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BF wants to buy from Pawn Shop

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lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
Hi ladies (and gentlemen), I need your help, this is a long post, so sorry.

Back before I found PS, my BF and I were in a local pawn shop. I looked at the rings, and saw one that I liked. The only thing I knew about it was that it was (according to the shop) .75 carat and cost $1500.

Now that I found PS, I realize how important cut is in the quality of the light performance of the stone, and what I want most is a ring that sparkles like crazy.

We don''t have a lot of money to spend, especially in comparison to what some PSers spend. The budget for the total ring is around $2000, if we could go lower, my BF would be happier. There is a setting that I am eyeing that is around $500, so that leaves about $1500 for the stone.

This past weekend BF asked if I wanted to go to the pawn shop to look again. I said OK, but also told him that I wanted a certified diamond. We went to the store and they had a few diamonds around .5 to .6 carats for $700-$1000 on sale. I told him that I don''t feel comfortable buying something that isn''t certified by AGS or GIA, so we left. When we got home I showed him a stone I have been eyeing, 0.6 carat GIA excellent cut for $1600. After some discussion, he doesn''t understand why you need to spend double for a diamond that is the same size, since the only thing people are going to ask you about when you wear the ring is how big it is.

I tried to explain how important cut is, I showed him the videos on WF about cut. I also showed him Ideal Scope images and explained that light leakage can have a huge effect on the perceived size and sparkle of a stone. Later that day he said he didn''t want to fight anymore and said I could get the stone I was looking at online.

Then yesterday I asked when we were going to order it. I know he is not ready to get engaged just yet, but I also don''t want someone else to take the diamond I''ve had my eye on. He then brought up the fact that he doesn''t understand why I need a Lexus when a Toyota would do. He said that I don''t know that the diamonds we saw at the pawn shop were not ideal. He said that this is the first time that I have ever been material about anything, and he didn''t think anyone would be able to tell the difference between an average cut and an ideal cut when it was on my finger.

This is where I need your help. He brought up the idea that we go to a store and look at ideal cuts next to average cuts to see if we can even tell a difference. He brought up the idea of going to the store where I want to get my setting from. I''m not sure if I want to go to the store where I will possibly buy my setting from to compare diamonds when we most likely won''t be purchasing a diamond from them, to me that seems rude. Is it more rude to go to another store to compare diamonds? I''ve heard that Jared''s sells ideal and average stones, has anyone been there to compare stones? Do you even think I (or he) will be able to tell the difference between AGS/GIA ideals versus average stones? Would you recommend I buy an Ideal Scope or other tools?

I''m not trying to be materialistic at all. I just want a quality ring that I can wear for the rest of my life. If we are going to spend the money, I want to know what I am getting, and I want to get something of good quality.

I would appreciate any help/opinions you might have. Thanks for taking the time to read this really long post.
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
Hi lehcarm, sorry to hear about your stress over the diamond purchase with your boyfriend. If you are not 100% about the relationship and sort out all the communication problems, the process of ring purchase itself can be very telling about the state of your relationship. When my fiance and I first started out looking at rings a year ago, we had a lot of arguments and fights, and were definitely not ready to get engaged. A year later, tons of things have happened (a temporary break up, a job change, lots of compromises), and we are now closer than ever and love the idea of spending the rest of our lives together.




Date: 1/9/2007 11:07:46 AM
Author:lehcarm
We don't have a lot of money to spend, especially in comparison to what some PSers spend. The budget for the total ring is around $2000, if we could go lower, my BF would be happier. There is a setting that I am eyeing that is around $500, so that leaves about $1500 for the stone.

Then yesterday I asked when we were going to order it. I know he is not ready to get engaged just yet, but I also don't want someone else to take the diamond I've had my eye on. He then brought up the fact that he doesn't understand why I need a Lexus when a Toyota would do. He said that I don't know that the diamonds we saw at the pawn shop were not ideal. He said that this is the first time that I have ever been material about anything, and he didn't think anyone would be able to tell the difference between an average cut and an ideal cut when it was on my finger.

