Baby names...keep it a secret?

[slg47]

***disclaimer...I am not pregnant***

Just curious for all of you moms...did you keep the baby name a secret until the baby was born? If so, why? If not...do you wish you had kept it a secret?

I know a few couples who have had babies recently, and all have insisted on keeping the name a big secret.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

I am not pregnant either but we are adopting a baby who is due in June. We are not keeping his name a secret and his birthmom even calls him by the name we've picked out. It just never occured to us to keep it secret and calling him by his name makes it feel more real for us especially since I don't have the pregnancy experience. My family calls him by his name and it makes it feel as though he is part of the family already.

 

[Puppmom]

We didn't keep our son's name a secret. What I would do differently though is keep our ideas to ourselves until we decided. If you share the names you're considering, people feel like you're soliciting they're opinion and they give it! They're much less likely to do so when you just tell them the name you chose.

 

[slg47]

also, do you consider it rude to ask the expectant family what the name is? I asked FI's brother when they were expecting and FI's parents didn't even ask!!!

 

[soocool]

When I was expecting DD I had a definite boy's name all picked out. I still was unsure about a girl's name. I made the mistake of telling my SIL (BIL's wife) of the boy's name we had picked out (Oh, we were pregnant at the same time, she delivered 3 months earlier than me). She had a boy and gave him the name I picked out (both first and middle name) and I was steamed! Yes, I knew I was having a girl after the amnio, but I had not told anyone else except DH. She raved about how she had this name picked out all along even before I told her that was the name (again first and middle) that I had picked out. What a B*TCH....


So if it is important that no one steal the name, keep it a secret.

 

[Munchkin]

We kept it a secret.

When you are pregnant, people try to change your mind about your name choices. People think it's their right to say "Oh no! Not that name! I sat next to a ____ in 4th grade and he smelled bad and wet his pants!" It can kill your favorite name. However, when the child is born and you introduce her/him, people just accept the name. We didn't want anyone ruining the names it took SO LONG to decide on.

 

[KimberlyH]

We had a boy name selected before I was pregnant. Choosing a girl name was much harder. I had five picked out and shared them. My parents both hated the girl name we ended up picking (Jane) for our daughter. They told me all the reasons why we should pick a different name. At the time it was hurtful, but now I don't care. We won't share names if we have another child, but the boy name will likely be the one we had picked last time and our favorite girl names are the same, with one addition at this point.

 

[somethingshiny]

We didn't keep it secret. I like to be able to refer to the belly as "babyname" before baby comes. That way I know if I'll get sick of it. grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles all called baby by the name in utero.

My brother and my sis keep names a secret. They don't like hearing people say, "Oh, I knew a guy named Bob. He was a pedophile!" or something equally repulsive.

 

[Skippy123]

Well I would pick out names now but hubby wants to wait to come up with names toward the end and have a few in mind. Then when we see our twin boys then decide their names. I don't think it is rude to ask; I have asked and been asked. What I think is super negative is when people freak out and say how the heck are you going to manage it is going to be heck for you, that bugs me. A few friends gave us advice not to tell people because people will tell you they don't like that name etc but if they are born and you announce the name then too bad so sad, there isn't much that can do since the name is already set.

 

[junebug17]

I shared the names of both my kids...wasn't really concerned about anyone stealing them. My son is named after my husband, so no worries there. And DD's name is Kelly, a pretty name but common so I really wouldn't have cared if someone else used it. And luckily nobody was mean enough to tell me they didn't like the names lol

 

[fieryred33143]

For some reason, when people see a pregnant woman they automatically think it's ok to give all kinds of unsolicited advice. While I didn't care either way about someone stealing her name, I could have done without all the "advice" on our name choice. For #2, we'll probably be hush hush about it out IRL.

 

[missy]

We kept it a secret.

When you are pregnant, people try to change your mind about your name choices. People think it's their right to say "Oh no! Not that name! I sat next to a ____ in 4th grade and he smelled bad and wet his pants!" It can kill your favorite name. However, when the child is born and you introduce her/him, people just accept the name. We didn't want anyone ruining the names it took SO LONG to decide on.

My sister did not tell anyone the names of her 2 children when she was pregnant with them for this very reason. She said she didn't want opinions on the names and she didn't want anyone saying anything negative about their choices and that is why no one knew the names till the girls were born.

 

[lliang_chi]

Why would anyone say something negative about a parents' name choice for the baby??? That about rude and socially inept! I mean, "It's NOT your baby!!!! What possible weight does ANY of your input make???" Man, people are can be so Apologies to any parents that have to deal with crazy people like that. I always ask, then tell them something nice about the name. Even if it's not my cup of tea, it's their baby. Sheesh, some people!

