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Biological Clock (and consequently LIWitis) in Overdrive!

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absolut_blonde

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 6, 2008
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808
Lately, my baby fever has been acting up bad. Does anyone else get like this? I feel like I'm all alone in this sometimes....

The majority of our family members in our age range (25-30) either just had babies or are trying to conceive. Spent Easter with my cousins and their two new (adorable) babies and that made my baby fever even worse! I think I would've been happy taking one home with me, lol. (Kidding, kidding - but I will babysit whenever they want!).

I don't feel I am idealizing having a baby, either - before our house was ready, we lived with his fam for a few months including a his nephew who was around 18 mos at the time. I've had a reasonable amount of 'real life' exposure to kids (as much as one could have without becoming a parent, which I realize is a whole 'nother ballgame). So I know it's a lot of hard work, etc.

I just feel... ready. It's always been something I've wanted someday but lately I want it now. I am really trying to focus on enjoying & doing things that will be more difficult with kids - like my hour long workouts, etc. Still, it isn't helping entirely. Maybe my hormones are just in overdrive, I went off BCP 3 months ago (for health reasons) and at the risk of TMI, my cycle and such is out of whack too.

SO doesn't understand at all. He wants kids, but he's nowhere near ready. He mentioned being 'too young' the other day and I was like 'You're 27'. I totally, 100%, respect that he's not ready. But objectively speaking, we aren't too young anymore. Then I get to thinking about all of the things we have to do first - get engaged (fairly certain that will happen this summer), get married, figure out finances. It's daunting- & frustrating- because the list is so long. I'm 25 now, I figure we'll get married next year when I am 26. Then it may take awhile to conceive or we may have to wait awhile to sort out finances and other matters - before you know it, I'm not sure we'll have 2 by 30 like I had always wanted. As mentioned in the title, none of this helps engagement impatience either!

I know his reasons are right- he wants to be able to provide for a family,, become more established in his career and ideally, make enough so that I have the option to stay home awhile, etc- but a part of me would feel better if he at least felt the same way a teeny tiny bit, even though we can't have kids right now for a # of reasons regardless.
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
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10,541
You''re SO not alone!!! I have the WORST baby fever! It''s so bad...
 

Lauren8211

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
11,073
I don''t have baby fever right this second, but I''d like to be pregnant by around 30, and FF is very, very comfortable waiting until I''m 35... uh, no.
(I''m 26, and he is turning 30 in a month)

We''re in the same position where we are very much old enough to have kids, but just not in the right place. It''s frustrating. We''re not even in a "right" even place to get a puppy (which I currently believe is taking the place of baby fever... I have puppy fever).

I know how frustrating it is when mentally you''re really ready for something, but circumstances just do not allow. Its one of the worst feelings in the world.

I don''t really have any advice, per se, but I just wanted you to know that you''re not alone in your frustration.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
Elle...puppy fever is the worst! This is why we suddenly have 2 dogs in the house....

No baby fever here. None. What-so-ever.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
Date: 4/13/2009 1:37:05 PM
Author: FrekeChild

No baby fever here. None. What-so-ever.
I''m with you on that one. I''ve never had baby fever. I''m hoping that if I ever get it I''ll be at the stage when I''m ready to have them.
 

absolut_blonde

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 6, 2008
Messages
808
Elle, I am in the same boat re: a puppy. I think that might help ''tide me over, but we aren''t really in the position to get a dog right now either. We could afford it, but we are both gone all day and I don''t think it would be fair to a dog. I leave the house at 7 and don''t get home til 6-- and that''s on days I don''t do errands after the gym.

Sometimes I get pretty tempted though... looking at puppies online is the worst! I want to go buy them all!
 

misskitty

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 20, 2008
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1,691
I get it, on occasion, and it''s usually hormone-related. It drives B nuts, because he wants kids, but not for another 5+ years.

I definitely am guilty of the puppy as a practice child thing.
Probably good to get all of the spoiling out of my system now!
 

trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
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3,881
Date: 4/13/2009 1:37:05 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Elle...puppy fever is the worst! This is why we suddenly have 2 dogs in the house....