I'm not trying to be materialistic at all. I just want a quality ring that I can wear for the rest of my life. If we are going to spend the money, I want to know what I am getting, and I want to get something of good quality.
I know you want to get a diamond now, especially one that you've had your eye on and that you don't want someone else to buy, but I would definitely caution you to not rush into this! There will always be diamonds around, deals and sales and promotions, but you need to be absolutely sure that your relationship is in the right order first. I had moments of fleeting fancy for various diamonds I saw online two years ago, but I absolutely knew that I was not ready for that next step just yet.

My fiance has told me that he would spend any amount of money on the ring he buys me because it is a symbol of his love for me, and something that I'll wear for the rest of my life. He also has a weird liking for rings (I didn't wear them before I met him), so that could having something to do with it. However, he wouldn't have wanted a girl who was so materialistic and wanted only a ring that was extremely expensive (relative to a realistic budget). In the end, if the guy truly loves you, he would definitely want to buy you the best and not skimp on this purchase. And if you truly love the guy, it wouldn't matter if all he got you was a $50 ring from the mall, because you want to spend your life with him and that is more important than the ring.

Am I confusing you yet? The reason I bring this up is because your post raised several red flags for me. You say he is not ready to get engaged just yet. So when will he be ready? Have you discussed a specific timeframe, or is he just playing along with this ring purchase, and wants it to be cheap so it's not a big burden on him if he decides to change his mind? That is a big thing here -- if a guy really wants to marry you, they'd jump through hoop after hoop to do it! It sounds like you really need to sit down and have a serious talk with your guy about when and where and how as far as this engagement/marriage goes. The purpose of the engagement is to lead to marriage, and it sounds like you both need to be absolutely clear as to whether or not both of you are ready.

If, after all, you both are 100% clear on financial/marriage/engagement issues, I'd say go look at as many diamonds and rings as possible, try out different sizes on your fingers (some sizes just looks better on your fingers than smaller or bigger stones), see which styles you prefer (halo? classic? sidestones?) and look at all the possibilities that fit into your budget. It can be somewhat uncomfortable to tell off the store clerks, but just say you are still looking at your options and might be back later. Good luck, and don't rush into things!
 

shawee

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 27, 2006
Messages
30
Hello lehcarm, I am no expert but I just recently got engaged. I wanted something cheaper, smaller but definitely an ideal cut. My now fiancee wanted something bigger since he thinks it''s important (he thinks it''s going reflect badly on him). Anyway, we agreed to get an ideal cut within our budget. I spent two weeks searching online for the right diamond. I tried to be an understanding person... since my fiancee is paying for it... I saved him the trouble of doing all the work. I think it worked out for the best.

I did a little search for you and came up with this... https://www.pricescope.com/panning.aspx

I don''t know if you are able to see the results but if you can''t, you can always do your own searches.

We purchased ours from Union Diamond. They have excellent customer service.

Goodluck!
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
Oh dear!
This doesn't bode well at all!

All he cares about is what other people will think when they look at it on your finger? What about you? I look at and admire my e-ring all the time! I wanted something sparkly and special that I could be proud of and love for my whole life, and I'm sure you do too!

I don't like the fact at all that he wants to get out of this as cheaply and painlessly as possible. Or that he's making you feel bad for wanting something nice. Don't you deserve the best for the money? Doesn't he want you to have the best? The e-ring is a very important thing that symbolizes your love and promise to marry each other.
You'll look at it and wear it your whole life. Unless you're not happy with it to begin with and they he's just setting himself up for an upgrade sometime in the near future! (It's more cost efficient for him to buy something nice now)


I'm baffled how a guy can be like this when so many men come on to pricescope worrying about getting just the perfect diamond ring for their love. My fi is as non-jewelry, non-materialistic as you can get and he's still just so proud and pleased about our ring that he likes to look at it too!

BTW, he spent less than $2300 on my ring.


Oh, and my diamond is .57carats and noone has ever asked how big it is! They just admire how pretty the ring is and how sparkly my diamond is.
There's no better feeling than having an aunt or fmil or even his grandfather look at my ring and pronounce ' He did good!'



ETA: Don't worry about that diamond going away. The LIW's comforted me a couple of times when the ring I desperately wanted was sold to someone else as my now-fi wasn't ready at that point to propose. There will be another wonderful diamond that's perfect for you, I promise!
 

