell him what I wanted... but something happened last year and I changed and now I''m stuck in this dysfunctional cycle of feeling like I need to be proven to or something. Ironically again - I am actually really happy in life right now, happy with him, happy in general, less depressed now than I have been in years... except on this subject. On this subject I am

So thank you for coming to my Pity Party, glad you could make it What''s turning 40 without a few tears? ::sigh::

 

[Dancing Fire]

Sara...send PSer some plane tickets and we''ll be there in no time! the only time i been to China was before you were born.

 

[Amethyste]

Cera... Is your husband German? Mine is.. And i kind of laughed when you said "It isn''t that he''s thoughtless, it''s that he lacks thought". OMG... That is totally MY husband! You know... Perhaps, you should ignore his birthday when it comes around. Don''t bake him a german chocolate cake... Just let the day go by! I know you probably cannot do it, but if you could, he''d never forget your special day ever again!

I just turned 40 this year as well ( on May 6th ) and my husband took me out for my birthday... but made me pay for my meal! I was FUMING! All of the times I helped pay for him cause he didn''t have a job... Ugh, I wanted to strangle him!
Turning 40 for me was a HUGE deal - I spent a good portion of my day crying... I felt pretty alone too and it was one of the hardest Birthday I went through... Being sort of "forgotten" for BDs and MDs is pretty lame and hurtful!
I don''t have much advice to give you other than "I understand you" and I am sending you a huge hug!!!

PS: Go to the store and yourself some flowing hippie clothes, do something totally out of the norm!... Enjoy being you, and celebrate with yourself!

 

[Indylady]

Aww Sarah, I''m sorry to hear you''ve been disappointed in the past and that its carrying on to this year. Do you have any friends you can call, even if they''re in the States? Maybe some familiar voices will help cheer you up.

A few years ago, I took a course over the summer in a city away from home. My birthday fell a few days after I''d moved in, and I thought it was going to be really terrible celebrating all by myself. Little did I know, my roommate (who I''d literally only known for a few days) had called together three other girls to chip in and buy me a present from American Apparel (they''d seen me shopping there) and gave me the present after we had dinner at a restaurant. It makes me tear up to think about it. I guess what I''m trying to say is, that it might not be so bad. Maybe you''ll learn a few birthday traditions while your husband''s co-workers are over. I know that''s something that I would enjoy. Its sweet of your husband to take initiative this year, and he''s making the best of what''s around (coincidentally, one of my favorite songs by the Dave Matthews Band). I''m sending a little happy dust to you, and a an early happy birthday!

 

[Mara]

Sara...I'm sorry that you are feeling so down about your upcoming bday. I totally hear what you are saying.

BUTTTTT.... from a rational perspective, this is your husband who you have been with for YEARS and you know how he is. If you know you are stuck in this cycle of wanting something to be proven to you, surely you must know that you are only setting yourself (and him) up for failure?

I also know that rationally you can KNOW that but that sometimes the feeling of 'wanting more' than what you know you will get can override that too.

I guess I would just say that if you know how he is, you can't keep wishing that he'd be different. Because you won't be happy and he certainly won't be happy when you are disappointed in him, even when he 'tries'... he prob won't continue to try anymore either. Vicious cycle.

In the scenario you painted for the upcoming bday. Give him the list AND I'd even invite them yourself OR send them the invite (and act like it was from him). Because then you know you will have people there you want to spend time with. Let him invite whoever else he feels like it and do it whatever way he wants to. And he will prob expect you to give him major props for trying so hard to give you want you want (because men don't read between the lines, you have to tell them!).

The party may not be what you really wanted. But don't expect him to read your mind or suddenly morph into the perfect party planner for your 40th bday. Or your 50th. Or 60th.

I personally love birthdays and special days and I know not everyone places the same importance on that stuff. My husband certainly doesn't, he prob could care less if I didn't do a thing for his bday but give him a card...but he does try to do 'something' for me every year, even if it's just a dinner out. because he knows it's a big deal for me. He won't ever be the over the top surprise anything kind of guy (though he did plan a surprise party with my BFF for my 30th and i was really impressed!)...but I know that.

However...I don't think you are expecting too much for your family to give you a MD card, or a birthday card, or even SAY happy bday to you. Bdays ARE special and I think that the people that love us in our lives should make note of that...and I don't think it's too much to ask. But sometimes I think you also DO have to ask, even if you shouldn't have to.

