Being a brat… VENT!

[antiquesparkler]

So, as most of you know my boyfriend and I have been working on fixing up my grandmother’s ring to use as my engagement ring. We ended up having it reset a week or so ago because the original setting was struggling… always looked tarnished…melee falling out… grrr! So we opted to get a new setting altogether. I was so excited when I got it back, so before giving it to my bf; I took some pictures and sent them to my best girlfriend. She said she loved them and proceeded to tell me that it didn’t look as big as she thought it would and that the double prongs made it look too busy. I mean that’s very honest of her but… Um, What?!? That isn’t something you say about your friend’s soon-to-be engagement ring!
I brushed it off and we emailed back and forth for a while about diamonds. She asked the carat weight, the value, and all kinds of super uncomfortable questions. I told her that it was an OEC and the carat weight and left it at that. She asked all kinds of details about when we were thinking of getting married and I told her summer 2014 was the plan.
Fast forward 2 days… She emails me again saying that she and her boyfriend were looking at rings at the mall the other day. They have been together for about 8 months- they actually lived with us for 5 of those months in the beginning. She was really wanting a full carat so I forwarded her the link to James Allen and suggested buying online so that she could hopefully point her boyfriend in the right direction when it was time.
Well I get a text saying they got engaged on Friday night… their wedding will be… guess when?! Summer 2014. Ugh. So I sent my congrats via text and then immediately received a picture of a nice half carat princess cut diamond solitaire ring stating that her fiancé said she could get an upgrade soon. WHAT?!
I am being a brat. Obviously we won’t be the only ones to get married in summer 2014. I am a slight bit jealous of engagement as well. I can’t help but feel grumpy about the whole thing. We have a lot of the same friends so somehow now I feel like we can’t get engaged for a while and the last thing I want to do is steal her thunder. I also really feel bad for her fiancé. They get engaged and 10 minutes later she is talking upgrades?! OMG. Okay. Rant over.
Thanks for listening.

Are you ladies dealing with anything like this?

 

[Enerchi]

ouch - that's pretty crappy on her part - obviously she knew what was up and was sort of feeling out the situation with you and your BF. But--- she doesn't "own" summer of 2014!! Too bad - get engaged! Make a super huge big deal about it - enjoy - this will be YOUR time to shine too!!!

Sounds like a frenemy to me. Best to keep your distance on this one. There's something going on from her end --- competition with you??

 

[LJL]

1. Try to ignore her bc shes crazy and moderately rude.
2. Get engaged whenever the h3ll you want to! ... I never understand this point unless you are worried ppl wont pay attention to YOU. Who cares if you steal that b!tch's thunder when she pointedly and preemptively stole yours?
3. No, I havent really dealt with it bc I dont have many friends - particularly, I think that life is too short to have jealous, snotty friends

4. I hope you put this crazy person out of your mind and try to enjoy your new ring - Im sure its gorg - we would all love to see millions of pics!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Enerchi,
That’s just it! She was my best friend for the last 5 years. Ugh! Why is it that engagements/Weddings bring out everyone’s true colors? It does feel like a competition… that I want no part of. So I think I will go ahead and keep my distance. She can find out about my engagement via FB. Lol!

LJL,
I will try hard to ignore her. I am not sure why I am worried- I guess I don’t want people to think that we are getting engaged just because they did (but who does that?!)… I have no idea! I agree with your friend theory. This sounds bad but I have really been weeding out my high school “friends” that aren’t true friends and now I have just a few gfs from college and work… and then the bride-to-be. Quality over quantity.
I will enjoy my new ring went it’s on my finger! Till then, its torture. But I will post some eye candy as soon as I have a few good pics. Hopefully tonight!

 

[madelise]

ouch - that's pretty crappy on her part - obviously she knew what was up and was sort of feeling out the situation with you and your BF. But--- she doesn't "own" summer of 2014!! Too bad - get engaged! Make a super huge big deal about it - enjoy - this will be YOUR time to shine too!!!

