at what age do you....

[TooPatient]

Sorry for goofy questions. I don't remember when exactly I started any of this stuff and now I'm dealing with a 13 year old. Some stuff she wants to do and I think is a bit much for another year or two. Other stuff I think is about time she starts doing (isn't yet but I think I need to talk with her and teach her how?). I know I had more I was thinking about the other day, but I'll start with these and add more later if I remember.

So... How old were you or how old were (or will be) your kids when:


What age for girls to start shaving armpits/legs?

Wear make-up?
For special occasions?
For general use?



I'm currently pushing off the idea of painting her own nails at home since she is still routinely spilling stuff all over and I don't want to have wet nail polish on furniture and carpet
Any suggestions here? I'm trying to figure out a good "safe" place for her to do this. We do have a plastic/metal dining room table. Maybe with the cloth removed and over a piece of printer paper? Possibly the requirement that all cats be closed in her room prior to starting to avoid accidents?

 

[Bella432]

I'll play My mom was a little strict compared to my friends parents, and it was incredibly embarassing changing for gym class in the locker rooms, being the only one without a training bra, or being able to shave my legs and we were all wearing gym shorts. So I started just doing it when she wasn't home and going training bra shopping on my own. I wish my mom would have heard my requests and just helped me learn and taught me about these things, rather than cutting a huge gash in my leg from shaving sideways *shakes my head* and buying crappy bras without knowing anything about sizing etc.

I wanted to start shaving my legs and armpits at 11? 12? That was a no go, as my mom said "there's no need!" but I ended up "borring" her razor and doing it anyway

Makeup was never really a concern to me, so I can't really answer that. I started wearing eyeliner when I was 14 or 15, and my mom didn't wear makeup so I was completely on my own, I didn't even ask. I really think moms should do their best to teach girls makeup so girls don't go around looking like little floozies

For the painting nails, I'd suggest teaching her how to do it in the bathroom, with a paper towel under her toes or fingers when she does it, and one under the nail polish bottle too, and how to clean it up if she does spill.

I think it's better to go with the flow and teach, rather than have them feel embarassed and have a go at it on their own. Look at it as bonding time! (But then again I'm 27 right now with no kids, so take all this advice for what it's worth) Hope that helps!

 

[TooPatient]

I'll play My mom was a little strict compared to my friends parents, and it was incredibly embarassing changing for gym class in the locker rooms, being the only one without a training bra, or being able to shave my legs and we were all wearing gym shorts. So I started just doing it when she wasn't home and going training bra shopping on my own. I wish my mom would have heard my requests and just helped me learn and taught me about these things, rather than cutting a huge gash in my leg from shaving sideways *shakes my head* and buying crappy bras without knowing anything about sizing etc.

I wanted to start shaving my legs and armpits at 11? 12? That was a no go, as my mom said "there's no need!" but I ended up "borring" her razor and doing it anyway

Makeup was never really a concern to me, so I can't really answer that. I started wearing eyeliner when I was 14 or 15, and my mom didn't wear makeup so I was completely on my own, I didn't even ask. I really think moms should do their best to teach girls makeup so girls don't go around looking like little floozies

For the painting nails, I'd suggest teaching her how to do it in the bathroom, with a paper towel under her toes or fingers when she does it, and one under the nail polish bottle too, and how to clean it up if she does spill.

I think it's better to go with the flow and teach, rather than have them feel embarassed and have a go at it on their own. Look at it as bonding time! (But then again I'm 27 right now with no kids, so take all this advice for what it's worth) Hope that helps!

That is about what I was remembering with shaving too. She's in 7th grade and doesn't shave. I don't think she's ever considered the idea. She's never been around any adult women in her life who do shave (other than me!) so I think she just never thought about it. This is the one I think needs to be addressed before summer. She isn't in PE this semester but will be going away to 3 weeks of summer camp. I'd hate for her to be embarassed as the only girl with hairy legs/armpits. (group is for those entering 8th - 10th grades)

I've never worn make-up except for a tiny bit to a couple of special events. Even then, it was some sort of cover up to hide burns on my face (never fry chicken the night before a special day ) and a little lipstick to add color. My mom never taught me about make-up and I was too afraid to try on my own. "A" knows that my rule is that she can't wear make-up until she knows how to do it correctly (NOT taught by a 10 year old...). There is a great one-on-one class done at a salon in the area. I'd mentioned it to her mom when she brought up the subject of make-up and she said that she wanted to be the one to take "A". That still hasn't happened yet.... I think I'll just take her myself in the next couple of months.

