Home Best age to have your first baby...

[ilovethiswebsite]

I was curious what you ladies thought was best age is to have your first child and why.

What age do you think is too old and why?

Do you have any regrets re. the timing of when you had your first?

Thanks!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Seriously? I don''t think there is a right answer to this question. I think the best *time* to have a child is when you are settled and feel ready. Having a child changes everything and though you can never have enough money, having insurance and a small next egg is important. Also I think you need to be in a good place in your marriage. A child will not fix any problems. If anything a baby will probably magnify them.

 

[janinegirly]

I think this was debated before and we all came up with the perfect age being 32. LOL. Basically enough time to have lived a full life, travelled, dated, started a career and have some stability in terms of finances. And also leaves you some years for #2.

But all in all, you cannot plan these things and sometimes things happen as they should and everyone is different.
Things also vary by region, cities vs. more rural areas. I had my LO later than ideal, but it sitll worked out great. In terms of too old, I guess 40, but more practically 35 is the age to really start moving. Having said that I have friends who had their first at 42 this year, and while I was surprised, it did work out greatl for them too with no complications.

 

[noelwr]

health-wise, I think in your early 20s, but either couples are still getting to know each other and should enjoy their time just the two of them or they are not financially ready yet. so that is why I voted 25-30.

we didn''t start TTC til I was 30, and though I wouldn''t change it because we had 8 great years just the two of us and we didn''t get married until last year, physically I wouldn''t mind still being in my 20s and having to worry less about all the risks that increase as you get older.

 

[TravelingGal]

We had an interesting thread awhile back when I asked the older moms if they would have had their kids 10 years earlier. I think it was pretty unanimous that most would not. However I think nearly everyone said they wouldn''t mind doing it 2-3 years earlier. Hence, I think we all came up with the "magic" age of 32 to have your first child. This is from the perspective of older moms, of course. I think the 20 somethings who had their first would disagree.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I always thought the perfect age would be 28, especially since I''d been with DH for so long (plenty of time to enjoy ourselves as a couple). Now I''m 29 and would really like to wait at least another 6 months before trying. The problem is that I am really enjoying my life right now and don''t want for it to change, haha. So now 30 is sounding better and better...

 

[sbde]

i voted 25-30.

i had my son @ 31, but honestly, we were settled and financially secure around 28-29 and i really do wish i had my baby around that time. physically it would have been easier, and i wouldn''t have had worries about spacing future children in order to be done with pregnancies before turning 35.

 

[KimberlyH]

i gave birth at 32, i wish i were a bit younger, in part because we want one more, my husband is 9 yrs older than me and i want to be done by 35, which doesn''t give us much wiggle room.

i think it''s too personal a decision for there to be a right answer, but i do think there is such a hing as too old and to young.

 

[pennquaker09]

I don''t know if my opinion counts, but I voted 25 - 30. I don''t know if that makes me a hypocrite because the twins came when I was 23. I''m one of those that wanted kids at a younger age, but at 23 I think I had the maturity and mindset of a 30 year old.

I voted 25 - 30 because I think most couples are wanting to wait these days. Of my college friends, I''m the only one with kids. But I think that might be because they''re all in grad/professional school and a few of them haven''t been married very long.

 

[Laila619]

I would have loved to have 2 or 3 kids by the time I turn 30, but I didn''t even get married until 27.5 so that won''t happen. I got preg with my first at almost 29, and will deliver at 29.5 years old.

I think it''s easiest on the body to have kids in the early to mid twenties.

 

[Mara]

mentally of course it depends on when you are ready...in the right situation, etc etc.

but from a physical perspective, i voted 25-30. the reason is i had my baby at 35 and my body is way older and creakier now. weird random pains, long recovery, harder to get the weight off, etc. i know i had it easier than a lot of people but i think physically younger would have been better--my body could have taken it better.

there are always pros and cons for EVERY situation in my opinion. younger is better because of ABCD. older is better because of EFGHI. etc.

but i voted 25-30.

 

[E B]

It depends on the couple, of course, but ''generally,'' I''d say 25-30.

I was almost 26 when I gave birth to my son, and I hope to be ~28 (my husband 29) for the second.

 

[Loves Vintage]

36 is the best age to have one's first child.

In my 36 year-old-and-pregnant-and-very-cranky-today opinion.

 

[Shoopy]

Seems like I'm in the minority

.

I got pregnant at 26.5 and had DD at 27. She was a "surprise." Originally I wanted to wait until we were debt free, had a house, and I was in a management position in my company which would have been in my 30s. That was the ideal age range for me.