Bunnifer

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 26, 2006
Messages
227
Date: 1/9/2007 11:07:46 AM
Author:lehcarm
Hi ladies (and gentlemen), I need your help, this is a long post, so sorry.

Back before I found PS, my BF and I were in a local pawn shop. I looked at the rings, and saw one that I liked. The only thing I knew about it was that it was (according to the shop) .75 carat and cost $1500.

Now that I found PS, I realize how important cut is in the quality of the light performance of the stone, and what I want most is a ring that sparkles like crazy.

We don''t have a lot of money to spend, especially in comparison to what some PSers spend. The budget for the total ring is around $2000, if we could go lower, my BF would be happier. There is a setting that I am eyeing that is around $500, so that leaves about $1500 for the stone.

This past weekend BF asked if I wanted to go to the pawn shop to look again. I said OK, but also told him that I wanted a certified diamond. We went to the store and they had a few diamonds around .5 to .6 carats for $700-$1000 on sale. I told him that I don''t feel comfortable buying something that isn''t certified by AGS or GIA, so we left. When we got home I showed him a stone I have been eyeing, 0.6 carat GIA excellent cut for $1600. After some discussion, he doesn''t understand why you need to spend double for a diamond that is the same size, since the only thing people are going to ask you about when you wear the ring is how big it is.

I tried to explain how important cut is, I showed him the videos on WF about cut. I also showed him Ideal Scope images and explained that light leakage can have a huge effect on the perceived size and sparkle of a stone. Later that day he said he didn''t want to fight anymore and said I could get the stone I was looking at online.

Then yesterday I asked when we were going to order it. I know he is not ready to get engaged just yet, but I also don''t want someone else to take the diamond I''ve had my eye on. He then brought up the fact that he doesn''t understand why I need a Lexus when a Toyota would do. He said that I don''t know that the diamonds we saw at the pawn shop were not ideal. He said that this is the first time that I have ever been material about anything, and he didn''t think anyone would be able to tell the difference between an average cut and an ideal cut when it was on my finger.

This is where I need your help. He brought up the idea that we go to a store and look at ideal cuts next to average cuts to see if we can even tell a difference. He brought up the idea of going to the store where I want to get my setting from. I''m not sure if I want to go to the store where I will possibly buy my setting from to compare diamonds when we most likely won''t be purchasing a diamond from them, to me that seems rude. Is it more rude to go to another store to compare diamonds? I''ve heard that Jared''s sells ideal and average stones, has anyone been there to compare stones? Do you even think I (or he) will be able to tell the difference between AGS/GIA ideals versus average stones? Would you recommend I buy an Ideal Scope or other tools?

I''m not trying to be materialistic at all. I just want a quality ring that I can wear for the rest of my life. If we are going to spend the money, I want to know what I am getting, and I want to get something of good quality.

I would appreciate any help/opinions you might have. Thanks for taking the time to read this really long post.
I''d say go to Jared''s to compare diamonds; however, before you go, let him know what to look for (since you''re the resident "expert" compared to him! LOL). IMO, to the untrained eye, the most obvious thing people notice is *SPARKLE*. If it doesn''t sparkle, how is it going to catch people''s eye to even get to the question of how big it is?
OK, I say this in jest, but seriously, sparkle is what catches the looks.

I think the last highlighted line really hammers home your point -- BUYING QUALITY IS NOT BEING MATERIALISTIC. In fact, it makes a whole lot of financial sense! Understandably, your BF is concerned about money...BUT would he rather spend his budget on something that is not so good when he can get something that is FABULOSO for a small amount more? You''re NOT buying a "Lexus when a Toyota would do " -- a more appropriate comparison might be "why buy a cheap knockoff Rolex from Chinatown when you can buy the REAL THING for a little bit more?" JHMO.

HTH!
 

NYCsparkle

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 23, 2006
Messages
1,371
If he wants you to be happy and you are not going over the budget, then why is he arguing what you want? Tell him that you don''t care what others think of the size and that you want quality...plus a well cut .6 will look larger and sparklier than an ok cut of the same size or slightly larger. I do NOT think you are being materialistic about this at all. This is something that you will wear forever and you should be happy with what you get since you have gone looking at rings together. Would he put such little effort into buying a tv or car?
 

lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
Thanks Hopes, shawee, IndieJones, and Bunnifer for your comments and suggestions.

