Aunt''s Generosity - I don''t know what to say...

[Cleopatra]

FI''s aunt emailed us yesterday. FI and his aunt are very close - she''s a wonderful woman and I love her dearly...My bridal shower is next weekend and she emailed us yesterday to ask what we would want as a gift. She offered to throw us another party before the wedding (but we''re certain that we want no more parties), and she said that if we don''t want another party to pick out a gift for her to buy - she even offered to buy us a Dyson Animal (which we have no carpet in our house - so it would be pointless). But I''m pretty shocked because the Dyson is crazy expensive and she obviously wants to spend some serous money on us....

I really don''t know how to respond to the email. I think it''s an amazingly generous offer, but I don''t want to email her back and ask her to get us a certain item - I just think that''s a little weird and demanding of me - even though she DID ask...

Any suggestions on how to respond to the email? She emailed us on Monday and I just received the email last night (?) - so I guess I should respond fairly soon.

 

[Lorelei]

I know if it was me offering, I would rather get the couple what they really want, especially if I asked them to tell me. So I would write your lovely Aunt a letter thanking her for her most generous offer, and as she asked what you would like, then give her the info. It is obviously a big deal for her with her beloved niece getting married, it can be a wonderful gift to the giver to take what is offered with much love, especially as she wants to help you start your new lives in comfort and style!

Give her a big hug next time you see her!

 

[Independent Gal]

Ditto. If I''m asking, it''s because I want to know. I know how you feel about the being overwhelmed with someone''s generosity thing and it being really unexpected. One of my dad''s friend gave us a cheque for the equivalent of almost $2000! Others gave us in the high hundreds. We were really taken aback. Even DH''s sister gave us WAY more than we think she could comfortably afford. By contrast, my 6 siblings gave us... a joke gift. Well whatever.

So, here''s how to handle it graciously: suggest to her 3 or 4 things you are very excited about getting in DIFFERENT price ranges. Phrase it that way:

Dear Auntie,
We are so touched by your generosity, we hardly know what to say! And we want you to know how much it means to us that you''ll be there with us on the day. That''s what we want most. Since you are asking, here are some things we are particularly excited about from our registry...."

If they are in different ranges, price-wise, then you don''t look greedy grubby, and she can pick what''s most comfortable for her.

But yeah, I agree that when I ask, it''s cause I want to know.

 

[Cleopatra]

Thanks ladies! I guess you''re right - she asked because she wants to get us a gift we are excited about getting. We really don''t have a single thing that''s very expensive on our registry, but mostly - sets that I hope to be completed - such as china and flatware. I''ll write her a nice note saying that we''re hoping to get most of our china on our registry and any contribution that she would like to make to add to these sets would be completely generous of her.

Thanks! I know I can always count on the ladies of PS to give me advice

 

[Independent Gal]

That''s perfect! Then she can buy you as much or as little of your china as she wants. No embarrassment.

But think about it: don''t you like to know you''re getting someone something they''ll be excited about? One of our friends, who is very fastidious, got us the clothes steamer I was DYING for, and he actually said "I want to be associated with this object and your less wrinkly clothes."

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/8/2008 9:15:57 AM
Author: Independent Gal
That''s perfect! Then she can buy you as much or as little of your china as she wants. No embarrassment.


But think about it: don''t you like to know you''re getting someone something they''ll be excited about? One of our friends, who is very fastidious, got us the clothes steamer I was DYING for, and he actually said ''I want to be associated with this object and your less wrinkly clothes.''

Hehe that is so cute! One of our friends (who also happens to be a neighbor) bought us a hand mixer for the wedding because he knew that I was the one who wanted it for baking and he made a comment about wanting more baked goods! (I send stuff over to them all the time, so it isn''t odd).

And Cleo, my DH''s aunt and uncle actually asked us the same thing and we did exactly what Indy suggested. Worked out really well for us!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 5/8/2008 9:01:18 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Ditto. If I''m asking, it''s because I want to know. I know how you feel about the being overwhelmed with someone''s generosity thing and it being really unexpected. One of my dad''s friend gave us a cheque for the equivalent of almost $2000! Others gave us in the high hundreds. We were really taken aback. Even DH''s sister gave us WAY more than we think she could comfortably afford. By contrast, my 6 siblings gave us... a joke gift. Well whatever.

So, here''s how to handle it graciously: suggest to her 3 or 4 things you are very excited about getting in DIFFERENT price ranges. Phrase it that way:

Dear Auntie,
We are so touched by your generosity, we hardly know what to say! And we want you to know how much it means to us that you''ll be there with us on the day. That''s what we want most. Since you are asking, here are some things we are particularly excited about from our registry....''

If they are in different ranges, price-wise, then you don''t look greedy grubby, and she can pick what''s most comfortable for her.