I love the idea of the bathroom! Not much to damage in there. Just pick the floor towels up first and then go for it. Maybe I can find a nail polish case to keep in the bathroom drawer so she doesn't have to take any drippy bottles out of the bathroom?


My mom was never into girly stuff. I got to learn most things on my own or with some help from my grandmas. It was miserable and embarassing. I never knew if I was doing the "right" stuff or how to do it "correctly" so I didn't look silly.
I always figured I'd have at least 13 years + 9 months to prepare for a teenager. It never occured to me that I'd have a week!

 

[tammy77]

I must be too lenient! My 10 year old has dark hair and a LOT of it. I have been shaving her underarms for her for probably the past 6 months. I feel like it's already hard enough for her to fit in with her peers since she's matured so early, I don't want her to have the other kids pick on her for her (abundant, dark) hair. Legs are another story though, I won't be letting her shave them for quite a while.

Regarding fingernails, I don't let her paint her own yet, but I do them for her in light colors at times. When we do let her, it'll be in the bathroom as well. So far, makeup isn't even on her radar though, phew!

 

[rosetta]

I think it's ok to let girls shave if they have a lot of hair, whatever their age. Plus, bras should be given as soon as they're needed. Don't be like my mother and wait until you need a 32 C cup bra

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Make up is something I wanted to play with in middle school, so her age sounds about right. Stock her up on lip gloss and finger nail polish and when she is ready to use it, some light eye-shadow colors. She doesn't need foundation just yet (maybe concealer), but it's always fun to play in those things and feel so much more mature. As for nails/toes, I always did mine in the kitchen or bathroom with a paper towel under me. I definitely spilled neon green polish on the living room carpet (thank goodness it was brown) and while the color mostly came out, that spot was always a little hard lol..opps!

I didn't start shaving until I was 14 and I was the last one in my group to do so. Thankfully I have super light hair on my legs and underarms. That said, I had to kind of figure it out myself and ended up missing a ton of hair on my legs the first couple of times lol..work with her on this!

I love that you're asking these things! I do think that these new life changes vary for girls, so go with what feels right. My first kiss (again, late starter) coincided with the time I wanted to start shaving my legs, so be warned

 

[Harpertoo]

My daughter is 6, soon to be 7, and I'm learning that my age standards might be a little conservative in some areas. And maybe a tad loose in others. I'm glad I have a few years to figure this out. I had planned to not allow ear piercing before 12....well I failed to communicate this to my husband, so a promise was made and last week while on vacation we found ourselves at a Claire's in San Diego. I take comfort in knowing that she will allow me to inspect and clean daily at this point.
For me, make-up experimentation began in 7th grade and continued through sophomore year when I'd say I was fully embracing clothing, hair & make-up. I was a pretty easy kid, I was not very heavy handed with make-up etc, but I resisted parental constraints. I probably would have wanted to wear more had it been prohibited. I plan to only allow lip gloss 'till HS for my daughter. We'll see how that goes. I have been sort of amazed at the stuff she's been exposed to through friends already. In pre-school she received lip smackers in a goody-bag, temporary tattoos are common, and nail polish is also very common. I feel like it's all in fun now and my daughter tires of this stuff once I agree to letting her have it....I imagine it's more challenging at 13!

Heels were briefly a contentious issue in my childhood. I think I wanted some strappy sandals for an older cousin's wedding & shower when I was 12....I was also wearing the same shoe size as my mother at that point, and could not understand why heels would be inappropriate.

I will be be the black pot when my daughter expresses an interest in heels!
(I fabricated a rule that light-up sketchers are too distracting for school because I find them so objectionable. Probably not a great start for me.)

 

[TooPatient]

I must be too lenient! My 10 year old has dark hair and a LOT of it. I have been shaving her underarms for her for probably the past 6 months. I feel like it's already hard enough for her to fit in with her peers since she's matured so early, I don't want her to have the other kids pick on her for her (abundant, dark) hair. Legs are another story though, I won't be letting her shave them for quite a while.

Regarding fingernails, I don't let her paint her own yet, but I do them for her in light colors at times. When we do let her, it'll be in the bathroom as well. So far, makeup isn't even on her radar though, phew!

I was in school with a girl who had really dark hair on her body. Her older sister had it too. I think they started shaving early.

Each person is different so needs to have the flexibility to fit what they need when they need it. I hope your daughter learns how to shave her underarms so that she can be comfortable around friends!

I'd be happiest if she'd stick to lighter colors, but she seems to be drawn to bright. Eh. I don't feel too strongly about it, I just didn't want her showing up in nail polish and make-up several years early and giving people the wrong impression.

 

[TooPatient]

I think it's ok to let girls shave if they have a lot of hair, whatever their age. Plus, bras should be given as soon as they're needed. Don't be like my mother and wait until you need a 32 C cup bra

Eek! 32C!?!