 

[missy]

Why would anyone say something negative about a parents' name choice for the baby??? That about rude and socially inept! I mean, "It's NOT your baby!!!! What possible weight does ANY of your input make???" Man, people are can be so Apologies to any parents that have to deal with crazy people like that. I always ask, then tell them something nice about the name. Even if it's not my cup of tea, it's their baby. Sheesh, some people!

I know, people can be insensitive sometimes and truthfully this is more the norm than not from what I can see. The most inappropriate words come out of some people's mouths. It's like they don't think before they speak. And then of course everyone thinks they are the expert and are quick to share their opinions LOL whether they are welcome or not!

 

[kelpie]

When I was expecting DD I had a definite boy's name all picked out. I still was unsure about a girl's name. I made the mistake of telling my SIL (BIL's wife) of the boy's name we had picked out (Oh, we were pregnant at the same time, she delivered 3 months earlier than me). She had a boy and gave him the name I picked out (both first and middle name) and I was steamed! Yes, I knew I was having a girl after the amnio, but I had not told anyone else except DH. She raved about how she had this name picked out all along even before I told her that was the name (again first and middle) that I had picked out. What a B*TCH....


So if it is important that no one steal the name, keep it a secret.

That is SO messed up!

 

[somethingshiny]

My sis has only told me the name that she has chosen for her son. It's really bad IMO, but I won't tell her that. I just say that I haven't heard that name around here so he'll probably be the only one in his class. I did encourage her to use the name with the belly to try it out.

One of my closest friends has picked out a name that will give her child the initials TP. I pointed that out to her just in case she hadn't noticed. She said she knew and didn't care. Okay then!

When Lily was about 3-4 months old, my brother asked if she knew her name yet. When I answered "no" he told me there was still time to change it! asshat.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am not great at secrets so we were open with our name choices. I will say that EVERYONE had an opinion which got really annoying. I could see the benefit for keeping them a secret but that is not my style. If and when I have #2 I am sure we will be as open as we were the first time around.

ETA: my sister is pregnant with a boy and she knows our boy name. I told her if she named her son that, fine (I don't have a trademark on the name) but there is a chance he may have a cousin with the same name.

 

[Tuckins1]

I did not keep it a secret once we decided, but we did want to keep it private until we were sure. It's just really hard to hear the same suggestions, over and over, and have the same conversation, over and over.... Some peoples' reactions to our name choices were jujst so rude, like "huh... o-kay. You could go with that, or how about...." It was just easier to keep it to ourselves until we had settled on a name. That way there was nothing left to discuss.

 

[Jennifer W]

We didn't really make a final decision until Amelia was born, but we had a shortlist. We didn't discuss it with anyone in real life, although I think I posted about it on the preggo thread here. It wasn't that it was a secret exactly, just that DH and I were sort of wrapped up in a whole little world of our own then. We were pretty closed off about the whole pregnancy, as I'd had a history of miscarriage. We didn't discuss much about it at all with other people. It was private. Which given how huge I got, seems funny now. Like, no one would notice, maybe ?

 

[taovandel]

With our son Evan we told everyone.

This time around I didn't want to find out the sex but my husband did so I told him to compromise and we would find out the sex but we would keep the name a secret....which he agreed to.

He lasted almost the entire pregnancy without saying anything....we were showing off the new house to my parents and he said "And this is Viol.....the new baby's room"....my parents figured out that we were naming our baby Violet because of that. I was so mad at my husband! haha

 

[junebug17]

With our son Evan we told everyone.

This time around I didn't want to find out the sex but my husband did so I told him to compromise and we would find out the sex but we would keep the name a secret....which he agreed to.

He lasted almost the entire pregnancy without saying anything....we were showing off the new house to my parents and he said "And this is Viol.....the new baby's room"....my parents figured out that we were naming our baby Violet because of that. I was so mad at my husband! haha

Well, he almost made it!

 

[Blenheim]

We've been open about our name choices both times with people who ask. We went into labor last time with a short list with a clear forerunner for both boy/girl and a couple of backups, just in case, and I think that the same will probably be the case this time. Because we don't have THE NAME, a lot of people feel like we must really want to hear all of their opinions. (Or maybe it would happen either way. ) I do like having a clue beforehand if a lot of people tend to have certain associations with the name, or if there is a clear playground tease, or if there will be spelling issues, etc, but I really don't care if every Charles my FIL knows has been a philanderer. And yes, he did indeed tell us that a few weeks ago. And my mom is trying to steer us away from Mary Sophia as she knows a Sophia she doesn't like.

I can sympathize with people who want to keep the name a secret. I would want feedback from SOMEONE, but am sure that all of my online someones would suffice if I were just better at deflecting name questions rather than just being open about everything.

