Bar/Bat Mitzvah Gifts?

[alli_esq]

Hi, everyone! I know there are a lot of etiquette experts here, so I was wondering if I might get a consensus on how much money you generally would give for a bar or bat mitzvah...I have two coming up:

1. one is in NY (I live in NY) for my first cousin''s son...both my FI and are going, and it''s a formal affair. I haven''t seen or spoken to this family in almost 4 years.
2. the other is in Atlanta, for my other first cousin''s daughter (my first cousins are siblings) ...only I am going, and there will be a kids'' climbing party after (no formal reception). Although I haven''t seen this part of my family, I speak to my cousin with some regularity.

I''m superrrr broke (like, having trouble making rent)...but I don''t want to seem cheap. Help!

Thanks in advance

 

[Haven]

Cash is king around here for Bnai Mitzvah, but I know that really varies with region and social circles. When I was 13 we all gave each other $18 checks, 18 (chai) is an important number in the Jewish religion. You could always do that, or if you have it, you could give a multiple of $18, which is what I now do as an adult.

If I''m close with the family I call the parents and ask if I can buy their child a meaningful Jewish gift, such as shabbat candlesticks or a tallit, but then it''s getting pricey.

My guess is that cash is an acceptable gift in New York, and if all you can afford is $18, then do not be ashamed of that.

 

[Regular Guy]

We've just had our son's, have been invited to a number, and have invited cousins from a distance, who could not come.

For cousins from a distance, I recall $50 being a common gift to us. We had both a reception after, and a kids-ish party the next day, to which we did invite away relatives.

Many multiples of $18 (meaning 18 or some multiple, both) were received.

When we are invited, there is a sizing up of whether it is our son, or our family who is invited, and how many things involved.

Also, common when I became a Bar Mitzvah...but seemingly almost unheard of now...we're always giving bonds...typically a $50 bond, costing $25, sometimes $100 costing $50. In one recent conversation from a parent we gave this, the mother did express real appreciation, and she said she'd be doing this now, too. Separately, another friend who I suggested this to, also going to a Bar Mitzvah, thought to get an Israeli bond, though these start at $100, and ...sorry (maybe not the point) don't seem to pay as well.

Regards,

 

[neatfreak]

You need to give what you can afford, not what is "expected". I also agree that $18 or a multiple of $18 makes sense.