At what point do you pass the honeymoon period with friends?

[CJ2008]

Do you guys think there''s a "honeymoon" period with friends? You meet a new couple, and they''re just great. But slowly but surely as you get to know them certain things start becoming annoying.

Do you guys experience this? And does it make you uncomfortable? I always get a little nervous thinking about the first fight or disagreement we might have - maybe because it''s the clear sign that the honeymoon is over and reality sets in...that no matter how much you can like other people, you will get on each other''s nerves sooner or later...

 

[Bia]

Honestly, I never thought about it. I'm not sure. *I think I need more information

I always thought there was a period where you are still polite...and then once you're really comfortable you get real. No pretenses, just yourselves. At some point they get on your nerves, and that's okay. Depending on how annoying they get. If they become a true PITA, more often than not, then maybe honeymoon's over and you need to send 'em packing.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I usually know after hanging out once if they are going to be good friends or peripheral friends. Sometimes it''s little things that put me off, other times it''s bigger things. I am a pretty open person when it comes to friendship and generally try my best to refrain from judging to harshly---so I usually don''t find myself "annoyed" often...but occasionally, I''ll feel like I could never socialize with a couple again.

 

[Steel]

Date: 5/21/2009 8:46:02 AM
Author:CJ2008
Do you guys think there''s a ''honeymoon'' period with friends? You meet a new couple, and they''re just great. But slowly but surely as you get to know them certain things start becoming annoying.

Do you guys experience this? And does it make you uncomfortable? I always get a little nervous thinking about the first fight or disagreement we might have - maybe because it''s the clear sign that the honeymoon is over and reality sets in...that no matter how much you can like other people, you will get on each other''s nerves sooner or later...

I am a (too) quick judge of character and have people categorised by my first meeting. If they seem ok and I or DH become social it is only until they have proved themselves to be X that I drop them.

That amount of time can be anything from 1 visit to the cinema to 3-4 months. It depends how long it takes for them to show their spots.

 

[Linda W]

Our friends we have had for 30 and 40 years, so they or we must be doing something right. HA.

 

[JulieN]

my good friends, I just appreciate them more and more. However, I do not count any females to be part of my set of good friends.

 

[musey]

Depends how often we see them. We have a close friend that my husband's known for almost 7 years (me for about 5, since I met my husband, basically), and we started seeing him a lot more frequently when he met his boyfriend. We've hung out with them almost once per week for the past year, and only recently has the honeymoon phase started to wear off. It's not a discovery of new annoyances, it's just a wearing thin of the tolerance for them

They're minor things, so I would bet it's just a matter of learning to accept it (rather than ignoring it).

 

[princesss]

I usually hit that point after about 2-3 months. Sometimes longer, sometimes shorter, but that''s the average. It doesn''t necessarily mean that the friendship isn''t good, though. I hit a wall with my best friend after about a week. BUT that''s because usually when we see each other we''re traveling and around each other 24/7, and I basically can''t handle anybody but BF for such a concentrated amount of time. My BFF is one of the most important people in my life, but she''s like a sister, so she can annoy the heck out of me, too!

 

[misskitty]

I think the "honeymoon" period exists, but I don''t think there''s a set span of time that it takes up. With some friends, it lasts for years (or indefinitely), and with others, it''s a matter of weeks.

For me, the friend-honeymoon is over when there''s a significant shift in the way we relate -- the best example of this is when I''m dragged unnecessarily into drama that I shouldn''t be involved in, and it sours my image of that person. There are definitely other shifts that can happen, but this seems to be the most common reason I back off a bit from a friendship.

Tangent to this: I absolutely believe there is a honeymoon period for roommates.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Usually once I have known someone a few months, I know if I can keep being friends with them, but it''s different for everyone. I have been friends with people since kindergarten and still like them, but then I meet some people that I just can''t tolerate after a month or two.

I met this girl at a party once, and she was super fun and my husband and I had a blast with her. But after about three months, I lost my ability to hang out with her, we had a big blowup fight, and I told her not to call me again. Basically she was super clingy and demanding - I was newly married, and wanted to spend more time with my husband than anyone else. Not to mention we were really tight financially, and she knew it because we had discussed it MANY times, and yet she would still ask me to do things that cost more than I could afford. She sent me a text once that said, "My birthday is coming up in two weeks, start saving your money so you can buy me a gift!" Um, wtf?

 

[mausketeer]

I tend to have different "sets" of friends almost for different "roles". My "besties" (known them forever. LOVE THEM to death and always will even though I could KILL them sometimes.) And my "hanging out withs" (mostly work friends who I sometimes don''t have an awful lot in common with. They tend to come and go with different projects etc) As long as I don''t expect too much emotionally from my "hanging out withs" I''m okay with it like this. Occassionally a "hanging out with" will transition into a "bestie". But yeah, there is ALWAYS that WEIRD phase where you''re still on your best behaviour with them, right? (they do something that kind of bugs you or you don''t know what to SAY about it - SHOULD you say something? or just let it go?) I guess for me that''s the turning point - can they make it? If you have words and you come through it still friends, they get to be a bestie - if they don''t then you stop hanging out.

I guess it depends on how real you are with each other to begin with and how much time you spend together. For me that seems to be about a month? That''s my answer.

 

[pinkstars]

I think there is a honeymoon phase. For me sometimes it last a few weeks, and sometimes it lasts a few months. The problem arises when I start spending too much time with someone and I just get annoyed too easily.

BF and I started hanging out with another couple, they came over then we went over and it was nice and then all of sudden we just didn''t hear from them anymore. We''re still not sure what happened there.

 

[CurlySue]

I think true friends are the ones who survive the end of the honeymoon period... if you can deal with the little annoyances of one another, then you''ve got a real friend. You want them around when you''re happy, sad, whatever. You can call them out on their crap and they call you out on yours. There''s trust there, but you also just enjoy hanging out with each other.

The ones who don''t survive the honeymoond period end up fizzling out or being acquaintances - people who you might see occasionally, but only under certain circumstances. You can have fun with them, but you don''t necessarily trust them... or maybe you just want to see them b/c you share something specific in common.

That''s how I view it.

 

[CJ2008]

I can sometimes either be quick to judge, or go to the other extreme, fall in love with a person/couple only to have them really annoy me afterwards. This was much more often the case when I was a lot younger - I''ve become more accepting with age and more "even" - so I proceed with caution and try to not fall in love or get annoyed too quickly.

But when I really like someone and it''s for the long term, I do get a little sad when I can tell that either 1. I got on their nerves or 2. they get on mine. What most puts my friendships at risk is clinginess...if someone starts wanting to chat on the phone a lot for a long time that usually starts to kill it for me...as trying to make me feel guilty if we don''t see each other a lot.