Attention Moms and Pregnant PS''ers!

[gailrmv]

It's interesting to read about other people's fears and experiences about this very issue! For me, it's not the pregnancy part that freaks me about. I'm sure it wouldn't be easy, and I worry especially about morning sickness and losing the weight after, but overall I think it would be pretty cool. No, the big freakout for me is about parenthood - would I have enough time for myself, and enough time for me and DH together without the kid(s)? Will toddlers try my patience to the point that I lose my mind? Will potty training be horrible? Will the teenage years be miserable? These are the things I worry about! I am pretty sure that DH and I want to go for it, not so much because either of us is so thrilled to introduce chaos into our pretty good life, but because we want to have a family and that is how you do it. I AM a person who analyzes and overthinks nearly everything, but strangely, I never had any doubts at all about marrying DH. I met him in college and we married soon after, and (hugely out of character for me) I never had any doubts or regrets, even though I had previously thought I would be a single career woman til my 30s. I wish I had the same clarity on the kid issue, but I'm starting to think of it as an adventure, and I think it is what's right for us in the long term. In the book Eat Pray Love, the author Liz Gilbert said that having a kid is like getting a tattoo on your face - don't do it unless you're sure. Now THAT's the kind of clarity I want!

 

[lumpkin]

Hey, Indy, glad to help. Tgal is very right about it changing your identity. I think a pretty good percentage of women who have always worked and been very independent have trouble adjusting, because motherhood is a whole new world. One thing I was totally unprepared for was how hostile my boss was when she found out I was pregnant. She was mad! Turns out she was also pregnant and we were due within a month of each other. I told everyone right away and didn''t wait three months, but she did and she thought I was really irresponsible for telling everyone, not to mention she was worried about how to coordinate the work with us both gone at the same time. Then the organization wanted to know, to the date, when I would be starting maternity leave. When the baby comes was not a precise enough answer. I don''t know how your employer is, how they will react, etc., but do think of strategies to deal with a variety of reactions. They were really mad when I decided 8 weeks into my maternity leave that I wasn''t coming back. I had planned to come back, but you never know for sure until you have that baby in your arms. Indecisive as it was, I just could not give them an answer because our families, my husband, and all our friends put their kids in daycare and returned to work right away. I just couldn''t do it, and way later, finding out my son has an ASD, I''m so glad I didn''t return to work. But boy, did I face opposition from all fronts. Lesson to be gained from this: Listen to your OWN instincts and keep your own counsel. Get comfortable right away with your own authority as a mother, and don''t let anyone else tell you what you ought to be doing regarding family decisions. You and your husband, and your kids, are the ones who will have to live with your decisions for years to come -- your employer, your friends and even your extended families will not have to face the consequences regarding your decisions -- you and your new immediate family will.

Another thing I wish I had done before my first one was born was to find other pregnant moms who would not be returning to work. All the preggos I knew were returning to work, and I wasn''t sure what I was going to do, but I wish I could have made up my mind ahead of time. I should have found a support network of other moms in my similar lifestyle/circumstances before the baby came. Whether you plan to return to work or stay home, I would encourage you to find that support network, particularly since you are not near family. What saved me was La Leche League about 3 or 4 weeks after the baby was born -- and there were pregnant women there who were getting answers BEFORE their baby came and already set up that support. Good for them -- they were very smart to do that. With my second one, that support network was already in place and it made a big difference.

I''ve been talking about all the negative stuff, but pregnancy is such a revelation and the positive far outweighs the negative. Even though there is a lot of uncertainty, try to relish your pregnancy. Maybe keep a journal. It is such a miraculous journey, and if you can stay focused on that, you will find the whole experience to be one of the most moving experiences in your life. There is nothing like conceiving a life, carrying it in your body and bringing it into the world. There is just nothing else that even comes close. If you start to get away from all that and begin to dwell on the scarier side of things, things you can''t control or plan for, record "A Baby Story" and watch it after work, find inspiring books of other women''s experiences, and look for those networks. Really try to enjoy this time -- it''s a part of your life that will go by super fast and super slowly at the same time.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/2/2008 5:23:19 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Re: the alien thing - I think for a lot of preggos, it really is the BEST part. Once it starts moving, you just realize women are awesome beings for being able to conceive and carry. And honestly, it''s kind of fun. Gives you an excuse to talk to yourself...except that you think you are talking to another person. I sit here and ''chase'' the baby around my tummy. Free entertainment for the bored.

That is the *ONLY* part I miss. It is the most amazing feeling in the world! I loved the belly waves.

