Awkward situation advice

[oobiecoo]

I am set to graduate with my undergraduate degree this year. My ceremony is in a couple of weeks but I don''t actually get my diploma until my internship is done at the end of the summer. That was already awkward enough...

Now I''ve just realized today that I''m not going to pass one of my classes. I''ve put in hours and hours of work and buckets of tears into this class but at this point I''m calling it quits because I''m just not going to pass no matter what I do. Believe me, its not for a lack of trying.

Alot of people knew that I wouldn''t officially get my diploma until August and that was fine... but now what do I say to people? I''m not going to be re-taking this class until next Spring at the earliest so what do I say in the mean time to all the people who are bound to ask how it feels to FINALLY be out of college? I already feel like a failure since I can''t pass this class... I don''t want to feel like a phony too for leading people to believe I''m a graduate. However, I also don''t want to let the whole world know that I''ve FAILED.

Any advice on what to say when the subject comes up?

 

[iheartscience]

I would just tell them it turns out you actually needed 1 more class (not even a lie because you do!) but you won''t be taking it until next spring, so it''ll be a while before you''re officially done.

 

[Indylady]

Great idea Thing 2!

 

[lightningbug]

Date: 5/1/2010 12:16:20 AM
Author: thing2of2
I would just tell them it turns out you actually needed 1 more class (not even a lie because you do!) but you won''t be taking it until next spring, so it''ll be a while before you''re officially done.

Ditto this. You don''t need to tell anyone that you''ve failed, or give any explanation at all. If you feel the need to give more detail just say that you''re still one class short but that you prefer to celebrate your accomplishments with your friends and classmates. One class is a drop in the bucket. Congratulations on your big successes, oobiecoo!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

thritto--that''s a great solution Thing2!

And congrats Oobiecoo! It will feel so good when you are done plus it''s not like you don''t have other exciting things going on in your life right now

 

[swingirl]

Don''t think of it as failing a class. Think of it as needing more in depth exposure to the subject.

As far as people asking you tell them you needed one more class that isn''t offered any sooner than spring. This is happening to college students everywhere. The colleges have cut back on the offerings and it''s hurt many students. My son''s has to take classes at a state university and a community college simultaneously because of the university''s cut-backs. It''s a common problem and no one has to know it''s because you failed a class. Do you still get to participate in the ceremony?

 

[monarch64]

Oob! you ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!! Stop thinking that you''ve done anything wrong or that you''ve failed. Rid thyself of the word "fail."

You''ve come very far. You''ve done your utmost to educate yourself and try to obtain a degree. It doesn''t always fit into a neat little plan which I''m sure plenty of folks here on PS can attest to.

It took me two tries to graduate with a BS. I was a 5 year student! I never felt like a failure though, even though there were a couple classes I had to retake. My school had a policy that if you received a grade of D or below, you could pay to retake the class, etc. I turned my GPA around from a 1.8 my 3rd semester to a 3 by my last semester. I went into college living in the honors dorm based on my SAT scores.

Failure. Not a word for you, dear. Just fix it and tell people you''re finishing up, and that it''s just taking you a bit longer than you expected. It''s very vague, yes, but it could be construed as a number of things. Hope this helps.

 

[yssie]

Ditto - be as vague as you like, nobody but your sponsors need all the details unless you want to share them.. "it's taking longer than expected" is fine.


The one thing I would do now is talk to the professor of this class and tell him/her about your situation. At best he/she might let you do an independent study over the summer to make up the class, or give you extended time to prepare any missing projects, etc. Even if none of those things happen make sure he/she knows that you will be retaking the class next year and that you would appreciate any helpful reading materials, extra classes you can sit in on fall semester that may help you understand the material better, whatever it takes to make sure you're not in this same situation a year from now.


Good luck!


ETA: what will you be doing during the fall semester? If you're planning an internship or a second major or something you could talk about that if you feel like you must tell your family and friends something concrete

 

[Hera]

I walked before I graduated as well (I had a history class to take) and no one ever said anything to me. You''re a graduate of 2010 whether that''s summer or even by Fall of next year. I told my family about it but they didn''t say anything.

Another thing, you''re not a failure! I remember you were doing your major in Interior Design and if it''s one of those classes, they are so demanding! And to think people think all we do is pick out paint colors and fabrics!

Anyways, rant over! Chin up, you''ll be fine! You''re almost all finished!

 

[Smo]

Oh Oobiecoo, I really feel for you. You are not a failure, as long have you have tried your hardest with this class (and it totally sounds like you did) then don''t beat yourself up about it.

During my law degree I failed what has to be the worst, most confusing and stupiest law subject ever, jurisprudence! It held up my graduating by six months and I just told people who I didn''t want to know I had failed that as it turned out I had one more subject to do before graduating. No one even questioned it and most just said that at least I was nearly there!