Hope your bday is wonderful.

 

[Lorelei]

Sara I am so sorry you are feeling blue but I wanted to bring you some birthday good wishes!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Sorry you are down Sara. I imagine living in a foreign country so far from your home, family, friends is difficult for most people. I used to be a lot like you. I was disappointed with every birthday/holiday and now I know it was because of my expectations. Expectations are nothing but premeditated resentments. You have been with your DH since you were a teenager, has he EVER been able to read your mind? He is who he is and he ain't gonna change. Period. So if you want something special it means you have to plan it. Does it suck our lives aren't a romantic comedy movie script? Yeah...it really does. But you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You are ALREADY anticipating a horrible birthday which isn't very fair for anyone in your household. How do YOU want to celebrate your 40th birthday? I have a major b-day coming up next month and I am actually looking forward to it. I have no expectations and am honestly just glad to be alive. Happiness is a matter of perspective. I think if you concentrate on all the GOOD things in your life right now those little things won't bother you as much. Remember your birthday is just one day out of a whole year. I am not saying you don't deserve to have a wonderful day but sometimes you have to make good things happen for yourself and not rely on anyone else. Happy early birthday!

ETA: BTW from a fellow feeling stuffer that is something you really need to work on. When you bury your feelings the anger comes out at inappropriate times and in inappropriate ways. The best way to avoid this is to be clear with what you want and if you are unhappy with something then you state it briefly and calmly. Bottled up emotions will only do harm. Trust me, I know. If you resent making your husband a complicated cake for his birthday stop. That is your choice.

 

[Lula]

Hi, Sara-without-an-h from another Sara-without-an-h!

First, I want to wish you a happy birthday -- turning 40 is a big deal.

Second, your husband and family sound exactly like mine! My husband is "gift-impaired." He just can''t do it himself (I figured that out long ago -- we''ve been together 20 years). And so after a few years of expecting something - anything -- I now take responsibility for my own celebrations. He''s told me over and over how grateful he is that I "help him" by buying my own jewelry. He still puffs up with pride when someone compliments me on my jewelry (as if her personally chose it!) but that no longer bothers me.

I also had a "lightbulb" moment when I realized that, hey, I''m not just 30 or 40 or 50 (fill in the blank for significant birthday) for one day -- I''m 40 for the whole year! So that took the pressure off of making the "day" special, and now I spend a little more time thinking of mini celebrations (with DH, with my sister, with my friends, etc.) to honor a new stage in my life. It works for me. And when DH does think of something special to do on his own -- and he does sometimes, just nothing I can plan on -- I''m happy for those times.

It took many years to get to this point -- and don''t get me wrong, I still wish he was better at the whole celebration thing, but in the end I did realize, like some of the other posters mentioned, that I''m responsible for my own happiness. I also realized that while this is one area that he''s deficient in, there are other things he''s great at (minds out of the gutter, ladies! And gents!). For instance, he does all the cooking at our house, and he also does laundry! My MIL did a great job training him!

I do wonder if being so far away from home on your 40th is weighing on you, too. I know it would be hard for me not to feel at least a little homesick. But again, you can define turning 40 however you want -- and if that means planning a fun celebration for when you get back to the States, then go for it.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Sara, I can totally relate! My husband is the most wonderful man, but we have had some of these same issues. I get it, it is all about feeling loved and appreciated. Some holidays are worse than others: important
birthdays and I think Mothers Day is the absolute worst. It gives you a hint of a promise that maybe someone will acknowledge and appreciate all you have done and sacrificed for the past year, and somehow
that doesn''t happen. You are not alone in this. I used to plan wonderful surprises and parties and fun days for all my families birthday''s and mine would come around -nothing. I can''t tell you how many
discussions hubby and I have had. I try to expect nothing, thinking that will make it easier-and it really doesn''t. Somehow, there is always the hope in your heart that this year will be different. I am always
so darn glad when the day has passed. It is not entirely my DH''s fault, I have lingering issues from childhood. It is not like I ever think about it, but childhood hurts are deeply imbedded. DH knows this and
it is not like he doesnt try, most of the time he does. He will always ask me what I want for the holiday-present wise. I think it is a lose/lose situation for him because I really want him to listen and remember
what I have mentioned and not have to tell him. If I told him exactly what I wanted, he would do it. But it kind of ruins it to have to do that.
If there is an answer to this problem I haven''t found it after 30 years of marriage. You are not irrational at all, and you are not alone. I have heard these feelings from many of my friends. It doesn''t mean
that our hubbies don''t love and appreciate us-but somehow they just don''t get it.
Happy Birthday! It is a milestone and it should be celebrated. Wish I could do that for you. I will come to the pity party with you. It''s not as fun, but I hope it makes you feel less alone. About the only thing
we can do is to keep taking to our DH''s and hope that they sometime ''get it''.