 

[rainydaze]

Date: 1/2/2008 11:09:03 PM
Author: TanDogMom
It''s interesting to read about other people''s fears and experiences about this very issue! For me, it''s not the pregnancy part that freaks me about. I''m sure it wouldn''t be easy, and I worry especially about morning sickness and losing the weight after, but overall I think it would be pretty cool. No, the big freakout for me is about parenthood - would I have enough time for myself - maybe not enough, but if you are determined you''ll find some and enough time for me and DH together without the kid(s) maybe not enough, but if you are determined you''ll find some Will toddlers try my patience to the point that I lose my mind yes Will potty training be horrible for the most part Will the teenage years be miserable i''m betting on it! These are the things I worry about! I am pretty sure that DH and I want to go for it, not so much because either of us is so thrilled to introduce chaos into our pretty good life, but because we want to have a family and that is how you do it. I AM a person who analyzes and overthinks nearly everything, me too but strangely, I never had any doubts at all about marrying DH me neither. I met him in college and we married soon after, and (hugely out of character for me) I never had any doubts or regrets, even though I had previously thought I would be a single career woman til my 30s. I wish I had the same clarity on the kid issue, but I''m starting to think of it as an adventure, and I think it is what''s right for us in the long term. In the book Eat Pray Love i''m reading this now, it''s great!, the author Liz Gilbert said that having a kid is like getting a tattoo on your face - don''t do it unless you''re sure. one of the best and most accurate quotes ever! Now THAT''s the kind of clarity I want!

heehee, TanDogMom, i couldn''t resist, i hope you don''t mind!

those things are inevitable with having kids but it will be what you make of it. most days i get to a point of utter frustration and it is all due to something an adult does with ease that my toddler had decided requires the movement of mountains before we can all move along. it blows my mind, how i can experience the same level of frustration and anger i had over professional issues over something like convincing my four-year-old to put on a long sleeve shirt instead of a short sleeve because it is five degrees outside. AND YET.... one day i made him m&m cookies and we sat together eating them. suddenly he grabbed my cheeks with both little hands and said with angels in his voice ''mama, thank you for putting colors in my cookie!'' i''m far from the first to say it, but my point is that yes, parenthood can be all of those fears and then some, but it holds more joys that you can ever imagine and they are beyond worth it! plus, you grow into parenthood, and as long as you have a supportive DH who is involved and you are both on the same page i think you will come out on top! as a matter of fact, i was freaked about the parenthood part too, not the pregnancy or delivery part, so i speak from the other side of your mountain!

Independent Gal -

i looked forward to pregnancy and L&D and despite being over-informed as well, and i wasn''t disappointed. yes it is many things that on paper that are not appealing, but overall the experience is just that, an experience. and for me, it was an amazing one that i wouldn''t want to trade in to DH (i''m currently on my third pregnancy). my first L&D was every horror story and then some ending in a c-section after 4 hours of pushing amoungst other ''horrors'' but 16 months later i was walking into a delivery room again. the second went much smoother comparitively speaking, and i was able to enjoy a vaginal birth. i was a little nervous about L&D with the second considering what i''d been through with my first, but somehow i had inner faith that things would go how they were meant to and it would be ok (i''m not religious, fyi, so that faith came from life experience and self awareness). my advice, be optimistic as sometimes your own attitude directs your experience, and be realistic (which you are already doing) because yes, it is not roses and violins and you will be disappointed and resentful to discover otherwise. it is something quite special in its own right, despite its inherent ''ughs'', so give your mind a shot at enjoying it - crummy stuff and all - and see what happens!

 

[steph72276]

I had a very hard pregnany (on complete bedrest for the last 3 months) as well as a difficult l&d which included 24 hours of labor and ended in an emergency c-section. I had lots of friends having babies around the same time I did and they all either already had another baby or are pregnant again. I was in no hurry to go through all that again, but am about to start trying in the summer and that will put them at least 4 years apart. Pregnancy and l&d was not the best experience for me, but the little moments (like last night while tucking him in bed, he gave me a hug and said "you are the best mom in the world") make all the pain and discomfort disappear and make everything worth it in my opinion.

 

[LitigatorChick]

I hated being pregnant. I have been slim all my life, I love clothes, and I really hated being "fat".