I ended up getting a tutor for my second attempt at the course and this made sure I passed the next time around

It was a pain to redo the course but made finally finishing it all that sweeter! Man the number of tears I shed over that course it was the biggest relief to finally pass!

 

[zoebartlett]

I agree with Thing2''s advice and with what everyone else has said. You''re NOT a failure, Oobie. Sometimes it takes a little extra time and there''s nothing wrong with that at all. It happened to me and I know it''s very common. I don''t think you need to feel shame or anything negative if you explain what happened. If you don''t feel comfortable sharin though, tell people what what Thing2 suggested. You''re working very hard and that''s what should matter most.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

At my graduation no one got their REAL diploma anyways. Grades had to be recorded so we all got identical folders with a letter inside. No one would know the difference if you really didn''t graduate. As for failing a class no one needs to know that either. When people ask you just say "you feel great" or "you are really excited" etc.

 

[crown1]

no one is perfect. i would state the truth, you had some problems with a course that was difficult for you, and it will need to be repeated. any person who does not understand that is not living in the real world. good luck when you repeat the class. the truth is the way to go. most will respect your honesty.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 5/1/2010 12:55:40 AM
Author: lightningbug

Date: 5/1/2010 12:16:20 AM

Author: thing2of2

I would just tell them it turns out you actually needed 1 more class (not even a lie because you do!) but you won''t be taking it until next spring, so it''ll be a while before you''re officially done.

Ditto this. You don''t need to tell anyone that you''ve failed, or give any explanation at all. If you feel the need to give more detail just say that you''re still one class short but that you prefer to celebrate your accomplishments with your friends and classmates. One class is a drop in the bucket. Congratulations on your big successes, oobiecoo!

Ditto lightningbug and everyone else - congratulations on being nearly done!

 

[choro72]

It happens to the best of us, it happened to ALL of my friends in graduate school, and it''s happening to one who walked last June and is still working on his thesis. You''re not a failure! Be proud of yourself, walk with your head high, kick butt in that class, and get your diploma!

 

[Rhea]

A similar thing happened to my husband. Not quite the same situation. He told people that he found out that he needed to take another class but hasn''t given a date for that class. Due to another issue, missing the deadline to register or the class being too full, I can''t remember, it''s taken much longer than he thought it would. DH hasn''t given any future graduation dates just in case! It takes a bit of the pressure off of him.

 

[LGK]

Date: 5/1/2010 3:24:00 AM
Author: heraanderson
I walked before I graduated as well (I had a history class to take) and no one ever said anything to me. You''re a graduate of 2010 whether that''s summer or even by Fall of next year. I told my family about it but they didn''t say anything.

Another thing, you''re not a failure! I remember you were doing your major in Interior Design and if it''s one of those classes, they are so demanding! And to think people think all we do is pick out paint colors and fabrics!

Anyways, rant over! Chin up, you''ll be fine! You''re almost all finished!

My husband did too. Usually they will call you a graduate and do all the hoopla surrounding it if you only need one class.

BTW, I am wondering if your teacher is just terrible? Not all teachers are created equal and if they can''t teach someone a subject despite their best effort it really makes me wonder... and seriously, don''t beat yourself up about it! Stuff happens- you''ll have totally forgotten it in a year I bet.

 

[Lilac]

Don''t beat yourself up over it! It happens to people all the time.

I would go along with the suggestion of telling people you realized you need one more class to officially be done, but unfortunately the class is only offered in the spring. There are tons of classes that are like this (it''s very annoying!), so it wouldn''t sound like it''s made up. You can even sound annoyed about it, like you wish it was given sooner so you could just be officially done already!

However, is it possible to actually sit down and talk to the professor and ask if there is any way possible to boost the grade to a passing level? It might require extra credit work, or maybe an extra paper, or something, but if the professor sees how hard you''ve worked maybe he/she will give you *something* to at least allow you to pass (even if it''s with a D or something). I''ve seen people do this, and sometimes the teachers are more accommodating than you might think. It''s worth a shot...

Otherwise I would go with the "need one more class" explanation. It might be vague, but it''s realistic as I''ve known many people in that exact situation.

 

[oobiecoo]

Date: 5/1/2010 9:58:15 PM
Author: Lilac
Don''t beat yourself up over it! It happens to people all the time.


I would go along with the suggestion of telling people you realized you need one more class to officially be done, but unfortunately the class is only offered in the spring. There are tons of classes that are like this (it''s very annoying!), so it wouldn''t sound like it''s made up. You can even sound annoyed about it, like you wish it was given sooner so you could just be officially done already!

However, is it possible to actually sit down and talk to the professor and ask if there is any way possible to boost the grade to a passing level? It might require extra credit work, or maybe an extra paper, or something, but if the professor sees how hard you''ve worked maybe he/she will give you *something* to at least allow you to pass (even if it''s with a D or something). I''ve seen people do this, and sometimes the teachers are more accommodating than you might think. It''s worth a shot...