She's in a 29A and has 4 different bras to choose from. The only thing I've said NO at her age is push up bras and strapless. The push up idea came after a visit to her mom where she came home with an extra button undone and her hair curled
She has no need for strapless as there is also no way she's going to be wearing a strapless dress any time soon.

 

[TooPatient]

Make up is something I wanted to play with in middle school, so her age sounds about right. Stock her up on lip gloss and finger nail polish and when she is ready to use it, some light eye-shadow colors. She doesn't need foundation just yet (maybe concealer), but it's always fun to play in those things and feel so much more mature. As for nails/toes, I always did mine in the kitchen or bathroom with a paper towel under me. I definitely spilled neon green polish on the living room carpet (thank goodness it was brown) and while the color mostly came out, that spot was always a little hard lol..opps!

I didn't start shaving until I was 14 and I was the last one in my group to do so. Thankfully I have super light hair on my legs and underarms. That said, I had to kind of figure it out myself and ended up missing a ton of hair on my legs the first couple of times lol..work with her on this!

I love that you're asking these things! I do think that these new life changes vary for girls, so go with what feels right. My first kiss (again, late starter) coincided with the time I wanted to start shaving my legs, so be warned

Gah! Don't even say that

I'm not too concerned about that yet. She really doesn't seem to have the slightest interest in anything like that yet. I do worry that she seems to have a taste for rather suggestive clothing though. I don't think she understands the message she's sending...

Lip gloss and nail polish seems to be the most interesting to her right now. She would love more, but I think that would be a good starting place.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I think you're probably right about her not understanding the implication of super skimpy clothing. I was walking around with my Mom this weekend and saw this girl of about 14-16 ish wearing far too tiny shorts and I commented about it. My Mother said, 'that is the kind of stuff you tried to wear at her age!'...um, holy smokes! That wasn't cool! Now I am appalled at the young ones wearing that kind of stuff! I am all for growing and becoming a woman, but geez, Louise! Good luck, Too Patient!

 

[jazzoboe]

Okay, well here's my experience:

Girls I went to school (well, the popular girls...) started wearing makeup and shaving in 6th grade. And while I was never a cool kid, I certainly wanted to be like them! I remember begging my mom to let me start shaving my legs, and she promised me I could when I turned 12, which for me was about the first week of 7th grade. I think that summer I got impatient and borrowed a friends' razor. My mom noticed and I was humiliated . But she did buy me a razor after I turned 12. That was also when I was allowed to start wearing makeup. My mom gave me a box full of basics for Christmas that year. I will say, though, that she never taught me to do any of these things. I have a sister 4 years older than me, which made me more anxious to do "grown up" things, and I guess I learned mostly from watching her. And uh.... guessing? Trial and error? LOL.

As far as nail polish, I remember doing my own nails, or doing them with friends when I was 8 or 9 maybe. Crazy bright colors and all. I always sat at the kitchen table with a tissue or paper towel under my hands. If you are really concerned about spilling, I guess I would second others' suggestions of doing it on the bathroom or some other surface where you could use nail polish remover to clean up an accident.

I'll also second the thought of not being too concerned about the clothing choices. Looking back, I definitely started dressing a little too provocatively when I was about 13-15, but then wised up. Honestly, though, I never had any of those things on my mind. I had my first kiss a 14 and was very innocent. I just wanted to look cool/pretty, and didn't have very high self-esteem.

Looking back now, it's funny how much time I spent thinking and worrying about these things at that age, when now that I'm grown up (I'm 25, by the way) I am so lazy about all of them. I guess it goes to show that this stage will pass in time. Good luck!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

As soon as I had underarm hair I started shaving it and my legs. I think I was around 11. I told my Mom I wanted to and she got me a razor and taught me how. As for makeup I wore stage makeup from a young age for figure skating so I learned it from then. The rest I figured out from experimenting. I never remember any of being so serious but my Mom was always very open and always told me to just ask if I wanted to know something. Easy enough.

 

[TooPatient]

I think you're probably right about her not understanding the implication of super skimpy clothing. I was walking around with my Mom this weekend and saw this girl of about 14-16 ish wearing far too tiny shorts and I commented about it. My Mother said, 'that is the kind of stuff you tried to wear at her age!'...um, holy smokes! That wasn't cool! Now I am appalled at the young ones wearing that kind of stuff! I am all for growing and becoming a woman, but geez, Louise! Good luck, Too Patient!

