best guess or placeholder for proposal?

[wooz]

Hello everyone..

I can''t believe the amount of time I''ve spent on these forums and how much I know about diamonds now... haha... still a novice, but I feel like I have enough knowledge to make a decent decision (along with the help of PSers).

I''m going to propose to my gf but I don''t know what shape or setting she would love. She is very fashion-forward and trendy.

So, here''s my first of many questions:

What are your thoughts on finding a jeweler that has a lenient exchange policy and doing one of the following for the proposal:
1) Make a "best guess" effort in shape+setting (leaning towards a cushion with micropave halo and sidestones)
2) Propose with a "typical" round in a solitaire
3) Propose with a ringpop and then take her to the jeweler
4) [insert great suggestion here]

With any of the options, I''d let her know that she can trade it in for something she prefers...

Thanks!

 

[motownmama]

Propose with what you''re leaning towards; obviously you like it for a reason - be sure you can return it and make it clear that she should get what she wants. You''ll prob bet a ton of replies, but that''s just my 2 cents. I''m traditional when it comes to proposing with a ring!

 

[paperclip]

Good question!! i''m interested in the answers as well. I would rather my gf get something she likes. A friend of mine proposed to her wife with only the rock and then went together after to set the stone. However, someone else told me it''s a lot nicer if she could put on the ring right after you proposed...provided she said yes of course. So like the poster, I''m at a lost.

What do most people think? It''s more practical to use a placeholder but seems like it could be a lost of opportunity for a romantic moment.

 

[Pandora II]

My husband proposed to me with a scrabble board and then we designed my e-ring together. I wouldn''t have had it any other way. The proposal was a total suprise as he wasn''t trying to guess my ring size or other hints, I have a gorgeous limited edition scrabble set with gold plated letters as a memento, and we had a great time designing the ring.

So I vote ''ring pop'' - just to add, it took me so long to design the real thing that DH ended up giving me an antique diamond and sapphire eternity band as a placeholder which has proved very useful as a ''travel e-ring'' since. So worth thinking about making the ''ring pop'' something that she could wear to the beach or while travelling.

 

[Collee]

I think it depends on her personality. Is she very picky and detail orientated? You mentioned that she is fashion forward and trendy so maybe it would be best if she was involved in the selection and design process. Do you feel comfortable asking the advice of one of her trusted friends or sister (if she has) or would you prefer to keep the proposal a complete surprise?

 

[tyty333]

I like number 3 or some form of that. My BF (at the time) had a sterling silver heart shaped ring. We then shopped
together to get something that I would be happy to wear for the next however many years and that he would be
happy to pay for

. Its really a lot of fun and a wonderful sharing experience to work on finding a stone/
setting together.

 

[caribari]

i''m with collee-- think about your girlfriend''s personality and what she would really want. is she more traditional & romantic and would want everything to be a complete surprise? or would she like a say in a piece of jewlery that she is going to wear every day?

if it were me, i''d be the latter but i have friends who want to be completely surprised.

 

[ms.halo]

It''s hard to speak for someone I don''t know, but I know what I would want. I''d prefer to be proposed to with a fabulous diamond in a cheapo setting that I can exchange for a better setting a few weeks or months down the line (after I''d had time to spend on PS of course). Part of the fun of getting engaged is showing your friends and family your ring, and I''d be disappointed to not have something to show. But that''s just me.

 

[DianaBanana]

How about having a Tiffany bracelet engraved with "Will You Marry Me? That way she gets the awesome proposal and a nice piece to show off to friends and family....and she gets the ring that she really wants, and believe me, she has an idea of what she wants!!

When I was in my early 20''s, I would have been thrilled to receive any ''ol diamond ring but now that I''m a little older and really know myself and my tastes, it would be next to impossible for my husband to have chosen something that was really *me*.

Speaking from my own perspective, I''d want my engagement ring to be a piece of jewelry that I absolutely loved, I''d have a hard time loving something that wasn''t my taste just because my husband picked it out. My poor hubby...he leaves the jewelry buying up to me...I''ve got some pretty nice stuff!!

Here is the Tiffany I Love You bracelet link

 

[Lizzrd02]

First off, let me say that you sound like a sweetie! Congrats on your future engagement. With someone as considerate as you, she won''t be able to say no!
Now, to answer the question:
I am a picky gal that would like the opportunity to choose all the details myself. However, I also understand how special it would be to know that he picked out at least something from the ring. That''s why I think you should get the rock (probably a cushion if that is what your gut tells you) and have it set into a cheapy plain setting and let her choose the nicer setting after the proposal. That way, the diamond has all the sentimental value to it and she can still get exactly what she wants. (And she can have the pleasure of wearing it around and getting to know the stone before deciding on a setting.) You can find inexpensive white gold settings pretty cheap. (http://www.danforthdiamond.com/solitaires/2646/14K-White-Gold-2-mm-Comfort-Fit-Solitaire-Engagement-Ring/details.htm?setting=1)
I think this way you can be both traditional and ensure that she gets what she wants. I think personality is a big indicator of how she would ideally like the engagement ring to be handled. However, I don''t think that can be the basis all the time. For example, I know very low-key gals who aren''t that fashion-forward who have VERY specific ideas about how their engagement ring should be, and it is not the traditional round brilliant solitaire like you might think! On the other hand, I have a super trendy friend who is kind of high-maintenance (I say that with love lol) and she really didn''t care one way or another what her ring looked like. Go figure.

 

[wooz]

Date: 11/3/2009 8:21:00 AM
Author: Collee
I think it depends on her personality. Is she very picky and detail orientated? You mentioned that she is fashion forward and trendy so maybe it would be best if she was involved in the selection and design process. Do you feel comfortable asking the advice of one of her trusted friends or sister (if she has) or would you prefer to keep the proposal a complete surprise?

she is very detail oriented. i''d rather keep this from her friends, etc.