I think the 'best' age really is when you are ready physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.

 

[MustangGal]

It is very dependent on each couple''s situation, but in a general way I say 25-30 would be best. It also depends on how many kids you want. I got preggo at 28, delivered at 29. We had 7 married years baby free, and I think those years were vital in establishing a stong relationship as a couple to help us survive the changes of parenthood. If we have another we want them to be around 3 years apart, which would leave me done with babies well before the magic 35.

On the way older side of things I have an employee that just had her first babies (twins) at 42. Her spouse is 68

.

 

[PinkTower]

I voted 25 to 30 for the first. We did that, and I like that you still have time to space your children if you want. We had our first when I was 29 so there was time to wait and decide to have a second when I was 38.

 

[icekid]

When you''re financially, emotionally, life-experience, and relationship ready????? I mean really, there is obviously no great answer to this question. In general, before 35 is best because after that it can be more difficult and the risks are higher for a child with problems. But still, that does not mean you should have kids before you''re ready either.

I''ll be 29.5 when our first is born.

 

[ChinaCat]

Totally different for everyone.

However, generally speaking, I think 28-32 is probably best.

For ME, I actually would have waited a few more years if I wasn't worried about health (of baby and momma). In a perfect world, I would have wanted to wait until I was 36-38. But I also recognize I might have had more if I had started earlier. I think it was imperative for me to have the experiences I had in my 20's and early 30's first. I also am so glad that DH and I were financially secure before we had our DS.


ETA: DH and I were only married for 1.5 years before I got preggo, so that's part of why I say I would have wanted more time. Ideally I would have liked 5 years of married life together before kiddos. So maybe if we had gotten married younger I might feel differently. But I probably wouldn't have married him when I was younger, so there you go.

Oh and I was 34 when I got preggo and had my son at 35. No issues, no complications and I loved being pregnant.

 

[lyra]

Speaking from the other end of the spectrum, having my kids at 25-30 (actually 25 and 2 was ideal for lots of reasons. I had energy that I didn''t have so much of after age 30. Both kids will be done college and on their own while I''m still relatively young and able to do what I want with the rest of my life (eg. housing, lifestyle changes). I won''t be too old when we have grandchildren. Financially, we just made it work. You can wait forever for it to be "right" financially, or you can just wing it and adjust. My health declined after age 30, in ways that were unforseeable. It''s different for everyone, but those were my particular situations. I can see my daughters waiting a bit longer simply because they are not yet in permanent relationships. My oldest will be 23 this year.

 

[Sha]

I think age 28 is ideal. It's enough time to have built your career a bit, lived independently and pursued some interests, while still having the benefit of a youthful body and time to have a few years between children, if desired.

Starting younger gives you more time to work with if there are fertility issues on one or both sides. Oftentimes a couple doesn't find this out until they start to TTC.

I always said I wanted my first child before age 30, but hubby and I didn't get married till I was 31. I got pregnant at 32 and delivered at age 33. I'm turning 34 this week and would like to start trying again soon (hubs is already 42). Sometimes I wish I didn't feel the pressure of our ages. On the other hand - I had a very easy pregnancy at 33 years old. Waiting till I was older hellped too as I was more settled in my career, and had just completed my Masters degree.

 

[Bliss]

I voted 25-30 for optimal age. It's such a toss up. I wish we could have had kids that early for biological reasons, because I'm sure my eggs were super fresh! But we both had a lot going on in our careers and are now in a great place financially for a kid. I know a lot of couples fight when there are money issues so I wanted to have a big cushion/feeling of plenty for when the little one was born. The last thing I wanted was to ever worry about money with a child, so I guess 33 was a good age for us to TTC. But I do wish we had started earlier anyway; we want two. And I'm not sure if I'd be up for a second after 35. Would I be ready to try again with a toddler? Hmmmm...

I'm also sure that recovering from a birth won't be as easy for me as it would be for a 25 year old. Then again, I'm in better shape now than I was then. Still... I do wish I had been a younger mom. Living in NY, one feels that having a baby in one's early thirties is perfectly normal. But it's not really normal for people other parts of the country! And look how far we've come in terms of how old moms are these days. When I was in junior high, my friend's mom had a surprise pregnancy at the age of 35. I remember everyone being very shocked and worried because it was a high risk pregnancy due to her "advanced maternal age." Now when I think of that, I laugh and laugh!