Sounds like a frenemy to me. Best to keep your distance on this one. There's something going on from her end --- competition with you??

Def a frenemy. It's easier to just let go of those people, regardless of how many years of "history" you have. History is no reason to excuse such shitty behavior.

Get engaged. Your timeline should have nothing to do with her's. Her being excessive in wants is ridiculous. She and her SO had to live with you for 5 months to get by, JUST 3 MONTHS AGO, and now she's immediately planning a diamond upgrade? What, are they planning to shack up at your house again for another year just to save up for the upgrade?

 

[decodelighted]

Oh the twenties. The decade when folks realize half of their friends are assh*les.

 

[pandabee]

you're not being a brat. she is definitely not someone you want on your corner! everyone else here has good advice...keep your distance from her and don't plan your life around her! hopefully you will also have your ring firmly on your finger and won't need to worry about her plans or what she does or thinks.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Madelise- Agreed. Boooo. I am just bummed. There will be no more shacking up… their fights were awkward enough for 5 months. NO MORE.

Decodelighted, True story. I am 26. Just figuring it out.

Pandabee- Thanks dear! She can plan her wedding for whatever day she wants in Summer 2014… last I counted I have 15 other weekends to pick from.

Thanks ladies- you are all the best! I am trying not to let this get to me too much but she badmouthed my new sparkly!

 

[madelise]

Madelise- Agreed. Boooo. I am just bummed. There will be no more shacking up… their fights were awkward enough for 5 months. NO MORE.

Decodelighted, True story. I am 26. Just figuring it out.

Pandabee- Thanks dear! She can plan her wedding for whatever day she wants in Summer 2014… last I counted I have 15 other weekends to pick from.

Thanks ladies- you are all the best! I am trying not to let this get to me too much but she badmouthed my new sparkly!

Oh, lol. This just gets better and better!

 

[decodelighted]

but she badmouthed my new sparkly!

Text her back re: the picture of her ring & say "Something about yr. ring is bugging me -- the prongs maybe? Nah - probably the size. Sure you'll sort that out asap. XXOO"



And, yeah, I can be an a-hole too ... in my mid-40s. (But of course I'm kidding about sending it. THINKING of sending it & chuckling is just good for the soul. )

 

[madelise]

but she badmouthed my new sparkly!

Text her back re: the picture of her ring & say "Something about yr. ring is bugging me -- the prongs maybe? Nah - probably the size. Sure you'll sort that out asap. XXOO"



And, yeah, I can be an a-hole too ... in my mid-40s. (But of course I'm kidding about sending it. THINKING of sending it & chuckling is just good for the soul. )

 

[antiquesparkler]

but she badmouthed my new sparkly!

Text her back re: the picture of her ring & say "Something about yr. ring is bugging me -- the prongs maybe? Nah - probably the size. Sure you'll sort that out asap. XXOO"



And, yeah, I can be an a-hole too ... in my mid-40s. (But of course I'm kidding about sending it. THINKING of sending it & chuckling is just good for the soul. )

OMG! I Love it! Can't send it... but I can think it.

 

[madelise]

so….. any new photos of your lovely ring?? you can't just tease us with telling us about it! c'mon! that's torture.

 

[antiquesparkler]

so….. any new photos of your lovely ring?? you can't just tease us with telling us about it! c'mon! that's torture.

I am really terrible at taking pictures of it. I am hoping to get some good pictures after work tonight. Promise.

 

[audball]

All the other ladies have chimed in with good advice. We have a thread going on with discussions of if it's appropriate to get engaged soon after some else. The general consensus was: don't change your plans and timelines on account of someone else.

Get engaged. Love your ring. Screw your "friend". Perhaps you wait for her to set her date and suddenly decide that SPRING 2014 would be better

And yes! Share some pics!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Hopefully this works... I will take more tonight.

 

[audball]

Oooh! It's pretty! And the stone doesn't look small!

