babies at wedding?!?!

[lucy.lucy.80]

My uncle and aunt just had a baby. They want to bring the baby to the wedding (he will be 4 months old at the time of my wedding). I have huge concerns that the baby will cry during the ceremony (there is no baby room at the church) and reception and feel it is really not a place for a newborn baby with all the loud music and people at the reception, etc. All other children attending the wedding will be over the age of 10.

I spoke with my mother about it and she said she would talk to my uncle about not bringing the baby, but a part of me feels really bad like I am being a bridezilla. And I dont want my aunt or uncle to be upset or offended.

Help!! What should I do! Any imput would be greatly appreciated!

 

[cara]

Do these people live close by and is the mother nursing? Commonly people make expceptions to the no child rule for newborns b/c of the difficulty of separating nursing mother and child, and the potential difficulty in finding a trusted sitter at that age. Some parents may have done a certain level of dealing with these details if the mom has gone back to work, but not all.

You can ask them to leave the child at home for both events, but they might then choose to not attend. I would let them decide whether or not the reception is appropriate for their child, and concentrate your request on the ceremony itself since the biggest issue you mentioned is crying in church. First off, it really isn''t a disaster if it occurs. If these people are civilized, they will quickly be walking our of the back to calm the child if a disruption occurs. But if you want to avoid it, either figure out a way to have a sitter at the church for the ceremony (maybe even in your getting ready room) or at some other reasonable location - their home if they live close by. As long as your request is polite and reasonable, that is the best you can do.

 

[Courtneylub]

I''m allowing newborns as an exception to the no kids deal. Newborns cry, but my concern is always with the 1-2 year olds. Now THEY can really belt it out.

 

[Maisie]

I wouldn''t have been happy leaving my baby when he was 4 months. They aren''t that noisy at that age, Courtney is right, the 1-2 year olds are way louder!

 

[Selkie]

My best friend''s baby was 4 months old at the time of our wedding, and originally they had planned to leave her with my friend''s mother. That fell through last minute, and my friend ended up bringing the baby to the wedding. Our ceremony was at an inn, in a relatively small room, and even though the baby fussed a little we never even noticed that she was until we saw a video. My friend just stepped out into the hallway until she stopped. I''m guessing that your aunt and uncle probably won''t stay late at the reception either way. If they leave her home, they''ll be anxious to get back, and if they bring her, they might not want to keep her up late.

 

[Pandora II]

I have a 2 month old coming to my wedding.

I have a pretty strict no kids rule - but you can''t expect people to leave tiny babies at home, especially if they are breast-feeding.

After 9 months I would think it could be possible to leave a child with it''s grandparents but not really before then.

My take on it was that asking parents with older kids not to brings them - if the parents decline to attend then fair enough, but with babies I would have felt a bit unreasonable.

The important thing is that the parents are sufficiently clued up to leave the room if the child crys. I''ve been at several weddings where the parents really seem to feel that their little darling comes first and have no intention of leaving.

Get the ushers to seat them at the back as near as possible to the door and then they can make a swift exit (I''d get an usher to gently mention ''there you are, right next to the exit in case X decides to cry - then they are subtly made aware).

 

[Independent Gal]

I also made an exception to the 'no children' rule for nursing infants at my wedding. Babies that young are still nursing every 3-4 hours and you can't necessarily just give them a bottle, (depending on the situation) because it can cause 'nipple confusion'.

There were two infants at my wedding, and both slept pretty much through the whole thing, except when they were nursing. They caused no problems at all. It's not like they are running around pulling things off tables. Mostly they just eat and sleep. They can't move around on their own yet.

Why not just ask the mother if she can promise to take the baby out during the ceremony if it starts to cry? I'm sure she would anyway, but that way you don't have to worry, AND you don't have to cause a major disruption for the baby & mom. For most moms, unless they have absolutely no choice because of their job or whatnot, 4 months is too young to leave the baby for so many hours. They are needy little beasts at that age!

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

thank you for all the helpful imput!

 

[honey22]

I''m not a Mum but 16 weeks is still pretty ''new''. None of my nephews (I have five) were real problems at that age, they usually just sleep and feed so I don''t think it would be a problem. I don''t think you can really expect a monther to leave a 16 week baby though, as she is probably still feeding. I would though just explain that you are worried about crying during the ceremony so she is aware of it (I swear some parents can just ignore baby screams!) and you would really appreciate her stepping out of the ceremony if bubby starts a ruckus.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We were going to bring our baby when she was 5 months to a destination wedding in Mexico. The couple was fine with it but at the last minute my MIL offered to stay with her. We are bringing her to my friend''s wedding in Vegas. She will be almost 9 months. If she starts to cry my friend KNOWS we would take her far away. I would never want to ruin her wedding but it is hard to NOT bring a baby when weddings are destination. If my friend had said no we probably wouldn''t go.

I agree if the baby is still nursing it would be unfair of you to expect them to come w/o him. Babies actually LOVE loud music BTW

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh yeah, that''s so true. My friend used to go to hockey games with her son when he was about 4-8 months old and he absolutely loooooved the noise and excitement!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 6/14/2008 8:02:38 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Oh yeah, that''s so true. My friend used to go to hockey games with her son when he was about 4-8 months old and he absolutely loooooved the noise and excitement!

