BF''s evil high school friend strikes again

[lala2332]

UGH......I just need to vent!

BF has this female high school friend that is horrible. We went to his reunion Friday night and she literally ignored me, would not even say hello. She waited until I went to the restroom and then came over to Bf on two different occasions! I've met this girl twice before and everytime she is so rude, even the first time, when she just wasn't very nice, I just get the worst vibes from her.

Anyway, She feels VERY entitled to his time and attention when she comes home. So even though we are in law school and studying every spare minute over Thanksgiving break, plus trying to spend time with our own families and each other's family, she has a hissy fit that he didn't make plans with her except to see her at the reunion. Last thanksgiving she told him that he could leave being with my family, so that he could come see her...he wanted to call her out then, but I said no, maybe once we've been together longer it will be better (though last thanksgiving, we had been together for almost a year)

BF's parents came and picked us up from the reunion and I told them how awful this girl was (oops...too many glasses of wine), but BF's mom completly understood and said that this girl has always been "my way or the highway" and that she and BF went like 6 years without speaking back in middle and early high school because she was like this.

Anyway, Bf sent her a short email just saying that he was frusterated and disappointed that she wasn't very nice to me. . She then emailed me the fakest note on facebook, saying that she wished we could have talked more! (She would say hi to me! how can we talk more, when we didn't talk at all) and then she sent this awful email to BF saying that he is an awful friend and that I'm lying, that she did try to talk to me.
I don't really care how she treats me, but now I'm FURIOUS that she would say those thing to BF. He is working his ass off in law school and doesn't need her demands on him, especially as we go into exams next week.

The whole thing makes me mad, and I have NO IDEA how to respond to her note....its so fake, I'm not really sure it deserves a reply. And everytime I try to write one I end up getting more upset with her, for being mean to BF.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I went through something like this where some of fi''s ex gfs were trying to dominate his time. Everytime they would text something about wanting to get together he would plainly and simply say no thanks, i know it would hurt smurfy''s feelings and our relationship is in the past and she is my future (or something to the extent of that). when they would contact me on facebook or what have you, i would simply ignore them. it was a tough couple months but eventually they got the point and learned what was appropriate and what was not. best of luck to you, i know this isn''t easy

 

[ckrickett]

She sounds like such a wench!
Have you talked to your BF about it. She shouldn''t have any sense of entitlement to his time especially on holidays. That''s incredibly rude.

 

[MoonWater]

Why is he still friends with this girl?

 

[lala2332]

hahah...b/c he is a nice boy, plus she lives far away, so its not like this is a constant thing. BF def. knows what is going on and we are on the same page. I just don''t know how to make it clear to her that this is not ok, without me coming across as the witch. I just want us to extract ourselves from her. She clearly does not get subtle b/c BF has barely been in contact with her after last year.

Oh well...any advice on how to say "go away" without me turning into the meanie?

 

[MoonWater]

Well, to be honest, it is not your job to tell her to go away, it is his. I''ve been through this situation with several people in my husband''s life. Many of whom he knew before me (mostly guys, but one ex). He is also a very nice guy and he had a hard time understanding until he realized how much it pissed me off. I think your BF needs to figure out which is more important, not hurting her feelings or not hurting yours.

Also, I recommend that he NOT tell her how YOU feel about the situation and ONLY speak about how HE feels about it. There is no need for this chick to know she''s getting under your skin because it''s obvious that''s what she wants. What you should think to yourself is that her actively trying to ignore you means that YOU are getting under HER skin. DH has an ex-girlfriend (who''s MARRIED btw) that just did this recently. I just laugh at her and sorta feel sorry for her. She''s not mean (she''s not that stupid), but she completely avoided me and only spoke to DH when we were separated (to complain about her marriage! lol). DH just finds her annoying at this point but since we rarely run into her it''s not a big deal.

Does this chick want your BF?

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

does this chick have feelings for your bf? that may explain her irrational behavior... i would be straight up with your bf and tell him you don''t like her and she makes you uncomfortable, and leave it at that. as for her note - just ignore it... you don''t owe her anything!

 

[lala2332]

hmmm...i don''t know if she actually has feelings for him. Bf didn''t really date anyone in high school and I think this girl saw him as her "safety guy"....you know the guy who is always around when nothing better is going on. So I don''t think she actually wants him, maybe more that she doesn''t like his attention being elsewhere.

She has a boyfriend who couldn''t come to the reunion, so she actually took some guy that was a year younger than them in high school and mentioned to BF that she didn''t want to 3rd wheel anyone of her friends. My opinion is that she is really insecure. we are from the south where people tend to get married a little sooner, so most of their high school friends are married/engaged/serious relationship, while she lives in NYC and just started dating someone....I think coming home makes her feel insecure and she doesn''t know how to handle that her high school friends are not doing the city-single urban thing, and are instead getting married and buying houses. SOrry for all the stereotyping, please don''t get mad...this is meant to be generalized and why she feels like she does...not a judgment or anything of anyone else.

Moonwater--you sound just like my mom! What a smart person you are! haha

Bf''s email to her was very careful to say that she upset him, but she knows I was mad that night.

I really am trying to stay out of it. I just want to make sure that I try to do what has the least chance of coming back and biting me you know where. I''m worried ignoring will make it seem like I''m not giving her the benefit of the doubt, though I am way beyond that point. But every response I come up with ends ranging from slightly sarcastic or just plain witchy.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 11/30/2008 10:55:59 PM
Author: lala2332
hmmm...i don''t know if she actually has feelings for him. Bf didn''t really date anyone in high school and I think this girl saw him as her ''safety guy''....you know the guy who is always around when nothing better is going on. So I don''t think she actually wants him, maybe more that she doesn''t like his attention being elsewhere.

She has a boyfriend who couldn''t come to the reunion, so she actually took some guy that was a year younger than them in high school and mentioned to BF that she didn''t want to 3rd wheel anyone of her friends. My opinion is that she is really insecure. we are from the south where people tend to get married a little sooner, so most of their high school friends are married/engaged/serious relationship, while she lives in NYC and just started dating someone....I think coming home makes her feel insecure and she doesn''t know how to handle that her high school friends are not doing the city-single urban thing, and are instead getting married and buying houses. SOrry for all the stereotyping, please don''t get mad...this is meant to be generalized and why she feels like she does...not a judgment or anything of anyone else.

Moonwater--you sound just like my mom! What a smart person you are! haha

Bf''s email to her was very careful to say that she upset him, but she knows I was mad that night.

I really am trying to stay out of it. I just want to make sure that I try to do what has the least chance of coming back and biting me you know where. I''m worried ignoring will make it seem like I''m not giving her the benefit of the doubt, though I am way beyond that point. But every response I come up with ends ranging from slightly sarcastic or just plain witchy.

Don''t be afraid to get snarky, just do it tactfully. But I agree with letting your BF tell her to back off because it is what HE wants her to back off. But if she bothers you or comes off fake or you feel you NEED to tell her something, then do it, just tactfully.

 

[bee*]

ditto MoonWater-it''s definitely your bf''s job to tell her to back off. It does sound like she had a thing for your bf by the way that she''s acting. I''d ignore the email that she sent you.

 

[SuiteLady]

I would ignore her email AND ignore her. Let''s be serious here...She is a nobody. She means nothing to you or your relationship.