 

[antiquesparkler]

More! They aren't great... but hopefully that will satisfy all of you for a bit...

 

[vinjewels]

Love your ring! All of my exact thoughts have already been posted. She sounds a bit insecure, and insecure people tend to overcompensate (ahem, not caring how tacky they come across) and be a little competitive (not caring if the other person even gives notice).
Make sure YOUR engagement, wedding, etc. is about you and your SO. You do that, it won't matter where or when. Enjoy it! You have a real beauty there. Best wishes!

 

[Autumnovember]

Ooooh wow.

Actually, I don't think you're being a brat at all.

That doesn't sound like a REAL friend. Real friends know when to be honest and when to keep their mouths shut about certain things.


I am sorry to hear about her wedding timeline. Are you sure they'll even make it to 2014? Sounds like she's got a serious competition going on in her mind but really, the competition is only with herself.

Continue to do the things you've been doing in terms of your wedding and your timeline. DO NOT let it hinder anything for you.

Stuff like this happens, unfortunately. A very good friend of mine is getting married in November of this year. She picked the date out last July and 2 weeks later a "friend" of hers told her that she was going to have her wedding a week before my friends. To make it even worse, both girls have the SAME large group of friends. End result? This "friend" has gotten many RSVP's with "no's" as a result of her bad and tasteless behavior.

You will be on cloud nine when you get engaged, I promise and its actually gonna feel THAT much better BECAUSE you weren't first. Might not make much sense now but I guarantee it will after you get engaged

P.S. what a BEAUTIFUL ring!!!!!!!!!!! Your friend is nuts, for real.

Deco - you got that right, damn. When does it end?

 

[antiquesparkler]

VinJewels, You are so sweet. Thank you for your kind words and for helping me feel better.

Autumn, Wow! See? Everyone’s true colors come out when it comes to this stuff! This is evil but I am so glad people are RSVPing no to the thunder-stealer. What a B$%*&. I can’t wait to be engaged. I am hoping this will not have any effect on boyfriend’s plans but he really hates stepping on toes and such so I am afraid I may have to wait a little longer. I know it will be worth it!
Thank you for your kind words too! I love it!
Spring of 2014 is looking better and better. Oh, and I honestly have no idea if they will make it that far. There are some relationship issues there but now I really will sound like a brat. Let’s just say there was a lot of immature fighting while they lived with us. The thing that really gets me is that she always wanted a winter wedding…
Oh well…

I am going to try and casually bring it up to boyfriend tonight. I just want to get a feel for what he is thinking.

Update: She texted me and asked about going out for a drink this week... Got anything good, Deco?

 

[Enerchi]

Thanks ladies- you are all the best! I am trying not to let this get to me too much but she badmouthed my new sparkly!

wah - HUT????? Seriously, this chick is a jerk looking for a place to dump on! Do NOT be the person to let her walk all over you - no way! I guess I must have skimmed over that part about criticizing in the first post - sorry - but holy CRAP she is NOT your friend!

I know you want to be the bigger person and be sensitive to her and kind, etcetera, but this is the kind of frenemy that will take advantage of you and will create some drama and spin it her way, not the truth. She's going to compete with you, whether you engage in it or not! LEt her - that's her game not yours. You just go about your wonderful engagement and wedding planning and let her fall flat on her face. She will, too. Friends who are real friends, can see thru someone else's BS.

 

[Enerchi]

WHOA! Made it to the end of the thread and saw your ring ---- LOVE IT!!! WOW!!! ITs beautiful!! Who would not love your diamond and setting??? Its amazing on your hand - congratulations and hope you have a FANTASTIC spring 2014 wedding !! Yeah, spring 2014! Cinco de Mayo!!! What the heck - beat her at her game! (I'm with Deco, even at 50+, there can be a sneaky side to me!)

 

[decodelighted]

Update: She texted me and asked about going out for a drink this week... Got anything good, Deco?