T slept through an Ohio State Football game (we saw at our friend''s house) where they won, all OSU fans, the floor was shaking with the cheers/screams/etc. Never woke up!

 

[noelwr]

I went to a wedding where some people had brought their small children in the church and they were running around and making noise and it was horrible! of course the bride couldn''t ask people not to bring their children because the wedding was also a baptism for their own baby at the same time.

a colleague at work didn''t allow any children at her wedding and she said some family members were so angry that they didn''t show up. but I am jealous.

we''ll allow kids at our wedding - but we''ve already agreed that we won''t have a little ring bearer or flower girls. I don''t know anyone with a baby yet but as the wedding is 1.5 yrs away, if someone does have a baby in the mean time and decides to bring it, I will ask the master of ceremony to let him/her know to step into the hallway if crying starts.

which reminds me, I''ve also got to make sure the cake is high enough that no little kids will stick their fingers in it. or I think I''ll ask that they keep it in the kitchen until cutting time.

 

[nclrgirl]

I don''t have any neices or nephews yet, but, being from a large extended family and being one of the "younger" cousins, a lot of my cousins have children. I love these kids to peices and couldn''t imagine not having them there!

My brother got married last month and they did not invite children. That caused a few of our cousins not to come. Those cousins will be at my wedding.

That being said, to each her own! Only you know what will make you comfortable/uncomfortable. Good luck!

 

[absolut_blonde]

We will be having children at our wedding (by the time we marry, there will likely be quite a few fairly young children on SO''s side because so many of his relatives are at ''that age'' and it''s just easier) but as someone else said, as long as the parents have a clue then it shouldn''t be an issue. Most people have the common sense to leave the quickly if the baby starts to fuss.

SO''s nephew was 6 mos and 14 mos at the last 2 weddings we all attended. He started to fuss at both and his parents instantly took him outside so he didn''t disrupt the ceremony. Hardly anyone even noticed.

 

[doodle]

my personal opinion? kiddo''ll most likely be comatose anyway. although...my cousin had a get together before her wedding at a mexican restaurant and one of the bridesmaids brought her 4 month old. baby was an angel....until the mariachi band came rolling in...apparently, baby+brass=bad. moral of the story? if you plan on having trumpet players or anything like that for the ceremony, you may want to send the new mommy a warning, haha

 

[FrekeChild]

One thing I''ve learned is that you should never assume a person will take a baby outside if it''s wailing. I was at a funeral service for BF''s uncle not long ago and there was a very small infant in the room-which was TINY and packed with people. They were up in the front area and the baby decided not very long into it that it wanted to SCREAM. So it did. Did it''s parents take it outside? No. So incredibly inconsiderate, as well as being inappropriate.

Even though I don''t plan on having kids, if that had been my child, they would have been whisked out before they knew what happened to them.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/16/2008 3:08:23 AM
Author: FrekeChild
One thing I''ve learned is that you should never assume a person will take a baby outside if it''s wailing. I was at a funeral service for BF''s uncle not long ago and there was a very small infant in the room-which was TINY and packed with people. They were up in the front area and the baby decided not very long into it that it wanted to SCREAM. So it did. Did it''s parents take it outside? No. So incredibly inconsiderate, as well as being inappropriate.

Even though I don''t plan on having kids, if that had been my child, they would have been whisked out before they knew what happened to them.

Ditto some people don''t get it, we went to a wedding for FF''s cousin and could not hear the ceremony from a little kid badgering his mum for a packet of chips

. They just ignored him and all we heard for the whole time was "Mum I want chips", repeatedly. I was fairly tempted to tell them to give the kid some chips or ask him to please shush. These kind of people would have most likely as well would not remove a crying baby.

I like Pandora''s suggestion it is subtle and polite.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

It''s hard for me to believe that parents wouldn''t take out a whining child. Not that I don''t believe you!!!! I do! But I would have thought people would know better. I guess if you are worried you could have your wedding planner or someone just say something really subtle to the mom like "you can use that side door if the baby gets fussy" or "x room would be perfect in case you need to take the baby somewhere during the ceremony." Once baby comes the family becomes a package so if you do have a NO BABY RULE you cannot get angry if the parents do not come. Welcome to life AFTER your wedding

 

[bensbride]

I suppose if you would rather not have a baby at the ceremony, just let your mom communicate that with your aunt. To me, I love babies and children and really am the opposite of most people when it comes to babies crying in church. It makes me happy, not annoyed. However, I know I''m definitely not in the norm on that one, so as long as you make your feelings known, it will be up to them to make arrangements/not come. Some moms who breastfeed will pump for special occasions. I''m a nursery nurse and don''t buy into the whole "nipple confusion" thing once good breastfeeding is established. However, I know some people are very strict about not giving pacifiers or bottles, so that might influence whether they get a sitter or just stay home.

 

[merlinthecat]

We were invited to a wedding when my daughter was only a baby. She was as good as gold and never cried in the wrong places, but to be honest, it was really hard work. Finding somewhere to do nappy changes, finding somewhere quiet to give her a bottle....and when she was tired it was difficult finding somewhere for her to settle and have a nap. So we didn''t stay very long for that reason.

There were also toddlers at the wedding that ran around, made loud noises in the church and at the meal they just played with their food (which was very expensive).

It''s impossible to please everyone, so do what you feel is right for you. I don''t think you are being unreasonable at all.