Home BIG registry gift from another couple- confused?!

[Amanda.Rx]

Hi there!

I''ve got a scenario that I found interesting and I just wanted some thoughts from other people.

DH and I were opening our presents today. DH has a friend, we''ll call her Mary. DH and Mary were friends in high school, but never really kept in touch through college. I''ve met/spent time with her maybe 3 or 4 times (ever). I''ve met her fiance one time. Mary and her fiance were invited to our wedding- since DH invited a big group of high school friends- not b/c we''re that close to Mary and her fiance. They both came from OOT to celebrate with us. Mary and her fiance also invited us to their wedding. We really wanted to go, but it''s an OOT wedding over the summer. We RSVP''d "no" just b/c we cannot commit to traveling as we are both starting new jobs soon and have no idea of our work schedules and financial situation at the time of the RSVP.

So, we opened their gift today. It''s a $400 cookware set. It''s the most expensive gift on our registry (and there were many options under $50). It''s an extremely generous gift, but we''re just confused as to why Mary and her FI would give us such a generous gift, considering we''re not even that close. We don''t even know what they do for jobs (this is how not-close we are).

Now, I feel really bad RSVPing "no" to their wedding, and I feel that I should sent them a nice gift. The whole thing seems really strange to me and DH. What are your thoughts?

 

[kama_s]

It is strange. And only because you aren''t close at all. Sadly, I think I would feel the need to return their gift in kind for their wedding. You don''t have to attend, but I think you may have to send a gift of comparable value.

 

[Haven]

I think you should just send a gracious thank you note, and then send them a gift that you feel comfortable giving them for their wedding.

Just because they were extremely generous, that does not mean you have to reciprocate. DH and I gave much more generous gifts to many of our friends than they gave to us for our wedding, and the only time I''ve ever said a word about that was right now to illustrate that it is okay. We certainly weren''t upset about it. Everyone gives what they are comfortable giving.

A couple of DH''s clients sent us $500 checks for our wedding even though we didn''t invite them. They just knew DH was getting married, and wanted to send a gift. It was extremely generous because *they* are extremely generous people.

Don''t feel guilty about not attending the wedding. If this couple takes offense that you don''t reciprocate with a $400 gift, then they weren''t giving it to you for the right reasons in the first place.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 5/4/2010 11:54:25 AM
Author: Haven
I think you should just send a gracious thank you note, and then send them a gift that you feel comfortable giving them for their wedding.


Just because they were extremely generous, that does not mean you have to reciprocate. DH and I gave much more generous gifts to many of our friends than they gave to us for our wedding, and the only time I''ve ever said a word about that was right now to illustrate that it is okay. We certainly weren''t upset about it. Everyone gives what they are comfortable giving.


A couple of DH''s clients sent us $500 checks for our wedding even though we didn''t invite them. They just knew DH was getting married, and wanted to send a gift. It was extremely generous because *they* are extremely generous people.


Don''t feel guilty about not attending the wedding. If this couple takes offense that you don''t reciprocate with a $400 gift, then they weren''t giving it to you for the right reasons in the first place.

Ditto

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 5/4/2010 8:39:06 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 5/4/2010 11:54:25 AM

Author: Haven

I think you should just send a gracious thank you note, and then send them a gift that you feel comfortable giving them for their wedding.



Just because they were extremely generous, that does not mean you have to reciprocate. DH and I gave much more generous gifts to many of our friends than they gave to us for our wedding, and the only time I''ve ever said a word about that was right now to illustrate that it is okay. We certainly weren''t upset about it. Everyone gives what they are comfortable giving.



A couple of DH''s clients sent us $500 checks for our wedding even though we didn''t invite them. They just knew DH was getting married, and wanted to send a gift. It was extremely generous because *they* are extremely generous people.



Don''t feel guilty about not attending the wedding. If this couple takes offense that you don''t reciprocate with a $400 gift, then they weren''t giving it to you for the right reasons in the first place.

Ditto

Thritto - though I would be quite perplexed and uncomfortable in this situation too!

 

[Bunny007]

Date: 5/4/2010 9:25:59 PM
Author: Maevie

Date: 5/4/2010 8:39:06 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 5/4/2010 11:54:25 AM

Author: Haven

I think you should just send a gracious thank you note, and then send them a gift that you feel comfortable giving them for their wedding.



Just because they were extremely generous, that does not mean you have to reciprocate. DH and I gave much more generous gifts to many of our friends than they gave to us for our wedding, and the only time I''ve ever said a word about that was right now to illustrate that it is okay. We certainly weren''t upset about it. Everyone gives what they are comfortable giving.



A couple of DH''s clients sent us $500 checks for our wedding even though we didn''t invite them. They just knew DH was getting married, and wanted to send a gift. It was extremely generous because *they* are extremely generous people.



Don''t feel guilty about not attending the wedding. If this couple takes offense that you don''t reciprocate with a $400 gift, then they weren''t giving it to you for the right reasons in the first place.

Ditto

Thritto - though I would be quite perplexed and uncomfortable in this situation too!

Quadritto. Give what you can afford.

 

[lilyfoot]

Since you say you don''t know what they do for work, they may be well off, or more well off than you would think. A $400 gift may be a bigger deal to you than to them (personally, I''d flip if someone gave me such a big gift too!)

I think you should (if you haven''t already) send a really great thank you card, and a gift for their wedding as well, but only whatever you''re comfortable spending.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Someone gave us a picnic basket and inside was a really nice bottle of wine, maybe something like that would be nice?

 

[redfaerythinker]

I''m not married, but when I give gifts I usually have certain amounts that I spend, a certain amount for a birthday, anniversary and so on, no matter who it''s for. If it''s someone close to me then i''ll bump up the limits. Maybe their wedding gift budget is larger than average. It is a little strange though. Maybe they''re super rich and you should get to know them better?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Amanda, something similar happened to me.

My cousin and his wife went off of our registry (we didn''t register for anything over $50) and bought us a very expensive cooking set. I was flabbergasted and slightly embarrassed that they spent so much. I had gone to their wedding several years earlier and gave them an inexpensive gift (nothing more than $50) because that is what I could afford at the time. I felt really bad that they''d spent so much on me, but what can you do, you know?

I sent them a nice thank you note saying how grateful I was and how I could not thank them enough. I cook every night, so I honestly think about their generous gift several times a week. I think just being gracious is the best way to go, even if internally you feel a little awkward about how much they spent.