How 'bout a pre-drink solo trip to Target where you buy yourself the biggest, flashiest fakie e-ring you can find & wear it on "that" finger. No comment at all. If she asks you if you're engaged or if that's your ring ... act startled, stash it in your purse & say "Oops - no one's supposed to know!" THEN WINK.

 

[Enerchi]

Update: She texted me and asked about going out for a drink this week... Got anything good, Deco?

How 'bout a pre-drink solo trip to Target where you buy yourself the biggest, flashiest fakie e-ring you can find & wear it on "that" finger. No comment at all. If she asks you if you're engaged or if that's your ring ... act startled, stash it in your purse & say "Oops - no one's supposed to know!" THEN WINK.

ooooh, Deco!!! You are one CRAFTY lady!! I am impressed with your skills and talents!

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

holy mother of bling, that's a gorgeous ring!!!

and in terms of everything else, i don't think you're being a brat, because i think what your "best" friend did was not a very best friend thing to do. it's one thing if your best friend was on her own timeline to get engaged at this time, regardless of yours, but it sounds like she was jumping the gun with her boyfriend after hearing about your ring. i agree with everyone here, focus on yourself, your relationship, and what you have moving forward... all of that will make your engagement so much sweeter and more memorable. even if you don't get all the attention in the world, i believe engagement to be a special event between two people in love, and if there are other people to help celebrate that occasion, it's all the more sweet. and those who will celebrate with you are the ones who matter most in your lives.

being aware of what kind of person she is now will help carry yourself appropriately in your future interactions with her. i would definitely tread carefully, as she does seem a little manipulative.

 

[daintyG]

Sorry your friend is being so rude. You have a lot to be excited about and I bet you probably are! That ring is so, so gorgeous. I love the detail.

 

[madelise]

What a beautiful ring! Your friend is smoking something. I don't think the prongs take away from the diamond at all! The diamond is beautiful, and so is it's new home! I love how you sticked with an antique-y ring

 

[katiefofatey]

Girls can be nasty, I'm so sorry your friend is being so horrible. On the plus side, at least you saw this side to her before the question of bridesmaids comes up! It would be so much worse to have to deal with a competitive bridesmaid.

I would say to just distance yourself til this has blown over, but sadly, this type usually get competitive over everything - wedding, children, homes - you can never win. And most of the time you end up feeling spiteful and less stoked about your own (amazing) situation.

Your ring is gorgeous. And you wont need an upgrade. I think it's horrible that she felt that she needs to sidenote her engagement ring with "I'm going to get an upgrade soon".

 

[antiquesparkler]

Enerchi, I know, I have to let it go. I am learning to do that. The good news is boyfriend is not phased by this and I should have a proposal in the next 6 months. I think I will keep my distance for a while and let her be competitive with me from afar. Thank you for your kind words- I love the ring too and it means so much to me.
Deco, I love it!!! OMG! I wish I had the guts to do that!
I think I will pass on the drink for now. Maybe when I am engaged we can go have a celebratory drink and our rings can come too…
Sweetpea, Thank you! I love it as well! (Sorry the pictures suck!) I have no idea if they had their own timeline or not but something about our conversation and the timing makes me really wonder. Aside from that, I totally agree with you. This will be a really amazing time in OUR lives. I am really all about the private proposal and the meaning behind the ring- I would take a twisty tie if it meant I could spend my life with my guy. I will definitely be treading lightly from here on out.
Dainty, With all of you wonderful ladies help, I am feeling much better about the situation. Thank you!!
Madelise, Thank you!! I really wanted something very antique-y. I felt bad enough taking it from its original home!
Katie, Oh lawwwd. I forgot about the bridesmaid issue until now… ugh. I will have to cross that bridge when it comes I guess. That’s true, this will carry on into other parts of our lives.
No, I will NOT be upgrading. I think it’s really sad as well and I actually feel terrible for her fiancé. I wonder how many people she is saying that to?
Thank you ladies!!