Yeah.... remembering what I did when I was her age

Vague memories of mini-shorts and a string bikini top

 

[TooPatient]

Okay, well here's my experience:

Girls I went to school (well, the popular girls...) started wearing makeup and shaving in 6th grade. And while I was never a cool kid, I certainly wanted to be like them! I remember begging my mom to let me start shaving my legs, and she promised me I could when I turned 12, which for me was about the first week of 7th grade. I think that summer I got impatient and borrowed a friends' razor. My mom noticed and I was humiliated . But she did buy me a razor after I turned 12. That was also when I was allowed to start wearing makeup. My mom gave me a box full of basics for Christmas that year. I will say, though, that she never taught me to do any of these things. I have a sister 4 years older than me, which made me more anxious to do "grown up" things, and I guess I learned mostly from watching her. And uh.... guessing? Trial and error? LOL.

As far as nail polish, I remember doing my own nails, or doing them with friends when I was 8 or 9 maybe. Crazy bright colors and all. I always sat at the kitchen table with a tissue or paper towel under my hands. If you are really concerned about spilling, I guess I would second others' suggestions of doing it on the bathroom or some other surface where you could use nail polish remover to clean up an accident.

I'll also second the thought of not being too concerned about the clothing choices. Looking back, I definitely started dressing a little too provocatively when I was about 13-15, but then wised up. Honestly, though, I never had any of those things on my mind. I had my first kiss a 14 and was very innocent. I just wanted to look cool/pretty, and didn't have very high self-esteem.

Looking back now, it's funny how much time I spent thinking and worrying about these things at that age, when now that I'm grown up (I'm 25, by the way) I am so lazy about all of them. I guess it goes to show that this stage will pass in time. Good luck!

You must have been in band? (guessing by your name -- sorry if I'm wrong)

I want to avoid embarassment and make sure the "normal" things happen at the "normal" time. Funny how we spend so much time saying that it is important to be a unique individual and follow your own path at the same time we're so worried about making sure she "fits in"! Her dad and I were both the odd kids at her age and know what it feels like to be out of place. But we also know the regrets of doing stuff to "be cool".

Teenagers! Eeek!
(I just turned 28 last week so I'm not too far out of things -- of course I've now heard "Back in your day...." or "Well, it might look okay on someone your age..." a dozen times in the last 6 months! )

 

[jazzoboe]

Haha, yes, I was in band. I was actually a music performance major in college for all of one semester, but it was the most miserable/stressful few months of my life, and realized I would never really be happy making a career of it.

That said, my high school had an awesome music program, and being involved there and making friends definitely helped get me away from the need to try and be cool.

I should probably change my screenname since I only pull out my oboe every few months anymore, but I've been using the same one for everything for so long now! These days I'm just a writer/giant book nerd

 

[Elmorton]

I'm surprised by a lot of the comments here...I didn't think my mom was a very permissive parent, but these milestones were a little earlier for me.

Legs: it was 4th or 5th grade. I went to a fair with my (slightly older by a year or two) friend who had one of those face painting/tattoo deals put on her ankle. I wanted one, too, but it looked terrible because of my leg hair. I started noticing that my hair was darker and my mom bought an electric razor so it wouldn't hurt as much when I shaved for the first time. By 6th, I was sick of the crappy shave it gave and started using my mom's non-safety razor.

Bra: first one was a cotton cami like thing that my grandma gave me when I was in 3rd grade. Apparently, we had been in a dept store and I was obsessed with the pretty lace and silk bras and wanted one - so she got me something more age appropriate. I wore it with dresses or dressing up (when I didn't have to be in it all day) to get used to it, since it was itchy and weird. By 5th grade, I wore a sports bra pretty regularly. By 6th, wore a sports bra daily and because we had to change for PE - underwire bras by 7th-8th.

Makeup: my friends and I were giving eachother "makeovers" with wet n wild stuff in 3rd grade. Mom was horrified and took me to Clinique to get real makeup. I got a liquid blush, lip gloss, and a very sheer eyeshadow. I was only allowed to wear the gloss to school. By 6th I could wear makeup to school if I wanted - but by then there had been more supervised trips to the Clinique counter. I never had anything outrageous (well, until high school when glitter was "in").

Basically, I think the bottom line is that when I started noticing these things, my mom made sure that the transition happened under her supervision and not the advice of my peers.

eta: nail polish was waaaay early. I must have been 6 when I got that peel off nail polish, and it drove me crazy because it wouldn't stay on! Most of my friends who have Pre-teen daughters let them wear nail polish...and I've seen 5 year olds getting mani pedis at my nail place..in fact, I think my nail place has children's pricing! Nail polish seems like a no-biggie to me.