I need to clarify some details, it is always hard trying to type a story, and it sounds like I made my BF look like somebody that he isn''t.

I am 100% sure about our relationship. We''ve been dating for 2.5 years and living together for over 6 months. Both of us are grad students and don''t make a lot of money. We also don''t spend a lot of money, so the thought of spending $2000+ on a "tiny" ring is hard for both of us. BF isn''t trying to be cheap, he just doesn''t think an average person (him) can tell the difference between diamonds. He openly brought up the idea of going to stores to compare diamonds, so we''ll do that soon. I need to make it clear to him that cut quality is important to me. That I can tell a difference.

The reason I say he is not ready to get engaged yet is because he had prelims coming up in grad school and he doesn''t want to get engaged/start wedding planning until the stress of exams is over with. I agree with his time frame of getting engaged over the summer. He has also said that he wants me to help pick out the ring since I am going to be the one who wears it. I want to have a good idea of the ring I want before he is getting into his exams so he doesn''t have to stress about getting a ring at the same time. He has said multiple times that he would go with me to the courthouse today to get married, but he knows that wouldn''t make me happy because I want my family and friends to be there. So I need to wait until the right time to plan a wedding. Does that make any sense?

I hope I''m not making him sound worse. He is the most amazing man I have ever met, I''ve been through plenty of bad ones, so I know he is the one. I love him so much, and I know (have 0 doubts) he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

Again, thanks for all your help.
 

shawee

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 27, 2006
Messages
30
I suggest you comfort him by saying that you are not going to pressure him in any way, like setting a wedding date. Make it as smooth as possible for him. It''s a big step and when men feels too pressured, they will break. LoL.
 

lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
Date: 1/9/2007 12:01:40 PM
Author: shawee
I suggest you comfort him by saying that you are not going to pressure him in any way, like setting a wedding date. Make it as smooth as possible for him. It''s a big step and when men feels too pressured, they will break. LoL.
Good call, I could tell last night that he was feeling really pressured. Guys can be weird like that, they bring up something and then complain about feeling pressured!
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
Hi lehcarm, my apologies for jumping to conclusions based on a few lines! Sometimes it can be hard to discern what exactly is going on with another person''s relationship, but my motto is better safe than sorry. :razz: It sounds like money is a big hang up, but don''t let it be! You can be engaged and not even have a ring, although people tend to want to see the ring for "official status." If he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then he should learn to start compromising and bending to a woman''s will now... I am half joking of course. ;-)

You are both grad students, and you are on your way to making a ton of money later on in life. You will likely have plenty of opportunities to get a great diamond later. The engagement ring does not have to be the end all of everything. The average person cannot tell much difference between diamonds, or even between diamonds and simulants, but a sparkly stone is much more beautiful than one that is dull and lifeless.

By the way, jewelry stores tend to have super bright lighting that can make even average stones very sparkly. $2000 is plenty generous to spend on a ring, so don''t feel down about that! A few things you can compromise on for ring: go for white gold instead of platinum, lower grade color (you can go down to H-I, and as long as the cut is good it''ll still face up super white), lower grade clarity (eye clean is good enough, since you really won''t be looking at your stone through a loup a ton), and flourescence (doesn''t make a huge difference). Listen to your own feelings and don''t sacrifice on the cut. :)

Hope it all works out for you!
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
In that case you might want to suggest to him that you guys forgo the e-ring altogether and go for really nice wedding bands instead. He can buy you a beautiful diamond e-ring or 3-stone ring for your 5th anniversary. I suggested that to my fi and he was adament that we get an e-ring. But it''s a good option. Besides, I think it lit a bit of a fire under him.

I really understand the whole grad school timing thing as that''s what happened with us. Sorry for misunderstanding a bit.
 

lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
Hopes, Indie...

Don''t feel bad at all about jumping to conclusions. I could have said more in my first post, but I was trying to make it shorter. I just felt I needed to add more details because he is a great guy. I would hate for him to stumble across this and come to the same conclusions you did at first. I showed him PS when I was trying to explain how important cut was, he doesn''t really seem like the kind of guy that would spend a whole lot of time reading on here, but who knows, he might since I showed it to him.