 

[Tuckins1]

FWIW, I will never ask another pregnant person about the baby name... It was so annoying to have the same conversation ad nauseum....
I will only discuss it if they bring it up, and I will not give suggestions.

 

[basil]

I haven't decided what we're going to do since we haven't decided yet. Probably leaning towards not telling anyone but I will have to tell my mom probably.

So far, I've deflected questions by making up ridiculous names. I tell people I'm going to name the baby "Merle Jose" or "Pervis Raoul" and they stop asking

 

[Kunzite]

We kept our name secret to a certain extent. We knew the people who could be trusted to keep their opinions to themselves and the name a secret... and those who can't!! For instance I knew my mom would have all sorts of horrible things to say so when I told her names we were thinking about I didn't actually tell her any of our top choices. Good thing too because she had horrible things to say about most of them. That plan back fired a little because she loved one of the names that we told her (had considered it but ruled it out) so she talked nonstop about how we should use it!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I can sympathize with people who want to keep the name a secret. I would want feedback from SOMEONE, but am sure that all of my online someones would suffice if I were just better at deflecting name questions rather than just being open about everything.

I am making do with PS as a sounding board.

The trouble with talking about names is that unless you say "THIS is the name!" usually one or more people in your inner circle will not like the name and then it is hard to pick it. For me anyways. When we 100% settled on a girl name for this kid we told no one. We have used my mom and the in laws as sounding boards, but only when we were not totally sure. Otherwise, we have not told anyone.

 

[MishB]

I haven't decided what we're going to do since we haven't decided yet. Probably leaning towards not telling anyone but I will have to tell my mom probably.

So far, I've deflected questions by making up ridiculous names. I tell people I'm going to name the baby "Merle Jose" or "Pervis Raoul" and they stop asking

I have 2 friends who did this! One kept insisting she was calling her baby Peregrine Farqhuar, until we all decided we actually liked 'Perry' as name.

One of my best friends refers to her future baby (she's not even pregnant) as Marmaduke.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

When I was expecting DD I had a definite boy's name all picked out. I still was unsure about a girl's name. I made the mistake of telling my SIL (BIL's wife) of the boy's name we had picked out (Oh, we were pregnant at the same time, she delivered 3 months earlier than me). She had a boy and gave him the name I picked out (both first and middle name) and I was steamed! Yes, I knew I was having a girl after the amnio, but I had not told anyone else except DH. She raved about how she had this name picked out all along even before I told her that was the name (again first and middle) that I had picked out. What a B*TCH....


So if it is important that no one steal the name, keep it a secret.

Agreed! It took my parents 14 years to get pregnant and they shared their top names - Renee, Christina, Selena, and Tony were four of them. They are now my four older cousins So when they finally became pregnant nobody was told the name.

 

[swimmer]

We kept it a secret, traditionally Jewish babies are named 7 days after birth at their bris or naming ceremony (brit milah) and I knew that I'd get the most flack from family members "who just want the best for you." So it was a secret. SIL wanted to give us a list of names that were "hers" but we declined. She was not yet pregnant when she and her dh pestered us for weeks to find out our names. Then when they got pregnant right before we delivered she and her dh were outraged that people wanted to know and comment on their name choices. So the shoe generally gets to the other foot at some point. It turns out that my baby is named a name that was on their list. Good thing I refused to take that list!

 

[Pandora II]

We picked out Daisy Pandora for a girl and Edward John for a boy over lunch 2 weeks before our wedding (and before we had started TTC!).

We then added Xanthe a few months later when we were trying to find a potential second female child name - we liked Xanthe Claire - in fact so much so that we felt compelled to use it as Daisy's second name just in case we never had another kid!

We told everyone our name choices from day one. That way we couldn't be accused of 'stealing' - I told people that they were welcome to use them too but we would be sticking to ours. My SIL was annoyed because she wanted Daisy but mainly people liked our choices.

I do love the name Violet (it's also DH's granny's name) and if we ever had another little girl (99% not happening ) I'd love to call her Violet but a) DH doesn't care for it and b) my baby sister 'booked' it when she was about 6 years old and I wouldn't dream of stealing it because she's wanted it for so many years.

I also like to ask people what names they have chosen - I think plenty are gruesome but I don't say that, I tend to find something to ask about the meaning or where it comes from. On the whole parents put a lot of thought into choosing names and it's their thing to do. Grandparents have already had their turn and should keep quiet!

My 95 year old grandmother just complains that all her great-grand-daughters sound like kitchen maids: Polly, Tilly (Matilda) & Daisy... if we add in the potential Violet it will probably finish her off!