 

[Cehrabehra]

First of all thanks you guys - even for the butt kicks

I have two responses and I''m afraid they''ll seem contradictory but I''ll try to give them anyway...

One - those of you who said not to set expectations are absolutely right. I don''t know why I have slipped to this place. When dh and I decided to get married he asked me if I wanted an e-ring and that he only had a couple hundred to spend on it... I declined and said that I would wait for it. When he came out I was disappointed he didn''t surprise me with something that however tiny would have represented the moment. That was the last time (up until last year) that I did that... I did have a clue blue! But I lost it and I need to get there again. So I agree and I will work on that... I have a week! haha

Two - I think my bigger problem (than dh and his dorkiness) is how self conscious I feel about inviting people. It''s very uncomfortable for me. When it is close friends it isn''t a big deal, but I don''t do acquaintances very well. I tend to have close intimate relationships and I haven''t had the time to establish those here. I feel like I have to get over this and I''m not sure how. All of the rest of the sobfest just kind of complicates things... I''m not typically so self conscious - but there''s always been something about inviting people to a part that''s for ME that bothers me so much.. which is why the best birthday gift would be to have the people who care about me most come together without me having to make it happen. I have no problem inviting people and hostessing for other people''s events. Do I have some sort of deep seated self lothing or what??

I am feeling way better though, it''s good to be reminded of the bs drama we bring to our own situations and how we can dismantle it. Not sure how to overcome #2 yet though...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Do you even WANT to celebrate your birthday with acquaintances? Do you feel like you have to have a large party in order for it to mean something? The way I see it is you have your DH and children. If you do not want to go to the effort yourself (which I don''t blame you) can''t you just celebrate your birthday with them? Sleep in. Go for a walk. Go shopping. Do something for yourself.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Yeah I do want a party... I want to have fun and laugh and do something different enough to stand out over the years... and I like these women and we get together a lot, a few live on my street - it''s just a matter of me feeling self conscious to do something as egocentric as inviting people. It sounds... I dunno - maybe I can''t explain it. It''s probably too irrational

 

[Anastasia]

Sarah,

I completely understand how you feel on all counts.

Regarding the egocentric thing - think about how you would feel if one of these same people invited you to a party for them. You''d probably be thrilled. So think of it that way, and know that they will probably feel the same way.

Good Luck!

 

[tigian]

I''m sorry you''re feeling down and disappointed, but I say go ahead and be "egocentric" for once...it''s your 40th birthday!

 

[Haven]

Sara--I completely understand how you feel about all of these things, and I''m sorry that you''re feeling this way.

My husband is the same as yours. He either doesn''t understand or just can''t get it through his head that I LOVE to celebrate my birthday, and that it makes me feel bad if he doesn''t make a big deal out of it. We''ve only been together for six years, so only six birthdays, but after FIVE YEARS of getting it wrong, he FINALLY got it right last year for my 29th birthday. I sat down about a month before my birthday and told him that it makes me feel bad when he doesn''t do anything special, and that even though I know he loves me, I feel unloved when he doesn''t acknowledge my birthday. He listened, apologized, and said not to worry about it anymore.

Then, he surprised me with dinner reservations the night of my birthday, and when we showed up my eight closest friends were waiting there for the big surprise. It was wonderful.

It sounds silly, but it took a serious, sit-down, face-to-face, no distractions conversation to really get it across to him that I would very much like for him to make me feel special in some way on my birthday. And it''s not as if it had never come up before, but it was like he didn''t realize I really meant what I was saying until we had a conversation. And then he really did a great job--I can''t even get my eight closest friends to go out together! It''s like herding cats to get all of these people in the same place.

Maybe once you''re birthday has passed you could try to have a conversation with him about this. If he''s anything like my husband, he just needs to be given direct, explicit information (and sometimes--instructions.)