But yeah, I agree that when I ask, it''s cause I want to know.

$2,000?!?! My goodness, I just have to ask about that -- what was your father''s reaction? Was he taken aback at all? It just seems like, well, so much . . . uhm . . . so . . . much.

Very nice suggestion re: the response to Cleopatra''s auntie, btw.

 

[miraclesrule]

It is true that many people find it easier to give than to receive. Independent Gal is right on the $$$, so to speak.

You can''t go wrong with that recommendation.

 

[Cleopatra]

Date: 5/8/2008 9:53:49 AM
Author: miraclesrule
It is true that many people find it easier to give than to receive. Independent Gal is right on the $$$, so to speak.

You can''t go wrong with that recommendation.

Exactly! I think that''s my problem! If I were giving a gift to a close relative or friend, I wouldn''t hesitate to ask exactly what they want, and I''d expect them to name off tons of things that they want - it wouldn''t be weird for me as a gift giver, but now that I''m on the other side, it''s a little strange.

And $2,000?! Holy smokes! Now THAT''S some serious generosity!

IG - how exactly do you write a thank-you note for something such as a $2,000 gift?! Wowsers!

 

[Gypsy]

My aunt threw me for a loop similar to this last time she was here. She asked where we registered. I told her BBB. She was upset, and I asked why. She said I wanted to get you something NICE.

Um. crickets.

Me: We have nice things on our registry.

Aunt: What's the most expensive thing on your registry?

Me: Um... (brain is dead, starts sputtering to life) well, probably the vacuum.

Her: How much?

Me: Around 600.

Her: Okay, it will have to do. Reserve it for me. I might give you some cash too.

Um... THANK YOU. VERY MUCH. (how the heck do you reserve things on a registry?)

Boy did I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.

Point is... the ladies are right. Indy gave great advice on what to write. Just tell her you are 'excited' about a number of things and list them. Different price ranges. And thank her profusely. It very sweet and generous of her.

Hope you get your China!

 

[Independent Gal]

Yeah, apparently, there was a ''conversation'' about the gift, which my dad told me about beforehand.

Mr Generous Friend: "So what do people give these days?"
Dad: "I don''t know, whatever you like."
Mr. GF: "Would about 1000 be appropriate?"
Dad: "That would be EXTREMELY generous."
Mr. GF: "But not ostentatious?"
Dad: "Maybe a little ostentatious. But do what you like!"

I was all "AWwww dad! that''s so nice of him!"
And dad was all "Oh no!"
Me: "What, it''s so nice of him?"
Dad: "But he still has three not yet married kids! I''ll be bankrupt!"

So then of course he went and gave us TWICE that much. TEeehee. Poor daddy.

The thank you card basically said "Thank you for your EXTREMELY generous gift. We''re touched beyond words. It will be a huge help along the way to the bigger nest we need to raise our future nestlings..." Etc. etc.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 5/8/2008 12:29:57 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Yeah, apparently, there was a ''conversation'' about the gift, which my dad told me about beforehand.

Mr Generous Friend: ''So what do people give these days?''
Dad: ''I don''t know, whatever you like.''
Mr. GF: ''Would about 1000 be appropriate?''
Dad: ''That would be EXTREMELY generous.''
Mr. GF: ''But not ostentatious?''
Dad: ''Maybe a little ostentatious. But do what you like!''

I was all ''AWwww dad! that''s so nice of him!''
And dad was all ''Oh no!''
Me: ''What, it''s so nice of him?''
Dad: ''But he still has three not yet married kids! I''ll be bankrupt!''

So then of course he went and gave us TWICE that much. TEeehee. Poor daddy.

The thank you card basically said ''Thank you for your EXTREMELY generous gift. We''re touched beyond words. It will be a huge help along the way to the bigger nest we need to raise our future nestlings...'' Etc. etc.

That really is quite funny!! Your poor daddy is right!

Well, good for you! That is incredibly generous of your father''s friend.

 

[Sabine]

I think giving a few options in a few price ranges is totally appropriate, but I wanted to throw out a word of caution on how you word it. 2 Christmases ago my grandma and aunt asked for ideas for what FI and I would like. We''ve done this before, so it wasn''t odd. I made a varied list including books, dvds, and other specifics and then said something at the end like, but you know me, cloths, handbags, and accessories are never off my list, as a joke. They each got me an outfit, a handbag, jewelry, and all the titles of other stuff listed on the list. I''m sure it was what they wanted to do, but I felt like a heel for having so much on my list.

 

[violet02]

Not to threadjack but....

Is is strange to have an assortment of items like books, cutting boards, pilllows or whatever and then something like an artisan kitchen aid mixer and a dyson animal throw in to the mix? I'm only asking because for the folks that want to buy us tangible items we really only need like a vacuum cleaner and some tupperware or something, just a few things, but one of those things is pricey!