Bad day, wedding plans are really getting to me.

[Cupcake*Muffin]

Today was really just the tipping point for me. First I find out the extra source of income that I had for the wedding fell through. With saving for the wedding and property taxes I literally have 0 money to live on per month. Any time I spend money it gives me anxiety. I don''t know how long I can make it...I''m living paycheck to paycheck right now and the wedding is still a bit over 6.5 months. Both my FI and I are paying for everything ourselves and we are strapped trying to do it all. We''ve cut everything we can cut. FI is also strapped, he is going to grad school and he pays for alot of our living expenses like groceries because I do not have any spending money.

Then I find out our wedding bands that we wanted is around $7500, our credit with the jeweler after selling my ring on consignment is $2200. LAter on in the day, I get an email from my MOH saying that she does not want to have my bachelorette/shower on Memorial weekend even though I explained to her I can''t take any extra days off with the wedding week (destination wedding so taking the week off) and the honeymoon next year. I also have friends coming from out of town that weekend and explained that I didn''t want people to have to take extra days off when they are already taking days off for the actual wedding. She said that she wanted to spend Memorial Day weekend with her boyfriend and his family and asked that I pick another weekend. I don''t want to have to ask people to make an extra trip up to Chicago. I feel like not having either at this point.

Basically, I am strapped and exhausted. I feel I''ve been pretty easy going since it''s a beach wedding but the MOH thing really hurt my feelings. I am also struggling with saving for the wedding to the point were I feel panic that we won''t be able to save enough and I won''t be able to live if we keep saving. My FI and FILs have been really amazing with helping withe planning and FILs have contributed monetarily as well. But at the end of the day, it''s alot of money for people that have student loans and credit card debit. We want to get out of debit so we can have a family. We do not want to add to the debit with the wedding. We have been paying everything in cash.

I just feel overwhelmed. I haven''t drank in over two months, tonight I''m having two drinks. I don''t know how to make it all better. I''m looking for a second job -- but nothing so far. Just feeling a bit lost and sad. Can''t stop crying. Anyways, just wanted to put this out there so maybe someone can relate or relate any words of wisdom. Thanks.

 

[Miya03]

So sorry you''re having a bad day!!! It''s especially hard when the people around you who are supposed to be supporting you aren''t helping the situation at all!

Also--does it have to be the middle of Memorial day weekend? I don''t know your MOH''s situation or that of your OOT friends, but maybe having a party on Saturday or Monday would be ok with everyone''s schedule. (While it may be the only time that you want to do it, you do have to recognize that it is also a 3 day weekend and like it or not, people tend to be selfish about their vacation time.)

Barring that, I would tell your MOH that you are really sorry, but that Memorial day is really your only option, and that you really want her there....BUT if she wants to spend time with her boyfriend, you''ll totally understand her decision to miss the party. I''m sure that another BM or your friends coming in from out of town would be more than happy to help throw you a party if the MOH can''t make it. She will probably be peeved, but if she''s really your friend she should understand. Tell her you''d love to have a girls night out with her when she comes back in town instead if it''ll help ease tensions.

Anyway, hope this helps!!

 

[lulu66]

Date: 11/24/2009 12:58:12 AM
Author: Miya03


Barring that, I would tell your MOH that you are really sorry, but that Memorial day is really your only option, and that you really want her there....BUT if she wants to spend time with her boyfriend, you''ll totally understand her decision to miss the party. I''m sure that another BM or your friends coming in from out of town would be more than happy to help throw you a party if the MOH can''t make it. She will probably be peeved, but if she''s really your friend she should understand. Tell her you''d love to have a girls night out with her when she comes back in town instead if it''ll help ease tensions.


Anyway, hope this helps!!

+1 i ditto miya''s advice! but i just wanted to send some good vibes your way!!

 

[davidbest]

Wow it looks like you are having a really bad time - every sorry to hear that. Can''t believe your MOH would do something like that, she''s suppose to fall in with your plans because she agreed to be the MOH and that''s her responsibility!

I really hope things work out for you. Don''t give up. For every problem there''s a solution. Just sit down and brainstorm with a few people. Maybe there''s ways where you can cut some costs or bargain for better prices. I know of people that''s got amazingly cheap prices just by bargaining a little bit.