I''m so sorry you feel this way. I know how much it can hurt. Please know that we all think you''re special and if we could we''d throw a huge PS birthday celebration for you. Your husband thinks your special, too, he just doesn''t have it in him to do something nice for you without a little push. I swear, it must be a man thing. My father was the same way. As is my best friend''s husband. They just don''t get it.

 

[kenny]

Sara, why the disconnect between what you want and what you allow?
IMHO that is where your work is.

Honor yourself.
Embrace yourself.
Pay attention to yourself.
Experiment with yourself.
Journey to yourself.

Take baby steps towards being who and what you want.
The more you are the same inside and outside the more at peace you will be.

Throughout our lives there are a million influences that make us not trust ourselves.
Corporations that want to sell you stuff, misguided parents, religions, politics, selfish people in your life all have an interest controlling how you think and behave.
Some of us are at peace with the effect of these influences, others end up living increasingly conflicted lives as we mature.

It can take a few decades of living to recognize the "you" you thought you were doesn't work for you.
Middle age can be a wonderfully liberating time for many people.

Someone once said to me, "I just wasn't raised that way" but I think we are never finished being raised until we die or become our true self.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Oh Sara, my friend, I feel for you. I am so sad that you're sad, and I hope that somehow you end up with an event that makes you happy--regardless of how it comes about.

Your post really resonates with me because I wonder if I'll be in a similar place in September when my 40th comes and goes and no one notices. Being currently husbandless (my doing--I'm not complaining about that), and likely boyfriendless come then (that part I am complaining about, LOL!), and with a small circle of very close friends who aren't good at planning AT ALL I will likely be crying in my coffe the next morning. (Can you tell that I've been mulling this over in advance? Such is life in the land of Dee!) But enough about me!!!

My advice (and doncha just love it when people start with the *advice*!) is to make a list of people that you want to celebrate with and get the word out. I like the suggestion that you send out the invites on your husband's behalf, but make sure to keep him posted on everything so he knows how many people to expect so he can have enough food/beverage/ponies for the pony ride/whatever ready.

And what about a gift? Is there something you want? If so, and if your husband isn't likely to get it for you, get it yourself. I think it's important to have something to commemorate turning 40 that you can look at in the years to come and be happy about. It doesn't have to be a "This is what my husband got me for my 40th birthday" gift, it can be a "This is what I got for my 40th birthday gift" (if that makes any sense!).

I don't know if any of this helped (then again, I doubt my posts really do anything to help anybody, ha ha, but I mean well!), but if you were here or I were there I would definitely got out of my way to make this a special day for you!!!

 

[Mara]

what about just saying something like 'my husband is putting together a little get together for my 40th, i would love it if you could come'... to the people you really want there.

ditto what others said re making your own happiness. i have found this to be FAR more effective than waiting for or hoping for someone else to make me happy.

and ditto kenny re: honoring and loving yourself enough to know that you are worth what you want.

not sure how this would work given your location, but can you seek counseling or someone to talk to about how you feel?

 

[Rachel9]

Hi Sara, I can totally relate. For years I wanted my mother''s rum butter cake for my birthday, distance does make a difference

You are very lucky to have DH and your kids with you CELEBRATE that girl!
If inviting acquaintances bothers you, let him know now. There''s nothing wrong with planning your own birthday, anni, etc. I have done it for years due to DH long hours and lack of interest [100% fine with me]

he''s good at giftng but any planning drives him nuts, just like my 2 brothers, must be a male thing.
Happy 40th

 

[RaiKai]

You have received some great advice so far.

I just wanted to reiterate that there is nothing wrong with being clear on what you want with DH. He cannot read your mind...though it would be easier! This is how he is - you know that - and it is futile, and painful - to expect him to be what he is not. It sounds like he is making an effort even if not to your expectations or preferences.

There is nothing wrong with inviting your own guests either! They may be acquaintances now...but this is starting a path to be good friends! It is *okay* to take care of yourself!

And if you need to say to DH a week before Mothers Day that you *want* a card - say it!


I am the opposite of many women here - I do not like a big deal made of my birthday, or any milestone really. I prefer low key affairs and private celebrations. I am not shy at all but I just prefer intimate gatherings. Whether a birthday, a wedding, a graduation and so on. Last year for my 30th DH made me a cake and and we celebrated just he and I with a piece of cake! It was perfect for me.

