Bachelorette Party Etiquette

[Clairitek]

I am planning a bachelorette party (well, really two) for the summer and my current idea is for everyone to have a nice dinner together in a private dining room at a decent restaurant and then bar hop with the bride-to-be afterwards. The bride is on board with this idea so thats a good start!

My question is this- I don''t plan on paying for all of the people to eat and I wouldn''t want to even split it up amongst the bridal party as it would get very expensive, fast. How do I word the invitation so that people understand that its a "pay your own way" sort of thing? Its not like I am really "hosting" the event, more like organizing it.

In the case of this bride''s shower that I will host at my home I fully intend on paying for it on my own or splitting up the cost amongst the bridal party.

The last bachelorette party I attended was also a dinner at at restaurant. The MOH had emailed us all and told us the costs, but mostly because a limo rental was involved. I feel like even if she hadn''t said that I would have just assumed that I was paying for my own meal plus a portion of the bride''s.

Am I totally rude to expect people to pay for their spot at the dinner? I would like to avoid sending out invitations to the effect of "Hi! Come to K''s bachelorette party dinner! Don''t forget your $45 for dinner!" but I am at a loss as to how I can effectively communicate my intentions without being tacky.

 

[FrekeChild]

Dang. I was hoping this was more of a "How to grab a stripper''s butt while being discreet" kind of thing.

I hope you get some good responses of how other people handled it, because I''m curious too.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I think the best way to do it would be by word of mouth....tell the bridal party and have them spread the word

I know for my bachlorette party this won''t be a problem because we are doing a pot luck bbq!

now...onto freke''s question-"How to grab a stripper''s butt while being discreet"
lol

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I''ve never been to a batch party where I haven''t paid for my expenses. Maybe that''s just how my social circle is, but the only person who shouldn''t have to pay is the bride...

 

[tlh]

It is generally understood that bachellorette parties you pay your own way and equally split the bride to be''s dinner... alchohol... and cover charges...

If you REALLY think there is confusion about this being a BACHELORETTE PARTY and NOT A SHOWER... I would bring this up to the invitees by word of mouth.

 

[lovesparklies]

If I received your invitation to the bachelorette I would assume I''d be paying my own way but we all know what happens when we assume...

You could sent out cute bachelorette party invitations, sans "pay your own way" info, and then send a follow up email to everyone explaining the logistics. Don''t send the email just saying btw, you''re paying for your own dinner, but include that information along with all the other logistical info you''re going to need to pass on.

And a tip for getting payment from everyone... Estimate how much dinner will cost if you can and ask for that amount up-front. Maybe it''s not as big of a deal for dinner only, but when the bachelorette involves a hotel and rental car and so on and so forth I''ve found it''s much easier to do it this way.

 

[CDNinNYC]

From my understanding you are not expected to incur the costs of the bachelorette party on your own. Maybe what you can do is provide a phone number/email address on the invite so guests can RSVP and when you ''speak'' with them, casually mention to them they are responsible for their own meals?

If you can afford it, maybe write something like this on the invite: "Dinner will be at So-and-So Restaurant. Appetizers are on me!" or Dinner will be at So-and-So Restaurant. First round of drinks are on me!"

 

[FrekeChild]

Oooo!!!! I like CDN''s idea!!!! Good one!!!

 

[sunnyd]

I definitely wouldn''t expect to be paid for at a bach party. It''s just like going out to dinner and a bar with friends.

 

[Haven]

I like the CDN''s idea, as well as the idea to send out an email with details after the responses come back. That''s what I did--once I knew who was attending my best friend''s bachelorette party, I sent a graciously-worded email with details about how much I expected dinner to cost.

 

[panda08]

Date: 3/6/2009 3:45:36 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Oooo!!!! I like CDN''s idea!!!! Good one!!!

Ditto!

The last one I went to, the organizers were upfront and told me what the costs would be. I had no problem with that, as I didn''t expect that it would be taken care of anyway.

 

[Clairitek]

Wow! So many responses so quickly! Thanks so much!

I am so relieved to hear that you guys wouldn''t expect to have your dinner paid for if you were invited to a bachelorette party. I certainly wouldn''t mind splurging on a glass of wine or the appetizers because then I can easily control the cost with the restaurant.

I think that having them respond to me via email/phone is also great because then I will have direct, personal contact with each person.

This is going to be really fun! I am so excited. My friend desperately needs a pick-me-up right now and I think she will be happy to hear if things are falling into place since the wedding planning stuff isn''t going as well.