 

[Cupcake*Muffin]

Date: 11/24/2009 12:58:12 AM
Author: Miya03
So sorry you''re having a bad day!!! It''s especially hard when the people around you who are supposed to be supporting you aren''t helping the situation at all!

Also--does it have to be the middle of Memorial day weekend? I don''t know your MOH''s situation or that of your OOT friends, but maybe having a party on Saturday or Monday would be ok with everyone''s schedule. (While it may be the only time that you want to do it, you do have to recognize that it is also a 3 day weekend and like it or not, people tend to be selfish about their vacation time.)

Barring that, I would tell your MOH that you are really sorry, but that Memorial day is really your only option, and that you really want her there....BUT if she wants to spend time with her boyfriend, you''ll totally understand her decision to miss the party. I''m sure that another BM or your friends coming in from out of town would be more than happy to help throw you a party if the MOH can''t make it. She will probably be peeved, but if she''s really your friend she should understand. Tell her you''d love to have a girls night out with her when she comes back in town instead if it''ll help ease tensions.

Anyway, hope this helps!!

It doesn''t have to be middle of Memorial day weekend, however, she wanted to combine the shower so we had talked about a 3 day weekend deal. There are people flying out from South Carolina, I live in Chicago, and I didn''t want them to have to fly back up here again when they would be here Memorial Day weekend. I also have people flying in from Kansas City (where I am originally from) and didn''t want everyone to do it twice. It is the only option for me because of the fact that I am using my entire years worth of vacation time for the wedding week on Edisto Island and the honeymoon week. So I don''t have a 3 days weekend some other time before the wedding. And I run mulitple departments at my job so taking so many days off is already hard, I don''t even want to know about how hard it''s going to be to add another day onto next years requested days off.

I don''t want her to chose between going to the lake with her boyfriend or the bachelorette, so I think I might cancel it all together. I''ve been married before and the last time the bachelorette was the same situation and in the end I just felt bad about the whole thing so it might not be worth it. I will probably be too stressed out anyways and to have to deal with grumpy bridal party people probably won''t help matters. Last time I had to plan it all out and everyone was out of the country, it ended up just being a hot mess with me really stressed over it and getting no help. Just wished this time it would be different. I guess I will just see everyone at the wedding.

As for the money situation, I guess I will just have to keep looking for ways to earn extra money and hopefully we make to June. Thanks for listening, I know I don''t post all that often.

 

[blackbetty]

Go with a cheaper wedding band! There''s no reason to go above your budget there, especially if you''re struggling to make ends meet: 1.) it''s a symbol, but it''s not the marriage, 2.) you can always upgrade later & even use the same gold from the ring. A friend of mine & her husband priced inexpensive bands, but when they got married a few months later the price of gold had sky-rocketed. She ended up with a simple delicate gold band which she often wears without her blingy engagemnet ring. She might upgrade one day, but she new it was just a piece of a much more important day. Also, I got a beautiful ring from Scaasi that is thin & delicate, but sparkly & wonderful. Maybe you can upgrade your rings for your 5 year anniversary!

As for your memorial weekend plans, I did the same thing for my friend--hosted the bachelorette & shower back to back. We did it on a regular weekend, though. I''d say if she''s the only one with the problem with it, have it without her. Everyone has a memorial day every year, and I''m thrilled to spend this upcomng one helping my best friend celebrate her wedding here in Chicago! I love BBQs, but it''s not like I haven''t been to a million & couldn''t have one every other weekend in summer! If her trip is that important, let her off the hook, but have your party. As an alternative, you can do a combo 1-night thing. Meet for dinner & shower/bachelorette gifts & then rock on into the night! That way people have most of Saturday to get in, and all day Sunday to get home.

 

[lliang_chi]

I agree with BlackBetty about the inexpensive wedding bands. We got cheap $30 silver bands to exchange for the ceremony. We haven''t gotten around to getting "real" ones yet. As long as you guys have something to exchange, you can save some money there.

As for your MOH, if you really want a B-weekend, then have it on Memorial Day. It''d be amazing if your MOH was there, but the only person REQUIRED to attend is you.