How different things are today! I think that's a good thing, though. More mature moms = happier moms. We've done, seen, conquered and are self aware. But who knows, some 25-year-olds are way more mature than I am.

I just know I wouldn't have any regrets devoting my life to my baby because I've done everything I've wanted to do in my career. That last inch is just icing, so I feel like I'm truly ready to dedicate my life to my family now with no regrets. I think age and experience help with feeling this way. Who knows - if I'd been 25, maybe I would have had to sacrifice a lot more and had more "what ifs" about my life goals. Ahhhh, one never knows. Younger, older...as long as you have love in your heart and a stable marriage, I think a baby is a blessing no matter what.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Ditto to Bliss, I couldn''t have said it better if I tried

Bella-who got married in October 2009, turns 32 in 2 weeks, and is TTC for #1

 

[qtiekiki]

I also voted for 25-30. As everyone had said, it depends on the situation. I had my first at 28.5 and second at 30. We were financially stable (not debt-free because we have the mortgage and car loans, but no credit card debts or school loans), and had been married for a couple year. It just felt right for us.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I would have liked to give birth with the body of a 20 year old and the mind of a 30 year old

My biggest shocker was the physical horror that is post partum. In our ancestors time, 31 would have been anciet to have a baby and I think there is something to that. I bet if I had my son at 19 I would have been up and bouncing around the next day! Instead it was 6 months before I felt back to my old self.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Actually, I would like to do everything with the body of a 20 year old

 

[Haven]

I didn''t vote in the poll because I think this is such a personal question that, as everyone else seems to have said, there just isn''t a right answer.

When I was younger and didn''t know as much as I know now, I always thought 27 sounded like the right age to have my first child.

Turns out, when DH and I met, he was 34 and I was 23. We married when I was 27. I''m 29 now and we''re just not ready to have kids yet. If I had to guess, I''d say we''ll start TTC in two summers when Im 31, but who knows? We might feel suddenly ready in a couple months and start trying then.

For us, the right time will be when we are ready to give everything we have to a child and to put his needs before our own. Until then, we''re waiting.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/24/2010 8:18:53 PM
Author: Haven
IFor us, the right time will be when we are ready to give everything we have to a child and to put his needs before our own. Until then, we''re waiting.

You don''t have to do this to be a good parent I think

Actually, I think you will be a better parent if your own needs are fulfilled. If I waited for that I would never have any kids

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I think it really does depend on your situation. I always thought I would have kids by my late 20''s. My I didn''t even meet FI until 28, and I will be 31 when we get married. We live 2.5 hours away right now and having a kid would be hard, not only that, I really want to go to Europe before I have kids.

So we are planning a trip to Europe in a year from now and will TTC after that, so I will be 32, and I am ok with that. It gave me some time to get my career established, and now I am starting to take on a few community projects on top of work and am glad I feel that I have time for all of that.

 

[charbie]

I don''t think I''m qualified to answer the poll, but ill go ahead anyway. I''m 26, DH will be 29 in a month, and we are super excited for kids. I know there will never be the perfect time, but it appears for us that most ideal to start will be end of this year/beginning of next. Ill then be 27 when kid pops out opefully, and #= will be just over 30. My parents had my older sister at 24 (mom) and 28 (dad) and popped out 2 more of us within 4 yrs. I think they were at a great age growing up! And I want to be a bit younger so that we can do a lot after the kids flee the house.

ETA: I don''t think the OP meant that everyone fits in a mold and ther is a perfect time. I think she wanted to gather thoughts. If I wasn''t married until 35 and had no stability, clearly id start thinking of TTC at another time. It just seems like late 20''s will give me the chance to be finished with my education, ready to start my real career, and also allow me to have an optimal time to grow into a position before taking maternity leave.

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/24/2010 8:21:35 PM
Author: dreamer_d

Date: 6/24/2010 8:18:53 PM
Author: Haven
For us, the right time will be when we are ready to give everything we have to a child and to put his needs before our own. Until then, we''re waiting.

You don''t have to do this to be a good parent I think

Actually, I think you will be a better parent if your own needs are fulfilled. If I waited for that I would never have any kids

I understand what you''re saying. We''re the type to only do something if we''re ready and willing to do it the best way we possibly can. I know that everyone has different opinions about what is best for everything, including how to raise children.

No need to worry about me depriving myself, though. That''s never been a problem! What I meant by my post above is that we''re going to have children when we''re ready to make them our first priority. We''re not ready to do that just yet.