No baby fever here. None. What-so-ever.
OMG! I got such hardcore puppy fever before I got my dog. She's a wonderful lovie, but I could never have two without a house and a yard! She's a maniac in my apartment, lol! I love kids and think they are so adorable and fascinating, and I can't WAIT to be an aunt and dote on and spoil some neices and nephews, but... no baby fever here. It wouldn't be an option until my 30's anyway, so I understand where your BF is coming from AbsoluteBlonde. I'm a little afraid (ok, terrified) about this mysterious biological clock thing. I've met so many women who say they didn't think that they wanted kids until one day they did and it was all that they could think about.
That makes me wish I was married so that I could get a tubal ASAP! LOL, my friend is going into Obstetrics, and she said that all of the babies were making her baby crazy and she reaaaaally wanted one, but then working with the mothers made her NEVER want children, lol. It's so hard being a woman. Men really have no idea...
 

somegirl932

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
311
I definitely have pings sometimes, and I agree that it''s usually hormone-related for me, but we''re both young so kids are quite awhile off... I''m hoping to delay the stronger clock-ticking feelings with a puppy soon...
 

megumic

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 8, 2009
Messages
1,647
I have had baby fever for my whole life I think! BF is close to proposing (knock on wood!) and we''d both like kids within the next 4 years - but I''m ready NOW! Even as a full-time law student living in a tiny apartment in a dumpy city, I''d do it if he''d let me.

Instead of babies or puppies, we got two goldfish for Easter. Let''s see how long that lasts...
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
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3,309
Date: 4/13/2009 1:39:19 PM
Author: bee*
Date: 4/13/2009 1:37:05 PM
Author: FrekeChild
No baby fever here. None. What-so-ever.
I''m with you on that one. I''ve never had baby fever. I''m hoping that if I ever get it I''ll be at the stage when I''m ready to have them.
No baby fever here, either, and I''m "already" 28. I''m actually worried that I won''t feel ready to have a kid until I''m well past my early/mid-thirties. Certainly not now. I guess we''ll see.
 

NCSUchick27

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 16, 2009
Messages
120
I do not have baby fever at all, but I do have a severe case of puppy fever.
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Agreed on the puppy fever front. How can you resist their adorable little puppy faces?!
 

Still_Waiting

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2008
Messages
612
Aww, Tril, they''re ADORABLE!!! (Looks like they could be trouble makers, though!)

Growing up I always thought I''d start my family well before 30. I''m 30. I have no kids. I have no husband. I have no fiance. *sigh* There''s absolutely no way I''d get pregnant before getting married...on the otherhand, I don''t want to be a 40 year-old first-time mom. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it just wouldn''t be for me. Sadly, I''m thinking more and more that we won''t end up having children at all. I''ve been on the fence about it for the past five years or so. Mainly, because I didn''t see myself getting married within any forseeable timeframe. Well, I still can''t really. That said, I do still get baby fever from time-to-time. It seems everyone around me has children or so will have one. I try to satisify myself with the knowledge that I get to do all the fun stuff with them, but send them home to mom and dad who have to deal with all their good AND bad!
 

Blair138

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 8, 2008
Messages
1,207
I am so glad you posted this. I seem to be just fine until someone announces a pregnancy. Today FI told me that his cousin''s wife is pregnant. I don''t know why but it triggered this whole ''internal clock'' thing with me, even though I am only 25. It could possibly be because she is my age. It''s a personal thing, and I don''t know why it happens. I don''t tell anyone about it because I don''t want it to seem like I''m jealous, which I''m not, but it feels like it in a way. I probably sound like an idiot right now too.

However, when I think about it, I love spending money on myself, I love that I can do whatever I want when I want right now, and when my friend told me she would have to leave a friend''s baby shower early to go take care of her boys so her husband could go out, I thought to myself "thank God I don''t have kids yet".
I make myself nuts, I know that my time will come and I should just enjoy being a couple with FI right now. I think I just need someone to slap me. Any takers???


Currently, FI and I are talking about getting a puppy a month after our wedding.
I hope that tides me over.
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
3,365
Condolences.
I had to wait until I was 32 to conceive.
There was lots of deep breathing exercises and skittish activity until then!

The minute I pushed my first baby out, an anxious voice in my head finally stopped chattering! Tbh, it had gotten really loud.

And there I was thinking ''baby-fever'' was a myth, concocted by unfashionable non-feminist-type people in frilly aprons!