 

[TooPatient]

Haha, yes, I was in band. I was actually a music performance major in college for all of one semester, but it was the most miserable/stressful few months of my life, and realized I would never really be happy making a career of it.

That said, my high school had an awesome music program, and being involved there and making friends definitely helped get me away from the need to try and be cool.

I should probably change my screenname since I only pull out my oboe every few months anymore, but I've been using the same one for everything for so long now! These days I'm just a writer/giant book nerd

I loved it in school, but don't think I'd enjoy music as a career. We had a few paid performances the group did and it was always so stressful. Hours were all over the place too. (I did clarinet in marching band, bass clarinet in concert band, piano with the choir as needed (just practice thankfully! I never got good enough to be comfortable performing), and sang soprano in choirs)

My grandmother played the oboe when she was in school. I've always loved the sound!

 

[TooPatient]

I'm surprised by a lot of the comments here...I didn't think my mom was a very permissive parent, but these milestones were a little earlier for me.

Legs: it was 4th or 5th grade. I went to a fair with my (slightly older by a year or two) friend who had one of those face painting/tattoo deals put on her ankle. I wanted one, too, but it looked terrible because of my leg hair. I started noticing that my hair was darker and my mom bought an electric razor so it wouldn't hurt as much when I shaved for the first time. By 6th, I was sick of the crappy shave it gave and started using my mom's non-safety razor.

Bra: first one was a cotton cami like thing that my grandma gave me when I was in 3rd grade. Apparently, we had been in a dept store and I was obsessed with the pretty lace and silk bras and wanted one - so she got me something more age appropriate. I wore it with dresses or dressing up (when I didn't have to be in it all day) to get used to it, since it was itchy and weird. By 5th grade, I wore a sports bra pretty regularly. By 6th, wore a sports bra daily and because we had to change for PE - underwire bras by 7th-8th.

Makeup: my friends and I were giving eachother "makeovers" with wet n wild stuff in 3rd grade. Mom was horrified and took me to Clinique to get real makeup. I got a liquid blush, lip gloss, and a very sheer eyeshadow. I was only allowed to wear the gloss to school. By 6th I could wear makeup to school if I wanted - but by then there had been more supervised trips to the Clinique counter. I never had anything outrageous (well, until high school when glitter was "in").

Basically, I think the bottom line is that when I started noticing these things, my mom made sure that the transition happened under her supervision and not the advice of my peers.

eta: nail polish was waaaay early. I must have been 6 when I got that peel off nail polish, and it drove me crazy because it wouldn't stay on! Most of my friends who have Pre-teen daughters let them wear nail polish...and I've seen 5 year olds getting mani pedis at my nail place..in fact, I think my nail place has children's pricing! Nail polish seems like a no-biggie to me.

That is pretty much what I'm aiming for. Some stuff she's going to have to wait for (driving ), but as long as it is reasonable and happens around "the normal time" I'm trying to teach her all this stuff. The last thing I want is her getting make-up lessons at school or feeling the need to be more grown up while away from the house.

 

[packrat]

I started shaving on my own one summer...right before 7th or 8th grade I think. Mom refused to let me, so I did it on my own. And got in trouble. I put lotion on my legs afterward and it stung and made little bumps. And shaved sideways, ending up w/a long cut up the side of my thigh. Make up, I started doing at school in 7th or so, I forget..I had a liner and I'd bring it to school and do it in the bathroom. Nail polish was fine but back in the day we didn't really have weird colors, so I had just red and pink. Wasn't allowed tampons, so my bff's mom would get them for me and I'd hide them, taught myself how to use them, until I think I was a freshman or so.

I let London do all kinds of crazy things w/her nails, and she has fun w/it. I let her play w/make up but not wear it out anywhere, except for dance picture day and the two dance recital days.

I will be more lenient w/London on the rest of it b/c my mom was so strict on it, and I felt left out in school being the only one who didn't/couldn't do things.

 

[aviastar]

TooPatient, I've said it before, but I am in awe of you! What an amazing friend, guide, step-parent/parent you are for this child! I honor you for what you are doing!

I think you're on the right track by following her lead with a lot of it. And don't let Stacy scare you- I started shaving my legs in 8th grade, but didn't have my first kiss till junior year of high school

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

TooPatient, I've said it before, but I am in awe of you! What an amazing friend, guide, step-parent/parent you are for this child! I honor you for what you are doing!

I think you're on the right track by following her lead with a lot of it. And don't let Stacy scare you- I started shaving my legs in 8th grade, but didn't have my first kiss till junior year of high school

Lol...well my first kiss was the summer after 9th grade. I saved it for someone good!

Phew, I'm getting stressed about a teenage daughter and I'm not even pregnant!