Otherwise I would go with the ''need one more class'' explanation. It might be vague, but it''s realistic as I''ve known many people in that exact situation.

This is where its a REALLY touchy subject for me. This is a distance learning course and so I *have* emailed my professor twice asking about the possibility of extra credit or just to see if I could get a heads up on the final exam material and he hasn''t emailed me back once! I''m pretty furious about it! Even if the answer was no then he could have let me know. Professors (especially for an internet course) should check their email often!

I don''t think I can say that the course is only offered in Spring since its just a math course and those are pretty much always available. But I think I will say that I ended up needing just once more course.

Thanks everyone for your responses... both for the suggestions and also the encouragement. I''ve had a crappy past few weeks and this class was just the last straw for me. I do feel alot better after reading that I shouldn''t feel like I failure!

 

[Smo]

oobiecoo, I did my law degree via distance and totally agree how useless some professors can be (I know that they usually have huge workloads as well as having to keep track of their distance education students which must be hard). Sometimes you need to make more of a fuss. People are easy to ignore via email. Why don't you get on the phone to the professor of your course and see what can be done? You never know! Better to find out now rather than when it is too late.


ETA: Do you a students centre that can help? I know when I had trouble during my degree they were sometimes helpful in getting problems sorted out.

 

[allycat0303]

Obiechoo,

I''m sorry about the class. After medical school, I was unmatched (this situation is the equivalent of failing...I don''t know a YEAR of classes in terms of pity/gossip etc.) So I know from experience that this is a crappy situation. First off, it''s a bump in the road. Likely you won''t remember it in years to come. If anyone asked I would go with what the other''s have said. It really is NO ONE''s business. You''re not a failure. You need more work in a single class. You can only be a failure at the END of your life. NOT now.

I would try calling the professor if possible. Even if it is long distance and he prefers email contact, just one last try.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 5/2/2010 2:02:48 AM
Author: oobiecoo

Date: 5/1/2010 9:58:15 PM

Author: Lilac

Don''t beat yourself up over it! It happens to people all the time.

I would go along with the suggestion of telling people you realized you need one more class to officially be done, but unfortunately the class is only offered in the spring. There are tons of classes that are like this (it''s very annoying!), so it wouldn''t sound like it''s made up. You can even sound annoyed about it, like you wish it was given sooner so you could just be officially done already!

However, is it possible to actually sit down and talk to the professor and ask if there is any way possible to boost the grade to a passing level? It might require extra credit work, or maybe an extra paper, or something, but if the professor sees how hard you''ve worked maybe he/she will give you *something* to at least allow you to pass (even if it''s with a D or something). I''ve seen people do this, and sometimes the teachers are more accommodating than you might think. It''s worth a shot...

Otherwise I would go with the ''need one more class'' explanation. It might be vague, but it''s realistic as I''ve known many people in that exact situation.

This is where its a REALLY touchy subject for me. This is a distance learning course and so I *have* emailed my professor twice asking about the possibility of extra credit or just to see if I could get a heads up on the final exam material and he hasn''t emailed me back once! I''m pretty furious about it! Even if the answer was no then he could have let me know. Professors (especially for an internet course) should check their email often!

I don''t think I can say that the course is only offered in Spring since its just a math course and those are pretty much always available. But I think I will say that I ended up needing just once more course.

Thanks everyone for your responses... both for the suggestions and also the encouragement. I''ve had a crappy past few weeks and this class was just the last straw for me. I do feel alot better after reading that I shouldn''t feel like I failure!

That''s absolutely ridiculous, I can''t believe he wouldn''t email you back! Is there any other way of reaching him? That just seems so unfair if you''ve tried to reach out for help and he just doesn''t care enough to even email you back. I can''t imagine he would just *ignore* the emails, so is it possible the email address changed? Or they''re not going through for some reason? That must make the situation so much more frustrating, I''m sorry.

 

[katamari]

Can you take the class at a local college/uni? It is probably better, if you are struggling, to have an accessible instructor and hands-on learning, and you usually cannot get that with distance learning classes. Generally, my friends who teach online are either doing it in addition to their main job for extra cash or are doing 5-10 classes at several institutions because they pay so little you have to to survive. In either scenario, you are very unlikely to get a good or committed teacher (or, if you have one, they are unable to be good or committed because they are so overworked).

In either case, I agree that you have no obligation to share anything with others you don''t feel comfortable sharing. But, I do feel bad that you are dealing with such an unresponsive instructor. It is hard to learn anything from someone who isn''t engaged in their job.

 

[marcy]

I am sorry to hear that. I agree with everyone not to think you are a failure and just be honest but brief with questions. I have to take one more class.

I teach classes online and hear many horror stories from students who have problems getting a response from an instructor. That is very poor. Please contact the dean of that department and tell them your situation and that you cannot get a response from your instructor. If you are interested in taking an incomplete and finishing the class as soon as possible ask the dean what you need to do to get that going. Good luck.