Thanks again for everything, it helps so much being able to talk about things like this and hear honest opinions.
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
I''m glad you clarified!


Maybe this will help ... wanting an Ideal Cut or well-cut stone versus an uncerted pawn shop stone isn''t "materialistic" - especially if they''re both within the same pre-determined & agreed upon budget! The comparison between a Lexus and a Toyota doesn''t work for me either!

2 carat ideal cut stone = Lexus
.5 carat well-cut certed stone = Toyota
.5-.7 un-certed stone from pawn shop = Used Le Car bought from the want ads

I''m kinda kidding but my point is, as a Toyota owner, Toyota''s are known for quality & dependebility (not sizzle). An ideal-cut stone will be a workhorse - sparkling like mad FOREVER. It will "keep going" even when dirty ...unlike a less well cut stone whose beauty will dim more.

Un-certed stones are a gamble. Iffy. There is a chance for a bargain if you really know what you''re doing or just plain get lucky ... but first time diamond buyers have very low odds playing that bargain game! There are no upgrade policies (say - if your careers take off & you want to trade in for a larger stone down the line) ... little "service" like ring cleaing, prong checks etc, and very low on the engagement ring ROMANCE FACTOR!!! Hello!!!

You may just have to continue to ease him into seeing how important this one purchase is to you. He''s having the same problems with giving up control that women have waiting to be proposed to. (Some things he says show he wants you to be involved & choose & be happy ... some are like "don''t be so picky") It''s a negotiation!
GOOD LUCK!!
 

lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
Date: 1/9/2007 12:57:37 PM
Author: decodelighted

2 carat ideal cut stone = Lexus

.5 carat well-cut certed stone = Toyota

.5-.7 un-certed stone from pawn shop = Used Le Car bought from the want ads
I sort of thought of this last night as I was trying to fall asleep. I''ll bring it up to him tonight.

He would never buy a car without knowing all the details about it, that is why I don''t feel right about buying from a pawn shop. I just want to know the details. I have no problem with getting a "used" stone, I know that some people do, but I don''t. If the pawn shop was selling an AGS0 or GIA excellent stone, I''d seriously consider it.

I too own a Toyota, I know they are great cars. I think one problem we are having is his definition of a "Toyota diamond" and mine are different. I think a "Toyota diamond" is something that will always be beautiful. Thanks for the post.
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 1, 2005
Messages
188
Just a suggestion and finding a way for both of you to find a happy medium. Have you looked at craigslist? I would say is definately a step up from a pawn shop an you can get a great value and getting what you need.

Here is an example I found in my area and you need to remember that these are always negotiable prices

http://denver.craigslist.org/jwl/259766377.html

You are making a decision on the quality of what you will get, and he should understand that specially as a guy. I also agree with the post above that you guys will hopefully be financially sound and that you could upgrade at a later time and having a better diamond now will give you a better return later.
 

Bunnifer

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 26, 2006
Messages
227
Date: 1/9/2007 1:30:33 PM
Author: dmbfan
Just a suggestion and finding a way for both of you to find a happy medium. Have you looked at craigslist? I would say is definately a step up from a pawn shop an you can get a great value and getting what you need.


Here is an example I found in my area and you need to remember that these are always negotiable prices


http://denver.craigslist.org/jwl/259766377.html


You are making a decision on the quality of what you will get, and he should understand that specially as a guy. I also agree with the post above that you guys will hopefully be financially sound and that you could upgrade at a later time and having a better diamond now will give you a better return later.

I second DMB's suggestion...I know you're looking at RBs but here is a listing in my area for a 1 carat EC with .66 ct side stones H-VS2 for $3700. Of course, we don't know anything about the cut, but it's just another example of Craigslist potential goodies.