However, while I do not want a party I often need to be clear with people I do *not* want a big deal! I recently had this come up with work - my bar call is in July and my work likes to have big parties. I do *not* want this. My family will not be there as they are all so far away (aside from DH) and I just want something SMALL. I would rather skip a party at all but I compromised a bit. I had to be very clear about this! I am on the social committee at work this year - not by choice - and I detest it. Party planning is just not my thing! Even our small wedding was planned mostly by DH!

However, if DH told me clearly he wanted a party for his birthday I would definitely get it in place as best as *I* could. Might not be as perfect as if he did it but the effort would be there as well as the love! And I know he accepts that is me. If he wanted *perfect* he would plan it himself.

So much of our expectations comes from our own life experiences. I have a male friend whose family makes a big deal of *every* event. Huge parties. He cannot comprehend that that does not work for everyone! He was horrified I did not plan a huge party for one of my ex''s 30th - my ex hated huge parties! His now ex-wife got pretty stressed about the expectations at times to make every thing a milestone event!

If I have anything else to add, it is to appreciate the positive. You are turning 40! Many don''t and you are in good health. You have a DH who loves you and is trying! You have a family who loves you even if they are far away and acquaintances who may become great friends in the next while! And so on.

 

[Kaleigh]

Just tell him what you want... Easy solution no?? I am sorry he didn''t plan stuff on his own. Men need directions some times.. Though they won''t ask for them...

Happy 40th Sara!!!!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Sara

Happy 40th Birthday ! you are still a young chick.

if it make you feel any better my wife is turning 50 tomorrow.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Oh Dee - I had no idea you were separated! Where have I been?? I really appreciated your post - it''s very comforting to know that I''m not alone in feeling like this. Your words touched me I will be thinking of you in September!

I bought myself an aqua cab and it arrived today via my father in law and I''m so happy with it! I was thinking of getting an emerald for my birthday but this just really worked out for me.

 

[yssie]

Cehra - previous posters have said all I want to and more, and far more eloquently than I''m thinking it, so I''ll just offer you a big ::HUG!!::


Your aqua is gorgeous, it''s exactly the shape of a perfectly formed teardrop - so glad you got it for yourself!! Happy birthday!!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 5/22/2010 11:39:56 AM
Author: Anastasia
Sarah,


I completely understand how you feel on all counts.


Regarding the egocentric thing - think about how you would feel if one of these same people invited you to a party for them. You''d probably be thrilled. So think of it that way, and know that they will probably feel the same way.


Good Luck!

I''m trying! I texted my two closest chums here but one can''t come... ugh. I''m thinking when dh and his pops are in beijing next week i''ll have to do a lunch with the girls...

 

[Cehrabehra]

Ame - no, my husband isn''t german lol He is an engineer though

and I can''t not make him a cake - my wanting to do something nice for him is completely independent of whatever I want for myself..

I wish my mom was still alive right now...

 

[Cehrabehra]

Thanks indy

I think I mostly just needed to vent because the tears I shed writing that post out are the only ones I''ve had and I felt better after having written it out.

That''s really sweet what your roommate did

 

[Cehrabehra]

Mara - I don''t think I need therapy about this I actually have been really good and happy the past year and since we moved here I have never been better. I guess I was in too much of a rut before because adventure really suits me. I don''t mean to imply that this one bothersome issue is in any way part of a chronic larger problem. I do appreciate your posts though - when I first read the first one I grinned - it was the perfectly gentle kick in the butt I needed

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 5/22/2010 7:46:43 AM
Author: Lorelei
Sara I am so sorry you are feeling blue but I wanted to bring you some birthday good wishes!!

Thanks Lorelei! it''s on monday I''m going to make myself a cake!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Hello fellow Sara We''ve been together 20 years too... 19 married next month.

I love that your husband takes the credit for your jewelry purchases lmao - mine kinda backs away like I''m the only crazy one

Being away for the big things is hard - living here is pretty easy. We''ll be going to the states in July for a couple weeks. And for the next 7 weeks we have guests from the states... starting today! haha

I need to get over this. After I figured out at our engagement that dh wasn''t going to read my mind I figured it out... but somehow last year I lost it (we were living in ireland, I wonder if that''s part of it? not having friends around? Hmm....