On delivery, I chime in with Lumpkin on the doula. I was lucky enough to have a great doula, and I am a huge doula advocate to every mom to be I find. I thought they were for "granola" types (which I am not), and once I was educated (ie., she was not opposed to drugs, but would help us with anything we decided), I decided to do that route. Long and short of it: I stayed home until 5 cm, while at the hospital she kept me moving (in the shower, on the ball), and forced the poor nurses to monitor me in whatever position I was in. As a result, I had a drug-free delivery (not even an i.v.!!), no tearing, a little man who was quickly and easily on the breast, and was out of the hospital in less than 24 hours. I credit my doula for all of it.

Good luck, all mom''s to be. It is soooooo worth it.

 

[VegasAngel]

Personally, I really loved being pregnant. I was fine with my weight gain & actually was happy about it since I was always too skinny (Dont ask how I feel now

) One of the biggest reasons I think things went smoothly (Minus L&D) is I didnt have to work. Being able to relax & not have to deal with stupid comments, too many questions, & idiot clients helped. Seriously, if I decide to have another child in the future I dont know how I'll handle working while pregnant.

As far as L&D I just told myself to expect it to be horrible & if it turned out good I would have something to brag & be happy about. It was t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh heck yeah, If Paul could carry our baby, I would beg, plead, and offer him anything I could if he''d do it for me. I''m scared out of my ever loving mind. But now that the time is getting closer and closer, I''m getting to where I *yearn* to feel a baby move inside of me, to carry it, to rub my tummy and know that the little one growing in there will be someone we will love forever. It''s special. I''d be more than a little jealous if Paul got that, and I just got to watch.

*However,* if I could carry the baby then just *blink* and pop it into Paul for delivery, I''d SO be up for that!!!

 

[LitigatorChick]

Date: 1/17/2008 8:03:01 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Oh heck yeah, If Paul could carry our baby, I would beg, plead, and offer him anything I could if he''d do it for me. I''m scared out of my ever loving mind. But now that the time is getting closer and closer, I''m getting to where I *yearn* to feel a baby move inside of me, to carry it, to rub my tummy and know that the little one growing in there will be someone we will love forever. It''s special. I''d be more than a little jealous if Paul got that, and I just got to watch.

*However,* if I could carry the baby then just *blink* and pop it into Paul for delivery, I''d SO be up for that!!!

That part was cool. I remember when I was about 7 months along, I was conducting an examination (you call them depositions in the U.S.), so all very serious, etc. I was drinking juice, which really gets the little guys going. So he was kicking up a little storm in there! The witness could see my belly moving. It was nice - like I had my own little guy cheering for his mommy in there!!

 

[sk8rjen]

Hi to everyone I haven''t seen here in a long time!!! I HAD to respond to this because I LOVED being pregnant. LOVED it. Even the 3 months of morning sickness I loved. I was scared about the delivery, and all 3 of mine were very different, but there''s no way in the world I would trade for any of it (even the painful parts). Seriously. I want to do it again! And I was one of the lucky ones when it came to nursing --- never a glitch there (except my middle child wouldn''t stop after a year and getting him totally off of it took until he was almost 2! Thankfully, the other 2 were pretty easily weaned).

jen!

 

[Jas12]

Had to chime in again b/c a couple of weeks have passed and I am feeling differently about the whole pregnancy deal:

Since i have 9 weeks to go and the baby is moving soooo often and these feelings are so easily felt I am moving from the ''strongly dislike'' stance on pregnancy to ''kinda like''

i am still really uncomfortable but I LUV feeling the baby squirm around--i have bonded so much with this little being already--whe he/she had hiccups that were keeping me up last night, i whipsered little phrases to the bambino and it all of a sudden felt normal to talk to my belly....this is the part i will miss and I am glad i got to experience

Litigator Chick--thanks for the doula info--i just found out I won''t be able to get a midwife so now I am considering paying for a doula b/c I am hearing more and more that women really benefit from their support.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Date: 1/18/2008 10:44:47 AM
Author: Jas12
Had to chime in again b/c a couple of weeks have passed and I am feeling differently about the whole pregnancy deal:

Since i have 9 weeks to go and the baby is moving soooo often and these feelings are so easily felt I am moving from the ''strongly dislike'' stance on pregnancy to ''kinda like''

i am still really uncomfortable but I LUV feeling the baby squirm around--i have bonded so much with this little being already--whe he/she had hiccups that were keeping me up last night, i whipsered little phrases to the bambino and it all of a sudden felt normal to talk to my belly....this is the part i will miss and I am glad i got to experience

Litigator Chick--thanks for the doula info--i just found out I won''t be able to get a midwife so now I am considering paying for a doula b/c I am hearing more and more that women really benefit from their support.

Good luck. I hope you can find one that is available in time and that fits with your philosophy on L&D.