Link: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/jwl/259934609.html
 

E B

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
9,488
All of these ladies have great advice. I don't have much else to add, except I'd stand my ground on wanting a nicely cut stone. You'll be wearing this forever (or if you plan to upgrade, however many years) and you want to be proud of it. Would you go a bit smaller for a nicer cut and less $? Here's a pretty .52ct J, SI1 H&A for $1037:

.52ct J, SI1 Ideal H&A

It has a small mark on the table, and WF should be able to identify if it's eye-clean or not.
 

mmpawnshop

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 3, 2007
Messages
18
Don''t worry too much. Things do work out in the end. To help both of you guys out, I recommend calling around pawnshops in your area to see if they have diamonds that are certified by GIA or AGS. Some pawnshops do have certified diamonds. We get our nice diamonds certified since majority of consumers are well-educated about diamonds. Plus it helps consumers feel confident that they received a good deal. So, if your boyfriend is worried about money and you want a quality diamond certified, I recommend pawnshops since they''re definitely cheaper than the major diamond stores. I hope that helps.
 

Blenheim

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
3,136
I''ve been in a similar situation, and hopefully my experience will help you. When my fiance went shopping for my ring, he went to stores that gave him the impression that there was no way for him to get what I wanted (ideal or close to ideal cut round, eye clean, not visibly yellow) for the size that he wanted (at least .5 carats) and his budget (less than yours). He got what he felt that he could afford. While I was ecstatic to marry him, and while I really wanted to love the symbol of our engagement, I just wasn''t completely happy with it. I ended up telling him how I felt. He was hurt at first (and understandably so) and really didn''t think that there was going to be any visual difference between the one that he got and the ones that I wanted, but agreed to go with me to one or two stores to compare. To answer one of your questions, we did go to one store that we were pretty sure that we would not buy from, because they had a bit of a markup but at least had AGS0''s in stock. There was a visible difference that both of us noticed, and as he held both in his hand his whole attitude about it all changed. By the time that we met with Quest later that day, he was feeling much less hurt about it and excited that he would be able to get me what I wanted for less than what he spent on the first. (Well, he ended up paying about $75 more, but also decided to go from 0.51 to 0.56 carats and SI2 to SI1 clarity.) And the comments that I''ve gotten on my ring are along the lines of "oh, it''s so sparkly" or "you did a great job picking it out, (FI)." No one has said anything about it being visibly smaller than someone else''s diamond.

Just go ahead and go to some store (I don''t think it matters which) to compare diamonds. It wouldn''t hurt to get an idealscope, but I''m not sure that it''s necessary if you''re going to end up buying your ring from somewhere like WF. If I was going to buy in a pawn shop, I''d probably want it plus a lot more knowledge than I currently have. LadyKemma has found some great stones in pawn shops and I know that she''s recommended some book for people who want to do so -- if you want I can try to figure out the title.

Hope this helps!
 

lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
Date: 1/9/2007 3:16:16 PM
Author: Blenheim
I've been in a similar situation, and hopefully my experience will help you. When my fiance went shopping for my ring, he went to stores that gave him the impression that there was no way for him to get what I wanted (ideal or close to ideal cut round, eye clean, not visibly yellow) for the size that he wanted (at least .5 carats) and his budget (less than yours). He got what he felt that he could afford. While I was ecstatic to marry him, and while I really wanted to love the symbol of our engagement, I just wasn't completely happy with it. I ended up telling him how I felt. He was hurt at first (and understandably so) and really didn't think that there was going to be any visual difference between the one that he got and the ones that I wanted, but agreed to go with me to one or two stores to compare. To answer one of your questions, we did go to one store that we were pretty sure that we would not buy from, because they had a bit of a markup but at least had AGS0's in stock. There was a visible difference that both of us noticed, and as he held both in his hand his whole attitude about it all changed. By the time that we met with Quest later that day, he was feeling much less hurt about it and excited that he would be able to get me what I wanted for less than what he spent on the first. (Well, he ended up paying about $75 more, but also decided to go from 0.51 to 0.56 carats and SI2 to SI1 clarity.) And the comments that I've gotten on my ring are along the lines of 'oh, it's so sparkly' or 'you did a great job picking it out, (FI).' No one has said anything about it being visibly smaller than someone else's diamond.


