Home Babies - How Did You Know When You Were Ready?

[softly softly]

Date: 6/8/2009 5:58:27 AM
Author:brightlight
My hubby and I both just entered our 30s, and we're talking about when we want to start having children. I don't feel like I'm quite ready yet for several reasons. We have a lot of issues with his family. I don't really want them near our children for various reasons at this point, but I also don't want to ban them from seeing their grandchildren. I also want to wait at least a year before I get pregnant so the economy has a little time to turn around. Most importantly, I don't know that I can handle all the responsibilities of raising a child. My husband and I are both responsible people and fairly successful in life, but I still worry about being able to care for a child.

Brightlight, I don't know what the exact nature of the issues you have with your inlaws, so I can't comment on your situation, but I can tell you that in my experience while having children may not make the issues you have with parents/inlaws go away, it can sometimes make them easier to understand or forgive.

Before I had my kids I had a very difficult relationship with my in laws and harboured a lot of anger towards them because of their behaviour towards me. I remember being extremely bothered by the thought that they were going to be the grandparents of my children. However, when my first child was born my relationship with them began to change because I found that it is very hard to resent anyone who loves your child as much as you do. Interestingly they have not changed at all. All the things that used to frustrate me about them are sometimes still in evidence and they regularly overstep boundaries in offering advice on how we should be raising the kids. But they are definitely wonderful grandparents and I know that my kids benefit from having them in their lives so do I find it easier to overlook the things that I don't like. Which is not to say we don't still have problems from time to time, but I have found that having kids has made me more understanding of my in laws and has definitely made me more appreciative of my own parents.