Bachelorette party and shower stress

[Cupcake*Muffin]

Sorry for posting so much in the last few minutes. I just don''t know what I am going to do. My MOH is out of town so I moved the original date I wanted it to make sure that she could be there. And since she is out of town, I did all the research and sent her the information so she could book the events. This Tuesday she calls me to tell me that she can''t book the transportation and the package because it has to be paid all at once and she just can''t do it, basically telling me that she can''t so if I want to book it, I need to put it on my card. And now I am supposed to collect all the money for it with the event on 4/17. I also have had to listen to people complain about how much it is (90 per person but this includes drinks, transportation, and entry plus tables at each of the 3 clubs), how it''s to early to go out at 10am and no wonder there won''t be lines because no one will be there (package is good between 10-12), why can''t we just cab it, and so on and so on. And of course the one that is complaining the loudest is one of my bridesmaids. We are having the shower at her place at 6pm-8, we thought we would get ready from 8-930 and then head out, but she is now saying that''s too late, it''s not enough time to get ready, there is not going to be anyone at the club, it''s too expensive, why can''t we take cabs instead of a party bus...

I feel a little bummed out that I have had to plan everything, everyone is complaining, and I am not getting to enjoy just showing up and having fun. I texted my MOH last night to let her know, she responded once and then not again. Not even to say that she will help or talk to the bm or anything. I am also disappointed that this BM needs to always turn it around to be about her. I know that if I was going to her bachelorette, I would not be complaining to her when she is already stressed. I really am just about to call it all off. I am trying to make it work for everyone only to have it blow up in my face. When I got married in my early 20s, I didn''t enjoy the bachelorette because I planned it, it was last minutes because no one else would help, and everyone was complaining. I really just wanted this one to go smoothly. I don''t think that getting transportation for 15 girls to go together is a bad thing--I don''t want lose people after the first stop. And all those cabs would add up. I also think it''s ridiculous to ask that friends from the suburbs to come to the city for the shower at 1 and then have them go home and come back later to go out. And so what if the clubs are slower at 10pm, I don''t care if there are other people there or if there are boys to adore us (which is bm''s main concern since I know her so well).

I really just wanted to get to relax, have fun, show up and spend time with my girls. Now I feel like I''m my own

 

[Amanda.Rx]

You really just want to relax, have fun, show up, and spend time with your girls?

Why don''t you just simplify the entire night? The whole thing sounds complicated to me. Go out to dinner at a restaurant and have the shower there. Can you find a place that rents out a "party/private room" and everyone just pay their own meal and drinks? After that, the girls that WANT to go out to a club can do that and you can just meet there via taxi.

I think that expecting your bridal party to plan and pay for everything without you lifting a finger is unrealistic for a group that large. Asking 1 person to manage it all for you is a huge task. Also, $90 is a lot of money to some people for 1 night of transportation/drinks/dancing. I may not be that much to YOU b/c it''s a special night for you when you''re the guest of honor. However, if they ARE going to spend that much, I''m sure they want to have fun too. Maybe showing up at a dead club isn''t worth it to them. Remember- you probably won''t have much fun if they''re not having fun too.

I think your expectations are what''s causing your stress. Simplify the plan, let everyone be in charge of their own transportation, and let them decide how much they want to spend. It may be more fun if you just see where the night takes you after the shower or dinner. Remember the last line of your post "I really just want to relax, have fun, show up, and spend time with your girls" ... keep it simple.

 

[Cupcake*Muffin]

Date: 4/3/2010 7:38:35 PM
Author: Amanda.Rx
You really just want to relax, have fun, show up, and spend time with your girls?


Why don't you just simplify the entire night? The whole thing sounds complicated to me. Go out to dinner at a restaurant and have the shower there. Can you find a place that rents out a 'party/private room' and everyone just pay their own meal and drinks? After that, the girls that WANT to go out to a club can do that and you can just meet there via taxi.


I think that expecting your bridal party to plan and pay for everything without you lifting a finger is unrealistic for a group that large. Asking 1 person to manage it all for you is a huge task. Also, $90 is a lot of money to some people for 1 night of transportation/drinks/dancing. I may not be that much to YOU b/c it's a special night for you when you're the guest of honor. However, if they ARE going to spend that much, I'm sure they want to have fun too. Maybe showing up at a dead club isn't worth it to them. Remember- you probably won't have much fun if they're not having fun too.


I think your expectations are what's causing your stress. Simplify the plan, let everyone be in charge of their own transportation, and let them decide how much they want to spend. It may be more fun if you just see where the night takes you after the shower or dinner. Remember the last line of your post 'I really just want to relax, have fun, show up, and spend time with your girls' ... keep it simple.

Amanda-- thanks for responding. Actually, the girls picked the events and they all said the amount was ok. As for asking one person to plan the event that was never the case, I offered to help and that was fine because I understand that MOH is out of town but is has all come down to me planning everything. I did not expect to have to do every aspect of the planning but it turned out this way so I am more surprised than upset about it and when I asked MOH to see if she could help she just told me to take care of it--kind of caught me off guard since she said she wanted to do it all, because you are right managing a large group by myself is hard so I asked for help. Other BMs offered to help MOH but she didn't want to ask them or did not respond to their offer, not sure why. I guess I did not explain it clearly. I am more upset that this was what everyone agreed to beforehand and everyone was on board. I had originally picked something in the $25 range but people nixed it. I also offered to pay more than my share to offset the costs already, I definitely was not asking the bridal party to pay for anyone but themselves. The payment isse was that MOH had said she would put it on her card to book the night (deposit). Either way, it is not all that important now. I told them we can just decided on something else and I'm fine with it. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[jcarlylew]

*hug*

can you ask for help with the other BM''s? if the MOH does not want their help, it does not mean that you cannot accept it. For my bach party we are doing a shower in the mid afternoon with a long break till dinner. then, JUST the BM''s are going out to dnner. Everyone else is meeting up at one bar.

I want to say, however, THANK YOU for being a considerate bride! A party bus is an AWESOME idea and a great way to keep everyone together, safe, and no one has to drive!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Oh, OK... I didn''t realize people (and your MOH) were bailing on you (after they agreed). From your original post, it sounded more like you had these expectations and couldn''t get people to cooperate against their will- ha ha.

I''m sorry, dear! I guess you could ask the other BM for help. Planning for large groups is never fun- it''s impossible to please everyone! Hope the evening turns into something fun and enjoyable for you!