Hope this helps!
I am so glad I am not the only one who has felt this way, it is such a relief. It must have been so hard to tell him that you weren't entirely happy with his selection. I'm glad things worked out so well for you in the end. I need to stick to my guns because I'd feel bad if something like this happened to me. Thanks for sharing, you are helping me a lot!
 

shawee

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 27, 2006
Messages
30
Just have a heart to heart talk with your bf, explain to him that you are not trying to be hurtful, ungrateful or mean. Just tell him that you are being wise about how you spend your budget. Don''t rush too... something will come up, don''t worry.

My then bf had a budget too and we stayed within that budget. We got my ring, it''s really pretty and sparkly but sometimes it would look oily or dull (to me). Everyone else said it''s a gorgeous diamond. Anyway, I asked my now fiancee if it would be ok to exchange it just because there''s something about the diamond that is bugging me. He said no problem, as long as we could find one that is the same price. He explained to me (and asked me not to get mad) that this is all he could afford. I said I understood, and then asked him if it was ok if I paid the difference. He said he couldn''t believe how understanding I was and he couldn''t believe that I didn''t mind sharing some of the financial responsibility. We found one that I liked (GIA cert as opposed to EGL, hopefully this is "the one"). It''s being shipped tomorrow, I wired the money today.

I am sharing my story to you because I know how talking to each other is very very important. Expressing how you feel and showing them that you care about their feelings as well.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
I totally understand where you are coming from. I got engaged - without the ring as I wanted to pick it out myself (yes, total control freak here
) I''m not going for a diamond but a tsavorite garnet centre stone and I''ve asked Wink Jones to help me pick out a great stone. Lots of my friends have said why are you prepared to pay x$$ when you could buy a similar size for next to nothing on ebay etc.

I don''t have a mega budget and I said to Wink that I am happy to compromise on size but not on cut and colour. It''s really important to me that my stone is the perfect colour and as good a cut as I can possibly get. I don''t want to look at my ring in 5 years time and wish I''d spent more time looking or a bit more $$. I want to know I did the absolute best with my budget. The only person who doesn''t think I''m nuts is FI.

I think it helped that I made him look at my sister''s ring at xmas. She has a sapphire that she loves and thinks is gorgeous. I think it''s an okay colour, but highly included, badly cut and the diamonds on the sides are super included, cut all squint and don''t sparkle. I''d never tell her this as she loves it, but I got FI to look at it. Then I told him what it cost. He''s seen some of the sapphires I like at the Natural Sapphire Company, and was pretty horrified at the difference in quality and lack of difference in $$$ between the two.

Now he thinks it cool that I''m informed, and that my ring will have experts assiting at every stage, whereas all our friends have just walked into a B&M store with no research and spent way more than our budget.

PS One thing I have done is that FI has given me his budget and I am paying anything it costs over that. My idea and he''s fine with it. I don''t feel guilty being perfectionist now


Hopes: Just wanted to add that whilst I would be very happy with a $50 ring from my FI that wasn''t necessarily the "ring of my dreams" I wouldn''t be so happy with a $2000 ring that was compromising on aspects I find important. The $50 ring is about the thought and symbolism rather than about the e-ring. $2000 is a lot of money to spend on something that doesn''t also make your eyes shine. Not sure if I''ve explained that well....
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
Pandora, I didn't mean the $50 thing literally! I just used it as an example to illustrate a loving couple: a guy who would spend anything on the girl, and a girl who would want the guy no matter how much he spends. Obviously it's not going to be that way in the real world where things that are cheaply made aren't as pretty or can break, so we want something a bit higher quality than, say, glass. ;-)
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
Sorry Hopes!


I probably read it a bit wrong

Just I''ve had a couple of people IRL who have been making me feel a bit guilty that I shouldn''t want to add on to FI''s budget and have given examples of friends of theirs engaged with beer can rings etc who are super happy and I''ve been trying to explain that the two things are not really the same either financially nor symbolically.