 

[wooz]

Thanks for the replies... I like the idea of getting a nice diamond in a placeholder setting... but... what if i choose the wrong shape... or if i sacrifice size for the other C''s and she''d rather have it the other way.... booooooooo haha... this is tough

 

[Collee]

Date: 11/3/2009 5:28:44 PM
Author: wooz

Date: 11/3/2009 8:21:00 AM
Author: Collee
I think it depends on her personality. Is she very picky and detail orientated? You mentioned that she is fashion forward and trendy so maybe it would be best if she was involved in the selection and design process. Do you feel comfortable asking the advice of one of her trusted friends or sister (if she has) or would you prefer to keep the proposal a complete surprise?

she is very detail oriented. i''d rather keep this from her friends, etc.

I really like DianaBanana''s idea. Being that she trendy and detail oriented, maybe you should include her in the selection process.

I am very low key and easy going BUT when it comes to an engagement ring, I am SUPER picky, detailed and anal. Knowing this, my BF has enlisted me to find the setting of my dreams. We are going to select the diamond together but once the diamond and setting is purchased, I can view but not try on. I have NO IDEA when are where he will propose but I do know that it will be with the setting and stone that I lLOVE and we both chose. Yes, a very untraditional route and not one that many would choose but it is the right route for us and perhaps for you as well (involving her in the process).

 

[LGK]

I''d get a nice, probably round brilliant, diamond and set it in a temporary/cheap placeholder setting, and make *sure* it''s returnable. That way she gets something to wear for now, and she can choose the setting she really wants at leisure. And heck, if she hates rounds or whatever, make sure she knows she can return the whole shebang and not upset you at all. Just be prepared to let her do that! I think that allows for some romance to the proposal and still lets her express her own taste well.

For what it''s worth, my husband didn''t propose with a ring, or really at all, lol. We bought the ring together with me doing most of the picking-out. (Neither of us is huge on romantic gestures.) It worked fine for us. When it came time to replace the original ring years later- it fell apart pretty much- he just gave me a budget and let me go for it. I definitely made sure what I chose was something we both liked, though.

 

[paperclip]

From most of the response, it''s safe to say that most girls would like to be involved in the selection process of the setting. Afterall, they will wear it for life. Furthermore, I think most girls would really love the idea of shopping for the setting together with their partner therefore a temporary placeholder would be the best of both worlds.

 

[rockabee]

Placeholder sounds like the consensus, though I do wonder if the women registered on this website will be somewhat biased towards selecting their own ring (i.e., someone who didn''t care as much about what the ring looked like wouldn''t have even registered to begin with)? I''m also thinking about the same issue.... placeholder or best guess and haven''t made up my mind yet!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/2/2009 11:25:31 PM
Author:wooz
Hello everyone..


I can''t believe the amount of time I''ve spent on these forums and how much I know about diamonds now... haha... still a novice, but I feel like I have enough knowledge to make a decent decision (along with the help of PSers).


I''m going to propose to my gf but I don''t know what shape or setting she would love. She is very fashion-forward and trendy.


So, here''s my first of many questions:


What are your thoughts on finding a jeweler that has a lenient exchange policy and doing one of the following for the proposal:

1) Make a ''best guess'' effort in shape+setting (leaning towards a cushion with micropave halo and sidestones)

2) Propose with a ''typical'' round in a solitaire

3) Propose with a ringpop and then take her to the jeweler

4) [insert great suggestion here]


With any of the options, I''d let her know that she can trade it in for something she prefers...


Thanks!

I would get a h&a round and put it in the cheapest stock setting you can find... and let her design her own ring around it OR trade in her round for another shape. I wouldn''t propose with a "typical" round lol - they''re kinda meh ;D


give her a sparkly to wear until SHE figures out what the heck she wants lol

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/3/2009 5:32:22 PM
Author: wooz
Thanks for the replies... I like the idea of getting a nice diamond in a placeholder setting... but... what if i choose the wrong shape... or if i sacrifice size for the other C's and she'd rather have it the other way.... booooooooo haha... this is tough

just get a round, it's classic and screams I'm engaged - but get it somewhere you can trade it back in for another shape with the understanding that you'll design the ring with her through the people you get the diamond from - whiteflash may be able to do that.

One reason is it is relatively easy to get a super high quality round... the details are fairly simple and well understood. Cushions have an endless supply of crazy options so KISS

 

[nkarma]

Did this about a month ago. I am the gf and we discussed that I was too picky and he had no clue so he would propose with a place holder. He did with a beautiful diamond eternity band. The big thing I did not expect is that everyone asks to see the ring once you are engaged and because it is a diamond band, they expect it to be the engagement ring. I have a hard time explaining that we are getting another ring and why. Ergo, I vote ring pop or one of those plastic spider rings at halloween or my other friend proposed with a light up hello kitty ring and then they designed it together. I think a joke ring would help with the whole that isn''t your real ring thing.

 

[wooz]

Date: 11/3/2009 10:07:36 PM
Author: nkarma
Did this about a month ago. I am the gf and we discussed that I was too picky and he had no clue so he would propose with a place holder. He did with a beautiful diamond eternity band. The big thing I did not expect is that everyone asks to see the ring once you are engaged and because it is a diamond band, they expect it to be the engagement ring. I have a hard time explaining that we are getting another ring and why. Ergo, I vote ring pop or one of those plastic spider rings at halloween or my other friend proposed with a light up hello kitty ring and then they designed it together. I think a joke ring would help with the whole that isn''t your real ring thing.

Just when I was about to post that I''m ready to go with a round H&A.... I read your post... haha... and it makes sense, too.