Now I think baby fever is a form of mental torture that should be legislated against.

The experience was unpleasant. I wouldn''t want to go through that uncertainty again.

You must do your absolute BEST to distract yourself, if you indulge in your baby desperation, it has a habit of growing!!

All the best anyway, try and enjoy your last years of independence!
 

fleur.de.lys.88

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 12, 2009
Messages
38
Animal fever, yes!! Especially floppy-eared bunnies and puppies. Babies?! No, not at all. Well maybe a day or two every month but then I realize that it''s just my crazy hormones ''talking''. I get so scared when I think about having babies. The thought of something growing inside me freaks me the heck out. I have no desire to recreate the movie Alien. Then trying to push that baby out or have it cut out ...ummm nooo... ouchy!! Then I''m always worried that I''ll be a horrible mother and my baby will grow up to be a serial killer w/ mommy issues
. No thank you!
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
6,893
Date: 4/13/2009 1:37:05 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Elle...puppy fever is the worst! This is why we suddenly have 2 dogs in the house....


No baby fever here. None. What-so-ever.
YES puppy fever! Pet fever! Which is why I now have a deposit put down for a Siberian kitten for this fall.

But no baby fever for me either.
 

MissWishfulThinking

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
10
You are absolutely not alone!

I turn 30 this year, my OH turns 40. My baby fever has been hotting up over the past couple of years - and like others on here, it gets really bad when other people announce engagements and pregnancies. In fact after the initial excited congratulations, I usually go away and cry. Then I feel really mean, I should be happy for them, not crying for myself...


We''ve been together for three years, but he had a long, long divorce and it only came through 5mths ago. I''ve had many discussions with him about second marriages over the years - how they work, how someone can say forever twice etc etc. My dad and stepmum wrote me the sweetest letters when I asked them about it. And my OH was always so encouraging - saying he would love to get married again, and have children with the woman he loved. But now I think my discussions have given him ideas, and he has started to question the meaning of marriage!!!


And then because for me babies have to come after marriage (my sister did it the other way around, nothing wrong with that), I get all confused by my baby fever and start getting upset about how far out it looks like I''ll first be able to have a child. ie need a decision that second marriage is definitely a good idea, then a proposal, then a wedding, and then a pregnancy - which gets tougher not just with the woman''s age but also the man''s! Recent research said a 40yr old couple can take on average two years to conceive, so if our average age is 35 even now, what does that mean....?? So then I start bringing up timelines, and that has to include marriage - and that''s not really the right thing to do!

Like you say, I''m not idealising babies or forgetting the stresses of having children either. My sister has two and I was fairly involved when the first was very young - and she had very tough post-natal depression - before they moved out of the city. And my OH has two boys aged 7 and 9, so I''ve been helping to look after them twice a week for the last two years! He''s a very active Dad, which is great to see.

So the baby fever continues, and with it the LIWitis as someone put it. So I''ve responded to you to vent, and I''ve joined the LIW list!! Hopefully coming on here can keep me quiet....
 

iioeo

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 5, 2009
Messages
31
I have serious baby-fever with a complication of LIWitis. We have been together 3 years -living together pretty much the whole time- and he is 3.5 year younger that me (he will be 26 in may). We own a house together and we both have steady, full time jobs.

I think I have had baby-fever all my life, and have been *waiting* for it to be my time. Well this is it, we have decided we want to start trying next year, when I am 30. My SO once said he considered having kids BEFORE getting married (he loves kids). I''m not especially ok with this, but my baby-fever is overpowering my LIWitis lately. We have discussed a time line for engagement and proposal and so far, he is on board. We talked about a January 2010 wedding, and I told him I would prefer 6 months for planning- that way we can start trying right after the wedding (though I plan on going off the pill in October of this year).

Sorry for the long run-on post. Just wanted to get my story out there and let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
My FI has baby fever. It''s funny. Me? No.

FI is almost 5 years older than me though. He doesn''t want to wait more than two years (he has this idea what if he waits until he''s mid-thirties he will be an ''old father''), and even suggested we start trying a few months before we get married
I do not want to be knocked up on my wedding day, and I especially do not want to be pregnant my first year of marriage. So we will have to discuss the details a bit. I''d like to start when I''m 30, so that gives me roughly 3 years.

And I love babies/kids!
 
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