I suppose it''s another part of the reason I wanted a proposal without a ring. The proposal was about us and his making a commitment to me - the ring is just the secondary cherry on the cake
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
Date: 1/9/2007 2:15:52 PM
Author: mmpawnshop
Don't worry too much. Things do work out in the end. To help both of you guys out, I recommend calling around pawnshops in your area to see if they have diamonds that are certified by GIA or AGS. Some pawnshops do have certified diamonds. We get our nice diamonds certified since majority of consumers are well-educated about diamonds. Plus it helps consumers feel confident that they received a good deal. So, if your boyfriend is worried about money and you want a quality diamond certified, I recommend pawnshops since they're definitely cheaper than the major diamond stores. I hope that helps.
agree. you wouldn't beleive the ring i saw last week. 2 carat suspected superbcert princess in a HEAVY platinum setting for 8K -- was PS quality.

study, learn, you can find good rounds and fancies, especially marquises, in pawn shops if you know what you are doing. there is a stunning loose old mine cut in a pawn shop near me he wants 1000 for it. the pear in my avatar is 1.25 carat without papers for 2k. the canterbury stone (half carat) was a junk shop find for about hundred bucks. do i know the numbers? no!

learn to judge cut with your eyes. it's not hard. read renee newman's book and antoinette matlins. learn to disregard the old yucky setting and see the stone. jared's has fresh settings.
 

gailrmv

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 8, 2005
Messages
3,136
I totally empathize! I am shopping around for diamond earrings and went to look at my local pawn shop and could not believe the great deals there. I saw stones that I thought were really sparkly at a fraction of the retail price, although I didn''t trust my eyes enough to buy any of them. It probably appeals to your BF to get more stone (bigger) for the money. If I were you this is what I would do:
1) Go to a good B&M store, explain that you are not going to buy a diamond that day, but ask to compare ideal cut stones with non ideal. Then you can see for yourself what to look for and what the difference is. For example, my stone is well cut but not ideal cut. I can tell the difference but it is not a huge difference IRL (photos are another story). I can tell a big difference between my stone and a poorly cut one. Most stores will not mind spending the time with you especially if you go at a non-peak time. Even if you don''t buy anything from them, you might recommend them to a friend, use them for repairs, etc, so it is a good investment of time for them. Don''t feel bad.
2) buy an idealscope and the other tools recommended by people on PS.
3) See if you can find a stone that meets your criteria (including certified if that is important to you) from a pawnshop, using your eyes and the tools - you might get lucky!
4) If not, buy one from an online vendor!

I have a noncerted stone that I bought through a family member (jeweler). I love it. If I were buying again today, I would insist on AGS000. I know more now than I did then, and also, I think there is more emphasis on cut now than there used to be. Still, when I think of budget at the time, I know we got a very good deal and I am overall very happy with our purchase.

One more thought, you might consider getting a very simple setting now and applying that $500 towards the stone. Then you can upgrade the setting later on when you guys are done with school!

Good luck!
 

lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
I just wanted to post an update. I was not able to talk about rings or anything like that with my BF last night. I had dinner with my sister, and didn''t get home until late. Hopefully we get a chance to talk before the weekend when he is going fishing with the guys. Thanks for all your help and suggestions so far. I''ll let you know how it goes once we talk.
 

lehcarm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
242
Here''s an update:

We had a long talk last night. It turns out what is holding him back the most is that he is worried about spending a lot of money on the wedding. He feels that once the engagement ring is purchased, he''s going to have to be ready to spend a lot for the wedding. Where we live, it will cost at least $10,000 for a wedding and modest reception. I told him that I don''t really like how expensive it is going to be either, but that he should know that I don''t want anything over the top. I just want to have a wedding where my family and friends can have a good time. I plan on doing as much as I can with the help of family and friends (making invites, flower arrangements, etc.) We even looked online for a bit to see how much catering actually costs. After talking a little more, he said lets just focus on the ring now
and not sweat all the wedding details just yet. We both know that it will be spendy (we both are savers, not spenders), and we don''t know if our parents will be willing to help out at all.

That being said, he said he would like to go look at diamonds/settings soon, like some time this weekend or even tonight! I think we will go to Jareds as well as a local jeweler where I have seen a setting that I like. Hopefully one of these places will be able to show us the difference between ideal and average stones (an hopefully we can tell the difference).

Thanks again for all your help so far!
 

shawee

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 27, 2006
Messages
30
OOOOhhhh, I am so glad things have worked out. Just keep talking about things. Don''t hold anything back... so there won''t be any miscommunications. Good luck!!!!
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
Sounds good. :) I echo the sentiment about keeping the communication lines smooth and ongoing. That''s how you sort out these little nagging problems!
 
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